Sometimes It Hurts.

Hey All, Sunday night once again, and we all know what that means!

A little discussion about Mr. T's prediction for the rematch in Rocky III:  Pain.

As beta males, the key to our advancement is to make ourselves bulletproof.  When we're completely self-actualized, nothing that the alpholes of the world say or do to us can make us second-guess our self-worth, or intimidate us, or make us the subservient followers that they wish we were.

Being bulletproof means that we won't get killed if they fire at us.  But anyone who's ever worn a Kevlar vest will tell you that it still packs a wallop when you get shot anyway.  In other words, sometimes when people give you their best shot in a confrontation, even if you end up winning, it can still hurt.

Unfortunately, some people still adopt the alphaganda's approach to pain.  Shake it off, ignore it, pretend it's not even there.  As beta males, we can't afford to let pain stop us from being ourselves.  But if we act in denial and pretend that it doesn't hurt when it really does and we know it, we're only making it worse.

This is where your close friends and family come in to help.  Beta males are so used to being the shoulder that someone else cries on that we don't know what it's like to open to someone else about our hurt.  We've also been fed the false notion that nobody cares that you're in any kind of emotional pain, and if you tell them, they'll think you're weak.  I'm not saying you should go to everyone with your tales of woe and misfortune, but there are definitely a few close people in your circle who would be only too happy to hear you out.

First and foremost?  Dear old Mom.  I don't care how old you or your mother is, there is no shame in giving her a call and telling her if there's something that's made you sad or angry.  Don't overburden her, of course, keep it short and sweet, but there's no shame in telling her.  She didn't stop being your mother when you moved out of her house, and you didn't stop being her son when you became a grown man.  She should be only too happy to give you whatever advice she can, and to give you a few pearls of wisdom to help you get back on top.

And if you're among the most fortunate of us betas, you have a special someone in your life.  Maybe a girlfriend, or maybe a wife?  How could you even consider not telling them what's eating at you?  They expect you to be their rock and their foundation when their emotions overwhelm them, and they expect you be chivalrous and gentlemanly in all affairs.  Believe it or not, they would be more than happy to do likewise for you.  If they really are your one true honey, they should not expect you to be this comic book caricature who never feels pain, fear, doubt, or worry.  Rather, merely out of love, they should expect you to confide in them with these very feelings, and to trust them the way they would trust you.

Yes, we are still human.  We are on an ongoing quest to be better men -- more responsible, more brave, more confident, more respectable -- but nobody said we were going to be inhuman cyborgs!  We are flesh and blood, therefore we have feelings.  A beta male should never feel obligated to ignore, bypass, or deny his feelings if they exist.  There may be less appropriate times to convey them than others, but if you have close family or friends around you, do yourself a favor and confide in them.  This is why they're here, and they would expect the same from you.

Hopefully, none of you are feeling the kind of pain that I'm talking about.  But if you are, the best way to relieve it is to turn to your loved ones.  You have them for a reason, so don't be so quick to forget about them in your quest for self-actualization.  You may need them one day.

That's my jam tonight, all!

For Your Protection

Hey All -- still on vacation in sunny Florida, but I wanted to post something else . . . .

For the past several years, I have spoken out against all forms of bullying and intimidation.  There's not much more I can add to that, but I'd like to address the flip side -- coping mechanisms for those who are the unfortunate recipients.

If you're new to this blog, having read my new and more accurate title, you're a beta male.  You are good-natured, giving, and moral.  Unfortunately, far too many people take advantage of this.  So use this visualization technique:

(1)  Imagine your heart.  It keeps you alive.  It holds your passions, your desires, your fears, your vulnerability, and your very soul.  It is your very essence.

(2) Before you interact with other people, encase it in armor.  Solid, impenetrable armor, with jutting blades and spikes.  Able to withstand any strike or blow, and to repel any attempt to breach it.  It can't even be dented by the deadliest attack against it.

(if you're in law enforcement, don't make this a substitute for your Kevlar.  Moving on . . . .)

(3) The interior of this armor, however, is soft.  Comfortable.  Soothing.  It matches the material that your heart itself could be made of.  While the exterior protects your heart from anything that could harm it, the interior keeps it comfortable and at peace.

(4)  An added feature of this armor is a cleansing mechanism.  In the unlikely event that something does get through the armor, it acts to dispose of the foreign agent that disrupts your heart's peace.  It corrodes the unwelcome element and removes it before it can enter the bloodstream.

(5)  When you are with people who are good to you, who have earned your trust, and seek to do nothing but good, you are safe to remove this armor.  You may then be honest with your passions, desires, fears, and vulnerability.  But only do this when you have confirmed that there is no danger to your heart.  Yes, you will be able to use the cleansing mechanism should an attack happen, but be sure that it won't anyway.

(6) When you are with anyone else, keep that armor on no matter what.  Don't unlock it.  Don't let your guard down.  Protect yourself.  Don't let them infect your very being with sadness, anger, hurt, or hatred.  Don't let them break through.  Don't let them think they own you.  They don't.
That doesn't mean go all badass on them unless it's warranted, though.  Remember that we don't live in a comic book.  Just keep yourself fully protected.

That also does NOT let the miscreants, bullies, gangstas, and undesirables of this world off the hook.  Not by a long shot, it doesn't.  They still deserve consequences for their behavior of one form or another.  But they don't deserve the satisfaction of watching you crumble because your heart was not protected.

And, just in case Paragraph 5 wasn't clear enough, it does not mean that you make yourself an island.  There are times you can feel safe enough to disarm.  Just know the difference.

Yes, I am a little more focused with the blog lately.  I hope this doesn't send my long-time readers running for the hills, but I also hope I'll reach my target audience a bit better.

Beta Males, it's OK to feel.  It's OK to be afraid.  It's OK to have morals.  It's OK to be vulnerable.  But it's only OK when you use these traits as strengths, and not when they are exploited as weaknesses by the alphaganda.  Protect yourself as much as possible, not just so you can prove to others that "it doesn't bother me," but just so they don't hurt you.  Your heart is the most precious thing you have, more than wealth, more than companionship, and more than your reputation.  Guard it with your life!

I EXIST.  I MATTER.  I BELONG.  I DESERVE.