tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-61526446628586349752024-03-14T00:28:22.062-04:00Cosmic Thoughts for Emotional MaturityThis blog is meant for the advancement, redemption, and self actualization of those who have not been taught how to properly manage their emotions, and have suffered due to this lack of information. While we in no way defend those who have harmed us, we also do not make ourselves triggered and manipulated by people and things we cannot control. Through the application of the Eight Pillars, we can move forward and become the strong, unflappable, respectable people we were meant to be.Stoic Chillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00703178093345638283noreply@blogger.comBlogger440125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6152644662858634975.post-84236421301316012422023-06-10T14:18:00.000-04:002023-06-10T14:18:54.115-04:00Welcome The Challenge<p> Happy Weekend All, It's Me Again. Hope you've enjoyed our recent climate-change sci-fi movie here in NYC!</p><p>I'm going to talk about some more next-level stuff. Once we've gotten over whatever bothered us about the past, we've gotta zone in on the here and now. However, sometimes that can unfortunately send us on the tangent of worrying about the future.</p><p>When we are not spoiled or sheltered, life presents us with challenges: Situations that are uncomfortable, unpleasant, and sometimes a little bit scary. Actually, though the occurrence are rare, we can still be confronted with situations that are actually very frightening.</p><p>It's OK to acknowledge that it feels uncomfortable or scary. We're human, and we do feel things. However, the trick is to get through that fear the same way we could previously get through grudges and resentment. They are still negative emotions that have the capacity to paralyze us, so the key is to avoid being paralyzed.</p><p><u>The worries for the future can be addressed exactly the same way as the regret or resentment of the past</u>.</p><p>(1) Of course, mindfulness and meditation are the first step. So long as we can keep these thoughts off of the forefront of our minds, we are already ahead of them. <b>If We Make The Angels Stronger, Fighting Our Demons Will Be Easier.</b></p><p>(2) Handle whatever can be handled in the present moment. If there's nothing to be done, then don't think about it. If there is something to be done, however, get yourself prepared.</p><p>(3) When the challenge actually comes, rely on your preparedness and act. Decide. Execute. State. Point. Represent. Advocate. Focus. And no matter what, never let anything get under your skin, no matter how adversarial it's presented.</p><p>If you overcome this challenge, be respectful and grateful. If you don't, be respectful and learn a lesson.</p><p>But whatever you do, don't let fear, worry, anxiety, or perceived helplessness get in your way. Keep them all in your proverbial safe room, and get ready to do the hard work.</p><p><b>MOTHER PROTECT US, FATHER EMBOLDEN US.</b></p>Stoic Chillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00703178093345638283noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6152644662858634975.post-91498547518246395192023-06-03T14:53:00.000-04:002023-06-03T14:53:11.836-04:00A New Spirituality<p> Happy Saturday, All.</p><p>Once again, a little introspection and soul-searching:</p><p>(1) In the past, I had trouble understanding the way people were. It seemed that no matter where I was, there were always rules that I had to follow, and it was inevitable that I would receive consequences for the slightest infraction. And it also seemed inevitable that very few others were subject to those rules, or exposed to those consequences. It didn't make sense.</p><p>(2) Now, I understand the Rating System. In every group dynamic, people are naturally assigned ratings based on their perceived strengths and weaknesses. Some call this a "pecking order," but I think that people are more enlightened than poultry. The point is that when you have a lower rating, more rules get imposed on you and less respect is provided to you. And when you have a higher rating, you are exempt from many of the group's rules, and the respect provided on you borders on a lifetime free pass.</p><p>(3) It is fashionable these days to "advocate" for victims. This means seeking out to those who might have once had lower ratings, for one or more reasons that were unjust, and demanding that they be provided with higher ratings. Not because they have earned them, and not to "even the playing field," but because they actually seek to bring down, depose, and defeat those who have the higher ratings.</p><p>(4) On an emotional level, this can feel quite valid. After all, people with higher ratings tend to be rude and conceited, and are often spoiled by their seemingly privileged stations in life. To someone who is at a lower level, this can seem very obnoxious and antagonizing, and it's very easy to grow resentment and sometimes hatred as a result.</p><p>(5) From a logical and rational level, however, this can seem like an inevitable part of life, which it actually is. Yes, people do get more spoiled and full-of-themselves than they should be. However, getting angry at them and seeking to hurt them, or worse, is not the answer, no matter how much it <u>feels</u> like it is.</p><p>(6) What is the answer for those with lower ratings? There are actually several. </p><p> (A) If attaining a higher rating is not possible where you are, get yourself to a new location where the possibility of advancement actually does exist. </p><p> (B) If it is possible, then work hard. Harder than anyone else there, until they have no choice but to give you a higher rating.</p><p> (C) Start caring less about their opinion of you, and start caring more about your opinion of you, and of them. External validation should mean much less than it does.</p><p>(7) At some point, you should develop enough self-respect to persevere in spite of such low ratings. For younger folks, this would mean getting past bullying, not reacting to being yelled at, and not demanding that those who insult or reject you apologize for their shoddy behavior.</p><p>(8) Recognize that there is a Lady Named Karma. She's Not Attracted to Bad Boys and She's Not Friends With Mean Girls. If those who assign you lower ratings are really that wrong, they will face their own consequences, courtesy of Her.</p><p>(9) That Lady doubles as the Mother who Protects Us all from actions or consequences that may harm us - she's also been known as the Angel On Our Shoulders. While it's not guaranteed on-demand, She does have the discretion to intercede on our behalf and prevent what others could do to us from being worse than it could be, or thwarted entirely.</p><p>(10) And as Her tag-team partner, we have the Father who Emboldens Us all when those actions or consequences have us facing them. That's where we develop resilience, courage, and longevity.</p><p>Yes, Friends And Neighbors, I'd like to develop some of these spiritual catch-phrases into an honest-to-goodness spiritual practice for those who feel less-than, done-to, and left-out, without seeking to sabotage those who appear to be overly-privileged. I hope some of you could help me make this happen.</p><p><b>I EXIST. I MATTER. I BELONG. I DESERVE.</b></p><p><b>RESPECT ALL. BEFRIEND FEW. LOVE ONE. HATE NONE.</b></p>Stoic Chillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00703178093345638283noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6152644662858634975.post-31950053246070869362023-03-19T11:44:00.001-04:002023-03-19T11:44:58.482-04:00The Mind Is The Master.<p> Good Sunday Morning All, and Congratulations to al those who ran the NYC Half Marathon today!</p><p>As I continue to grow, to meditate and journal, and to gain greater autonomy over my thoughts and feelings, I realize that just about every part of our lives is affected more by our our mindset and our attitude, and far less so by external events.</p><p>For the past decade or so, it has become commonplace to bash and crash, to demonize and impugn, to cancel and expose, to brutalize and shred. Yes, there are times when it is necessary to be aggressive as a measure of self-defense, or defense of loved ones. However, when we're developed enough, those times should become less frequent than they have been.</p><p>Speaking only for myself, I've started a meditation and mindfulness practice. Every day, I do some box-breathing and meditations, and provide for myself a few affirmations, based on some of the catch-phrases I've already posted. Not only has it helped me recover from a recent health issue, but it's also helped me address my work responsibilities with less stress, and improve steadily through a rehabilitation program.</p><p>This practice has assisted me in providing the correct mindset. More order, and less chaos. More empathy, and less selfishness. More self-respect, and less ego. More engagement with the present, and less thoughts of the already-completed past and not-yet-happened future.</p><p>I feel like there is much more work to be done, but I can honestly say that I've become calmer, more understanding, and much less likely to become triggered by external events that do not occur as desired.</p><p>If any of you have made progress in this area, feel freed to message me. Maybe we'll share?</p><p><br /></p><p><b>I EXIST I MATTER I BELONG I DESERVE</b></p><p><b>MOTHER PROTECT ME, FATHER EMBOLDEN ME</b></p>Stoic Chillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00703178093345638283noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6152644662858634975.post-25579475717991621242023-01-22T10:26:00.001-05:002023-01-22T10:26:50.166-05:00Fault Transference<p> Happy Sunday, Friends and Neighbors.</p><p>A few observations I've noticed over time: When people feel wronged, or even slighted, they often feel that the ordinary "rules of engagement" no longer apply to them. Or maybe they nurse a grudge for an indefinite period of time, and choose not to communicate why it was a problem until years or decades have elapsed.</p><p>However, this creates a problem for them. When they retaliate disproportionately, or they choose revenge instead of growth, they actually relieve the initial aggressor of any real responsibility. </p><p>No, I'm not saying you have to pretend to love everyone who does not love you, or to not have any feelings whatsoever. That's what parents say to little children when they want them to be quiet. But I am saying that controlling those base, unthinking, and reactive desires to "get back at" them is the wiser choice. It means that you have enough control over those emotions to not become just as terrible as the one who has wronged you, and that you can let their own misconduct stand by itself and wither away, without being further escalated by your own response.</p><p>If you feel triggered and provoked, you are in danger of being tooled and manipulated. <u>Stop that as soon as it starts</u>. Breathe, recite a mantra (silently if you must), and later on write in a private journal about what asshats and dipshits they are. But <u>do not lose your shit on them, no matter what they do or say</u>. <b>You're not them.</b></p><p>If these are co-workers, classmates, relatives, or friends-of-friends-of-friends whom you don't have the power to remove, then check your ego, swallow your pride, and <u>repel their provocations</u>. If, however, you do have the power to remove them from your life or social circle, fire them, and don't let them manipulate you otherwise.</p><p>And don't assume they're "getting away with it" either. There's a Lady Named Karma, and She's even more tired of their crap than you are.</p><p><b>I EXIST. I MATTER. I BELONG. I DESERVE.</b></p><p><b>RESPECT ALL. BEFRIEND FEW. LOVE ONE. HATE NONE.</b></p><p><b>MOTHER PROTECT US, FATHER EMBOLDEN US.</b></p>Stoic Chillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00703178093345638283noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6152644662858634975.post-4213936918154251782023-01-01T12:10:00.001-05:002023-01-01T12:10:51.755-05:00Advancement Through Balance<p> Happy New Year, All! It's the first day of 2023.</p><p>To me, it's the perfect time to start setting forth our evolved philosophy in more realistic and consistent terms. And that's Advancement Through Balance.</p><p>Our society in the United States is very divisive because, among other reasons, we don't seek balance. We seek conflict. Life does provide situations where conflict is necessary, and we certainly must prepare ourselves for that. However, <u>it does not mandate that we actively seek out, initiate, or provoke conflict</u>. People's mindsets do that all by themselves. </p><p>We are in our best shape to interact with the world around us when we are open-minded, objective, well-informed, and educated. However, <u>we are not in the best shape when we are tooled, groomed, deputized, cuckolded, and manipulated</u>. That's when we <u>stop</u> being well-informed and <u>start</u> being a conformist.</p><p>Unfortunately, it is an innate part of human nature for some of us to be more aggressive than necessary, and for some of us to be more docile and compliant than warranted. If others have chosen these paths, there is nothing we can do to change their ways <u>that does not involve becoming even worse than they are</u>. <b>But we most certainly can discipline ourselves so that we don't take either path, and instead find balance between them.</b></p><p>It might sense to say that those who are balanced cannot advance, because they are ambivalent and have no loyalty or drive. This is incorrect. You can become aware of multiple perspectives, <u>and still choose one over the others and still be right</u>. There's nothing in the world wrong with you making your own choices, provided that they are informed, and anyone who tells you otherwise is trying to manipulate you. <u>Don't be tooled</u>.</p><p>Over the course of this New Year, let's all advance. We have already built the foundation of knowing how wrong, obnoxious, and sometimes evil others are capable of being. We can shore up that foundation with the knowledge that we ourselves have our own failings, but that these limitations do not prevent us from improving and becoming stronger - if anything, they are more detailed blueprints from which we can learn to build even better. From this point on, we erect a high ceiling and a higher tower - constructed of self-respect, assertiveness, and informed practice. These materials will last a lifetime - by contrast, a structure based on mindless aggression, which supports parapets built on fear, submission, and undeserved fealty, is doomed to collapse.</p><p>Let's grab a shovel and break ground today.</p><p><b>MOTHER PROTECT US, FATHER EMBOLDEN US.</b></p><p><b>ADVANCEMENT THROUGH BALANCE.</b></p>Stoic Chillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00703178093345638283noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6152644662858634975.post-66535635444961619992022-12-18T15:06:00.005-05:002022-12-18T15:06:54.369-05:00Don't Retell - Tell Anew.<p> Happy Sunday, Friends and Neighbors!</p><p>Tonight starts Hanukkah, That eight-day festival of potato pancakes, jelly donuts, and chocolate <i>gelt</i><u style="font-style: italic;">,</u> which not only coincides with Christmas, but this year it envelopes it like bookends, thus providing for a little extra warm-and-fuzzy caring-and-sharing feelings.</p><p>For those of you all interested in the ecclesiastical, and apocryphal, origin story of this holiday, it commemorates the expulsion of the Seleucid Empire from Jerusalem by the Maccabees, also known as the Hasmoneans, and the restoration of the Second Temple. For those of us with an ear for history, it documents yet another set of rulers of Jerusalem that came, went, and were replaced yet again.</p><p>Most importantly, it was about the imposition of values on ancient Judea by force. Was Hellenism a bad thing? Of course not! It involved philosophy, athleticism, argumentation, democracy, all things that the Western world as we know it is based upon.</p><p>Buuuut, those Seleucids, they went about it the wrong way. Not only were they ruled by an emperor who expected to get the same level of deference as the plethora of deities on Mount Olympus, but also expected to abrogate, negate, nullify, and repeal anything about Judaism that previously existed. The Maccabees were not willing to permit that, and they were successful in preventing that.</p><p>Nowadays, in our divisive society, while we may have become somewhat calmer with the passage of time, there is still that Seleucid way of thinking. This notion that our way is so right, so beneficial, and so helpful, that <u>everyone</u> should be doing it. </p><p>Well, I have good news: We have every right to that way. And there's nothing wrong with becoming convinced that it truly is the right way. </p><p>And the bad news? We do <b>not</b> have the right to demand that <u>everyone</u> think our way, no matter how foolish they may seem for not doing so.</p><p>How about even worse news? <b><u>We have no control over the way other people think, act, or behave</u>.</b> For good reason, too.</p><p>Other people have difference perspectives, different upbringings, and different needs. They have their own personalities, their own attitudes, and their own way of dealing with the world around them. Some of them will seem stupid, some of them will seem obnoxious, and some of them will be undesirable.</p><p><b><u>Let Them Have Their Thing</u>.</b> Just like you don't need their approval to be you, they don't need your approval to be them.</p><p>Let's focus a little more on our own values and actions, like the Maccabees, and not other people's ways, like the Seleucids. If we're not happy with other people's ways, and there are no reasons to permit them, then maybe let's stop interacting with them. It might be a harsh measure, but it's a lot smarter than demanding that they behave more to our liking because we know everything and they don't.</p><p><b>DO NOT ABSORB. REPEL.</b></p>Stoic Chillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00703178093345638283noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6152644662858634975.post-75915454148036170682022-05-22T15:59:00.000-04:002022-05-22T16:00:31.532-04:00The Next Level?<p> Happy Sunday Afternoon, Friends and Neighbors.</p><p>Those of you have followed this blog through the years, and patiently waited through the lulls and gaps, know that my cause celebre is dealing with those who are unkind to us, developing a thicker skin (more like Armored Heart) when their presence is unavoidable, and simply getting the eff rid of them when the possibility of doing so is available.</p><p>I don't know about you, but I am actually reaching the point where the message has become slightly redundant. Mostly because, on the personal end of things, it's kind of already happened. Anyone that I was able to dismiss is long gone, and anyone that I've kinda had to tolerate, I've put on a clinic in grey-rocking. Honestly, while the subject of bullying and narcissism is clearly eternal, I'm beginning to feel a little bit like the Japanese soldier who stayed in the jungle for 30 years because he honestly thought the war wasn't really over.</p><p>In all honesty, I haven't been making enough time for those who actually have been good to me, and that needs to change. However, that's my issue, to be dealt with.</p><p>That being said, the question remains: What's on the other side? What's the next level like? How is the climb up from this part of the mountain?</p><p>Or in other words,<b> how do we address life once we get over other people who weren't good to us, and start being good to ourselves?</b></p><p>That's a question I'm kind of figuring out myself too, but here are some suggestions I've picked up along the way.</p><p><b>(1) Continue Mastering Your Thoughts.</b> You don't think about "them" anymore, so what's to be thought of instead?</p><p> (A) <u>Meditate</u>. You don't need to have constant, non-stop, never-ending stimulation. If there's nothing in front of you to do right now, then use that nothing constrictively. Just be, just breathe, just observe. Add some mantras on top of that if you choose, but don't be ashamed of just doing nothing for a short time every day.<br /></p><p> (B) <u>Review</u>. Check your living space. Check your finances. Check your social schedule. Like what you see? Good. If not, go back to the well and change things up a tad. Throw away the stuff you don't need, and fix up the stuff you do. </p><p><b>(2) Continue Owning Your Actions.</b> Thinking the right thoughts is good, but transforming them into actions is better.</p><p> (A) <u>Keep Advancing</u>. One of my most vocal (former) critics asked me years ago, "Are you saying people should be happy with who they are, or are you saying that they should improve?" <u>I answered, "Both</u>." And I still mean it. Get even better than that, every single day, even if by only a little bit. tell yourself to run a little faster, lift a little heavier, smile a little a wider, earn a little more wealth, etc., etc. Maybe relax one day a week as needed, but keep climbing up anyway.</p><p> (B) <u>Be Real</u>. If you're wrong about something, learn a lesson. If you're right, congratulate yourself on being right once. If you don't know, ask. If you do know, act on that knowledge. If they're good to you, be good in return. If they're not good to you, be polite, but unaffected.</p><p><b>(3) Plan and Graph The Future.</b></p><p> (A) <u>Decide Your Goals</u>. Choose what you want to happen and plan how to make it happen. This is doing your homework, making choices that require effort, and refusing to lose sight of the goal.</p><p> (B) <u>Choose Your Influences Wisely</u>. We have spent years reminding ourselves that if people are criticizing you just because they dislike you, don't take you seriously, and don't want to hear anything you have to say, their opinions are not valid. We got the point of that. However, chances are better than average that <u>you still need constructive criticism</u>, and that if you disengage your ego when it's being presented, you may actually be receiving some much-needed help. If it's coming from people who actually want you to succeed, and not fail, it costs nothing to listen.</p><p> (C) <u>Tune Out The Distractions</u>: Harder to do in this day and age, when we're tethered to our devices for better or for worse. But if what you're seeing and hearing from your devices is drawing you offsides, or taking your eye off the ball, then you'll need to stop seeing and hearing them until they lose their influence over you. You make the rules, they don't.</p><p>Should you find your mind wandering back to the aging relics that left scars, try to remember this: </p><p> i. You were presented with that experience as a blueprint of who not to be, and not as an excuse to behave the same way they did. </p><p> ii. Also, if you were never presented with obstacles, losses, rejections, and insults, you would have been just as spoiled and narcissistic as they are. <u>Leave them behind, overcome the residuals, and keep moving</u>.</p><p>I EXIST. I MATTER. I BELONG. I DESERVE.</p><p>RESPECT ALL. BEFRIEND FEW. LOVE ONE. HATE NONE.</p>Stoic Chillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00703178093345638283noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6152644662858634975.post-8717073370918878042021-10-31T19:21:00.004-04:002021-10-31T19:21:23.450-04:00Choose Your Words Wisely<p> Happy Halloween, All!</p><p>I find that the amount of anger, resentment, and moral righteousness I've felt in the past has been decreasing. Part of that is because real life has been getting pretty good lately. Another part of that is that I've started repeating my Affirmations a little bit more often.</p><p>It's often said that your thoughts and your words must be chosen carefully, as they become your actions.</p><p>So when I have free moments to myself, I like these mantras:</p><p><b>(I) I EXIST. I MATTER. I BELONG. I DESERVE.</b></p><p><b>I recommend reciting this anytime you find yourself disrespected, rejected, or insulted.</b></p><p><b>(II) RESPECT ALL. BEFRIEND FEW. LOVE ONE. HATE NONE.</b></p><p><b>I recommend reciting this anytime you find yourself about to become triggered, irritated, or angered by someone else's shoddy behavior.</b></p><p><b>(III) DO NOT DEMONIZE, DO NOT DEIFY.</b></p><p><b>I recommend reciting this one before any political discussion. Also, see II.</b></p><p><b>(IV) POINT OF EVAPORATION</b></p><p><b>Anytime you're having trouble letting go of grudges or past hurts.</b></p><p><b>(V) POINT OF FAULT TRANSFERENCE</b></p><p><b>Anytime someone else holds grudges against you or over-retaliates.</b></p><p><b>(VI) MOTHER PROTECT ME, FATHER EMBOLDEN ME</b></p><p><b>Anytime you feel anxious, scared, or unsure about a future event.</b></p><p><b>(VII) DO NOT SPOIL, DO NOT PUNISH</b></p><p><b>Anytime you've made a mistake or done something wrong. Also see I and II.</b></p><p><b>(VIII) I AM NOT ANGRY AT YOU, AND I AM ALSO NOT ASHAMED OF MYSELF</b></p><p><b>See II, IV, and V.</b></p><p><b>(IX) BETTER ONES THAN ME HAVE DONE WORSE DEEDS AND SUFFERED FAR WORSE CONSEQUENCES</b></p><p><b>See VII.</b></p><p><b>(X) THERE'S A LADY NAMED KARMA. SHE IS NOT ATTRACTED TO BAD BOYS AND SHE IS NOT FRIENDS WITH MEAN GIRLS. SHE IS NOT INFLUENCED BY GROUPTHINK, AND SHE IS NOT SWAYED BY VOLUME OR ARROGANCE. LEAVE CONSEQUENCES TO HER - SHE HAS BETTER TOOLS AT HER DISPOSAL.</b></p><p><b>Use if you have already recited I, II, and III, and reinforcements are needed.</b></p><p>When used often enough, and effectively enough, they can help us manage most negative emotions.</p><p>Be safe, all.</p>Stoic Chillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00703178093345638283noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6152644662858634975.post-15089709183889843582021-03-14T11:12:00.001-04:002021-03-14T11:16:23.660-04:00Cancellation vs. Boundaries<p> Good Morning All - hope you remembered to spring ahead!</p><p>A new issue has arisen: <u>Cancel Culture</u>.</p><p>Various portions of pop culture are being taken off the shelves, or out of circulation, because they have been deemed unacceptable by today's standards. These include entertainment products, sports team names and logos, and literature.</p><p>The reasons for their removal and rejection are based on good intentions: namely, combating bigotry. Since we Respect All, it is valid to remove prejudice and hatred from our own thoughts and actions. </p><p>On this blog, we have explored a similar issue: <u>Boundaries</u>.</p><p>We have accepted the fact that there are people and things that we do not need or want in our lives. We cannot make them behave the way we would prefer, because they choose that. <b>We most certainly can, however, remove them or limit contact with them, because we have absolute power and control over that.</b></p><p>It seems that Cancel Culture is attempting to set boundaries against undesirable expressions and opinions, but doing so on a society-wide scale, rather than a personal scale. </p><p>Both of these principles can be easily harmonized:</p><p>(1) Rather than penalizing the creators of older intellectual property produced years or decades ago because the words and expressions that they chose, at times when they were not considered offensive or hurtful, does not seem to be the most equitable remedy. Rather, it seems a more responsible choice to simply not purchase or view the items, to the point where they are no longer considered valuable. And if there are still others who consider them valuable, let them possess them instead.</p><p><b>(2) Instead of globally "canceling" such ideas and expressions, why not leave it up to each individual to decide what they will and will not accept? Wouldn't this be tolerance and coexistence? Wouldn't this be respect? And most importantly, wouldn't this be the type of detachment that Emotional Maturity brings?</b></p><p>(3) The Stoics taught us that there will always be people and things in this world that we don't like. We can't make them disappear, and we can't force them to behave the way we want them to be. What we can do, instead, is to either accept the fact that our world is less than ideal and proceed regardless, or when possible, to remove that which we find objectionable from our own personal realms.</p><p>So let it be with Cancel Culture. Don't like what Dr. Seuss said in that book he wrote 80 years ago? Don't buy it for your child. Don't like what that football team wears on its helmet? Don't watch them - in fact, cheer for the other team to beat them! Don't like what's in that Disney cartoon? Don't view it, and don't let your children view them either.</p><p><b>We Can Accept People For Who They Are, Because We Cannot Control Them. We Can Also Reject People For Who They Are, Because They Cannot Control Us.</b></p><p><b><u>The operative word here being, "control</u>."</b></p><p><b>I EXIST, I MATTER, I BELONG, I DESERVE.</b></p><p><b>RESPECT ALL, BEFRIEND FEW, LOVE ONE, HATE NONE.</b></p><p><b>DO NOT DEMONIZE, DO NOT DEIFY.</b></p><p><b><u>POINT OF EVAPORATION</u>.</b></p><p><b><br /></b></p>Stoic Chillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00703178093345638283noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6152644662858634975.post-19896033236363659822021-02-28T18:52:00.001-05:002021-02-28T18:52:20.809-05:00The Hidden Benefit<p> Good Evening All.</p><p>As we're about to get vaccinated against COVID, there's a small air of optimism in the air. There's a sense of relief, looking towards the reopening of society as we once knew it, and tossing away (in the most sanitary way possible), these masks.</p><p>Despite the discomfort, unfairness, tension, and resentment that this pandemic caused, I like to think that there is a hidden benefit to having endured it.</p><p>A popular saying is that, "tough times create strong people, strong people create easy times, easy times create weak people, and weak people create hard times." Nobody likes to be called weak, but this saying is true.</p><p>When we face adversity, so long as we do not admit that the adversity is defeating us, we become stronger. <b>That does not mean that winning is the only acceptable solution. If you bring your A game and you still lose, there's no shame in doing so.</b></p><p>Once we get over that hump, it's only natural to create easy times. Why not, we've earned it!</p><p>Unfortunately, those who might not have earned those easy times become spoiled by them, having not experienced the previous hard times. That's what keeps the circle going.</p><p><b>So what's to stop us from getting so spoiled? </b></p><p>Just a little bit of understanding and appreciation, maybe. Couple of Stoic exercises couldn't hurt:</p><p>(1) Try a cold shower in the morning. It will make you appreciate the hot ones more.</p><p>(2) Go camping once a year or so. It will make you appreciate property, possessions, and civilization more.</p><p>(3) Travel to areas of your community, and your world, where members of other faiths and stripes live. It will make you appreciate the world at large more.</p><p>(4) Shut off these electronic devices once a month. It will make you appreciate humanity as it naturally is more.</p><p>(5) <u>Spend time with people you dislike once a year. Not only will it make you strengthen your boundaries, it will also make you appreciate the world that exists outside your opinion even more</u>.</p><p>In no way to I suggest that we should torture or abuse ourselves. I am suggesting that we should not spoil or weaken ourselves.</p><p><b>I EXIST. I MATTER. I BELONG. I DESERVE.</b></p><p><b>RESPECT ALL. BEFRIEND FEW. LOVE ONE. HATE NONE.</b></p><p><b>MOTHER PROTECT US, FATHER EMBOLDEN US.</b></p><p><b>DO NOT DEMONIZE, DO NOT DEIFY.</b></p><p><b>STOICISM AND EMOTIONAL MATURITY.</b></p><p><b>POINT OF FAULT TRANSFERENCE, POINT OF EVAPORATION.</b></p>Stoic Chillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00703178093345638283noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6152644662858634975.post-67780831643871546392021-01-18T19:47:00.001-05:002021-01-18T19:47:19.098-05:00Another Repost for MLK<p><b> Good Evening All - Since I've already gone over this ground, here's a repost, by popular demand, in honor of the Reverend Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. It's been edited a little to go with the times.</b></p><p><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 20.7969px;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></span><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 20.7969px;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Today, we honored the birthday and celebrated the life of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Dr. King was one of those rare men who rise above human nature and its many weaknesses to bring about real change.</span></span><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br style="background-color: black; color: #cccccc; line-height: 20.7969px;" /><br style="background-color: black; color: #cccccc; line-height: 20.7969px;" /><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="line-height: 20.7969px;">He came of age at a time when racism was as American as apple pie. Most chose to accept simply accept it. Jim Crow laws, separate-but-(</span><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0" style="line-height: 20.7969px;">un</span><span style="line-height: 20.7969px;">)equal facilities, and policies designed to keep one race isolated and abject were omnipresent.</span><br style="line-height: 20.7969px;" /><br style="line-height: 20.7969px;" /><span style="line-height: 20.7969px;">The only other alternative besides "just accepting it" would have been starting rebellions and riots. Dr. King, however, was not that kind of man. As a man of the cloth, he understood that peaceful resistance was the most effective means by which to stop racist laws and counteract racist culture.</span><br style="line-height: 20.7969px;" /><br style="line-height: 20.7969px;" /><span style="line-height: 20.7969px;">When I first learned about Dr. King in elementary school, I immediately identified with him. Back then, I learned that the "the system" was not there to take my interests into account. At the time, I was bullied, the school knew about it, and it did absolutely nothing to stop it. Dr. King's life story dealt with not only one person, but an entire group of people, being </span><span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1" style="line-height: 20.7969px;">harassed</span><span style="line-height: 20.7969px;">, deprived, and disadvantaged, and a government that either turned a blind eye to what was occurring, or sometimes even encouraged it! For me, it was far less an issue of race than it was an issue of respect -- or the complete lack thereof.</span><br style="line-height: 20.7969px;" /><br style="line-height: 20.7969px;" /><span style="line-height: 20.7969px;">Dr. King can truly be said to be the greatest anti-bullying advocate there ever was, before people even understood that there was such a thing as "anti-bullying!" He also </span><span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2" style="line-height: 20.7969px;">combated</span><span style="line-height: 20.7969px;"> what we now know to be bullying in ways that most men would not conceive of implementing. He proved that it was not necessary to stoop to a bully's level to beat him. </span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="line-height: 20.7969px;">Got a bully in your personal life? Or better yet, someone who has the backing and implicit encouragement of the authorities? It's not because that person is "insecure," it's most likely because they're spoiled instead.</span><br style="line-height: 20.7969px;" /><br style="line-height: 20.7969px;" /><span style="line-height: 20.7969px;">It may feel easy for you to start blazing your guns at them, so to speak. As we learned from Dr. King, this is a </span><u style="line-height: 20.7969px;">mistake</u><span style="line-height: 20.7969px;">, because that's exactly what the bully wants you to do. They're trying to make you use your anger from a position of weakness, which means you will, repeat will, make mistakes. Anger can only be used from a position of strength, which the bully will often have over you. Don't let them play with your emotions like a sucker! Dr. King saved his passion for his speeches, not for cursing out some sheriff with a fire hose!</span><br style="line-height: 20.7969px;" /><br style="line-height: 20.7969px;" /><span style="line-height: 20.7969px;">My suggestion? Use the power of "NO." Are they trying to expose your weaknesses and foibles? Say "NO" to the entire conversation. The fact that they want you to admit that you've forgotten something or neglected something is not their attempt to win a case or a prize -- it's their way of testing how weak you are. If it's something that you know is irrelevant and inconsequential, just answer honestly. If it's something that they want to use to make you look stupid, just change the subject. </span><br style="line-height: 20.7969px;" /><br style="line-height: 20.7969px;" /><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4" style="line-height: 20.7969px;">MLK</span><span style="line-height: 20.7969px;"> didn't eliminate hate. That's beyond anyone's control. However, he did severely weaken the </span><u style="line-height: 20.7969px;">power</u><span style="line-height: 20.7969px;"> hate has over society. So if someone hates you and you can't avoid interacting with them, just weaken </span><em style="line-height: 20.7969px;">their</em><span style="line-height: 20.7969px;"> power. Start with the Four Pillars:</span><br style="line-height: 20.7969px;" /><br style="line-height: 20.7969px;" /><span style="line-height: 20.7969px;"><b>I EXIST. I MATTER. I BELONG. I DESERVE.</b></span><br style="line-height: 20.7969px;" /><br style="line-height: 20.7969px;" /><span style="line-height: 20.7969px;">You can recite it as a mantra, you can hum it to yourself when </span><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5" style="line-height: 20.7969px;">nobody's</span><span style="line-height: 20.7969px;"> around, it doesn't matter. Just as long as you have these Pillars in your head when these people are screwing with you, it's a lot easier not to let them win. You'll almost render yourself bulletproof!</span><br style="line-height: 20.7969px;" /><br style="line-height: 20.7969px;" /><span style="line-height: 20.7969px;">And so, in closing, please honor the memory of </span><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9" style="line-height: 20.7969px;">MLK</span><span style="line-height: 20.7969px;">. Not just by showing respect and tolerance towards members of all races, but also by how you respond to threats and adversity.</span></span></span><br /><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="line-height: 20.7969px;"><br /></span></span></span><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="line-height: 20.7969px;"><b>For clarification, this post was written in a time when my lifestyle was somewhat different than it is now, accordingly the tone is different than my more recent posts. Originally, this blog was focused merely on opposing bullying, and then evolved into an empowerment tool for Beta Males. Since then, it has evolved even further to embrace Stoicism and Emotional Maturity. Since Dr. King's philosophy was based in maturity, and not in machismo, the result was more powerful than the hardest punch ever thrown.</b></span></span><br /><b style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif; line-height: 20.7969px;"><br /></b><b style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif; line-height: 20.7969px;">Let's not let hate blur our thoughts and pervert our judgment. Let's not be swept away by groupthink, buzzwords, and sound bites. Let's think first and react afterwards. </b><br /><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="line-height: 20.7969px;"><b><br /></b></span></span><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="line-height: 20.7969px;"><b>And above all, let's give, and receive, RESPECT.</b></span></span><br /><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="line-height: 20.7969px;"><b><br /></b></span></span><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="line-height: 20.7969px;"><b>Good night all!</b></span></span></p>Stoic Chillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00703178093345638283noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6152644662858634975.post-33536927202345352362020-12-05T17:26:00.000-05:002020-12-05T17:26:29.275-05:00The Re-Centering<p> Good Afternoon All. A rainy Saturday in December brings us towards a little more introspection.</p><p>It has been part of the human experience, both before and during COVID, to experience ups and downs. Days with events that make us feel happy, perhaps even content, and events that make us frustrated/angry/resentful/worried/anxious. And because of COVID, there are possibly more events in the latter categories.</p><p>As we have learned from COVID, and as the Stoics knew all along, the world has a whole ton of things out there that are beyond our control. How others conduct themselves, the weather, the news, and the environment.</p><p>However, becoming enveloped in anger, worry, or even hopelessness, must be prevented. Regardless of what's happening externally, we must keep ourselves grounded and controlled internally.</p><p>(1)<span> HERE AND NOW. Reference the date, time, and place you're in, right where and when you are. If it helps, say it like Captain Kirk from the original Star Trek dictating into the Captain's Log.</span></p><p><span>(2) DEEP BREATHING. All the way in, hold for 4-5 seconds, and all the way out. Repeat as many times as needed to slow down and focus.</span></p><p>(3) GRAPHING AND CHARTING. Whatever the issue, is if there is a way to change it for the better, write it down. Maybe make a pro/con list, maybe make it an if/then flow-chart. <b>And if there is nothing to be done, then stop wasting your time. No options, no problems.</b></p><p>(4) VISUALIZATION. Picture scenes in your mind that are relaxing, comforting, or otherwise satisfying. Use this hand-in-hand with the deep breathing, and do it <u>every single time you start thinking about negative crap</u>. Every single time, with the hope being that our annoying cousin, Amy G. Dala, will realize that she'll never get in a complete sentence with us again.</p><p>(kind of like we don't get a word in edgewise with distant relatives)</p><p>(5) AFFIRMATIONS</p><p> (A) <b>Mother Protect Me.</b> On the average, most of the things beyond our control work out, or at the very least, turn out to be less terrible than they could have. Worrying about what awaits us in the next episode is an untenable burden. All the more reason to send those thoughts up to a Higher Power who has the power and discretion to block it.<br /></p><p> (B) <b>Father Embolden Me.</b> Most of the things that are actually within our control, by comparison, require a great deal of assembly, maintenance, and responsibility. All the more reason to seek some energy from a Higher Power who can ever-so-gently remind you that you have two hands and two feet, and one brain - use them all wisely, but don't just let them hang aimlessly.<br /></p><p>As repetitive as the above might be, please be aware that constant and continuing internal effort is necessary in order to achieve happiness, and possibly success, in a world filled with unfairness, inconvenience, and unpredictability.</p><p><b>I EXIST. I MATTER. I BELONG. I DESERVE.</b></p><p><b>RESPECT ALL. BEFRIEND FEW. LOVE ONE. HATE NONE.</b></p><p><b>MOTHER PROTECT US, FATHER EMBOLDEN US.</b></p><p><b>STOICISM. EMOTIONAL MATURITY. POINT OF EVAPORATION</b></p>Stoic Chillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00703178093345638283noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6152644662858634975.post-12149235701135576272020-11-22T16:21:00.006-05:002020-11-22T16:21:57.728-05:00Gratitude<p> Hey All - it's a chilly Sunday Afternoon, so it's a perfect time for a good post.</p><p>This year, there is no shortage of things that are unpleasant and unwanted. We have a pandemic that has yet to be cured, we have people who have suffered from it, and we also have restrictions on our normal daily activities that have done seemingly more harm than good.</p><p>The vast majority of these things are events beyond our control. More than likely, we did not cause or contribute to them in any way.</p><p>This world was already filled with things that were uncomfortable, unfortunate, and undesirable. In 2020, these things seemingly snowballed. </p><p><b>Let's face it: There is not a single thing that we can do about COVID, about those who've contracted it, or about these inconvenient, stifling, and economy-harming restrictions put in place in response.</b></p><p>This means that Thanksgiving cannot be celebrated this week as it would otherwise be. The governing authorities seem to be divided over whether or not anyone should visit family, as is customarily done, and it remains doubtful whether or not it's a good idea to try it. Regardless of that argument, it's not the same Thanksgiving.</p><p>Nonetheless, the purpose of this holiday is to express gratitude for the things we do have, notwithstanding that which we're not happy to receive.</p><p>Speaking for myself, I am grateful for my wife, my family, and every friend I've made (in both real life and on social media), and thankful that they're all COVID negative. I am also grateful for the food we have for sustenance (for Thanksgiving and otherwise), our home, and our comforts. I am also grateful that my parents and in-laws are safe, that my professional career endured through the pandemic, and that are everyday needs are met notwithstanding COVID or its restrictions. Lastly, I am thankful for my own life and health, without which I wouldn't be able to address the above.</p><p><b>What we can do is choose our attitude and mentality in this situation. Complaining about what's wrong is nothing more than a submission to it. Detaching from what's wrong is growth, maturity, and ultimately happiness.</b></p><p>I hope my readers choose to be grateful rather than antagonized during this pandemic. If you're not, so be it, but I'd rather be appreciative of that which COVID has not, and cannot ruin.</p><p><b>I EXIST. I MATTER. I BELONG. I DESERVE.</b></p><p><b>RESPECT ALL. BEFRIEND FEW. LOVE ONE. HATE NONE.</b></p><p><b>DO NOT DEMONIZE, DO NOT DEIFY.</b></p><p><b><u>DISCLAIMER: THIS POST IS NOT AN INVITATION TO DEBATE. CRITICAL COMMENTS WILL BE ADDRESSED VIA DIRECT MESSAGE, BUT NOT IN COMMENT FORM</u>.</b></p><p><br /></p><p><b><br /></b></p><p><br /></p>Stoic Chillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00703178093345638283noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6152644662858634975.post-23331269347619526192020-09-20T19:32:00.001-04:002020-09-20T19:32:35.518-04:00Uneven Consequences<p> Good Evening, Good Evening All. Hope you're enjoying another Sunday Night!</p><p>This weekend we've celebrated the Jewish New Year. This can certainly be a new beginning for all of us!</p><p>This year, as we're looking towards an analysis of our shortcomings, failures, and errors in the past year, we're also asking for further opportunities to get it right, now that we've learned our lessons. </p><p>Specifically, to re-address an old subject, I'd like to touch on how unfair it sometimes seems that when two or more people commit the same offense, one might suffer consequences for their actions, and another might skate away no worse for the wear. If you're the one who has to suffer the consequences, that's very frustrating situation.</p><p>However, we can't get triggered by that perceived unfairness.</p><p>(1) Deflecting and whatabouting are not the right responses to our consequences. Throwing shade at others, deserved or not, does not exonerate us. If we are presented with deserved consequences, we face them and get past them.</p><p>(2) Chances are better than average that we've dodged bullets too. This might be their turn instead.</p><p>(3) Having actually facing these consequences allows us to become stronger and wiser than those who escaped them. It's they who might end up getting spoiled, believing that they have immunity and impunity when they don't.</p><p>Stoicism teaches us that we cannot control external events, and we accordingly need not concern ourselves with them. They got away with it? It's not fair? So is the way that fortune allows. We have an opportunity to learn from the error of our ways, but they don't. </p><p>And if they go too long without facing such consequences? <b>There's a Lady Named Karma. OMLK.</b></p><p><b>I EXIST. I MATTER. I BELONG. I DESERVE.</b></p><p><b>RESPECT ALL. BEFRIEND FEW. LOVE ONE. HATE NONE.</b></p><p><b>MOTHER PROTECT US, FATHER EMBOLDEN US.</b></p>Stoic Chillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00703178093345638283noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6152644662858634975.post-3605833897893607032020-08-23T11:58:00.000-04:002020-08-23T11:58:20.835-04:00Don't Return to Class at Butt U.<p>Happy Sunday, Friends and Neighbors. Hope you're enjoying what's left of the summer, within the limitations imposed due to COVID, at least.</p><p>I have continued my Stoic Awakening by incorporating the teachings of Marcus Aurelius and Epictetus into situations where I would have otherwise be ruled by my emotions. An adjustment to be sure, but a welcome change.</p><p>In so doing, I've realized that part of the reason for such division in our society is that we overreact and over-retaliate whenever anyone says things we don't like. Yes, people really do say the wrong things, and they sometimes say them with the intention of provoking others. But that doesn't mean we absolutely have to be provoked just because they said it.</p><p>How many arguments have we seen take this pattern: </p><p>(A)<span> I think that's wrong because (XYZ).</span></p><p><span>(B)<span> But youuuuuuu do this! But youuuuuuu do that! But heeeeee did this! But theyyyyyyy did that!</span></span></p><p><span><span>Ladies and gentlemen, this is the Proctology School Fight Song. Whenever someone challenges you, invoke the name of our honored alma mater, Butt U!</span></span></p><p>Why do we deflect everything coming our way? Why be defensive? Why make it into a confrontation when it might not have been one?</p><p>(1) <b>NOBODY'S PERFECT. NOT ME, NOT YOU.</b></p><p>The more arrogant of us like to say, The Truth Hurts. They're wrong. As Einzelganger says, if it's the truth, <u>it's not an insult at all</u>. </p><p>If you're hearing something you're not happy with, before you get all your defenses up, stop and think: <u>Is This True</u>? If so, stop. Or to be more direct, sit down, shut up, and take notes. </p><p>Never bash anyone for telling you something that's true, even if it's an uncomfortable truth. The more you get into practice doing this, it will actually become less uncomfortable. That's because you've decided not to make yourself injured by that which is true. You don't have to thank them, and it's for darn sure you don't have to be fraaaaands within someone who makes a career of doing this, but you do have to acknowledge what's true. Period.</p><p>Trying to counter-punch, find fault with the critic, and one-up them is the way of a child. Let's outgrow that.</p><p>(2) <b>THAT'S THEIR OPINION.</b></p><p>If it's just a matter of opinion, let them have it. They're actually entitled to think differently than you, believe it or not.</p><p>We don't have to live by their beliefs. And they don't have to live by ours.</p><p>It should take less than one minute to move on from that. Sometimes the more narcissistic among them will try to goad you into a fight with the wrong tone of voice and attitude. Let them have their obnoxious behavior for their own enjoyment. There's no reason for us to commence the downward spiral by retaliating to their hot air.</p><p><b>Telling an asshole that he's an asshole will do nothing more than reinforce the assholery. You know this to be true.</b></p><p>(3) <b>WHY SHOULD WE CARE?</b></p><p>It may feel like "getting back at them" is a sign of strength. It's anything but.</p><p>It's a sign that you couldn't hold it together in the face of unpleasant circumstances. It means that you can't hear uncomfortable things without taking them personally. It means that you have not outgrown the the infantile need to always be right and always win. </p><p>When we reach Emotional Maturity, that all evaporates. </p><p>There are greater battles worth fighting, more important issues that require responses, and better people worth addressing. When we realize this, we've reached the summit.</p><p><b>This year, students are returning to school, regardless of the pandemic. Please don't let Butt U be one of the schools you return to. Please transfer instead.</b></p><p>DO NOT DEMONIZE, DO NOT DEIFY.</p><p>STOICISM, EMOTIONAL MATURITY, POINT OF EVAPORATION</p><p>I Exist, I Matter, I Belong, I Deserve.</p><p>Respect All, Befriend Few, Love One, Hate None.</p><p><br /></p>Stoic Chillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00703178093345638283noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6152644662858634975.post-64281145569898110752020-05-03T18:33:00.001-04:002020-05-03T18:33:12.480-04:00A Two-Way StreetGood Afternoon and Good Evening All - Hope you're enjoying this lovely weather on a Sunday afternoon in May!<br />
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As with most things, this COVID-19 pandemic, and the multiple governmental and administrative responses to it, have generated arguments and disputes. I've certainly got my own opinion on this subject, but I'm also aware of what the likely responses that Stoicism and Emotional Maturity would provide.<br />
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<b>(1) We Shouldn't Have to Socially Distance or Stay-At-Home.</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
True.<br />
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It sucks. It's unnatural. It's uncomfortable. It's frustrating. It's leading many businesses towards ruin, and it's depleting the funds available for unemployment and other business relief. Nobody is arguing that this is all a good thing.<br />
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Nonetheless, when statewide and/or national emergencies happen, the power of the proper authorities are temporarily extended and increased in ways that unfortunately look like totalitarian police states. We didn't cause the problem, we didn't make the problem worse, and we don't deserve the punishment. But much like the times our parents, or a school administrator, or a boss made a bunch of stupid rules that everyone with half a brain hated, we'll just have to temporarily toe the line for a temporary measure.<br />
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We have the right to free speech, under the First Amendment, to tell the world loud and long how much it sucks, and not care who knows it. However, the fact that we have the right to do it doesn't necessarily make it the smart thing to do, let alone the best thing.<br />
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Yes, I know, the Government and the State are not our parents or our bosses. They still have the power to enact and execute laws that they deem fit for the protection of society at large, <u>and we don't</u>.<br />
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Having accepted the truth that we lack authority in this area, as much as we despise it, we must acknowledge that we simply aren't helping anyone by complaining about things we cannot control. We're just continuing a cycle of frustration that gets worse and worse through no other cause but our own. As the ancients taught us, it is not things, but our reactions to things that cause us anger and grief.<br />
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<b>Accept What Is, and Cannot Be Otherwise, and Live With It.</b> If that means moving around less, wearing a goofy mask, and staying 6-12 feet away from other people (which some of us were already doing before this all happened), then just do it. It could be better, but it could also be hella lot worse.<br />
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<b>(2) If I'm Social Distancing, So Should They!</b><br />
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This is where we can get into even more trouble.<br />
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Nobody likes it when we commit ourselves the aforementioned stupid rules, and there's always someone who thinks the rules don't apply to him or her. That's even more annoying, aggravating assinine, and undesirable than these rules themselves.<br />
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However, other people's behavior, much like the actions of governmental officials that we're not ok with, remains <u>far beyond our control</u>. It was Marcus Aurelius and Epictetus themselves who reminded us that we need not be triggered, outraged, or infuriated by how "them other suckers don't know how to act," because it's not they themselves who are causing this outrage. <u>It's still us</u>.<br />
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If you're angered by other people's decision not to toe the line and wear a mask, that's not really their problem. As long as you're doing so, you shouldn't be concerned about any exposure to COVID-19. You also shouldn't be concerned about how their conduct should affect you (because it shouldn't).<br />
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<b><u>Use This Time To Our Advantage</u>:</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
This is less a time for pandemonium and paranoia than it is an opportunity to grow and become strengthened by adversity. <br />
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Perhaps, instead of complaining about that which we know to be unpleasant, illogical, and sometimes painful, we might be better off trudging through it, knowing full well that it will end, and that we will survive it, hopefully better off than before.<br />
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<b>"THIS TOO SHALL PASS."</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>I EXIST. I MATTER. I BELONG. I DESERVE.</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>RESPECT ALL. BEFRIEND FEW. LOVE ONE. HATE NONE.</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>STOICISM. EMOTIONAL MATURITY. POINT OF EVAPORATION.</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
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<br />Stoic Chillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00703178093345638283noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6152644662858634975.post-41218644441889151642020-04-12T15:25:00.000-04:002020-04-12T15:25:42.742-04:00Cleaning House, Keeping DistanceGood Afternoon All, and Happy Easter and Passover to those who celebrate.<br />
<br />
As previously discussed, this COVID-19 pandemic forces us, in no uncertain terms, to accept conditions beyond our control. Some of these conditions include executive orders and government actions that would otherwise be unconstitutional, or even unthinkable. Others include the presence of a disease that is incredibly contagious and horrifyingly real. Nevertheless, here they are.<br />
<br />
However, this is also a chance to take better stock of things that we actually can control. Such as the condition of our living space, now that we're spending so much extra time here. It's also a chance to delve inward for a little bit of self-discovery that can't be addressed in normal times.<br />
<br />
Nothing can stop you from endless hours of scrolling and binging. However, it could be slightly more constructive to just be. Meditate. Maybe pray. Some stretching and yoga might be helpful too. And while you're at it, maybe try cooking (after learning, if you don't already know how) more nutritious cuisine, since fine dining is no longer an option.<br />
<br />
But most importantly, while we have this hiatus from direct social interactions, we may want to use this time to revise and revamp the manner in which we deal with people. To decide that we can control our irritation and dislike of others' personality limitations. To control and refine the manner in which we address (or better yet, not address) things we don't appreciate. To prepare ourselves for what reality and experience show us will almost certainly occur once the pandemic has ended.<br />
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Let's think constructively and live wisely.<br />
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<b>I EXIST. I MATTER. I BELONG. I DESERVE.</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>RESPECT ALL. BEFRIEND FEW. LOVE ONE. HATE NONE.</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>MOTHER PROTECT US, FATHER EMBOLDEN US.</b>Stoic Chillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00703178093345638283noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6152644662858634975.post-8764079936063501012020-03-22T16:14:00.000-04:002020-03-22T16:14:21.094-04:00Beyond Our Control, Within Our ControlGood Afternoon, Friends and Neighbors. Hope you're all safe and healthy!<br />
<br />
Now that the response to the Coronavirus has gone nationwide, chances are better than average that you're homebound and locked down, just like yours truly. <br />
<br />
Some say, what an inconvenience, we're being manipulated, we're stuck!<br />
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They're not wrong. However, this can still be used as opportunities rather than excuses.<br />
<br />
(1) That Great American Novel burning inside of you? Perfect time to write it!<br />
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(2) That "around to it" pile you save for a rainy day that never comes? Well even if it's not raining, that rainy day is now here!<br />
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(3) Missed out on groceries and laundry last week? Not this week ya didn't!<br />
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(4) Not spending enough quality time with your loved ones? That's now been remedied.<br />
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And best of all, your "exposure" to people who aren't good to you, or even respectful to you, has now been fortuitously halted. From where I'm sitting, that's a luxury that we should never ask for, but also should never squander once it's presented!<br />
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Now is the perfect opportunity to build yourself back up for when this crisis ends, and discipline yourself to never be triggered by their shoddy behavior. It's the perfect chance to redirect your thinking, reprogram your habits, and prepare yourself for the next inevitable encounter with people who behave in ways you don't appreciate.<br />
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My Stoics? Time to delve back into the Meditations of Marcus Aurelius and the Enchiridon. Time to further strengthen our Emotional Maturity. And for all other stale and unresolved issues, time to accelerate and radiate them to reach the Point of Evaporation.<br />
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Even more importantly, we can recognize the actual health risks recognized by science, and do right by them: social distancing, not staying out longer than needed, not going into the office, etc. We can't control how this disease is spreading, or the new laws being passed in response to it. <b>But we most certainly can control the manner in which we respond to these conditions.</b><br />
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My gut tells me that the reactionary hysteria and prohibitive measures put in place will be not only temporary, but of shorter duration than anticipated. Let's try to help make that happen.<br />
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<b>I EXIST. I MATTER. I BELONG. I DESERVE.</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>RESPECT ALL. BEFRIEND FEW. LOVE ONE. HATE NONE.</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>MOTHER PROTECT US, FATHER EMBOLDEN US.</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
Feel free to like, comment, retweet, and follow, and together let's share how we're handling this event!<br />
<br />
<br />Stoic Chillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00703178093345638283noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6152644662858634975.post-29772880403314204692020-01-01T18:16:00.000-05:002020-01-01T18:16:32.541-05:00New Year, New NameGood Evening All. Hope you enjoyed New Year's 2020!<br />
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Now that we've begun a year that implies unimpaired and tainted vision, this little writing space of mine will be doing likewise.<br />
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(1) We still have the original Four Pillars, but we've expanded them to Eight.<br />
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<b>I EXIST. I MATTER. I BELONG. I DESERVE.</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
This means that we have a duty to love and respect ourselves, that we have a place in this world that's all our own, and that by staying virtuous and avoiding vices (as much as possible with imperfections acknowledged), we earn the same respect as anyone else. As set forth in the other Pillars,<br />
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<b>RESPECT ALL. BEFRIEND FEW. LOVE ONE. HATE NONE.</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
This means that we pay forward the respect we'd like others to grant us. That being said, we also grant friendship to a select few, because not everyone can be our friends. We also get even more selective with whom we love, ideally a spouse or partner. But regardless of how low or how high our opinions of other people might be, and even if they actually do deserve our scorn, judgment, and righteous anger, we simply do not hate them.<br />
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(2) We acknowledge that there are aggressive, obnoxious, narcissistic, bullying, violent, and unfriendly people in this world. However, we know that pointing fingers at them and reminding them of their failings will never convince them to change their ways. Instead, as unfair as it may seem, it is actually our obligation to prevent ourselves from becoming triggered, offended, incensed, or driven to violence. Instead, we advocate healthy boundaries against those who engage in such shoddy behavior, while being mindful and self-aware enough to not adopt that same shoddy behavior.<br />
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<b>WE CAN ACCEPT PEOPLE FOR WHO THEY ARE BECAUSE WE CANNOT CONTROL THEM. WE CAN ALSO REJECT PEOPLE FOR WHO THEY ARE BECAUSE THEY CANNOT CONTROL US.</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
(3) More than anything, we promote the practices of mindfulness, Stoicism, and self-healing in response to bullying and harassment.<br />
<u><br /></u>
<u>We do not condone violence of any sort</u>. For those who will see opportunities for debate when these posts are read, please be advised that we have already heard, and addressed, every counter-argument that could possibly raised on this issue. We recommend measuring twice and posting once, with that admonition in mind.<br />
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Instead, we promote the regulation, control, and discipline of our emotions, regardless of how shoddily "they" behave. We also promote the <u>evaporation</u> of our feelings that arise from prior harms and slights, real and perceived. <b>That means we do not believe in holding grudges.</b><br />
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Feel free to like, follow, and comment. More to follow!<br />
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<b>MOTHER PROTECT US, FATHER EMBOLDEN US.</b>Stoic Chillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00703178093345638283noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6152644662858634975.post-27364651397114303082019-11-10T15:51:00.000-05:002019-11-10T15:51:31.394-05:00Revision and EvolutionGood Afternoon, All. Yours truly is watching the Jets play the Giants, as is done once every four years, and marveling how his team is actually playing pretty well today.<br />
<br />
Tomorrow, we stop our usual routine to acknowledge our veterans. Unlike Memorial Day, which commemorates those who paid the ultimate price in military conflict on our nation's behalf, we have the advantage of actually showing gratitude to those veterans who made it home alive after their service. Given the background, this is probably the holiday that deserves barbecues and warm weather, and not the other one. However, history has used much different criteria for when, or if, to schedule national holidays.<br />
<br />
For my own purposes, as the years have passed, this holiday has challenged me to examine some of my own beliefs. When I started this blog, I had a very unfavorable view of tough-guy types, also known as alpha males. Actually, that's an understatement - I went beyond having an unfavorable view of alpha males. Instead, I demonized them. I bashed them, maligned them, and made them seem less-than. <br />
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This approach seemed completely valid to me, even justified. Having experienced enough of these types behave less than respectfully to me, it seems completely natural to give them a "taste of their own medicine." There was unfinished business, and this seemed like the way to finish it. Ironically, this was done several years before the Gillette Corporation aired the "toxic masculinity" commercial. My name for it was actually somewhat harsher.<br />
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<b>Now, with the benefit of hindsight, I have seen that a different tone and perspective is a better way of addressing those who harmed me, and all those like them.</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
(1) Yes, there really are alpholes. They do exist, and everything they do proves it. <br />
(2) They aren't only male. There are also very many women who behave the same way, and benefit from a bubble of immunity and impunity.<br />
(3) However, <u>their mere existence does not affect us as much as previously thought</u>.<br />
(4) If they harm us enough physically, our society provides for criminal and civil remedies that provide penalties and compensation as consequences for such uncivilized behavior.<br />
(5) However, if all they are doing is annoying us through words and tone, we can actually decide that we're not affected by it in the slightest, let alone triggered. Instead, the more disrespect and unpleasantness they produce, the more they will be receiving in return, until they decide for themselves to change their ways.<br />
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What I'm trying to say, given my discovery of ancient Stoicism, is that those who behave in ways we don't appreciate, or those whom we dislike, miss the Second of the Four Pillars: <b>THEY EXIST, BUT THEY <u>DO NOT</u> MATTER. AND BY EXTENSION, THEY DO NOT <u>BELONG</u> IN OUR THOUGHTS, AND DO NOT <u>DESERVE</u> OUR ATTENTION.</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
This brings me back to Veterans' Day, and why this revelation is relevant to this holiday. <u>Until recently, it has been mostly men who answered our nation's call to war for our country. Mostly men who fought the British at Valley Forge, fought on both sides of the Civil War, went to Europe to defeat the Nazis in World War II, endured losses in Vietnam, and defeated terrorism in the Middle East</u>. It is nothing more than a slap in the face to our country's armed forces to assume that every tough guy is a force for evil. Our Soldiers, Sailors, Airmen, Marines, and Coast Guard are anything but, and should never again be thought of that way. If anything, they exemplify the best that healthy masculinity can, and does, achieve.<br />
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Unlike the aforementioned miscreants, our Veterans <b>EXIST, MATTER, BELONG, AND <u>MOST DEFINITELY DESERVE</u>.</b> There is no otherwise.<br />
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So let this be my salute and my gratitude to all US Veterans. My comfort and safety is due in no small part to your training, tactics, and indefatigable courage. <br />
<br />
I thank you all.<br />
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<b>I EXIST. </b><b>I MATTER. I BELONG. I DESERVE.</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>RESPECT ALL. BEFRIEND FEW. LOVE ONE. HATE NONE.</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>MOTHER PROTECT US, FATHER EMBOLDEN US.</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>STOICISM. EMOTIONAL MATURITY. POINT OF EVAPORATION.</b><br />
<br />Stoic Chillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00703178093345638283noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6152644662858634975.post-50102479526337772362019-10-05T14:35:00.000-04:002019-10-05T14:35:25.527-04:00Handling It
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: small;">This week, in my religion, we have the 10 Days of Awe.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>This is a time of celestial auditing - our good deeds are balanced against our screwups, our victories are weighed against our mistakes, our efforts to give respect and mindfulness are balanced against our moments of uncontrolled aggression - and the consequences to our actions are set in motion.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span class="s1"></span><br /></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: small;">It is thought that during this time, a few concentrated efforts and good deeds/thoughts/words might tip the scales back in our favor, and maybe neutralize pitfalls and tragedies that might otherwise be dumped on us.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span class="s1"></span><br /></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: small;">Now this thought may come from one religion in particular, but I think it’s something that works for people of all faiths, and also for people of no faith.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">(1) DID YOU SCREW UP?</span><span class="Apple-converted-space" style="font-size: small;"> </span><span style="font-size: small;">That’s a loaded question.</span><span class="Apple-converted-space" style="font-size: small;"> </span><span style="font-size: small;">Of course you screwed up, just like anyone else!</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span class="s1"></span><br /></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: small;">Just correct yourself.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>Own it, understand that you were wrong, and figure out how to prevent it from happening again.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span class="s1"></span><br /></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: small;">(2)<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>DID SOMEBODY ELSE SCREW UP ON YOU?<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>Welcome to life.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>The rest of the world is imperfect, just like you are.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span class="s1"></span><br /></span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: small;">After you’ve made it clear that you didn’t appreciate it, maybe let it go.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>Once the deed is done and they’ve been made aware of what damage - real or perceived - was caused, don’t hang it over their heads.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>That’s called holding a grudge, and it’s an obstacle to growth.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>If they’ve stopped what they were doing (and possibly apologized), it’s not their fault anymore.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>But if you keep holding it against them, it becomes your fault.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>Don’t let this happen.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: small;">Either way you slice it, we can't control anyone else's conduct, ever. We may have some leeway if we are parents, teachers, bosses, or law enforcement officers. But even that has its limits, and anyone who attempts to exceed those limits is manipulating.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: small;">We most certainly can, however, control our own behavior. We're not enslaved by other people's opinions, and we're not designed to be triggered by other people's choices of words.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: small;">So if we can try that during these 10 Days, chances may or may not be likely that the consequences we face in the coming year might not be so onerous after all.</span></span></div>
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Stoic Chillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00703178093345638283noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6152644662858634975.post-26847659539313889742019-04-20T14:11:00.000-04:002019-04-20T14:11:25.964-04:0020 Years AfterGood Afternoon All - A Sweet Passover to my Jews, and an early Happy Easter to all Christians.<br />
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Despite the celebratory times of the holidays, it is also a somber anniversary. 20 years ago, two misguided and disturbed teenagers killed a large number of their high school classmates, and then did the same to themselves. At the time, it was the largest and most tragic school shooting in history.<br />
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Unfortunately, little has been learned since that horrible event. A generation later:<br />
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(1) The issue of Second Amendment vs. Gun Control remains at odds. And even more, and even worse school shootings have still occurred.<br />
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(2) The issue of bullying was inserted into the spotlight like never before. Every state in the union adopted anti-bullying programs. Schools are mandated to crack down on bullying behavior just as they do on racism, sexism, homophobia, etc. Despite this, bullying still exists, and those victimized by it are sometimes driven to suicide.<br />
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(3) With the expansion of the online communications available in the 1990's to what we now call social media, the opportunity for hate and disrespect has evolved exponentially.<br />
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Social scientists and psychologists sometimes state that this it is human nature, due to the fight-or-flight response we have inherited from our pre-historic forbears, to be adversarial, to strive for dominance, and to gravitate towards conflict. They also sometimes compare this with behavior patterns of other species of the animal kingdom to justify their conclusions.<br />
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However, unlike our forbears and other species, human beings still also have the capacity to be kind, unflappable, and resilient in the face of adversity. To be respectful to others regardless of differences, to shrug off the baggage of grudges and resentment when the voyage has ended, and to seek common threads despite our differences.<br />
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Moreover, they also have the capacity to understand what is within their control and what is beyond it. The very existence of others of whom we are less than fond, and their successes they achieve despite that, is not within our control. Their presence in our homes, families, and immediate circles, however, most certainly is within our purview.<br />
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So what can we learn, before it becomes 50 years since this tragedy, that we have not already learned?<br />
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(1) We can accept that the rest of the world is not kind, respectful, understanding, warm, or even nice. And we can still be that way regardless, because we understand what's right and wrong on a level that they often don't.<br />
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(2) We can refuse to remain resentful or vengeful against those who have spoken ill about us or sought to make themselves look better than us. There's a Boss Lady known as OMLK who will call upon them to account for their misdeeds. While that's on Her docket, we can simply decide that we're no longer hurt or angry at them, and refuse to be continuously victimized.<br />
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(3) We can set boundaries against those in our circle who honestly expect to continue behavior that is disrespectful towards us with no consequences. And we can instead welcome people into our lives who are more interested in sharing and understanding than in insulting and judging. <br />
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<u>Emotional Maturity. Point of Evaporation. Removal and Replacement</u>.<br />
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If these are practiced more, most of the issues we have in this life will be rendered moot.<br />
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Let's honor the memory of the victims of that tragedy and make this a world where this is less likely to happen.<br />
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<b>I EXIST. I MATTER. I BELONG. I DESERVE.</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>RESPECT ALL. BEFRIEND FEW. LOVE ONE. HATE NONE.</b><br />
<br />
<br />Stoic Chillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00703178093345638283noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6152644662858634975.post-81567552487945287022019-03-17T19:17:00.003-04:002019-03-17T19:17:59.415-04:00Hate in Christchurch, New ZealandGood Evening All - Hope you all had a Happy St. Patty's Day Weekend!<br />
<br />
The world has witnessed another tragic and violent episode, this time all the way down in New Zealand. An alleged terrorist and murderer, seemingly taking his cue from the Tree of Life Synagogue massacre in Squirrel Hill, Pennsylvania, took it upon himself to murder everyone present for Friday worship services at two mosques. After leaving a trail of carnage, prompted in no small part by hatred for Muslims, he was apprehended.<br />
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We have heard several predictable responses to this tragedy. I'll respond to all of them.<br />
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(1) <i>It's the guns! No guns! Nobody needs a gun! It's the mosque worshippers fault, they should have had guns! </i><b>Not the answer, either way. </b>If that gun were in the hands of responsible folks, and not this murderer, he might have found another means of violence to use. And since this happened in another country, there is no Second Amendment issue. Let New Zealand address its own gun laws within its own authority.<br />
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(2) <i>So what? They had it coming! Look what they do! Look how evil they are! They deserved it!</i> <b>Wrong again.</b> These were human beings. They assembled to worship their god on their weekly holy day as they saw fit. That's not a reason to kill them. And unless they're about to do you, or that killer, imminent harm, or if you have real grounds for a pre-emptive strike, there is no excuse for that kind of violence.<br />
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(3) <i>But what about these ones? But what about those ones? Why don't they get the same media coverage?</i> <b>What about them?</b> Nobody says the mainstream media is perfect, but the most unusual events are the ones that trigger the most coverage. Let's not have competitions over who is a more deserving victim - that's where we really get into trouble.<br />
<br />
<b>THE STOIC ANSWER:</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
(A) We have people in this world who become consumed by hate. And we have weapons. And they unfortunately have ways of being brought together. The governments of countries where this happens can pass laws against the illegal use of these weapons, but they cannot outlaw people's thoughts and opinions, or their abilities to circumvent those laws, as horrible as they may be. <br />
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(B) We cannot stop fully-grown adults from hating other races or other religions, and the laws themselves cannot prevent them from taking up arms against the objects of their hate. <br />
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(C) Also, demonizing these people, as evil as they may be, does not make them turn into Ebenezer Scrooge and completely change their ways. It also doesn't make us look like heroes and champions - it makes us just as filled with the hatred that they have.<br />
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(D) We can, however, decide that <u>we won't hate</u> members of other races or religions. That doesn't mean wearing pins and T-shirts and joining candle-light vigils, and then forgetting about it all when things calm down. It also doesn't mean we'll expose, defame, and sling mud at people who have different opinions than we do in the name of "stamping out hate." It only means <u><b>we won't hate</b></u>, period.<br />
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(E) We can instead read, research, and learn about the ways of others. By way of illustration, when I was in seventh grade, I read books about the Soviet Union and Nazi Germany, notwithstanding the fact that I was American and Jewish, because I wanted to understand them instead of merely demonizing them. Let's try the same thing for all perceived adversaries.<br />
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(F) As stated in (B), we can't re-program fully-grown adults who've been taught the wrong thing and have acted on them. We can, however, raise and teach our children to Respect All, and not to Hate Them (whomever Them might be).<br />
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And of course, last but not least, instead of seeking revenge or retribution, we can seek this invocation:<br />
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<i>There's A Lady Named Karma. She's Not Attracted To Bad Boys And She's Not Friends With Mean Girls. Leave Vengeance To Her - She's Got Better Tools At Her Disposal.</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
With the assistance of the New Zealander justice system, the murderer will be prosecuted for his crimes, and will live with the deaths of his victims for the rest of his life. Do not target politicians and ideologues as the proxy for the punishment you think you're entitled to dish out to that murderer - you're not entitled to dish out anything (including eggs). Instead, look within to ensure that you yourself never take up arms out of hate, and that you teach any children you have to not do likewise. <br />
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Ooof - that was a heavy one - see what happens when you don't down that Guinness for St. Patty's? I'll salute the Irish, but I'll stand with New Zealand - they didn't deserve this.<br />
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<b>I EXIST. I MATTER. I BELONG. I DESERVE.</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>RESPECT ALL. BEFRIEND FEW. LOVE ONE. HATE NONE.</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>EMOTIONAL MATURITY.</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
Please DM me with any lengthy or debate-ready comments.Stoic Chillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00703178093345638283noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6152644662858634975.post-30677223726651406002019-01-20T11:26:00.000-05:002019-01-20T11:26:27.757-05:00Emotional Maturity IS The Best A Man Can Get!Good Morning All, and welcome to the middle portion of Martin Luther King weekend.<br />
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There has been some controversy regarding a 90-second commercial produced by Gillette. It questions whether some of society's ills, which have often been perpetrated by men, truly are "the best a man can get," which plays off the company's earlier slogan from the 1990's.<br />
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The commercial shows what would be solutions to the problem: fathers stopping fights between their young children and teaching them that bullying is not the right way to treat people; men calling out their friends and associates to not act inappropriately around women, and basically reminding us that being a man does not mean the same thing it did in prehistoric times.<br />
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The vast overwhelming majority of men already know that rape is wrong, that women should not be spoken to disrespectfully, and (maybe the overwhelming majority doesn't want to admit this) <u>bullying is also unacceptable, and any father who wants to earn respect has an obligation to teach his children not to behave that way</u>.<br />
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This commercial has given yours truly cause for reflection.<br />
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(1) It's been a very long time since I used the term "alphole." I have made a conscious effort not to demonize "tough guys," macho types, or high-conflict individuals because everyone deserves respect, particularly those who are different from me. The fact that I personally don't like the way a person carries himself or herself doesn't invalidate them as human beings. I certainly can't take back the multiple times I've taken them to task - they're out there forever - but I can certainly chart my own evolution.<br />
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(2) <b>However, there are still people who hurt others. </b> And they often receive no consequences to speak of because they somehow always have a throng of enablers, followers, hangers-on, and fraaaaaaands who reinforce what they do. This ad brought back a reminder of that reality.<br />
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(3) If more men raised their children first to not bully those weaker than them, it would be a simple logical extension and expansion of this rule to treat women with more respect, those of other races and nationalities with more respect, and the entire balance of humanity with more respect as well. That would be an absolute good.<br />
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(4) Saying this does not demonize all men. We already know that most men are not predators and narcissists - despite the shocking percentage of them that actually are - therefore there is no need to be offended by this advertisement. Rather, this is an admonition and a wake-up call that the rest of humanity no longer wants to tolerate unwarranted aggression, plain and simple.<br />
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(5) And yes, of course, though we are not likely to see any commercials addressing this, <u>there are women who are just as predatory, just as evil, just as vicious, and just as wrong as the worst men could be</u>. This commercial might not bring it up, but this page certainly does not let them off the hook from the same exact behavior. <b><u>We do not accept this behavior from men or women, and we don't permit either of them to use their gender for means of exoneration</u>.</b><br />
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<b>There is toxic masculinity, and there is no denying its existence. And there are women who are just as toxic as any male can be.</b><br />
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Let's put aside our need to condemn what this commercial says, and make an effort to understand why it's being said. And when we're finished doing that, let's raise the next generation with a better understanding of right and wrong. Once the desire to bully is eliminated, the need to "teach kids to fight" will disappear, and we just might have a more peaceful and less divisive world to live in.<br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>I EXIST. RESPECT ALL.</b><br />
<b>I MATTER. BEFRIEND FEW.</b><br />
<b>I BELONG. LOVE ONE.</b><br />
<b>I DESERVE. HATE NONE.</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
<b> MOTHER PROTECT US.</b><br />
<b> FATHER EMBOLDEN US.</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
<b> EMOTIONAL MATURITY</b><br />
<b><br /></b>Stoic Chillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00703178093345638283noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6152644662858634975.post-30046662898356778202018-11-25T13:30:00.001-05:002018-11-25T13:30:20.499-05:00Impossible?Hey All - Hope you're having an easy Sunday afternoon. Now that we're almost done with Thanksgiving weekend, it feels like we're just about ready to return to work.<br />
<br />
But first, let me address a challenge that I'm about to undertake - a quest for an answer to a problem that some say cannot be resolved.<br />
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<b>"WE WILL NEVER GET RID OF BULLYING. TEACH YOUR KIDS TO FIGHT AND STOP RAISING A GENERATION OF VICTIMS"</b> I respectfully disagree.<br />
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Every time I see that meme, I cringe. The idea that the bullying is a permanent part of human behavior, and that every kid should be taught how to fight - which is exactly what the bullies have been doing - is completely unacceptable to me. As a species, we have evolved from our old hunter-gatherer roles and completed at least one metamorphosis in how we govern ourselves and the world around us. Or as I like to say, we don't live in the Stone Age, the Middle Ages, or the Old West anymore. Accordingly, with very few exceptions, we live in a civilized society with laws. The notion of "might makes right" is outdated and unacceptable. Accordingly, I firmly believe that the act of bullying, in and of itself, can be contained, controlled, and hopefully eliminated entirely.<br />
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There are those who think that stopping bullying is completely and entirely the responsibility of the ones being bullied. They're right, but they're also wrong.<br />
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<u>They're Right</u>:<br />
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(1) We have the power to disable our triggers and willfully control our emotions. This is how we can stop becoming offended, triggered, or reactionary to what they do or say.<br />
(2) When we demonstrate that we are unflappable in the face of slings and taunts, the bully often finds another more receptive - and recessive - target.<br />
(3) When we release ourselves from grudges, resentment, and outdated behavior patterns, we advance to the Point of Evaporation and achieve Emotional Maturity.<br />
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<b>THAT'S <u>NOT</u> THE END OF THE STORY, HOWEVER.</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
We can teach members of other races to not be triggered or offended by racism. But that doesn't make racism okay.<br />
We can teach women to ignore catcalls, harassment, and ungentlemanly behavior. But that doesn't make such conduct legitimate.<br />
<u>We can perform every form of personal responsibility needed to prevent theft, burglary, or assault. </u><b><u>NONE OF THAT DE-CRIMINALIZES THOSE OFFENSES</u>.</b><br />
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<u>They're Wrong</u>:<br />
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(1) Bullying behavior does not magically become legitimate because people don't get angry about it and become de-triggered.<br />
(2) The fact that it continues to remain unacceptable is not weakness on the part of the rest of society - it is a mark of strength to reject behavior that should not exist past middle school, if at all.<br />
(3) <u>If bullying victims have to step up their game, shore up their weaknesses, and work on themselves to avoid being hurt, </u><b><u>then bullies have a contingent responsibility to control, restrain, and outgrow their unnecessary aggression</u>.</b> <br />
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This is a Two-Way Street. Apparently our opponents would rather make it a one-way street, and then argue that any expectation that bullies have a shared responsibility with their victims to eliminate the conduct is "not real" or "pie in the sky" or "garbage."<br />
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There is a plethora of programs that teach kids how to repel bullying without even an ounce of violence. There is no reason why there should not be just as many programs that teach those who do bully to take <b><u>the same exact responsibility for their behavior as well</u>.</b><br />
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Cynicism and criticism will not be seen as roadblocks to this challenge, but rather stepping stones. Those opponents insist that we not demonize bullies (or as I sometimes call them, alpholes)? Great. Let's use the "good in all people" that they supposedly have to outweigh the evil within them that won't let them stop treating others like trash.<br />
<br />
<b>I EXIST. RESPECT ALL.</b><br />
<b>I MATTER. BEFRIEND FEW.</b><br />
<b>I BELONG. LOVE ONE.</b><br />
<b>I DESERVE. HATE NONE.</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>MOTHER PROTECT US. FATHER EMBOLDEN US.</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>EMOTIONAL MATURITY.</b><br />
<br />
<br />Stoic Chillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00703178093345638283noreply@blogger.com0