Sometimes It Hurts.

Hey All, Sunday night once again, and we all know what that means!

A little discussion about Mr. T's prediction for the rematch in Rocky III:  Pain.

As beta males, the key to our advancement is to make ourselves bulletproof.  When we're completely self-actualized, nothing that the alpholes of the world say or do to us can make us second-guess our self-worth, or intimidate us, or make us the subservient followers that they wish we were.

Being bulletproof means that we won't get killed if they fire at us.  But anyone who's ever worn a Kevlar vest will tell you that it still packs a wallop when you get shot anyway.  In other words, sometimes when people give you their best shot in a confrontation, even if you end up winning, it can still hurt.

Unfortunately, some people still adopt the alphaganda's approach to pain.  Shake it off, ignore it, pretend it's not even there.  As beta males, we can't afford to let pain stop us from being ourselves.  But if we act in denial and pretend that it doesn't hurt when it really does and we know it, we're only making it worse.

This is where your close friends and family come in to help.  Beta males are so used to being the shoulder that someone else cries on that we don't know what it's like to open to someone else about our hurt.  We've also been fed the false notion that nobody cares that you're in any kind of emotional pain, and if you tell them, they'll think you're weak.  I'm not saying you should go to everyone with your tales of woe and misfortune, but there are definitely a few close people in your circle who would be only too happy to hear you out.

First and foremost?  Dear old Mom.  I don't care how old you or your mother is, there is no shame in giving her a call and telling her if there's something that's made you sad or angry.  Don't overburden her, of course, keep it short and sweet, but there's no shame in telling her.  She didn't stop being your mother when you moved out of her house, and you didn't stop being her son when you became a grown man.  She should be only too happy to give you whatever advice she can, and to give you a few pearls of wisdom to help you get back on top.

And if you're among the most fortunate of us betas, you have a special someone in your life.  Maybe a girlfriend, or maybe a wife?  How could you even consider not telling them what's eating at you?  They expect you to be their rock and their foundation when their emotions overwhelm them, and they expect you be chivalrous and gentlemanly in all affairs.  Believe it or not, they would be more than happy to do likewise for you.  If they really are your one true honey, they should not expect you to be this comic book caricature who never feels pain, fear, doubt, or worry.  Rather, merely out of love, they should expect you to confide in them with these very feelings, and to trust them the way they would trust you.

Yes, we are still human.  We are on an ongoing quest to be better men -- more responsible, more brave, more confident, more respectable -- but nobody said we were going to be inhuman cyborgs!  We are flesh and blood, therefore we have feelings.  A beta male should never feel obligated to ignore, bypass, or deny his feelings if they exist.  There may be less appropriate times to convey them than others, but if you have close family or friends around you, do yourself a favor and confide in them.  This is why they're here, and they would expect the same from you.

Hopefully, none of you are feeling the kind of pain that I'm talking about.  But if you are, the best way to relieve it is to turn to your loved ones.  You have them for a reason, so don't be so quick to forget about them in your quest for self-actualization.  You may need them one day.

That's my jam tonight, all!

People Who Need People

Good Evening All -- while there's always something to be said for Thanksgiving, I've noticed that the Black Friday post from last year still gets tons of hits every week around the world.  Why mess with a good thing?  I just reposted it.

This time of year, when family is brought back into focus, we're reminded of how important it really is to have people in your life who are loyal, who care, and are genuinely interested in your well-being.  There's something about being around an extended table full of food, which may or may not include a "kiddie table," with people you cherish and respect that can make you feel like you're part of something a little bigger than yourself.  And whether we celebrate Chanukah or Christmas, that closeness is likely to be repeated in December as well.

The question is, whether certain people really need that closeness, and if so, if it's needed during the rest of the year.  There are many of us who are content to simply live their own lives by their own terms, without any  outside influence whatsoever.  They are self-made, self-driven, fiercely independent, and firmly believe that they don't need to be involved with anyone, family or otherwise, to have a fulfilling life.  Chances are, they're right.  There are a lot more people who are unmarried and childless these days than in prior years, and lots of people are simply content to be "on their own."  There are numerous reasons for this phenomenon that don't require review, suffice it to say that it's just personal preference.

However, no man or woman is an island.  As the recent hurricane has taught us, we all need somebody.  Somebody who can temporarily provide us with food, shelter, and electricity when a natural disaster takes them away from us.  Somebody who can console and comfort us if we've suffered a loss or a tragedy.  Somebody who can just be there and make us feel like everything is OK, and possibly make us laugh or crack a smile.

Those of you who know me know that I tend to be independent and individualistic.  I've always tried to be one of those people who achieved whatever I've gotten on my own, and not through the aid of others.  But the fact of the matter is, it's not possible to be a loner in every area of one's life.  Without family, be it by blood relatives, a spouse, friends, or a significant other, we simply can't survive.

As I've mentioned before, my parents have been very supportive and helpful to me this year, and I haven't forgotten it.  I was privileged to be able to spend a week with them this year, and to break bread with a few other families at the table.  They reminded me that, even if I am independent, and not a follow-the-crowd type, family must remain my home base and support system throughout my life.  And that goes for everyone else, too.

So, even after we've headed back to work, we'll be returning home for the holidays once more in a few weeks.  Let's be thankful for the family we all have, be they blood relatives, spouses, or just really close friends.  Even if we're all rugged individuals, and are complete by ourselves, we still need them far more than we might admit.

That's my piece for this evening -- have a good night and rest easy!

Heroism -- Not As Easy As It Looked!

Yes, People, today marks the end of what is known as Holy Week for some, and the transition from the festival days of Passover to the intermediate days of Passover -- I'll explain that concept another time.

MOSES.

This week we celebrate major festivals in two different faiths that both concern men who were called upon to be heroes for different reasons.  The Passover story recounts how Moses, an Egyptian nobleman, learned of his Hebrew lineage, aligned himself with his enslaved countrymen, and led their miraculous escape from slavery. He was, at best, a reluctant leader - the rabbinical commentaries said that he was so uncomfortable with public speaking that Aaron had to "interpret" for him when he demanded that Pharaoh "let my people go."  Not all studly and forceful like Charlton Heston played him, he never volunteered for this gig.  Rather, he was chosen to be the leader and to bring G-D's message of deliverance and freedom.

And this business of freedom proved to make him an unpopular leader.  Once the Jews made it across the Red Sea, the complaint department was open for business 24/7.  People thought that Moses had brought them out of Egypt to die, they questioned where this Promised Land actually was, and they started remarking that the Egyptians, brutal as they were, at least fed them (no kidding they fed you -- to paraphrase Boba Fett, unfed slaves were no good to the Egyptians!)

This lack of popularity eventually got under his skin, so that he lost his temper on two significant occasions:  First, when he came down from Sinai with the Tablets in his hand, what did he see?  His own people decided it would be a lot more fun to worship a golden idol and hold a bacchanalian shindig than to wait for him to deliver some high-handed laws.  So he chucked those sacred Tablets at them, went off on them royally, and declared them unworthy.  Eventually, the Tablets were replaced from on high, the golden calf was smelted down, and those responsible paid the price, but Big Moe showed the people that he had his limits.

On the second occasion, he got tired of the people asking for water from the rock, which could have been delivered merely by speaking to it.  But he was in such a foul mood that day that he struck it hard out of frustration, against the commandment to merely ask for the water from the rock.  This time, he paid a hefty price:  all those complaining Hebrews were going to cross the river into Canaan and build their own country, but he wouldn't be joining them.

These two isolated incidents smudged his otherwise legendary status.  Although it was he who brought G-D's word to Israel, he was all too human in his reactions to the complaints and capriciousness of a brand new nation.  Had he only learned that it's not possible to change the way people act or think, even if they are delivered with Commandments from G-D, his record could have been perfect.  The simple truth is, that some people will complain and judge and gossip even when faced with direct and irrefutable proof of a Higher Power.  The only One who can change them is G-D himself, not you.  Had he simply understood that (a) some people flocked to the calf because they were not ready for G-D, no matter what miracles they'd seen; and that (b) people will demand water even if it's there for the taking, he may have been able to enjoy the rewards of his hard work, and actually entered what is now Israel.  However, he would settle for the fact that he brought Israel, a great and mighty nation, out of misery and bondage to build its own kingdom and Temple, which was clearly enough of an accomplishment in and of itself.

JESUS.

The Easter story tells of the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ.  A carpenter was called upon to fulfill his role as a Chosen Savior predicted by prophecy, and he went about it the best way he knew how.  He preached what he knew was true, and taught others how they could receive the Kingdom of Heaven.  In doing so, he risked great peril from many sources.  While those who agreed with him saw him as a leader, a prophet, and a source of comfort and faith, others called him a fraud and an enemy.  Had he been around today, there might have been a large amount of friends and advisers with good intentions who would have tried to limit what he said, where he said it, and to whom he said it, just to protect him.  If there were such advisers around him then, he apparently chose to take those risks instead of seeking safety.

Ultimately, his enemies brought an end to his earthly existence in spite of the good he did.  However, the Gospels state that he still triumphed over them when he rose from the grave.  His words would eventually be accepted by most of known world.  Nevertheless, the end to his life on earth was a painful and tragic one.

His example, not unlike Moses, was a reminder of perseverance in the face of adversity and unpopular sentiment.  Both men stuck to their convictions, no matter how hated or reviled their positions made them.   Both men have long since been venerated for what they accomplished -- one brought a nation of slaves to freedom and liberty, the other preached salvation and redemption to all people.  They both succeeded, but both their successes came at heavy costs.

So let's take the examples from both men:  (1) Are you angry at people who just don't get your message?  Let them not get it, because that's not your problem.  Staying angry at those who just don't feel like listening will only drag you down to their level.  (2) Are you brave enough to deliver your message even if it's unpopular and others may threaten you?  Don't be afraid of them.  However, if there's a personal safety, life-and-death issue, be careful.  Dying for a cause is noble, but living for your cause is even better.  As long as nobody's being put in danger, and your adversaries at least respect your right to live and speak your truth, don't hold back.

Hope you enjoyed your holidays, all, and have a happy Monday!

DISCLAIMER:  The above blog entry was not intended to malign, besmirch, impugn, or condemn any religious practices, creeds, or beliefs.  Any offense experienced by the reader of this message is entirely the responsibility of that reader, and not its author.

You Deserve A Break!

Hi all -- now that all four football playoff games are done, and the Golden Globes are on, now's a good time to update the old blog!

It takes a certain amount of work to elevate yourself to new levels.  Accepting the Four Pillars, eliminating the parasites, saboteurs, and gangsters from your lives, and increasing your self-esteem are not as easy as our friends in the "I don't care" crowd would have us believe.  So what do we do when we're swamped?  Take a BREAK.

Last week, I had a break of sorts.  It was one I'd planned months before in order to run the Disney Marathon.  Away from my normal routine, I visited my parents down in Florida, went to Orlando for all three of us to enjoy the marathon, and was treated to a little extra rest and relaxation.  Once again, I thank my mom & dad for all their support! Not only did I use that weekend to compete in that marathon, I also used it for a little extra peace and introspection.

And this past weekend, I took another break.  I had a week off from running, and treated myself to a mini-junk food binge!  I'm not sure if the editors of Runner's World would agree, but most coaches will tell you that your body definitely needs to rest before you start running regularly again.  And so I have!  Of course, something tells me that by next week, that'll change.

The best thing about my breaks -- reconnecting with family.  Our past can only be our past, we can't live in it, and we can't go home again.  Even so, maintaining long-term relationships, especially with blood relatives, can still give us greater insight into who we are at present, and where we're going.  Your immediate family still knows you better than anyone else, and has the best perspective into the path you're taking, and can always advise you in the most supportive way.  You can still trust them more than anyone else.  So long as you remain true to them, they'll always stay true to you.

So I'd like to thank my folks for inviting me into your home recently.  I can assure you that those visits won't be the last.  The time I've spent with you has been rejuvenating, and I recommend the same to all my readers, to the extent it's possible to do so, no matter how young or how old you may be.  Through reunification and reflection with the family you grew up with, you're able to gain strength from the original source of life.  In doing so, you're able to rejoin the world stronger, more mature, and significantly wiser.

And it doesn't hurt to remind them, and yourselves, that:

I EXIST.  I MATTER.  I BELONG.  I DESERVE.

Feel free to comment!