A Turn For The Worst

Hello All!  Watching my Jets lose to the Patriots, no shock there.

Yesterday, two NYPD police officers were murdered, no, assassinated.  Someone truly evil thought that he could earn payback for the decisions of grand juries in St. Louis County, Missouri, and Richmond County, New York, to not indict officers with homicide charges by somehow taking justice into his own hands. 

A few days before that, a major motion picture studio cancels the release of a simple-minded bro-comedy because the government of another country employed hackers to wreak havoc on its computer network.

Where have we gone wrong?!!?!?!?


Who says that the way to correct society's wrongs are to swing the pendulum the other way as hard as possible?  Exactly what problems did that approach ever solve?!?!?

And what makes us think that just giving in to someone who tries to bully us, because they "can kick our ass," is the right thing to do?

(1) CONCEDING, ABDICATING, AND APPEASING SOMEONE WITH NO AUTHORITY OVER YOU WHATSOEVER IS A HUGE MISTAKE.  It gives them carte blanche to do it over and over again, because they've been shown that no consequences will result.  This can, of course, be corrected later, but that first instance of doing so is very costly.  They have no say in what a studio in our country can or cannot produce.

(2) RESORTING TO BRUTE FORCE, OTHER THAN IN SELF-DEFENSE, IS NEVER AN ANSWER TO SOCIETY'S ILLS.  We do not live in a comic book, and we are not governed by mob rule.  Reform police procedure if you must, enact new laws and repeal old ones if you're so inclined.  NONE OF THIS "OCCUPY," NEO-HIPPIE, PSEUDO-COUNTERCULTURE, ISIS-LOVING, ANARCHIST WAY OF THINKING WILL SOLVE ANYTHING.

As beta males, we encounter very similar choices in our quest for self-fulfillment.  Do we just do as we're told, or do we make a difference?  Do we think about realistic solutions for problems that plague us, or do we turn into animals?

It doesn't take an expert to see the right decision.  It shouldn't anyway.

I EXIST.  I MATTER.  I BELONG.  I DESERVE.

I AM BOLD.  I AM BULLETPROOF.  I AM BETA.

Clean it Up!

Morning, all!  Little chilly now, in the winter of our discontent!  

I've never loved housework, or any type of cleaning or organizing.  But if I don't do it, or hire someone to do it for me, my home will stay a mess.  It's the same way with our minds.

Sometimes we have too much clutter on the brain.  We may have friends who can say that they're "over it," and that nothing bothers them, but sometimes it does still bother us.  There may be completely valid reasons why it's still there, but if it's getting in the way of the here and now, you have to get rid of it.

(1).  The indirect approach.  Do what my relatives do whenever they're losing an argument with me - change the subject!  Whenever your thoughts start focusing on the garbage you don't need, IMMEDIATELY start thinking about something more pleasant, more familiar, and more comforting.  With enough practice, all of that will disappear.

(2).  The direct approach.  Confront whatever or whoever is giving you agita and clear the air.  It doesn't have to be an argument or a fight.  All you have to do is calmly or plainly state what's bothering you and why you don't want to tolerate any longer.

Either option you choose is fine with me. What's NOT fine is doing absolutely nothing about it.  This is what keeps you stuck, and it sends a signal to every alphole near you to go on a feeding frenzy.  Stop letting it happen.

Be good, all!

Sidetracked

Hey all, about that time!

And while we're on the subject, ever wonder where it goes?  And why it gets that much faster the older we get?

And how does everything we want to do get postponed indefinitely because of all the mundane crap that gets in the way?

Trust me, I'm no stranger to that mess.  And once I made the costly error of admitting my lack of time to a critic, I had to listen to him lecturing me about it for an hour, no joke.  Yeahhhh, your friend was not happy about that one, but that's another story.

How do deal?

(1).  Perform An Audit.

No appointment needed for this one.  Just map out the following:

  (A). What MUST be done RIGHT NOW.

  (B).  What MUST be done before you go to sleep tonight.

  (C).  What CAN be done today, but can wait.

  (D).  What CANNOT be done today.  This means a physical impossibility, and not an unwillingness to deal with a pain in the ass.

(2).  Perform an Upgrade.

    As soon as you finish everything in Categories A and B, transfer everything in Category C into those categories.

The key is remaining pro-active, because when our to-do list is empty, we get lazy and indolent.  As beta males, this is our Achilles' heel.  If we are too passive, laid back, and disengaged, we abdicate our power to control our own lives.  We become tools and punching bags.  We become slaves to duty, never able to crawl out from under a mountain of procrastination.  We become crushed by stress and worry, never able to relax and enjoy life.

I don't know about you, but that feels like the opposite of advancement to me.  That feels like inviting the alpholes to have their way with you, because you're stuck and they're not.

Don't abdicate control.  Stay on top of it, whatever it is!  Make your own schedule, blaze your own trail, and NEVER let them trap you into being "too busy!"

I EXIST.  I MATTER.  I BELONG.  I DESERVE.

I AM BOLD.  I AM BULLETPROOF.  I AM BETA.

Thanksgiving Revelations

I spent Thanksgiving with my parents, drank with an old friend, and shared the joy with someone on my return.

I experienced an awakening of sorts - or more like a gentle reminder of what should already be known.

(1).  You don't need anyone's permission to relax.

If we're self-actualized, we have responsibilities.  If we have responsibilities, we need to think about them.  But not all the time!  We can't resolve issues with people who are not even in the room.

Give it a rest sometimes.  Pretend your brain has the same Settings app that the iPhone does and turn the wifi off when there's nothing you can do at the moment.

To continue with the previous post, you can also disable the annoyances and daydreams that pop up on your internal newsfeed.  For real, it works!  It really is possible to temporarily acknowledge that something is unpleasant or irritating without losing your temper.  The amount of tolerance is up to you, since nobody's a saint.  But not every annoyance requires attack mode.  Some of them you can simply deal with at no cost, without getting angry, and ruining your own time. You really can deal with them calmly, or maybe even not deal with them.

(2).  The better you focus, the less you worry.

Part of the reason we get sleepless nights is that we need to be more productive when we're awake.  There's less of a reason to worry when you take care of things sooner rather than later.

(3).  You really can be honest with people and still be nice.

Decades ago, I knew people who delighted in insulting and degrading people, and always said "I'm only being honest" as a permanent get-out-of-jail card.  It still amazes me how people like this are able to recruit so many followers, but they still did.  

I would never advocate their brand of "honesty," but there are times when fawning over some Emperor's new clothes is just as bad as doing their deeds.  There are far too many people who have no concept of respecting others, but have still not received consequences for their actions.  I have a name for those people, and you all know what that is.  :)

Like I said above, not every annoyance is a fight.  But when dealing with people who just never learned how to behave, there's nothing wrong with patiently educating them, as someone else failed to, what behavior is more acceptable.  You don't need to be confrontational.  You just need to explain why the behavior is not acceptable, and why it needs to change.

This is where some of my critics attack me - they think might makes right, and that anyone who doesn't follow their approach is weak or effeminate.  If I lived in a comic book/RPG fantasy world, and was taught that physical intimidation is the only way to deal with people, I'd agree.  But I can't.  Might makes right can be seen all over the news and YouTube, and I'm not impressed.

We are Bold and Bulletproof, but we're still Betas.  We don't have hair trigger tempers.  We don't need to impress people every minute.  We just need to amaze ourselves, that's all.

With the right amount of respect, it's perfectly ok to be tactfully honest with others.  There is no need to assume that every situation is the worst case scenario.  Later posts will deal with situations that escalate.  But since we're not trapped in a Call Of Duty video game, the likelihood of that happening is rather slim.  Sometimes a polite explanation really does work wonders.

I consider the above to be revelations because, although they arise out of common sense, they're very easy to forget.  I remembered them, and I'm thankful.

Happy Holidays!

How To Handle Stress

(1).  Reprogram Your Anticipated Reactions.

The reason why we sometimes get annoyed, irritated, aggravated, or pissed off at certain things, or people, is because we've been programmed to react that way.  Like cause and effect, we almost force ourselves to say "aw s--t I hate this" automatically in response to certain stimuli.  It's not that different from being hypnotized - we react to buzzwords without even thinking about it

If we unscrew the top of our heads and re wire our brains, we can fix this.  Don't assume it's going to be unpleasant.

(2).  Get perspective.

When we think small, little things can appear life-altering.  When we think big, little things are not unimportant, and not meaningless, but they're still little things.  Deal with them accordingly.

(3).  Make yourself relax.

Work out.  Run.  Meditate.  Anything you can to make yourself chill the hell out.  Twisted, worried, and copeless is no way to live.  AND IF YOU ARE LIVING THIS WAY, YOU EVENTUALLY WON'T.  

You owe it to everyone who comes into contact with you, and you owe it even more to yourself.  If you don't relax, life for you will be a sad, sad existence.  

(4).  Laugh.

Learn some jokes.  YouTube some videos.  Hang out with really funny people.  Lighten up!  Life's not perfect, but it's not so terrible either.

(5).  The Obvious.

If you haven't already done so, get rid of those who make your life unpleasant and replace them with those who don't.  At this point, it should be a no-brainer.

Enjoy!

Changing

Hey all - time to continue the upward trend.

The real theme of this blog is change.  For us betas to advance, to be redeemed, and to become self-actualized, we must obviously change things.  The way we think, the way we act, the way we choose who gets cast in the movie we call our life, who stays in it, and who leaves.

Sometimes it's scary.  You're set in your ways for some time, and then you start doing things a whole new way, and that takes adjustment.

Sometimes it comes at a price.  Others might not be happy with your changes and try to guilt you back into being who they wish you were.  

Sometimes it feels uncomfortable.  Maybe staying the same is easier, even if it's wrong.

Sometimes it's needed.  You can't reach the heavens unless you ascend from the launching pad.

Sometimes it's beautiful.  Others might be accepting, if not impressed, with your changes.

Sometimes it's perfect.  You might just be "changing" into who you were always truly were.

Ya know, I haven't been seeing a lot of responses lately.  A few weeks ago, random person joked about not being a beta male to me and it took me by surprise!  I'm glad it's being read by somebody, but I'd like to hear that beta males struggling with themselves might have read something good in my weekly endeavors.

Any encouraging or helpful comments are encouraged, and those that are neither, or use sexist terms, will be deleted.

Removal and Replacement

Yes, I'm getting a little repetitious.  Yes, I've written ad nauseum about bouncing, ejecting, removing, and extricating the wrong people from your surroundings.  And yes, I've sung the praises of including the right people and keeping them.  In ideal situations, those two decisions go hand in hand.  

Mind if I explain why?

(1).  The less time you spend around people who aren't good to you, or for you, the less reason you have to get stuck in a rut of anger, resentment, grudges, and unresolved issues.  

(2).  The more time you spend around people who love you, listen to you, accept you for who you are, respect you, and, oh yeah, agree with you, more often than not, the more reason you have to be positive, pro-active, motivated, and genuinely happy.

(3).  When you're on that higher plane, it's a hell of a lot easier to be BOLD and a no-brainer to be BULLETPROOF.  When you have that going for you, nothing, not even the most disparaging or abrasive comment any alphole or femhole can spew, can do any damage.  

Don't get the wrong idea, you don't need other people to MAKE you Bold and Bulletproof.  That's entirely your doing.  But to stay that way, you need to be VERY selective as to who's in your supporting cast.  It truly does effect your attitude and performance.

Ummm Daaaaave?  IIIIIII hang out with TONS of people who are different from me.  It doesn't matter to meeee, I'm a cool kid!

Should I be impressed?  Should I try to copy you?  Am I less than you?  No.

And even if all these people are "different from" you, if those differences are not the kind that are still acceptable, you wouldn't give them the time of day.  That's basic sociology, nothing more and nothing less.  Let's not play Mother Teresa, please.

And those differences only work if they help you, enlighten you, and maybe entertain you, and not if they annoy the holy hell out of you, and not if they leave you feeling hopelessly inadequate.  There is no glory in being a martyr and selecting these people only because they're different.  That's tokenism, and it's a whole other issue.

You need people who respect you, not those who tolerate you.  There is a HUGE difference, and once we learn self-respect, we need better than mere tolerance.  We deserve a whole lot better than that.

So that's my message this week.  Feel free to respond anytime!

A Conversation With The Inner Child

UIC:  We're really doing this again?

ME:  Oh yes indeed.  As long as these knees and ankles permit us, we're doing this!

IC:  But it's so colllllld!

ME:   Good, we'll go faster.

IC:  But it's so farrrrr!

ME:  Yeah.  That's why it's not the NYC 5K.  Or the NYC Fun Run.

IC:  Can we walk now?  All those other people are walking!

ME:  I see them too.  Unlike us, they'll never do this again.  So no, we're not walking.

IC:  But it hurrrrts!

ME:  No kidding.  Move.

IC:  Isn't this far enough?

ME:  Who do I look like, Papa Smurf?  And NO IT ISN'T!

IC:  Wowwww, that feels good!

ME:  For once we agree.

Who would you listen to?

#tcsnycmarathon #boldbetas

Letting Them In

Hey All!  Time to re-visit an older issue.

I've written volumes about rejecting and dismissing those who aren't right for you.  Now let's concentrate on those who are right for you.

(1).  LISTEN to them.  Act like what they say matters.  And if you forget something they said, have the good grace to double check it!

(2).  COOPERATE with them.  If they're really the right ones for you, they might give you some constructive criticism.  There is a HUGE difference between that and bullying, beyessing, and I'm-just-saying, and you should be able to tell the difference at this point.  If they give you some of that, think about it before you get defensive.  Better yet, don't be afraid to return the constructive criticism when it's needed.

(3). ACKNOWLEDGE them.  Do a few nice things "just because."  Surprise them with something you know they like. Tell them, and show them, that they mean a great deal to you.

Now many of you may not have that someone yet.  If you choose, you can remain alone, that's not exactly a bad thing.  But you can also decide that you do want to let someone into your life for the right reasons.  I'm not here to give you dating advice like the players and posers, that information is available from other sources.  If you're being yourself and that doesn't match with someone else, let them go.  If you're with someone who doesn't fit with you, show them the door.  But if you're sincere about the right one, the meeting will be arranged.  

That's kid stuff.  The trick is it make it that good for the long term.

Ya dig?

A New Chapter

Hi All.  To those who celebrate, a very happy and sweet new year!

In the religion I was raised with, this time of year is called the Ten Days of Awe.  Our fate is said to be inscribed in the Book of Life, and then sealed at the conclusion of this period.  Traditionally, this is a time to behave somewhat more righteously than you had previously.

Only problem is, when those Ten Days are up, what then?

Secret for ya, peeps.  The Book of Life is ALWAYS open, every day and night of the year.  There is NEVER a wrong time to make a change for the better.  We are not governed by a diety who tracks all of our screw ups, waits until we've forgotten about them, and says "look what yooooou did!  Look what YOOOOOOOU did!"

(some people still do that - and if you tolerate them, that's a mistake)

You want to make a change?  To start winning more than you lose?  To show the world that you're somebody and deserve respect?  Don't wait.  And don't assume that you've missed some arbitrary deadline, because that's impossible.

And those alpholes?  And the coooool kids?  Don't worry - "look what yoooooou did" is the ONLY.  Card.  They.  Have.  To.  Play.  Keep being Bold and Bulletproof, and they'll have NOTHING to say.  And that's the best you'll get from them!

Today's a great day for a new start, but it can be done at ANY time.  I know I'n on my way.  How about you?

I EXIST.  I MATTER.  I BELONG.  I DESERVE.

I AM BOLD.  I AM BULLETPROOF.  I AM BETA.

Changing The Mood, But Not Losing Focus

Hey All!  Just watched the Jets start their season at 1-0.  

I'm a little surprised that I haven't posted in a month, but I consider it a vacation.  Sometimes that's needed.  In my case, a little time away from the blog was needed to "change the mood."

This blog is designed to be a motivating force for men and boys who lack confidence.  In order to get over that hump, a manageable amount of anger is needed to make lasting changes.  After all, nobody becomes bold or bulletproof by doing nothing.  I am encouraging my audience to be just angry enough to stop allowing themselves to be hurt, and to build the kind of life and self that they choose to have, rather than what others foist on them.

But for next while, I'd like to focus on what comes after we achieve what those powerful bursts of anger brought us - happiness.

As beta males, we are geared towards situations where it is not necessary to keep our guard up. We crave people and places that make us feel comfortable.  We yearn for those who accept us and respect us.  For those of you out there who doubt that a reward like this exists, I can tell you for a fact that it most certainly does.  You most certainly can find love and respect.  

When you find it, you cherish it.  You express that time-honored beta tradition of gratitude.  You act like it matters.  And provided you get the same joy out of it, you make them happy too.

Even after that, you're still not done.

In every comic book story and action movie that boys digest, the hero wins the prize and rides off into the sunset.  In real life, that sunset doesn't show up for many years after that single victory, and the closing credits don't roll until the carving on your headstone is completed.

This is not minimizing the prize that's been won, of course.  But you don't win a lifetime a leisure and indulgence from just one victory.  There are more prizes to be taken, and more battles to be won!  

So how do we maintain that joy of winning while still remaining vigilant?  Simple discipline.  Let the fact that you proved something to yourself add a little something extra to all your usual tasks.  A little zip, if you will.  It's not such drudgery when you've got happiness behind you.  Don't let it interfere with the present moment, instead let it make the present moment more enjoyable.

Don't assume that it's your last great act.  Add to it.  Stack it.  Expand it.  Pimp it.  Trick it.  Always look to improve it somehow.  That way it'll continue to be enjoyable and never get stale.

In other words, after you win the prize, take care of it.  Very good care.  You'll be proud of it.

And now, the first full week of September!

I EXIST.  I MATTER.  I BELONG.  I DESERVE.

I AM BOLD.  I AM BULLETPROOF.  I AM BETA.

What's The Opposite of an Alphole, Anyway?

Hey All!  End of a niiiice summer weekend, work tomorrow, and I think we're ready.

When I first coined the term "alphole," people turned their offense-o-meters way up and let your buddy David hear it loud and clear.  How I dare I use such a term?  How dare I "generalize," even if these people are real?  How dare I say the emperor is wearing no clothes when it's not "cool" to say it?

I'm ashamed to admit I haven't been posting consistently this summer, but I can assure you I wasn't caving in or kowtowing to such groupthink.  We Bold Betas are destined to face alpholes no matter what we do, and we must be prepared to protect ourselves against their misdeeds, provided we do not stoop to their level and follow the alphaganda.

But I'd like to speak about another type of person we might come across - and this person is the absolute 180-degree opposite of an alphole.  

Many of you reading this might not have someone in your life who fits this description.  There are ways to find them, and this may require you to be somewhat selective.  It means you have to set certain criteria as to who you invite into your life, and you have to reject those who don't meet them for the sake of self-preservation.  That way, it's impossible to be anyone else's follower or lackey.

Take away all those who don't make the cut, and who do you have?  People who get you.  People who understand you.  People who accept you as you are.  People who genuinely like you and care about you.  And more importantly, you'll feel exactly the same way about them.

And once you make that connection, you'll want to make them just as happy as they've made you.  This will feel effortless.  This will feel right.  And this will make you feel even more Bold and Bulletproof than you already feel, because you'll be sharing your strength with another.  Not sacrificing your own self worth to someone else, and not commandeering someone who's nobody on their own.  No, you're making each other better.

So what's the opposite of an alphole?  An S.Y.L.  Someone You Love.

Ain't that a pip.  I guess this blog isn't always about disparaging those who make our lives difficult and unpleasant.  Make no mistake, the alpholes still don't get away with it.  But one good way to stay Bold and Bulletproof is to replace the alpholes in our lives with as many SYL's as we can find.

There's no limit to the places you'll go with them!

The Creed

Hey All.

A critic told me that my viewpoints in (a) agreeing with the Hobby Lobby decision and (b) supporting Israel in its war with Hamas and (c) strengthening the border were "not very beta."  

I'm not sure how to take that - should I immediately alter my position to be more to his liking?  Should I kowtow to his viewpoint?  Should I be one of those people who seek applause for being neutral just to look cool?

Nope.  Not exactly.  Doubt it.

You see, this blog is for the ADVANCEMENT of Beta Males, not the persistence of a stereotype.  This blog promotes self-actualization, which means, among other things, freedom and self-expression.  It encourages its readers to stop blindly following the crowd and to be individuals.  It encourages Beta Males to find themselves and embrace their true identities, and in doing so, make their own indelible marks on this world.

Unlike our dear friends, the alpholes, this is done without threatening or judging those who lack what we have.  No action is taken to humiliate anyone else, or to deride that which they hold dear.  It's just acting like you matter.

If they reach a different conclusion because they've set their offense-o-meter too wide, that's their problem, and not ours.  Part of that offense might be because the notion of a Beta Male becoming Bold, standing out from the crowd, and succeeding, is just intolerable to them.

Tough.  On.  Them.  They don't make the rules.

Of course, one downfall of this process is the possibility that some of these folks will need to be "let go from the firm."  If you're a good guy, looking to do the right thing, that's tough to do.  But if they are troubled by the transformation you make, so much that they try to convince you and everyone around you that you're wrong, misguided, or stupid, then they've outlived their welcome.  They don't deserve to be in your circle.

And by the way, that doesn't mean that all my readers should have the same political philosophy that I do.  You chart your own path, and that's fine with me.  Just as long as you're Bold and Bulletproof, you can take any stand you feel.  PROVIDED that the respect I give is RETURNED, as a quid pro quo, we'll get along fine.

As a tie-in to another great passion I have in life, this year, I'm running the NYC Marathon on behalf of all Bold Betas.  The guys who are ready to come out of their shells.  Who want to step outside the comfort zone.  Who want to be more in life than someone else's second banana.  

And I dare all of my critics to do the same!

I EXIST.  I MATTER.  I BELONG.  I DESERVE.

I AM BOLD.  I AM BULLETPROOF.  I AM BETA.

Nothing Can Stop Self-Love

Hey All - Another Sunday night is upon us.

We're living in extreme times, yet again.  Israel, our only ally in the Middle East, is demonstrating that the best, and sometimes only, defense is a strong offense.  And as the liberal media has always done, it has taken Israel to task for the very thought of defending itself.  

This is not unlike the response school administrators traditionally give to bullying incidents.  The bully rarely, if ever, reveives consequences for their actions, but if a bullying victim retaliates, they are condemned, they are disarmed, they are showered with hearts and flowers and rainbows and told to be good little angels while the bully laughs as their enablement continues.

Applying this way of thinking to a sovereign nation makes no sense to me. As even Secretary Kerry stated today, no country should be expected to just sit there when it is attacked.  

My thought tells me that the world is trying to use Israel's status against it.  Israel is also known as the Holy Land, since it is home to most of the events in the Bible.  It appears that this designation leads to the assumption that Israel must be so charitable and generous as to turn the other cheek whenever threatened.  In a way, they are being mocked for being the Holy Land, and for not being like every other country.

We live in a world where people criticize much more quickly than they compliment.  It would be a much nicer world if the opposite were true, but it isn't. 

The only way to deal with this fact, other than preparing ourselves with our own snappy comebacks, is to truly love ourselves.  To know that our strengths are what put us on the map, and not what leave us exposed.  To know that we must never apologize for who we are.  To know that nobody's opinion of us is more important than that of the one person you see in the mirror.  

If Israel was so touchy, apologetic, and dependent on the world's approval that it stopped its defenses, it would have been conquered and renamed a long time ago.  If every bullying victim obeyed the directives of school administrators, and allowed their bullies to have their way with them, the suicide rate and the mental hospital occupancy would both skyrocket.  If we all did away with our goals, dreams, and identity because someone else just has to run their mouths, there would be no point to life itself.

Beta males are sometimes too willing to appease critics and apologize for being themselves.  Someone recently pointed out to me that the notion of not being ruled by criticism, and refusing to apologize for oneself, is the way of the alpha male, and not the beta male.  This may be true, but I believe that if betas become self-actualized, and make themselves bold and bulletproof, this changes.  I encourage beta males to look to Israel's example.  Nobody wants them to defend themselves, because they are expected to be more righteous than other countries, but they defend themselves no matter what.  Nobody wants beta males to be assertive, brave, or courageous because we are expected to be more compassionate and sensitive than other men.  By the same token, we can make this compassion and sensitivity our strengths by choosing to love ourselves more than we can hate anyone.  When we believe in ourselves that much, and are willing to protect ourselves the way Israel protects its citizens, we win.  And we win by a landslide.

By the same token, I hope Israel wins this conflict by a landslide.  I also hope the moderate Palestinians that do not view Hamas as martyrs or heroes have the courage to speak out and are safe from harm.  I also hope that those of us who crumble at criticism and suffer from exposure are able to set up out very own Iron Domes and shoot thoss rockets out of the sky.  

I EXIST.  I MATTER.  I BELONG.  I DESERVE.

I AM BOLD.  I AM BULLETPROOF.  I AM BETA.

PS - Facebook offers all of us our very own Iron Dome mechanisms.  I've had to use a few of them, and I encourage you to do the same.

Going Back In Time, and Getting Back In Time

Hey All!  

This weekend, I went to Oswego, New York for a mini-college reunion.  This was for members of Alpha Phi Omega, a national service organization founded on the principles of Scouting and dedicated to community service.

This was more than just a reunion for me.  It was revisiting a place where I learned lessons that shaped the way I deal with people.

You see, this group planned many service projects for the campus and surrounding community that raised funds and awareness for good causes.  Having previously been a Scout, it seemed only natural that I join in these worthy endeavors.

However, things were sometimes not so worthy.  Within this group was a small cadre that insisted on maintaining control of the organization's direction.  And this subgroup had a nasty habit of bullying, excluding, and personally attacking those  who disagreed with them.  Little by little, their tactics infected the group until it became rife with gossip, slander, and resentment.  

Back then, my response was to take a stand against these practices.  I demanded that they cease and desist.  I rushed to the defense of those who had been maligned.  I even pushed to have this group's constitution amended to prohibit this unacceptable behavior.  

At this point in my life, I had not yet learned the word "backlash."  It would be taught to me the hard way.

Despite my best efforts, I could not eradicate this scourge from the organization that I felt needed repurification.  Although the numbers to back me up were most likely there, the support was not.  The passion, the strength, and the dedication that I brought to my desire to make the chapter better was unfortunately met with defeat.

Still, there were many victories I achieved in this campaign.  Much the way that a small cadre was able to wield so much power in the chapter, a small but loyal group of trusted friends surrounded me.  While there may have been adversaries who thought nothing of cutting me down, there were also allies who thought everything of me, and I of them.  They reminded me that there was still a goodness in our chapter underneath all the bickering and pettiness.  They showed me that respect could still be earned.  And they reminded me that committing myself to the true purposes of our organization was laudable, no matter what obstacles or roadblocks lay ahead.

Today, the same drive to awaken good men and to prevent them from falling under the evil influence is alive and well.  But rather than fueling impassioned speeches met with rolling eyes and whispered derision, it fuels this very blog. The reason I was defeated 20+ years ago was because I thought I could convince people who behaved in alpholish behavior to stop or leave.  This was not possible.  Now I make it my business to empower those who bear the brunt of alpholish behavior to rise above it and against it.  To make them strong enough to prevent any chink in their armor that an alpholish blast could leave.  To make them bold enough to stand up these practices and make themselves heard.  And to be good enough to know that the alpholes don't make the final decision as to their self worth.

Unless we have children at home in our custody and control, we can't teach anyone how to behave.  No matter how obnoxious, hurtful, or unethical they are, it's not our job to convert them into saints and angels.  The only thing we can do in response to this inevitable evil, this consequence of parents who neglected their responsibilities, is to steel ourselves against their full arsenal and to embolden ourselves enough to give the kind of responses that we'd be proud to have quoted later.  A naive and idealistic young man did not understand this, but a mature man who's learned many of life's lessons does!

And so I returned to the very site of those early struggles a new man.  Thankfully, none of my former adversaries were present.  Rather, I spent time with some of the aforementioned close friends and made new friends with former acquaintances.  I explored the campus, transformed significantly over two decades, and experienced the country goodness of quaint neighboring towns.  Not to mention, I ran a good long run through the town and campus as a way of returning victorious to my old stomping grounds.  

So now I return to my usual undertakings, refreshed and replenished, and ready to recommit myself to the Four Pillars and their definitions.  May the lessons of our past likewise serve as road maps for our present and reference for our future.

Night all!

I EXIST.  I MATTER.  I BELONG.  I DESERVE.

I AM BOLD.  I AM BULLETPROOF.  I AM BETA.

Against The Empires

Hi All.  Rain cleared up yesterday just in time for fireworks, and my godson was super jazzed for them.  There's something great about watching a kid get that happy over life's everyday joys.

Come to think of it, seeing my godson was honestly the best thing about that barbecue.  But I digress.

This weekend we celebrate Independence Day.  

Besides the fireworks and outdoor cooking, we are reminded that 238 years ago, a fringe political organization got so tired of the atrocities committed by the British Crown against the 13 North American that they were willing to Risk.  Their.  Very.  Lives.  To reject an unjust system and live by their own rules instead.

People forget that the notion of revolting against Britain was an unpopular idea.  It was more comfortable to simply accept life the way it was, as horribly wrong as it was, than to actually make a change for the better.  Not good enough for the patriots though.  They were willing to take the risks that came with scribbling their John Hancocks on that declaration, and they were huge risks.  

That is why we are a free society, but it's also why we're an individualist society and a capitalist society.  We're free to start our own businesses and how successful we are depends in large part on how successful we want to be and how hard we want to work.

This means being a little uncomfortable.  This means not getting things handed to us.  And yes, this means being bold enough to say you have a better idea than "the system."  That's what the Supreme Court recognized in the Hobby Lobby decision, and I agree with it.  No amount of whining over reproductive choice can force a business owner to contravene his or her moral judgment in the name of what is popular.

The central theme of this blog is to remind beta males that they can declare themselves independent from the alphaganda.  They can do what's right for them and not what others conform to doing.  They can re-define how their lives proceed, even if someone else derides or judges their choices, and especially if someone pooh-poohs them for thinking differently.  Given the threat of the caliphate rearing its ugly head, this concept must be reinforced over and over again, until it is defeated.

The Caliphate's goal is similar to the goals that were set by the British Empire, the Nazis, and the Soviet Union.  We cannot allow this goal to be realized.  By the same token, as individuals, we must maintain our own independence, even if it means supporting unpopular ideas or risking negative feedback.  

Don't become subjects of empires ruled by nonsense.  Don't sacrifice your truth just to pander to a crowd.  And NEVER surrender your independence no matter the consequences!

I EXIST.  I MATTER.  I BELONG.  I DESERVE.

I AM BOLD.  I AM BULLETPROOF.  I AM INDEPENDENT.

Evil Empire Arising

Hey All - back in business.  Little let down that Chile lost to Brazil and Greece lost to Costa Rica, but soccer's an unpredictable sport.  

Anyway, the individuals that I still consider a bunch of gangsters apparently want to restructure the Middle East by eliminating the current international boundaries and restoring the Muslim Calphate that ruled for centuries.  This may or may not mean another Cold War, if not WWIII.

As I posted last week, sending troops over there yet again is a mistake.  But before long, this Caliphate will outgrow its anticipated borders.  If it truly does accumulate enough power, it may very well seek another attack against the United States.  

Why do we fear these gangsters so much?  Because they want to wipe away our values and impose their own on us.  Because they want us to dispense with liberty and individualism and force us to conform to one way of living and thinking.  Because they want to impose an all-encompassing law that suppresses critical thinking, dissent, and common sense, for the sake of submission to the will of an angry and punitive supernatural authority, with any and all violations punishable by death.

Unfortunately, they are not the first society to demand such submission from its subjects, or to seek conquest of all realms that have not yet submitted.  The Nazis and the Soviets had very similar goals, and racked up large body counts on order to achieve them .  Thank G-D , they failed.  Will the Caliphate?  It's a scary thought.

What troubles me most, besides the gangsters and the force they use to conquer, are the so-called "moderate" Muslims who profess to be innocent bystanders.  They claim that the gangsters do not speak for all Muslims, but the gangsters are still there.

When I write about alpholes, I hear people's offense-o-meters going off.  I hear that I'm being too judgmental and closed-minded because there are "good alphas" and "bad alphas."  But I don't see how the existence of these "good alphas" immobilizes the alpholes, or mitigates what the alpholes do.  Likewise, the fact that "moderates" exist does not stop the gangsters from building the Caliphate.  Honestly, nothing can.  But it's up to us to block it.

I've urged my readers who are beta males to reject the alphaganda because it does not apply to them.  By the same token, if the gangsters try to expand the Caliphate's territory to this continent, we should put up the same resistance to Sharia law.  It doesn't apply to us.  The notion of using violence to enforce any law, restricting the conduct of either gender, and crushing the life out of any and all non-believers is unacceptable, and we have an unquestioned duty to ourselves to reject it.

G-D willing, those gangsters won't make it past Israel.  But let's be prepared anyway.

DISCLAIMER:  This message is not anti-Muslim.  This is America, you are free to practice whatever religion you choose.  Instead, this message is anti-terrorist.  In theory, there should be no reason to explain the obvious, but in this politically correct world, sometimes it must be done.

How Do We React?

Hey All -- Doing the blog out of order this weekend -- gotta catch up on some work, so duty calls.

This week, we have seen a terrorist gang threaten to topple a government that we left in place in Iraq.  After all the lives given up, after all of the blood spilled, and after all of the damage sustained in this backwards, tribal, and bitterly divided country, this is the fruit of our labor - a country thought to have been liberated from a bloodthirsty dictator and utter lawlessness is now only falling to fanaticism and death-worship.  Frustrating.  Agonizing.  Infuriating!

This follows on the very heels of five other gangsters being released from Guantanamo Bay in exchange for one soldier captured by the Taliban, who may have actually been more than willing to join them.  Clearly, there is an anti-American element in the Middle East that has been gaining more and more strength, and the possibility of another attack against the United States looms large.

So what's the right way to respond here?  Another war?  Another surge?  Sending in more men and women to face an even more dangerous environment?

No.  How about this instead:

(1)  Increase CIA presence in that region.  If we want to shut down likely terrorist camps to train more American-hating gangsters, let's first find out where they are.
(2)  Persuade our only true ally in that region, Israel, to attack those camps once they are located.  They're a little better at that than we are.
(3)  In exchange for this favor, which Israel may or may not be willing to grant, stop negotiating with the Palestinians.  They are as interested in peace with Israel as most teenagers are interested in geometry.  Their eyes glaze over . . . .
(4)  Further pay Israel back the favor by aiming our famous drones at Hamas and Hezbollah gangsters.  One hand washes the other, that's real diplomacy.
(5)  Once all of these terrorist gangs have been disbanded, de-fanged, disarmed, and safely neutralized, invite all "moderate" Muslim leaders to voluntarily confirm that these gangsters do not represent the true spirit of Islam, and that they do not sympathize with their ideals.  No coercion, no threats, not like how the gangsters forced their prisoners to rail against their own countries.  Just give them the choice to go on record and condemn the terrorists, or not.  Everyone else can form their own opinions as to that action or inaction.

There should be no fear of reprisals because the threat will be contained.  There should be no "terror" because that's what these "terrorist" gangsters want us to feel.  And most importantly, we would not be sending in more soldiers to stabilize a region that does not understand how to live in peace.

No, all we need to do is take action against the actual threats to the United States.  Other than what I mentioned to preserve a strategic alliance, there is no need to intervene in the affairs of that region ever again.  Let them resolve their own problems once we've eliminated the threat against our country before someone decides to go on an anniversary flight into the Freedom Tower, and not afterwards.

Once this threat against the United States is eliminated, just like the Nazis and the Soviets eventually lost their empires, we can concentrate on the 83 million other problems our country faces.  Since we will not use military action to solve a problem that clearly was not solved earlier, there will be no hand-wringing over our allegedly imperialist nature.  Just simple research and alliance-bolstering, with the further proof that Islam itself is not the enemy, but gangsters who just happen to be Muslims most certainly are.

Much as I encourage the readers of this blog, the United States must be bold and bulletproof.  We have to be willing to make tough decisions, much like those described above, instead of always "just working it out."  We also have to be ready to face whatever reaction can be aimed at us, and to neutralize it once it's aimed at us.  I can only hope that we really can be.

Last but not least, I'd like to wish a very Happy Father's Day to all the dads out there. Specifically, I wish it to my own father, who always taught us that he who does not learn the lessons of history is forever condemned to repeat them.

DISCLAIMER:  I have no plans to run for office anytime soon, and have no intention of re-educating our diplomats, intelligence, or military brass.  I am also no bigot.  Criticism is welcome, but reading into things that are not here is strongly discouraged.

Standing Alone

Hey All -- it's about that time again!

The big issue in the news -- besides watching my team's biggest rival digging a hole in the Stanley Cup Finals -- the release of a soldier held hostage in exchange for five terrorists.

As my regular readers know, I'm a big advocate of individualism and independence.  I value doing the right thing instead of conformity.  That means being comfortable in your own skin.

Most of the time, the right thing means doing what serves you the best, over what serves others.  However, once in a while it's right thing to do a little something to make someone else happy.  For example, let's say a friend of yours is throwing a party for someone else, and wants everyone to dress a little nicer than they ordinarily would.  So you bite the bullet, get some office dress-down clothes, and show up there.  And you see EVERY OTHER GUY THERE wearing the same jeans and boots they do every day, despite the assurance that "everyone" was going the khakis route.

A little annoying, of course.  Ironically, the intent was to conform, but the result was to stand out.  Still, if your host asks everyone to dress a little nicer just because it's a special occasion for a guest of honor, and you actually oblige, given the small effort it takes, it doesn't go unnoticed.  In that circumstance, standing alone and doing what you know is right is a good thing -- a very good thing.

But recently, we've heard about someone who followed his convictions to the detriment of those who needed him not to as a matter of life and death.  This man put on a uniform and took an oath to defend his country against "all enemies, foreign and domestic," and reconsidered that oath at the worst time possible.  Emails back home revealed his dissatisfaction and disillusionment with the army's presence in Afghanistan, and gives credence to the story that he voluntarily deserted his unit and was captured by the Taliban.  Reports indicate that while in captivity, he willingly adopted the language, religion, and worldview of his captors, and they eventually treated him less like a prisoner and more like a comrade.

Unaware of this soldier's all-too-willing conversion to the enemy's way of life, the Army made at least one attempt to rescue this soldier, resulting in the deaths of those who were loyal enough to seek out their captured brother.  While clearly aware of what happened to this soldier behind enemy lines, our executive leadership chose to negotiate for his freedom, in exchange for the release of five known terrorists from Guantanamo Bay.

We've all heard the story and the reactions.  But I want to concentrate less on the reasons why the White House made this choice, and on its likely ramifications, and to concentrate more on what this soldier thought and did.

The United States of America has the mightiest army in the world.  Sometimes it has been sent to engage in popular and justified actions in other areas of the world, and sometimes it has participated in less popular ventures.  However, it is not up to the soldiers to decide if they like it.

Our military is there to protect our freedom, and in doing so, they must give up their own freedom for a time.  This is why they are sent to boot camp, where they are trained to keep their heads under life-or-death situations and to follow orders without question.  This is why they are also trained in combat and firearms.  And this is why they take that oath to give the Army their utmost loyalty.  Every soldier is trained to back up his brothers and to act as teammates.  In this circumstances, the group is fundamentally more important than the individual.

If this soldier was unhappy with this Army's presence in Afghanistan, he could have done his job anyway, regardless of his opinion, and then waited until he rotated back to the world to tell us all how horrible he felt about that war.  Given recent history, that kind of timing might have gotten him appointed him as Secretary of State one day.

It is often said that before one can truly be an individual, one must first conform.  Stated another way, to be a leader, one must first be a follower.  Unlike the party and its guests I referenced above, Bowe Bergdahl had a duty to his unit, his superiors, and his country, and he violated this duty.  Voicing his opinion and following his conscience in the middle of a war zone was a horribly selfish and unbelievably dangerous thing to do.  Party guests have a simple duty to not kill one another.  Soldiers have a duty to remain loyal to each other, and not the enemy that they are fighting.  They have a duty to follow orders and to further their superior's objectives, and not expose their comrades to attack or ambush by seeking out the enemy.

Beta males are not subject to the rules of the alphaganda.  We have not been impressed into the Alpha Army, and we are not subject to their orders, and cannot be taken prisoner.  However, those who join the military actually are subject to something bigger than themselves, and put their own dissenting opinions on the back-burner.

Does this mean beta males should not enlist?  Not at all.  The party dress code might not be the best analogy, but it demonstrates that beta males are loyal.  We commit ourselves to principles that satisfy the highest good.  Sorry to disappoint the opposition, but the alphaganda ain't it.

So, Sgt. Bowe Bergdahl, here's the deal.  Despite your initials, you are not Bold, you are not Bulletproof, and you are certainly no Beta!  If anything, you may be a deserter or a traitor.  I hope you considered that as your good friends in Helman province indoctrinated you in their interpretation of the Koran.  I hope you consider it further as the Army decides what's to be done with you in the face of such disloyalty to the nation you swore to defend.  I hope you wake up and realize that you have made a most devious bargain with the most notorious alpholes the world has ever seen.

Then again, so did . . . no, I won't go there.

Night All!

The Last Word on Elliott Rodger

Hi All, Welcome to June!

By now, most of my regular readers will have viewed my video about Elliott Rodger and the rampage he committed on May 23rd in Santa Barbara, California.  I have one last thing to add.

My deductive reasoning tells me that there was one source of his anger that not everyone has touched upon yet.  This anger he had towards the supposed horde of women that rejected him in favor of "real men" originated somewhere.  And that origin simply must have been the alphaganda.  This unsupported, invalid, and blatantly false assertion that if a male has not had sex with a woman by the time he is 16, no 14, no 12, then he is somehow a lesser man.  Unfortunately, instead of realizing that the alphaganda had as much truth behind it as Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny, Elliott Rodger bought the alphaganda.  Being deceived by this fraudulent way of thinking led him to believe that (a) the women who rejected him forced him into a lower level of the pecking order, and that (b) as a man, he needed to have sex with them in order to increase in rank.

Someone needed to explain to this young man how untrue this was.  Someone needed to explain to him that being a virgin after high school age was not a badge of shame, a sign of weakness, evidence of unmanliness, or anything negative at all.  Or better yet, they could have simply flipped on MTV, made him watch a few episodes of "Teen Mom," and asked him how he'd feel being one of the "teen daddies" on that show.  I guarantee all of those boys thought they were men before they got the news - how manly or studly do the producers of that show make them look now?  Don't get me wrong, I don't think of the teen moms as innocent little angels, but they are made to seem blameless in comparison to these "cool kids" who know nothing of responsibility.

If somebody could have set him straight, and if he himself could have learned that the alphaganda was false, chances are he would have lived a much more normal life, and not caused all of this senseless violence.  Unfortunately, the alphaganda is sometimes more persuasive than any positive male role models that are available, and that's very unfortunate.

If there are any would-be Elliott Rodgers out there, I hope you're reading this.  I hope you can think first, actually think several times first, and act later.  I hope you have the critical thinking skills to see the flaws in the alphaganda.  I hope you can realize who's an alphole and who's not.  And I hope you can accept the fact that these girls or women, no matter how good, nice, handsome, or funny you are, may still reject you, and hating them for it will not change their minds.

And more than anything, I hope you can realize that the fact that the alpholes claim to have started having sex the day they finished going through puberty has nothing to do with you.  If they are having sex (allegedly) and you're not, that's completely irrelevant.  It is their choice of morals, or complete lack thereof, and it does not mean that you are automatically less than them because you didn't emulate them.  Come to think of it, most families would be better served if more people elected not to have sex until at least their mid-20's.  However, this can only be a choice.   If we lived in a society that regulated morality with painful consequences, we would be no better than the Taliban,

So again, I say to all those Elliott Rodgers out there, never let the alphaganda get under your skin like it did with him.  Learn that it is baseless, groundless, and fraudulent, and that you have no need to follow it.  If you are the same age as this young man and are frustrated that you haven't "done the deed," look at your pay check stub and be thankful that there is no "CHSUPP" deduction.  Be thankful that your last doctor's visit did not include any bad news regarding your health.  Take a good look at your life and realize that you are exempt from the requirements of the alphaganda, and that you fall well outside its jurisdiction.  Let those who choose to follow it make their own mistakes, while you choose your own path in life.  Chances are, you may be ahead of the game and not even know it.

And even if someone turns you down now, at the very least you made a decent effort.  Maybe tomorrow someone else will reward that effort, and that someone else will be worthy of you.  Don't worry so much about you being worthy of someone else.

I EXIST.  I MATTER.  I BELONG.   I DESERVE.

I AM BOLD.  I AM BULLETPROOF.  I AM BETA.

Night All!

A Beta Male Reacts to Santa Barbara

Wanting to Win

Hey all - made my annual sojourn to Buffalo.  Ran a good, hard, fast race today, and shared it with some good people.  I gotta say, I got high hopes for this year's NYC, if the last two Halfs I've run are a good indication of things to come.

This race comes on the wings of a recent field day story.  An elementary school sent out a flyer to parents expecting that any competitiveness was to be kept to a minimum.  This brought outrage from many - how can we keep rewarding kids for doing the bare minimum, and telling them that winning and losing don't matter?  They'll never make it in the real world, where winning and losing do count!

They're not wrong to say this.  However, I think that school took this approach to stop bullying more than they did to neutralize the thrill of victory and the agony of defeat.  I don't think children are damaged so much by "sucking" at some game as much as they are by having that fact rubbed in their face by someone else who thinks their win gives them free reign to bully and harass those they defeated.  If they were able to accept defeat without these undeserved consequences, the growth needed to accept defeat, but use it to learn how to win next time, would be more likely to happen.

For example, look at my sport.  In running, the fastest athletes do not shame those who are not as fast.  There is no trash-talking, no nose-thumbing, no jeering, and no "you suck" chants for those who fall short of the Olympic ideal. Instead, there is plain old sportsmanship.  Sometimes, the faster runners will stop by the finish line after their race is over and cheer for the slower runners.  

Nobody wants to hear that "we're all winners."  But in running, it's true.  In this sport, the main idea is not to compete against someone else to win a race over them.  The fact that each runner has chosen to sacrifice creature comforts simply to enter a race REALLY DOES make each runner a winner, whether or not they place.  This attitude is adopted and encouraged throughout our sport, and it persists.

I think that's the message the field day organizers really wanted to convey, but didn't.  It's not about discouraging the more athletic kids from doing something they're good at, or selling short their accomplishments for someone else's bruised self esteem.  It's about letting those who are NOT all-stars realize that there is merit in making an attempt, that there is pride in taking your best shot at any goal, win or lose, and that every defeat, setback, or mistake has a lesson hidden within that just begs to be learned.  But those hard lessons are best delivered with a sense of respect, and not with being booed off the "field," if you will.

As beta males, we are living proof that "hard knocks" and "tough love" are not the fail safe methods some believe them to be.  Sometimes they make things  worse.  Sometimes a pat on the back does more good than a smack in the ass.  Maybe if these field day organizers had recognized this, instead of punishing athletes for being athletic, this story would not have been newsworthy.

That's my story from the Frontier.  Congrats to everyone who ran the Buffalo Full and Half Marathons this year - a great day for a great race.  And I invite all of you Western New Yorkers to come on down to the Big Apple and watch the City play host to a race that runs a close second to Buffalo in friendliness and encouragement from the crowds along the course!  :)

The Place I Became A Man

Hi All -- hope you had a good weekend!

Mine was pretty good -- I ran in the increasingly popular Brooklyn Half Marathon for the first time.  This race is so hot it sells out faster than Billy Joel!  Started out in beautiful Prospect Park, then took Ocean Parkway down through the next three neighborhoods, all the way to the Coney Island Boardwalk!  Stuck with my usual tactic of drinking fruit punch flavored Powerade, courtesy of my fuel belt, every two miles like clockwork.  Felt like I was pulling 8's, turned out to be a little bit faster than that, so I was pretty jazzed.  Several of us runners went over to a bar called Peggy O'Neill's, on the Surf Avenue side of MCU Ballpark (home of the minor league Brooklyn Cyclones), and had to be patient with our bartenders, who were clearly not used to a Saturday morning rush.  :)  Still got my Sammy.

Next week, I'm hoping for a similar experience -- going up to the farthest reaches of our state to run in the Buffalo Half Marathon.  It's become my annual Memorial Day trek, looking forward to running this new course that includes Delaware Park, and seeing some good friends of mine.

Yes, we always look forward to our old traditions, and sometimes start new ones.  But what about the ones that disappear?

My childhood synagogue is closing its doors.  The congregation is merging with another temple on the other side of town, but the building is for sale.  It seemed like the temple would be there forever, but all good things must end.

It brings back memories.  Learning the traditions of my ethnic group.  Preparing to lead services on my Bar Mitzvah day and beyond.  Feeling the comfortable, safe, and home-base feeling that I got within its walls.  

The Bar Mitzvah day stands out, of course.  The satisfaction of learning to recite sacred and ancient words in a language difficult to pronounce.  The rewards of preparing for a performance that your entire family and all of your friends appreciate.  The knowledge that, in some circles, you're recognized as a man, and no longer as a boy.

And, oh yeah . . . I got to give a speech, too.  :)  Now that I think about it, that was David's first blog post, before there were blogs!  Preparing for it helped me develop confidence, and performing it taught me to love having an audience.  :).  Oh yes, I did become a man in that sense -- I was no longer shy, looking for excuses not to speak.  Once I got over that hump, my years on stage in drama club and college theater were a breeze.

It was also the place I got close to G-D, appropriately enough.  I learned that there was something bigger than me, that handled all things in life beyond my control.  A source of justice truer than anything that could be handed down by any mortal authority figure.  And sometimes, when I didn't really expect it, it "saved" me from possible and unpleasant consequences.  Lesson really learned when that happened!

Ironically, my high school was just down the street.  The values one learned in that building were like night and day, in comparison from the values learned at temple.  Yet some people think that's the place a boy becomes a man.

I respectfully disagree.

Rather, for a true example of manhood, I look at the elders who organized our old temple, and their actions.  Giving of one's time.  Kindness towards children and the elderly.  Respect for tradition.  Greetings and friendliness towards all who entered.  Pride and values.  They had lives of their own, they could have chosen to let someone else "run things," but the leadership roles they took in synagogue life were rewarding in and of themselves.  

Yes, that temple is gone forever, but I still owe it a great deal.  It connected me with a tradition dating back millennia.  It gave me a chance to learn and express some good talents.  Most importantly, it taught me examples inspired by G-D, and those values made a man of me.
  

And so let it be with the rest of this beta tribe.  Gentlemen, don't recite or adopt the falsehoods of the alphaganda.  Don't be led astray by groupthink.  Don't bow down to false gods, and don't give them the power deserved only by Him.  You're better served to emulate the kind of righteousness those gentlemen showed.

So MUST a beta male believe in G-D?  Entirely up to you, friends.  I have no authority to save or damn any soul in my audience.  I can only vouch for my own, and nobody else's.  But I gotta admit, faith in a higher power and trust in all things beyond your control (provided you've handled everything within your control) is a far better way to go through life than to dread and malign one's own existence.

That's my sermon.  I've already discussed how my religion is disappearing.  Here's to finding a replacement once it does.

DISCLAIMER:  The above is not meant to besmirch, smear, undercut, or look down upon, those who belong to other faiths, or to no religion at all.  And trust me, I'm not saying that I'm perfect.  It's nothing more than memories of a treasured and uncorrupted part of my youth.  Please indulge me.  :)

Chinks In The Armor

Hey All!

Had the kind of Saturday afternoon where I really needed to focus on something good to post.  Yes, the cleaning lady was over, relieving me of an otherwise unfortunate menial household task.  Still, had to stay here to "supervise," rendering me immobile.  Hey, that's the price of having someone else keep your place presentable.  :)

The reason why many of us, beta or otherwise, encounter so many obstacles in life is that we have a weakness.  We have an Achilles' heel, we have a kill switch, we have a virus that freezes up the hard drive known as our brain, and sets us back.

This could be many different things to many different people, but rest assured it's something that happened in the past.  My dearly beloved adversaries in the "we don't care, we're too cool" crowd will instantly pooh-pooh this fact because they've always "gotten over it," so they think nothing from their past weighs them down, and if anyone else does, there's something wrong with them.  I'll let them say whatever they feel, with the knowledge that everyone has something from the past weighing them down, no matter how much they deny it.

Your past is a part of you, that's unavoidable.  History cannot be altered.  You can't do what George Lucas did to the original Star Wars trilogy and change what already happened.  Right, wrong, or indifferent, that's the way it was.

Notice I emphasize . . . was.

Here in the present, there are number of ways you can handle the past.  You can suppress it, ignore it, and pretend it never happened, like the "cool kids" say they do.  If you're able to do that, that's nice, but you may face bigger problems.  As my father loves to say, "He who does not learn the lessons of history is forever condemned to repeat them."

You can also allow it to rule you.  Because someone yelled at you really loudly as a child, you could become a sweet, docile, non-assertive people-pleaser, because you'll do anything to avoid having anyone angry at you.  Because someone hurt you in your younger years, you could become guarded, snippy, suspicious, defensive, and cold-hearted to anyone who crosses your path, because you just can't trust anyone not to hurt you.  Because somebody rejected you, you'll just reject everyone else to protect yourself.

Or . . . you can make peace with it.

You can accept that what happened, happened, but is not happening now.  You can realize that those events cannot affect the here and now.  You can become emotionally detached from it.

You can accept it as a part of history memorialized only in old books and photos.  You can reduce it to dry references and footnotes, instead of allowing it to define you.  You can keep it for informational purposes, but not as a reflection of current values.

How you do it is up to you.  You should know how your own mind works better than I do, or anyone else does.  But if you want to fill in the chinks in your armor, and really be a bold and bulletproof beta, then you need to take these lessons of the past, scan them into some kind of psychological zip drive, and save them somewhere other than your active thoughts.  If they are somehow manifesting themselves subconsciously in your present thoughts and actions, then engage in some redirection.

You cannot afford to let your past affect your present to your detriment.  If you let it, it will ruin you.  It will sap your strength.  It will stunt your growth.  It will leave you stranded on a psychological plateau, leaving you incapable of advancing or improving yourself for the rest of your life.

This blog is about the Advancement of beta males.  As long as you stay in a state of arrested development, forever fighting with ghosts and memories, seeking vengeance on those who got away with it, and mourning over unfinished business, you will not be successful.

It's also about the Redemption of beta males.  Not just from outside sources who've held you down, but from holding yourself down.  You must free yourself from anything that holds you back, especially yourself!

And it's also about the Self-Actualization of beta males.  And part of that means that you can only live in the here and now.

Whatever happened is done.  The past will always be a part of who you are, but it should not, and cannot, be the strongest part of you.  Your passions and drive should only be centered on the present, or on preparation for the immediate future, and not on things that have already transpired and cannot be rearranged.

Once the past is filed away where it belongs, you will become bold and bulletproof.

I EXIST.  I MATTER.  I BELONG.  I DESERVE.

I AM BOLD.  I AM BULLETPROOF.  I AM BETA.

Have a great weekend, all!

Boldness!

Boldness!

Boldness

Hey All!  It's about that time again.

When I started taking this little enterprise in its current direction, I heard a small, but tolerable, amount of criticism.

"Beta males, David?  You're putting your audience down by definition!  You're saying that they're all second-rate, and you're reminding them that the alpha males get all the women, while they'll be left with nobody!"

Au contraire.  The point is unfortunately missed.  This blog is about the advancement of beta males, among other things.

I am not telling my audience that they need to stop being themselves and start being someone completely different.  That's like telling the introverted kid in high school that he has to dress differently, speak differently, and act completely unnaturally in order to get more people to like him -- that's ridiculous.

The first step to this advancement, if it's not obvious enough already, is for a beta male to replace his self-doubt with confidence as his first layer of armor.  From the inside outward, he must know that he is a good man just the way he is.  He must know that he is capable and confident.  He must know the right questions to ask to gain the knowledge he seeks.

He should never seek to change who he is, substitute his values, or try to emulate someone who has a completely different make up than his.  Instead, he should believe that he has every right to his thoughts, his words, and his choices.

He should not feel crippled, defective, or mortally wounded by his mistakes.  He should never feel that his shortcomings define him.  And he should never think that anyone else's opinion of him can save or damn his very soul.

To put it short, he should be bold.  Not tough, not badass, not cocky, and not full of himself.  Bold.

Even if he feels afraid or nervous, he still feels confident.  Even if he faces criticism or insults, he minimizes them as others' opinions, and not his own.  Even if he loses or fails, he knows that dwelling on the losses or failures to often will immobilize him, and he keeps moving instead.

Pretty simple really.  Shame on me for not spelling out earlier, but I've done it now instead.

So let's be Bold -- starting tomorrow!

I EXIST.  I MATTER.  I BELONG.  I DESERVE.

I AM BULLETPROOF.  I AM BOLD.  I AM BETA.

A Beta Male Can Survive

Happy Easter to all those celebrating!

Today, Christians celebrate the life, death, and resurrection of a truly remarkable man.  Someone who questioned authority, elected not to be enslaved by rules and regulations, gained a large following, but also attracted a large amount of critics.  

I will not address the issue of his divinity because I'm far more interested in his earthly accomplishments.  He taught people to love and respect one another, and to understand that G-D was far more compassionate, forgiving, and welcoming than others may have said He was.  He was not concerned with selfish gains.  He associated with those that polite society would have called undesirable, and never passed judgment on their faults and misdeeds.  He spoke out and took action against practices that corrupted that which was meant to honor G-D, and was never intimidated by those who could hurt him.

I may be taking an awful risk in saying this, but Jesus one of the greatest beta males who ever lived.  He was strong, but never needed to be violent to gain respect.  He was kind, even to those who were only to used to not receiving kindness.  He refused, no matter what the consequences, to renounce that which he understood to be true.

He was content to never take a wife, or have children.  He was at home turning around others' lives more than being concerned only with his own.  And while his final example is not one that should be encouraged, he was only too willing to die for his cause -- because he actually had a plan B.

The examples that beta males can derive from this man, whether or not we believe him to be divine, are self-explanatory.  We can stand by our principles even if some alphole challenges or threatens us.  We can be kind to those that life has not been kind to.  We can make our voices heard without threats or violence.  We can adopt his peaceful and gentle ways, and we can make this world a better place for having been here.

Obviously, this message is not meant to be confined to any particular faith or creed, since my whole blog is not.  But it is meant to acknowledge that beta males truly can change the world, and to give a concrete historical reference to one who did, and then some.

I EXIST.  I MATTER.  I BELONG.  I DESERVE.

I AM BULLETPROOF.  I AM UNSHAKABLE.  I AM STABLE.  I AM ME.

Once again, Happy Easter to all of those celebrating.

End The Bondage

Hey All - that time of the year again.

On Passover, Jews commemorate the Exodus from Egypt and the end of slavery.  In the Hagaddah, the ceremonial book that is read from on Passover in Jewish homes, the deplorable conditions of slavery are recounted, as well as the consequences that the Egyptians suffered.  Many thanks and praises are sung to the L-D, who removed one distinct nation from the domination of another.  An exhortation is made to Him to destroy and punish all of Israel's enemies.

So what can we take from this tradition as beta males?

(1).    We can refuse to be enslaved by the alphaganda.  That unbinding and unenacted piece of de-facto legislation cannot be held over our heads by anyone.  It does not govern our thoughts or our actions, it does not limit our movements, and it does nothing to limit or force our decision-making.  Although this blog rails against this system forcefully, freeing yourself from it surprisingly easy.  It doesn't even require you set forth the lengthy rants on display here.  All you need to do is decide that it does not own you, and you've just parted the Red Sea without even getting wet.

(2).  We can decide not to rage against our would-be taskmasters if it can't spur us into action.  Yes, the alpholes have ways of not being good to us and ways of avoiding consequences for their actions, but simply being angry at them doesn't free us.

On this blog, we minimize them, expose their weaknesses, and sometimes bash them, for one and only one reason:  to prevent us as beta males from enabling them further.  To stop us from buying into the alphaganda, which tells us to kowtow and abdicate to the alpholes as if they were our taskmasters.  To perform a global iconoclast, and make way for conquering heroes.

But we do NOT minimize them in order to make us all hate-filled and bitter.  If we must rage against them, and demand that they suffer for their misdeeds, we can only do that from a position of strength.  In the meantime, the rage should be re-directed and converted into passion, drive, ambition, and self-confidence.  One way of doing that is by reinforcing the fact that our adversaries are not the indestructible juggernauts they claim to be, and not by providing a "Two Minute Hate" from 1984.  Otherwise, anger for anger's sake does nothing but corrode and decay us.

One interesting moment from the Seder is when the door is opened for Elijah the Prophet, forerunner of the Messiah.  At that time, the following prayer is uttered:

"Pour out Thy wrath on the nations that know Thee not, upon the 
governments which do not call upon Thy name. For they have devoured Jacob 
and desolated his home. Pour out Thy wrath on them; may Thy 
blazing anger overtake them.  Pursue them from under the heavens 
of the L-D."

 For the scholars among us, these are several verses taken from Psalms and Lamentations, and it does demonstrate an example of the "Old Testament G-D" known for imposing severe consequences for improper actions.  For the rest of us, it is a reminder of where our boundaries lie.  Because we do not live in a comic book or a Stallone film, we are not obligated to seek revenge for every slight, insult, or offense against us.  There is someone far bigger than the rest of us, more powerful than us, and able to actually seek vengeance against the alpholes in ways we are powerless to perform.  He's a lot better than it than we are, and there is no chance He would screw it up.  Vengeance belongs to Divine Providence, karma, and natural consequences, and not to us beta males.  The Almighty is saying, in effect, "everybody chill out, OK?  I got this."

Remove the desire for revenge you seek, no matter how justified it really is, and kiss it up to Him.  If these alpholes truly deserve a crushing demise, they'll get it.

(3).  We can leave situations that drain us, harm us, or force us to be something that we're not.  Sometimes it means you'll say things that hurt others, but that cost pales in comparison to the benefit of achieving the freedom you need.  It is far better to be free and walk alone that it is to be constantly surrounded by taskmasters.

(4).  We can get rid of habits that don't make us better.  Watching TV is fun if the show you're watching makes you laugh, shocks you, or gives you and your friends something to discuss afterwards.  Otherwise, you're wasting precious time.  Drinking a fine glass of wine or a cold beer is a treat and a luxury.  But when ingested to an extreme, it weakens your internal organs and shortens your life span.  Engaging in any type of fantasy role-playing game (and I'm covering a lot of ground with this one) is fun, in and of itself, but if left unchecked, we stop playing the game known as reality, and our "avatars" stop looking like winners.

(5).  We can dispose of the self-doubt, guilt, and fear that block the path to self-actualization.  This means we can forgive ourselves for every mistake we make and learn from it, instead of engaging in pointless self-flagellation.  This means we can stop telling ourselves that it's not possible because it's difficult, and start telling ourselves that it's difficult and possible.  This means that we can meet challenges head on, risky or otherwise, even if it makes us uncomfortable.  Believe me, nothing is more enslaving than comfort, and nothing keeps us tied down more than complacency.  Break those chains and you'll be free for life.

(6).  We can control situations instead of letting situations control us.  We can say "no" or "later" to people who interrupt us from what we need to do.  We can arrange tasks and events by priority, and not by how annoying someone else is.  We can decide what gets our time, attention, affection, love, blood, sweat and tears, and what doesn't.

And so gentlemen, there are many paths to freedom.  Some of those chains may be tighter and heavier for some than others, but if you want to break them, you're halfway there.  Although you don't want to be slaves, there is still work involved in gaining freedom.  If you're willing to do your part to bust loose from all of the oppressions that I've described, then you'll make it.

For those who celebrate, I hope you have a Sweet Passover.  I hope you find a way to break free from whatever or whoever is enslaving you.  Better yet, I hope you can find a way to break free from the meanest, cruelest, most sadistic taskmaster you know . . . you.

The Exodus tells us about a nation that grew and changed from a conquered and enslaved tribe into a huge and powerful people.  It tells about a former nobleman who fled in exile, and reluctantly and humbly led that nation, and then became someone more wise and powerful than he ever dreamed.  I hope you can find some kind of parallel between that most momentous event and your own life.

Night All!  

Sometimes It Hurts!

Sometimes It Hurts.

Hey All, Sunday night once again, and we all know what that means!

A little discussion about Mr. T's prediction for the rematch in Rocky III:  Pain.

As beta males, the key to our advancement is to make ourselves bulletproof.  When we're completely self-actualized, nothing that the alpholes of the world say or do to us can make us second-guess our self-worth, or intimidate us, or make us the subservient followers that they wish we were.

Being bulletproof means that we won't get killed if they fire at us.  But anyone who's ever worn a Kevlar vest will tell you that it still packs a wallop when you get shot anyway.  In other words, sometimes when people give you their best shot in a confrontation, even if you end up winning, it can still hurt.

Unfortunately, some people still adopt the alphaganda's approach to pain.  Shake it off, ignore it, pretend it's not even there.  As beta males, we can't afford to let pain stop us from being ourselves.  But if we act in denial and pretend that it doesn't hurt when it really does and we know it, we're only making it worse.

This is where your close friends and family come in to help.  Beta males are so used to being the shoulder that someone else cries on that we don't know what it's like to open to someone else about our hurt.  We've also been fed the false notion that nobody cares that you're in any kind of emotional pain, and if you tell them, they'll think you're weak.  I'm not saying you should go to everyone with your tales of woe and misfortune, but there are definitely a few close people in your circle who would be only too happy to hear you out.

First and foremost?  Dear old Mom.  I don't care how old you or your mother is, there is no shame in giving her a call and telling her if there's something that's made you sad or angry.  Don't overburden her, of course, keep it short and sweet, but there's no shame in telling her.  She didn't stop being your mother when you moved out of her house, and you didn't stop being her son when you became a grown man.  She should be only too happy to give you whatever advice she can, and to give you a few pearls of wisdom to help you get back on top.

And if you're among the most fortunate of us betas, you have a special someone in your life.  Maybe a girlfriend, or maybe a wife?  How could you even consider not telling them what's eating at you?  They expect you to be their rock and their foundation when their emotions overwhelm them, and they expect you be chivalrous and gentlemanly in all affairs.  Believe it or not, they would be more than happy to do likewise for you.  If they really are your one true honey, they should not expect you to be this comic book caricature who never feels pain, fear, doubt, or worry.  Rather, merely out of love, they should expect you to confide in them with these very feelings, and to trust them the way they would trust you.

Yes, we are still human.  We are on an ongoing quest to be better men -- more responsible, more brave, more confident, more respectable -- but nobody said we were going to be inhuman cyborgs!  We are flesh and blood, therefore we have feelings.  A beta male should never feel obligated to ignore, bypass, or deny his feelings if they exist.  There may be less appropriate times to convey them than others, but if you have close family or friends around you, do yourself a favor and confide in them.  This is why they're here, and they would expect the same from you.

Hopefully, none of you are feeling the kind of pain that I'm talking about.  But if you are, the best way to relieve it is to turn to your loved ones.  You have them for a reason, so don't be so quick to forget about them in your quest for self-actualization.  You may need them one day.

That's my jam tonight, all!

Let Me Explain

A Few Changes

Hey All -- about that time again!

You may have noticed a few changes. A different tone and a different attitude, perhaps.  Rather than the confrontational approach it originally took against damage to young men's and boys' self-esteem, it has evolved into an attempt to strengthen it.

One major shift has been to essentially substitute the word "bully" with my own invented term, "alphole." Since it is clearly synonymous with "bully," it obviously cannot describe those who are not bullies, and have no desire to disrespect beta males.  If anything, it describes those who dilute the mark of alpha males, and gives them a reputation that they do not necessarily deserve.  Accordingly, this change works.

The good thing about this word, besides it being my own concoction, is that it strips away the power that people like this claim to possess, and reveals that they do have imperfections.  A "bully" is a juggernaut, someone who is infinitely stronger than you, can screw with you anytime, and can't be stopped by anything you do.  An "alphole" is not.  An alphole can get on his high horse, and get knocked right out of the saddle.  He's just as vulnerable, just as fallible, and just as human as we are, but he makes the mistake of acting like he's not, and thinking that it's OK for him to use force against those perceived to be weaker or less intelligent.  For that reason, he might be destined for the downfall of a tragic Greek anti-hero, instead of us.

That being said, since the purpose here is to empower, and not to attack, it's not really the alpholes that are the sworn enemy of this blog and its readers.  Rather, that's my other pet phrase, the "alphaganda."  This is nothing more than a fancy word for "conformity."  It's this unwritten idea that there are things that every man must do, or must not do, otherwise they are simply not "real men."  Beta males find themselves outside this sphere of influence, and they sometimes suffer for it greatly.  Not only because of the hostility that comes their way merely by being different, but also because their self-esteem is sometimes damaged as a result.

Peeps, beta males are different.  You are not the ones who are expected to win bar fights, to be with more women than Gene Simmons, to buy and sell blue chip stocks, or to be close and personal friends with a cross-section of celebrities.  So don't be.  If there are other men who fulfill this role, then by all means, let them have it.  You've been chosen for other purposes, some of which might be even greater than the beer-commercial fantasy I've just recited.

No matter what it is that you've been chosen to do, there is no law, no directive, and no order requiring you to conform to the alphaganda.  In many ways, you can make yourself more of a man by shrugging off those age-old requirements.  If conforming to those ways does not feel genuine or natural to you, do yourself a favor and don't.  Be you.  Be true to who you are.  Exist.  Matter.  Belong.  Deserve.  And while doing all of those, be bulletproof!

DISCLAIMER:  I swore I wouldn't do this, but I will anyway. The term "alphole," as fully explained above, applies to bullies, and not to all men who are considered "alpha males."

And the alphaganda?  Nobody's trying to repeal it or invalidate it.  I'm trying to remind beta males that they should never feel that they are required to follow it if it doesn't fit them, as explained above.