The Opposition's Weaknesses

Hi All - Halloween is behind us, Thanksgiving may or may not be glossed over, and the Winter Holidays are just around the corner.  So what's on the docket for today?

Often times, people try to intimidate us when we say things that we're proud of or happy about.  If they're toxic enough, they'll try to say that what we like is stupid or useless, and they'll say it in the loudest, longest, and most obnoxious way.  And because they know that we're basically nicer, and are less likely to fight back, they sometimes also will say it in front of a crowd of followers and sycophants, since they need continuous reinforcement through enabling to continue living off this toxicity.

Why they do that is not as important as how to handle it.  However, some insight into their quest to silence you might reveal a few tips and pointers:

(Reason 1)  They're not secure enough to handle someone who thinks differently than they do, and can't share the floor with other voices.  
(Solution 1)   Keep voicing your opinion anyway.  The more they try to silence you, make yourself better, wiser, and more thick-skinned.  No matter how loud they get, they'll be forced to reckon with you.

(Reason 2)  They have weaknesses to protect, and the longer they allow you to talk, they're afraid you'll touch a nerve.
(Solution 2)  Keep it in your back pocket.  Don't hit them over the head out of nowhere with it, that's their game plan, and not ours.  Once they cross a line, which they always do, lock on the target and pull the trigger.  You didn't start that conflict, and they sure as heck asked for it.

(Reason 3)  They have been enabled, spoiled, and protected for so long they don't understand how it feels to be wrong, incorrect, or behind the times.  And it shakes the very foundations upon which they stand.
(Solution 3)  Keep it in lower in your back pocket.  It's not our way to fight arrogance with arrogance.  But whenever they make it a personal attack, yes you can hit them over the head with this.  The very concept of choosing not to say something, even though you can, was obviously never taught to them earlier, so teach them now.  

As I've stated before, the way for us Betas to improve our lives, be happier, and attain greater successes is to be Bold and Bulletproof.  That means not letting people bully us into silence just because they don't know how to respectfully disagree.  That means shoring up our feelings airtight so nothing they say can wound us, stun us, or make us feel ashamed of ourselves.  And yes, when warranted, that means take a shot at them to show them what is acceptable and what is not.

Unfortunately, there are still more alpholes out there than there are of us.  For now.

I EXIST.  I MATTER.  I BELONG.  I DESERVE.

I AM BOLD.  I AM BULLETPROOF.  I AM BETA.

Removal and Replacement

Yes, I'm getting a little repetitious.  Yes, I've written ad nauseum about bouncing, ejecting, removing, and extricating the wrong people from your surroundings.  And yes, I've sung the praises of including the right people and keeping them.  In ideal situations, those two decisions go hand in hand.  

Mind if I explain why?

(1).  The less time you spend around people who aren't good to you, or for you, the less reason you have to get stuck in a rut of anger, resentment, grudges, and unresolved issues.  

(2).  The more time you spend around people who love you, listen to you, accept you for who you are, respect you, and, oh yeah, agree with you, more often than not, the more reason you have to be positive, pro-active, motivated, and genuinely happy.

(3).  When you're on that higher plane, it's a hell of a lot easier to be BOLD and a no-brainer to be BULLETPROOF.  When you have that going for you, nothing, not even the most disparaging or abrasive comment any alphole or femhole can spew, can do any damage.  

Don't get the wrong idea, you don't need other people to MAKE you Bold and Bulletproof.  That's entirely your doing.  But to stay that way, you need to be VERY selective as to who's in your supporting cast.  It truly does effect your attitude and performance.

Ummm Daaaaave?  IIIIIII hang out with TONS of people who are different from me.  It doesn't matter to meeee, I'm a cool kid!

Should I be impressed?  Should I try to copy you?  Am I less than you?  No.

And even if all these people are "different from" you, if those differences are not the kind that are still acceptable, you wouldn't give them the time of day.  That's basic sociology, nothing more and nothing less.  Let's not play Mother Teresa, please.

And those differences only work if they help you, enlighten you, and maybe entertain you, and not if they annoy the holy hell out of you, and not if they leave you feeling hopelessly inadequate.  There is no glory in being a martyr and selecting these people only because they're different.  That's tokenism, and it's a whole other issue.

You need people who respect you, not those who tolerate you.  There is a HUGE difference, and once we learn self-respect, we need better than mere tolerance.  We deserve a whole lot better than that.

So that's my message this week.  Feel free to respond anytime!

Letting Them In

Hey All!  Time to re-visit an older issue.

I've written volumes about rejecting and dismissing those who aren't right for you.  Now let's concentrate on those who are right for you.

(1).  LISTEN to them.  Act like what they say matters.  And if you forget something they said, have the good grace to double check it!

(2).  COOPERATE with them.  If they're really the right ones for you, they might give you some constructive criticism.  There is a HUGE difference between that and bullying, beyessing, and I'm-just-saying, and you should be able to tell the difference at this point.  If they give you some of that, think about it before you get defensive.  Better yet, don't be afraid to return the constructive criticism when it's needed.

(3). ACKNOWLEDGE them.  Do a few nice things "just because."  Surprise them with something you know they like. Tell them, and show them, that they mean a great deal to you.

Now many of you may not have that someone yet.  If you choose, you can remain alone, that's not exactly a bad thing.  But you can also decide that you do want to let someone into your life for the right reasons.  I'm not here to give you dating advice like the players and posers, that information is available from other sources.  If you're being yourself and that doesn't match with someone else, let them go.  If you're with someone who doesn't fit with you, show them the door.  But if you're sincere about the right one, the meeting will be arranged.  

That's kid stuff.  The trick is it make it that good for the long term.

Ya dig?

Boldness

Hey All!  It's about that time again.

When I started taking this little enterprise in its current direction, I heard a small, but tolerable, amount of criticism.

"Beta males, David?  You're putting your audience down by definition!  You're saying that they're all second-rate, and you're reminding them that the alpha males get all the women, while they'll be left with nobody!"

Au contraire.  The point is unfortunately missed.  This blog is about the advancement of beta males, among other things.

I am not telling my audience that they need to stop being themselves and start being someone completely different.  That's like telling the introverted kid in high school that he has to dress differently, speak differently, and act completely unnaturally in order to get more people to like him -- that's ridiculous.

The first step to this advancement, if it's not obvious enough already, is for a beta male to replace his self-doubt with confidence as his first layer of armor.  From the inside outward, he must know that he is a good man just the way he is.  He must know that he is capable and confident.  He must know the right questions to ask to gain the knowledge he seeks.

He should never seek to change who he is, substitute his values, or try to emulate someone who has a completely different make up than his.  Instead, he should believe that he has every right to his thoughts, his words, and his choices.

He should not feel crippled, defective, or mortally wounded by his mistakes.  He should never feel that his shortcomings define him.  And he should never think that anyone else's opinion of him can save or damn his very soul.

To put it short, he should be bold.  Not tough, not badass, not cocky, and not full of himself.  Bold.

Even if he feels afraid or nervous, he still feels confident.  Even if he faces criticism or insults, he minimizes them as others' opinions, and not his own.  Even if he loses or fails, he knows that dwelling on the losses or failures to often will immobilize him, and he keeps moving instead.

Pretty simple really.  Shame on me for not spelling out earlier, but I've done it now instead.

So let's be Bold -- starting tomorrow!

I EXIST.  I MATTER.  I BELONG.  I DESERVE.

I AM BULLETPROOF.  I AM BOLD.  I AM BETA.

Negative Feedback

Hey All -- while the winter blows cold around me, a few ideas are percolating . . . .

Adding to my prior post on "the rules," I'd like to address those moments in life when someone else tells you that what you do and say is not something they agree with.  A little emotional maturity is needed, as follows:

Who, exactly, are they?

Chances are, as is often the case with beta males, there might be a woman who just doesn't feel the same for you that you feel for her.  And it's possible that, despite her statements that she would prefer a nice guy, she somehow manages to be with a world-class alphole.  Even showing her what's best about you doesn't persuade her or help her see the light, as the alphole's hoots and hollers drown out your argument.

Little-known secret about these women -- they are just as flawed as you and me.  They are not goddesses, they are not royalty, and they are not the only females in existence.  You know how we get blinded by attractive women just by their physical appearance?  How we believe that they are the only women worth being with?  How, try as we might, we're always drawn to them?  That's exactly the same thing these women feel when the alpholes roll into town.  They are hard-wired to be attracted to these jabronies the same way we're hard-wired to be drawn to them.  It doesn't mean that they are mean or stupid, or that they deserve to suffer consequences.  It just means that they're human just like us.

That being said, their rejection of you is not the end-all and be-all, either.  If that's the type of man that makes them feel complete, then deep down, you owe them a small amount of gratitude.  If they chose to be with you instead, it would not be genuine.  Their heart would not be in it, and once they realized that they still expected you to have some of those badass alphole qualities, they'd just get annoyed with you for not being that way.  A woman who really wants somebody that you're not has the potential to make your life significantly less pleasant than it would be without her.  She wants a "real man" instead of you?  Good!  Do yourself a favor and let her go have him!  Why pretend to be something you're not, or better yet, something you hate, just to impress someone who'd be happier with someone else?  That's a waste of time.

But that doesn't mean that you can't find someone else that you'll still be attracted to anyway.  There are tons of women out there who are not attracted to these alpholes, and would be more than happy to welcome someone like you into their lives.  How you meet them, and how you succeed with them will be dealt with another time, but for now, it's enough to say that this type of rejection should have minimal to no impact on your self-esteem.

Lately, this blog has encountered some negative feedback as well.  A few gentlemen who consider themselves proud alpha males are not in agreement with some of my recent posts and tweets.  Since their perspective and experiences are entirely different from mine, I expect and welcome their opinions.  I think that criticism would be better served in written format here on Blogger or on Facebook, but they don't prefer that method for some reason.

First and foremost, they seem unhappy with the term "alphole."  For all intents and purposes, this is a slightly hipper term to describe a bully, by indicating that he is an @$$#ole who embodies the worse qualities of an alpha male.  It is clear and obvious that not every alpha male is an alphole, so I don't feel it's necessary to state it.  The reason I do not parse my words, or become extra specific,or put up disclaimers to avoid generalizations, is that I simply don't feel the need to soft-pedal this message.  I cannot afford to homogenize and decaffeinate a central theme of this blog to tip-toe around someone else's offense-o-meter.  I cannot change this blog just because someone else doesn't like it.  All I can say for a response is, if you're a friend of mine, you are certainly not an alphole.  If you are not a friend of mine, and honestly have to ask whether you are or aren't one, you need a little bit of self-reflection.

Secondly, they minimize this blog's purpose.  Yes, there are people who suffer from life-threatening illnesses, missing limbs, or have had to rebuild their lives out of complete and utter disasters.  And yes, the subject matter of this blog is about something less than that.  But that doesn't make the following problems irrelevant:

There are still men who lack confidence and self-esteem.

There are still men who need additional development.

There are still men who incorrectly learned to be ruled by their emotions, and not by common sense.

There are still men who have been abused, physically, emotionally, or both.

There are still men who cannot simply "get over it," because they have no idea how.

There are still men who understand how to be good, but receive no recognition for it.

There are still men who are giving and selfless, and are hopelessly taken advantage of because of it.

There are still men who sacrifice their own hopes and dreams to play a part in someone else's show.

There are still men who have screwed up big time.

There are still men who need help, even if they don't want to admit it.

There are still men who want to be happy, and aren't.

There are still men who want to live the life they deserve.

No, none of them are facing impending death.  But some may be dying a slow, painful death.  Self-actualization could easily avert that.

Once again, I invite those who feel this way to voice their opinions here where I can see them.  Otherwise, if you're not in agreement with this blog's purpose, you don't have to read it.

I EXIST.  I MATTER.  I BELONG.  I DESERVE.

For Your Protection

Hey All -- still on vacation in sunny Florida, but I wanted to post something else . . . .

For the past several years, I have spoken out against all forms of bullying and intimidation.  There's not much more I can add to that, but I'd like to address the flip side -- coping mechanisms for those who are the unfortunate recipients.

If you're new to this blog, having read my new and more accurate title, you're a beta male.  You are good-natured, giving, and moral.  Unfortunately, far too many people take advantage of this.  So use this visualization technique:

(1)  Imagine your heart.  It keeps you alive.  It holds your passions, your desires, your fears, your vulnerability, and your very soul.  It is your very essence.

(2) Before you interact with other people, encase it in armor.  Solid, impenetrable armor, with jutting blades and spikes.  Able to withstand any strike or blow, and to repel any attempt to breach it.  It can't even be dented by the deadliest attack against it.

(if you're in law enforcement, don't make this a substitute for your Kevlar.  Moving on . . . .)

(3) The interior of this armor, however, is soft.  Comfortable.  Soothing.  It matches the material that your heart itself could be made of.  While the exterior protects your heart from anything that could harm it, the interior keeps it comfortable and at peace.

(4)  An added feature of this armor is a cleansing mechanism.  In the unlikely event that something does get through the armor, it acts to dispose of the foreign agent that disrupts your heart's peace.  It corrodes the unwelcome element and removes it before it can enter the bloodstream.

(5)  When you are with people who are good to you, who have earned your trust, and seek to do nothing but good, you are safe to remove this armor.  You may then be honest with your passions, desires, fears, and vulnerability.  But only do this when you have confirmed that there is no danger to your heart.  Yes, you will be able to use the cleansing mechanism should an attack happen, but be sure that it won't anyway.

(6) When you are with anyone else, keep that armor on no matter what.  Don't unlock it.  Don't let your guard down.  Protect yourself.  Don't let them infect your very being with sadness, anger, hurt, or hatred.  Don't let them break through.  Don't let them think they own you.  They don't.
That doesn't mean go all badass on them unless it's warranted, though.  Remember that we don't live in a comic book.  Just keep yourself fully protected.

That also does NOT let the miscreants, bullies, gangstas, and undesirables of this world off the hook.  Not by a long shot, it doesn't.  They still deserve consequences for their behavior of one form or another.  But they don't deserve the satisfaction of watching you crumble because your heart was not protected.

And, just in case Paragraph 5 wasn't clear enough, it does not mean that you make yourself an island.  There are times you can feel safe enough to disarm.  Just know the difference.

Yes, I am a little more focused with the blog lately.  I hope this doesn't send my long-time readers running for the hills, but I also hope I'll reach my target audience a bit better.

Beta Males, it's OK to feel.  It's OK to be afraid.  It's OK to have morals.  It's OK to be vulnerable.  But it's only OK when you use these traits as strengths, and not when they are exploited as weaknesses by the alphaganda.  Protect yourself as much as possible, not just so you can prove to others that "it doesn't bother me," but just so they don't hurt you.  Your heart is the most precious thing you have, more than wealth, more than companionship, and more than your reputation.  Guard it with your life!

I EXIST.  I MATTER.  I BELONG.  I DESERVE.