Respect All

Happy Sunday, All.  The temperature is still hot like we want it, but summer is slowly winding down.  For the meteorologists in the audience, we all know that summer does not end until the Autumnal Equinox on September 23, 2017.  However, the rest of us have gotten used to it ending prematurely on Labor Day, thanks to our friends in academia.

A lot of hot-button issues have popped up recently.  Racism.  Free Speech.  The Civil War.  Our President.  There has been non-stop, ad nauseum coverage of these issues on all networks, channels and frequencies.

I say that's enough of that.  Perhaps finding ways to resolve these issues might be better read.

(1)  Respect All.

We are all human.  Flesh and blood.  Heart and soul.  Thoughts and feelings.  On some level, all of us matter.  This includes every faith and stripe.

This does not necessarily mean that we must all love each other, as set forth below.  It does, however, mean that there is never a reason to hate anyone else.  We're all somebody, and we've all had experiences that others haven't.  We must accept that no matter what.

(2) Befriend Few.

Unfortunately, people judge us by the five people we're around the most.  It might not be fair, but it happens because our attitude, behavior, and conduct is heavily influenced by the five people we're around the most.

Some of us seem to be friends with just about everyone.  In one sense, this is a good thing, because you know how to say things people like to hear and do things people like to see.  It's also not the best thing because not everyone likes to see and hear the same things.  And even if we respect each other, that doesn't mean that we should all be friends - once more, it doesn't mean we hate them, it just means that we can't really be friends with everyone, despite appearances to the contrary.  Outside of the undergraduate academic setting, popularity is a ruse.

Moreover, being friends with everyone cheapens the value of a friendship.  Keeping a circle small, on the other hand, means that you might look to only befriend those who you can trust, and who can make you even better than you already are.

(3) Love One.

Not everyone is a fan of marriage, or even monogamy.  When we're young, we're often encouraged to play the field, and when we're single we are encouraged to meet as many potential mates as possible.  But in the end, it's our natural inclination as human beings to find that one person with whom we can share everything about our lives.  Yes, there is such a thing as divorce, since marriages are not always meant to last.  But there is also such a thing as a soul mate.

Once you find that soul mate, you do it right.  You don't violate the trust that's there.  You don't let disagreements become high-conflict sporting events.  You don't put your needs over the other's.  You make it a 50/50 equal partnership.  Nobody is the scrub, and nobody is on the pedestal.  You take the respect you show everyone else, and the friendship you grant to a chosen few, and you make it exponential.  You show that one person what nobody else gets, and you keep on doing it.

(4) HATE NONE.

This just might be the most difficult thing to do.  Believe me, I know.  There are those who are not respectful.  There are bullies.  There are predators.  There are racists.  There are sexists.  There are those who think they're entitled when they aren't.  There are narcissists.  There are criminals.  There are pathological liars.  There are elitists.  There are people who try to minimize us, manipulate us, and fool us.

There are truly evil people in this world.  And when we hate them, we join them.

Unfortunately, we have triggers, and we have thresholds.  We still have that fight-or-flight reflex downloaded into our programming from the days of the Neanderthals.  We still feel compelled to fight fire with fire, and we still get a rush from our lizard brains when there seems to be a reason to engage in conflict.

We can acknowledge this.  And we can still, notwithstanding, control it.

We can romanticize "fighting fire with fire."  And we can also watch both sides burn to a crisp.
We can get our backs up, become militant, and smear everything the others stand for.  And we can also step back for a second, review our reactions, and realize that nothing we've done or said has made us any better than them.

We can also realize that we run the risk of letting them get under our skin when we react that way.  They want us to react.  They want to be the bad guy, because they think it actually makes them look good.  If we react in violence, we run the risk that they are better prepared for what we might use against them.  And even if we somehow overpower them with our kung-fu/UFC/smash-mouth moves we may have, we've really let them overpower us.  We have allowed them to dictate our responses to everything, permitted them to infect our well-being, and interfere with our logical reasoning.  We have accepted their way of might makes right, and we have allowed them to be our masters in that regard.

Contrary to popular opinion, we are a thousand times better off when we don't let that happen.  It's far better than you might think.

We may feel that American society is at a crossroads.  If that's true, there's actually a pretty good path to take instead of the others.

I EXIST.  I MATTER.  I BELONG.  I DESERVE.

I AM BOLD.  I AM BULLETPROOF.

I AM EMOTIONALLY MATURE.

Feel free to react, comment, follow, or re-Tweet, within the bounds of respect.

Getting Too Comfortable

Hey All - enjoying the Saturday afternoon of July 4th weekend!

I don't normally share a lot of personal information through this blog, but this time I've something I'm proud to share - I'm engaged!  I'm engaged to a beautiful, sweet, hilariously funny, and very loving woman.  She makes me smile and laugh every morning I wake up with her, and every night I go to bed with her.  We have our very own love, and we're happy with it every day.

Now don't get it twisted, it's not such a surprise - in fact, I showed her this post before I published it, so she's completely fine with me talking about us.

But unlike the overly-aggressive types we sometimes deal with, I'm not saying this to boast or brag.  I have no need to flaunt my relationship with a beautiful woman as if it were some type of possession I purchased or prize that I won.  However, since some of my audience might be single for extended portions of their lives, or may have given up on women for many reasons, I think it's appropriate to say that as long as you look for love in the right places, and continue to look even after it "doesn't work out," chances are better than average that you'll find it.

But assuming that does happen, what then?  Is the war really over?  Are the closing credits rolling?  Are our issues really finished and done with?

Not a chance.  Not a chance in hell.

When we betas do finally "get the girl," the movie does not end.  Rather, a new chapter begins.  That means contributing enough to the relationship.  That means paying a little more attention to what she wants and needs.  That means surprising her when she least expects it.  To put it short, that means acting like you give a damn.

Now don't get it twisted.  I didn't say sacrifice your individual just to make her happy.  I also didn't say become a henpecked, yes-dear, spineless, soul-less, shell of your former self.  That's crap.  And definitely don't become that guy who talks endlessly about how out of control his wife is, waits for a reaction, and then says "It doesn't bother me."  Guys who do that are looking for attention that they don't deserve.

What I did say was to act like the relationship matters.  Don't just be a spectator, be a participant!  Yes, you won't both do all the same things together, and yes, you will need some alone time and some guys'/girls' nights out.  But make your together moments count!  Surprise her by covering a few household chores that she would otherwise do.  Buy her a few little presents.  Plan a date night with a few surprises!

And in those hopefully rare occasions when you get annoyed with each other and do something stupid, have the good grace to (a) calm the flip down; and (b) apologize for your part in the disagreement.  No, that does not mean "the woman is always right," this isn't The Good Men Project, but it does mean that if there's a disagreement happening, you're both doing something that's not perfect.  And the saying, "you can be right, or you can be happy," is particularly applicable.

Be happy?  You got it.  Be proud?  Keep at it.  But be comfortable?  That's where it all gets flat, stale, and used-up.  Don't get so comfortable with your newfound love that you forget to keep it up.

I EXIST.  I MATTER.  I BELONG.  I DESERVE.

I AM BOLD.  I AM BULLETPROOF.  I AM BETA.

Make Love Stronger Than Hate

Hey All - Happy Valentine's Day!

This day is meant to celebrate love.  Yes, it's also day when people are very likely to buy each other jewelry and chocolates.  But it's primarily about love.

When you look at the world around us, through social media and otherwise, there are way too many reasons to hate.  There are terrorists who hate America, and there are terrorist apologists that tell us that it's our fault for getting them angry enough to kill.  There are ideological differences that divide our country, and there are "independents" who sometimes make excuses for the dividers.  There are people who will never respect us no matter what we do or say, and there are other people who eternally enable them and excuse their behavior.

And I wasn't even talking about the alpholes - don't get me started, lol!

Yes, there is so much negativity, misfortune, and backlash in this world, it's a miracle that World War III hasn't broken out yet.  There's so much drama in this world because, quite frankly, peace and respect just don't seem exciting enough.  Some people develop high-conflict personalities because being at peace is just way too boring for them.  Don't let them sell you on the "I'm only being honest" nonsense, because if they were ever confronted with that same exact honesty when aimed at their own failings, they'd throw a tantrum.

Ummm, Daaaaave?   Not to criticize, but isn't this post supposed to be about -

One step ahead of ya - yes, it is about love.

Even with so much unpleasantness in this world, there are still people who don't look to cause drama and agita.  There are people who really do care about us, are happy to see us succeed, and have an investment in our continued happiness.  There are people who are proud to have you in their circles, and are honored to be in yours.  They inspire you to be even better than you already are, and to make them feel just as happy as they make you.

This doesn't necessarily mean a romantic partner, though this certainly helps.  That same kind of compassion can also be found with family or with a tight-knit group of friends.  Respect.  Empathy.  Understanding.

As Bold Betas, it's tragically easy to forget those who are more worthy of our thoughts.  If we're confronted with so many haters, yet lack the ability to successfully repel their attacks, they tend to give themselves top billing.  However, when we become Bold and Bulletproof, we are able to drown out what those miscreants say and do, and then remove them from our lives.  Then we are in a much better position to love ourselves, and by extension, to love others.  To give and receive love in equal amounts.  To create more thoughts of happiness to share, and reduce thoughts of the alternative.

So send those others on their way, and appreciate those who deserve to be in your life.  Show love to those who love you.  Show compassion to those who bestow it on you.  Show appreciation to those who appreciate you.  And let ALL OF THIS take precedence over anyone who doesn't care, or who thinks less of you.

Goodness knows, that's not easy to do.  Negative thoughts have a way of making it tough, because negative people are so convinced that they're the only ones who are aware of reality.  They just don't like admitting that they're the ones who make their reality that way.  So let's beat them to the punch and put more love, and more happiness, in our reality.

I never celebrate Valentine's Day.  I don't need a day to show that I love somebody, I already do that every day.

Oooooh.   Ahhhhh.   Ohhhhhh.   That's amazing.  Nevertheless, the holiday is here.  So let's use it.

I EXIST.  I MATTER.  I BELONG.  I DESERVE.

I AM BOLD.  I AM BULLETPROOF.  I AM BETA.

Liberty

Hey All!  Big doings in the news.

Last week, the Supreme Court found that the Equal Protection Clause of the Fourteenth Amendment allows for gay marriage.  This is welcomed as a victory for civil rights.

This blog provides motivation and encouragement to men and boys who have been bullied, broken down, and told that they do not represent the image of the ideal "real man."  Thanks to the alphaganda, generations grew up believing that gay was the worst thing a man could be.  Accordingly, I must support gay marriage.

Any man or woman who is ready to make such an exclusive commitment should have the right to do so.  And if he feels naturally in love with another man, or she feels naturally in love with another woman, then let them marry.

The slippery slope others fear does not exist.  This cannot lead to incestuous marriages, as their offspring would have unnatural deformities.  This is why there are already laws prohibiting such relationships, with or without marriage.  Neither can it lead to pedophilic marriages, since children are not prepared for marriage.

Marriage is, and always will be, a relationship for two consenting adults.  Not three, not seven, but just two.  This is more of the same.

The gay community has suffered from bullying, due in no small part, to the notion that a "real man" is not gay.  Many victims of bullying have been called gay so many times, due to their perceived weaknesses, that they begin to question whether or not they are.  

This decision, in granting the right to marry, puts gays on equal footing with straight men, at least in this sense.  I applaud and celebrate this.

Just one caveat - you still have to respect other people's rights too.  If someone else is not yet comfortable with the fact that you have these rights, you can't force them to be comfortable.  This isn't 1984 and you're not the Thought Police.  If a bakery has reservations about baking a cake for a gay wedding, then tell them how wrong they are, with some choice words thrown in, and find a bakery that is willing to do it.  You don't get to ruin someone else because they say no, just like they don't get to ruin you for being yourself.  If they're not attacking you, but simply disagreeing with you, emotional maturity requires that you not engage that battle.  Don't make yourself worse than them.

It is now the law of the land that gays have a right to marry.  Nobody can take that right away.  But with rights come responsibilities.  Use them wisely.

I EXIST.  I MATTER.  I BELONG.  I DESERVE.

 

Who Do You Love Most?

Hey All!  Hope you enjoyed this three-day weekend if you were off for President's Day!

This past Saturday was Valentine's Day.  For those of you who are single, you might have called it "Black Saturday" or "Single Awareness Day."  You might have lamented the fact that you didn't have a sweetheart to spend this day with, and you might have cursed all those couples out there who seemed to be rubbing their abundance and your lack in your face.  You might have also celebrated the money you were saving and treating yourself instead.

Nowhere to go out?  Good!  Save your money, watch a movie, and be good to yourself.  While they're all out wining and dining as an investment in romantic love, you can make an investment in self-love.  They're having surf & turf?  Splurge on some Taco Bell!  You can make yourself laugh, you can make plans for the future, and you can think about how you'd rather spend Valentine's Day next year.

It might be that you're alone because you asked someone out and they said no.  Maybe they thought you "weren't good enough" for them in some way.  Maybe you took this to mean you were not good enough for everyone.  She is wrong, but so are you.

Rejection might be a form of bullying, but if you're bold and bulletproof, you can see that it's the mildest form of bullying there is.  She doesn't have to like you, and that's her choice to make.  But is she the end-all and be-all?  I highly doubt it.  But does that mean you should settle for someone else just so you can say you have a Valentine, and check off some unseen box on the alphaganda checklist?  No way, no how, not even close.  That way of thinking is why more than half of all marriages end in divorce.

You don't need a Valentine on Valentine's Day.   Maybe you want one.  If you'd like to have one, then have the good grace to love yourself first.  That one simple axiom, in and of itself, works better than any of the how-to guides to be a player, a pickup artist, or super-boyfriend that any of those jokers have ever manufactured. Rather, it comports with the Four Pillars -- specifically the ones about Belonging and Deserving.  If not today, then tomorrow.

Yes, you may feel like growling like Johnny Cash when you're single, muttering over those Folsom Prison Blues, and grumbling over your solitude.  Or, you might sing and groove like Barry White, knowing that with the loooooove you have for yourself, you'll be able to share the loooooove when it comes knockin', baby.

I recommend the Barry approach.  It's a lot more fun.  And it works.

I EXIST.  I MATTER.  I BELONG.  I DESERVE.

Good night everybody!

Letting Them In

Hey All!  Time to re-visit an older issue.

I've written volumes about rejecting and dismissing those who aren't right for you.  Now let's concentrate on those who are right for you.

(1).  LISTEN to them.  Act like what they say matters.  And if you forget something they said, have the good grace to double check it!

(2).  COOPERATE with them.  If they're really the right ones for you, they might give you some constructive criticism.  There is a HUGE difference between that and bullying, beyessing, and I'm-just-saying, and you should be able to tell the difference at this point.  If they give you some of that, think about it before you get defensive.  Better yet, don't be afraid to return the constructive criticism when it's needed.

(3). ACKNOWLEDGE them.  Do a few nice things "just because."  Surprise them with something you know they like. Tell them, and show them, that they mean a great deal to you.

Now many of you may not have that someone yet.  If you choose, you can remain alone, that's not exactly a bad thing.  But you can also decide that you do want to let someone into your life for the right reasons.  I'm not here to give you dating advice like the players and posers, that information is available from other sources.  If you're being yourself and that doesn't match with someone else, let them go.  If you're with someone who doesn't fit with you, show them the door.  But if you're sincere about the right one, the meeting will be arranged.  

That's kid stuff.  The trick is it make it that good for the long term.

Ya dig?

Changing The Mood, But Not Losing Focus

Hey All!  Just watched the Jets start their season at 1-0.  

I'm a little surprised that I haven't posted in a month, but I consider it a vacation.  Sometimes that's needed.  In my case, a little time away from the blog was needed to "change the mood."

This blog is designed to be a motivating force for men and boys who lack confidence.  In order to get over that hump, a manageable amount of anger is needed to make lasting changes.  After all, nobody becomes bold or bulletproof by doing nothing.  I am encouraging my audience to be just angry enough to stop allowing themselves to be hurt, and to build the kind of life and self that they choose to have, rather than what others foist on them.

But for next while, I'd like to focus on what comes after we achieve what those powerful bursts of anger brought us - happiness.

As beta males, we are geared towards situations where it is not necessary to keep our guard up. We crave people and places that make us feel comfortable.  We yearn for those who accept us and respect us.  For those of you out there who doubt that a reward like this exists, I can tell you for a fact that it most certainly does.  You most certainly can find love and respect.  

When you find it, you cherish it.  You express that time-honored beta tradition of gratitude.  You act like it matters.  And provided you get the same joy out of it, you make them happy too.

Even after that, you're still not done.

In every comic book story and action movie that boys digest, the hero wins the prize and rides off into the sunset.  In real life, that sunset doesn't show up for many years after that single victory, and the closing credits don't roll until the carving on your headstone is completed.

This is not minimizing the prize that's been won, of course.  But you don't win a lifetime a leisure and indulgence from just one victory.  There are more prizes to be taken, and more battles to be won!  

So how do we maintain that joy of winning while still remaining vigilant?  Simple discipline.  Let the fact that you proved something to yourself add a little something extra to all your usual tasks.  A little zip, if you will.  It's not such drudgery when you've got happiness behind you.  Don't let it interfere with the present moment, instead let it make the present moment more enjoyable.

Don't assume that it's your last great act.  Add to it.  Stack it.  Expand it.  Pimp it.  Trick it.  Always look to improve it somehow.  That way it'll continue to be enjoyable and never get stale.

In other words, after you win the prize, take care of it.  Very good care.  You'll be proud of it.

And now, the first full week of September!

I EXIST.  I MATTER.  I BELONG.  I DESERVE.

I AM BOLD.  I AM BULLETPROOF.  I AM BETA.

What's The Opposite of an Alphole, Anyway?

Hey All!  End of a niiiice summer weekend, work tomorrow, and I think we're ready.

When I first coined the term "alphole," people turned their offense-o-meters way up and let your buddy David hear it loud and clear.  How I dare I use such a term?  How dare I "generalize," even if these people are real?  How dare I say the emperor is wearing no clothes when it's not "cool" to say it?

I'm ashamed to admit I haven't been posting consistently this summer, but I can assure you I wasn't caving in or kowtowing to such groupthink.  We Bold Betas are destined to face alpholes no matter what we do, and we must be prepared to protect ourselves against their misdeeds, provided we do not stoop to their level and follow the alphaganda.

But I'd like to speak about another type of person we might come across - and this person is the absolute 180-degree opposite of an alphole.  

Many of you reading this might not have someone in your life who fits this description.  There are ways to find them, and this may require you to be somewhat selective.  It means you have to set certain criteria as to who you invite into your life, and you have to reject those who don't meet them for the sake of self-preservation.  That way, it's impossible to be anyone else's follower or lackey.

Take away all those who don't make the cut, and who do you have?  People who get you.  People who understand you.  People who accept you as you are.  People who genuinely like you and care about you.  And more importantly, you'll feel exactly the same way about them.

And once you make that connection, you'll want to make them just as happy as they've made you.  This will feel effortless.  This will feel right.  And this will make you feel even more Bold and Bulletproof than you already feel, because you'll be sharing your strength with another.  Not sacrificing your own self worth to someone else, and not commandeering someone who's nobody on their own.  No, you're making each other better.

So what's the opposite of an alphole?  An S.Y.L.  Someone You Love.

Ain't that a pip.  I guess this blog isn't always about disparaging those who make our lives difficult and unpleasant.  Make no mistake, the alpholes still don't get away with it.  But one good way to stay Bold and Bulletproof is to replace the alpholes in our lives with as many SYL's as we can find.

There's no limit to the places you'll go with them!

Sometimes It Hurts.

Hey All, Sunday night once again, and we all know what that means!

A little discussion about Mr. T's prediction for the rematch in Rocky III:  Pain.

As beta males, the key to our advancement is to make ourselves bulletproof.  When we're completely self-actualized, nothing that the alpholes of the world say or do to us can make us second-guess our self-worth, or intimidate us, or make us the subservient followers that they wish we were.

Being bulletproof means that we won't get killed if they fire at us.  But anyone who's ever worn a Kevlar vest will tell you that it still packs a wallop when you get shot anyway.  In other words, sometimes when people give you their best shot in a confrontation, even if you end up winning, it can still hurt.

Unfortunately, some people still adopt the alphaganda's approach to pain.  Shake it off, ignore it, pretend it's not even there.  As beta males, we can't afford to let pain stop us from being ourselves.  But if we act in denial and pretend that it doesn't hurt when it really does and we know it, we're only making it worse.

This is where your close friends and family come in to help.  Beta males are so used to being the shoulder that someone else cries on that we don't know what it's like to open to someone else about our hurt.  We've also been fed the false notion that nobody cares that you're in any kind of emotional pain, and if you tell them, they'll think you're weak.  I'm not saying you should go to everyone with your tales of woe and misfortune, but there are definitely a few close people in your circle who would be only too happy to hear you out.

First and foremost?  Dear old Mom.  I don't care how old you or your mother is, there is no shame in giving her a call and telling her if there's something that's made you sad or angry.  Don't overburden her, of course, keep it short and sweet, but there's no shame in telling her.  She didn't stop being your mother when you moved out of her house, and you didn't stop being her son when you became a grown man.  She should be only too happy to give you whatever advice she can, and to give you a few pearls of wisdom to help you get back on top.

And if you're among the most fortunate of us betas, you have a special someone in your life.  Maybe a girlfriend, or maybe a wife?  How could you even consider not telling them what's eating at you?  They expect you to be their rock and their foundation when their emotions overwhelm them, and they expect you be chivalrous and gentlemanly in all affairs.  Believe it or not, they would be more than happy to do likewise for you.  If they really are your one true honey, they should not expect you to be this comic book caricature who never feels pain, fear, doubt, or worry.  Rather, merely out of love, they should expect you to confide in them with these very feelings, and to trust them the way they would trust you.

Yes, we are still human.  We are on an ongoing quest to be better men -- more responsible, more brave, more confident, more respectable -- but nobody said we were going to be inhuman cyborgs!  We are flesh and blood, therefore we have feelings.  A beta male should never feel obligated to ignore, bypass, or deny his feelings if they exist.  There may be less appropriate times to convey them than others, but if you have close family or friends around you, do yourself a favor and confide in them.  This is why they're here, and they would expect the same from you.

Hopefully, none of you are feeling the kind of pain that I'm talking about.  But if you are, the best way to relieve it is to turn to your loved ones.  You have them for a reason, so don't be so quick to forget about them in your quest for self-actualization.  You may need them one day.

That's my jam tonight, all!

Passing The Test?

Hey All -- it's Sunday.  And while I watch my beloved Jets close out the first half far behind, here is my take on the weekly portion.

At this point, Isaac's mother, Sarah, dies after a long and full life, and Abraham obtains a choice burial plot for her.  With her passing, Abraham sends his servant to find a Canaanite wife for Isaac and bring her back to Hebron for him to marry her.

And how does he know she's the One?  He prays to G-D that if he asks her for water, she'll offer to give water not only to him, but to his thirsty camels that brought him this far.  And lo and behold, she does exactly that!

How neat would that be if that could always happen?  You pray for someone who says the right thing at the right time, and it happens!  If and only if we could just ask for a woman who could be that way, and have her that way!

Don't get the wrong idea, I mean nothing perverted by that . . . I'm talking about the kindness that Rebecca showed when Abraham's servant came calling.  Water was a precious resource at that time, and she's actually offering him more!  Who else does that, huh?

Well, chances are that the selection process didn't just mean someone willing to give more water -- maybe it's the kindness aspect that was sought after even more.  As you can see from the last three or four Bible selections I've reviewed, not a lot of kindness was being exhibited in this family.  There was plenty of animosity, a lot of rivalry, a good chunk of pettiness, and an extreme lack of action where there should have been some.  This was obviously a search for someone to make a real change -- to bring respect where there wasn't much before, to bring joy where there was anger, and to bring comfort where there was mistrust,

In other words . . . now THAT'S a lady!

Gentlemen, it ain't that easy to find her.  We need further dimensions to be fulfilled besides kindness, without minimizing that quality.  And the chance of anyone perfectly satisfying every level is slim and none.  However, there is someone for everyone, I'm convinced of that.  It might not be who you think it is, and the fact that they're "for you" doesn't guarantee a lifetime of happiness.  Of even that SHE'LL be around forever.  But she does exist.  And rather than being exactly the way you want her to be, chances are she could be even better!

And since this Bible portion does not even address the other Canaanite honeys who didn't make the cut, have the same focus.  Don't lament and bemoan those who just aren't "for you," and never hold grudges against those who think you're not for them.  Just focus on the one who is for you, and knows that you're for her.

Just hold out hope.  You won't have to cross a desert to find her, and you won't have to have rigid demands.  Just think about what you'd like to see most in a woman, and more likely than not, she'll quench your thirst.

Had to work for that one . . .  unlike the Jets!  :)

The Magic of Positive Reinforcement

Hey All -- Sunday night, and it's about that time, so here it is . . . .

It is often said that a pat on the back is sometimes more helpful than a kick in the pants.  It is also often said that attitude determines everything.  This week, I saw both of these axioms tried and proven.

I have a 91 year old grandmother, known for much of her life to be a "tough old bird."  She never let anyone or anything keep her down, but it appears that the aging process has caught up to her.  She has taken an extended stay in a rehab center and a local hospital due to various complications.

My Mom, being the loyal daughter she is, couldn't stand to know that my grandmother was suffering while she was many states away.  So, on a whim, she and my Dad decided to fly up here to New York and see her, to make sure her condition didn't get any worse.

Within 24 hours of their arrival, her condition improved.  Within 48 hours, she was discharged from the hospital.

Days after that, I came to visit her too, and I saw something really special happen.  Both my parents tried to explain to my grandmother that she would need to continue the exercise and physical therapy that she had been prescribed in order to continue to be able to walk.  My father had the more persuasive approach -- unlike his children, my father has always hated exercising.  He still does, but since he survived a triple bypass, he knows he has to do it every single day.  He explained to my grandmother that he hates exercise just as much as she does, but that sometimes we have to do things we'd rather not do because the alternative is unacceptable.  My grandmother, much like her first grandson, never liked being told she had to do something distasteful, but she listened to my father nonetheless.

The reason that much of this blog is devoted to denouncing bullying in all of its forms is because bullying is the ultimate example of negative reinforcement.  It is the continued and involuntary exposure to communications and actions designed to convince the recipient that he or she is abject and worthless.  Through the constant repetition that accompanies it, it usually results in convincing the recipient that this message is correct, and if left unchecked, it results in the recipient's demise.

Fortunately, positive reinforcement is just as powerful.  When delivered with the same repetition as negative reinforcement, it convinces the recipient that the Four Pillars apply, and then some.  When mixed with a certain degree of action in lieu of the repetition, it can work near-miracles.  Case and point, when my parents came to visit my grandmother, she almost became her old self.  My grandmother understood that there were people who cared about her very deeply, and wanted her to be healthy, and were willing to do something extra to make that happen.  Sometimes knowledge of self-affirming truths like these can move mountains.

This is further exemplified in my chosen sport of running.  When we see people who run at a less expeditious pace than we do, we do not ridicule them.  We do not question their intelligence or their gender identity.  We do not mock them, impugn them, or condescend.  Instead, we cheer them in, as if they were going for a world record.  We remind them that they are achieving an incredible accomplishment merely by putting on their shoes, pinning a bib on their shirt, and participating in the race to begin with.  We reinforce their efforts to put forth their best efforts.  And these people tend to cross the finish line happy, regardless of their time or pace, because hearing these messages reminds them that they were not mistaken to run that race.  Sometimes, those messages encourage them to run another race, and then another, and then another, and then another . . . .

There is a place in this world for criticism and judgment.  Please keep both of them in that place, and have the wisdom to know when they're not necessary.

There is also a place for encouragement, reinforcement, and positive affirmations.  Quite frankly, there is a greater need for them than there is for even the most analytical criticism or the clearest judgment.

Oh pleeeease, why should anyone care what anyone else says, they should already believe in themselves first, let them develop their own self esteem on their own time, they should have thicker skins . . . . .

Grrr.  Shut.  Up.  And.  Leave.  Please.

Next time you see someone suffering, show some positive reinforcement.  If it's a homeless person in the subway, maybe some spare change would let that person know that somebody still cares.  Or better yet, give him that sandwich that you might not have really wanted to eat for lunch -- that would be even better reinforcement.  If you see somebody forlorn or sad, shoot them a quick smile -- that costs nothing.  It'll lift somebody up an inch or two, and it might improve your disposition too.

As stated earlier on Facebook, this blog is taking an upward turn -- more positive reinforcement, as documented above, and more encouragement towards goals and success.  Just in time for the Ten Days of Awe, which will be explained to the uninformed in the next week or so.

Good night, everybody!

I EXIST.  I MATTER.  I BELONG.  I DESERVE.

Another Reposting for Father's Day!

Hey All --

In the spirit of Father's Day, here's a re-post from the recent past . . . edited to be up to date.

Two and and a half years ago I heard some distressing news from my Mom. I had already known that Dad had to be taken to the hospital for some sort of stress test, but this took an unexpected turn.
During the test, an angiogram was taken, and it revealed that the main artery to Dad's heart was 99% blocked. According to those facts alone, he should not even have been able to walk around, miracle of miracles. So they administered emergency triple bypass surgery to remove the blockage. This took the better part of the day, and I kept calling Mom almost hourly to check in Dad's progress. Between that and the text messages I sent to everyone else I knew about Dad, the battery did not last by the time I finally got home.
It really made me step back and think about my father, too. In my family, my Mom had the more outgoing personality, so he tended to disappear in the shadows.  When he did, however, he truly was  the Power Behind The Throne. :)

I also remembered one episode from childhood that forever defined the type of man he was. I was about 8, maybe 9, and he wanted to show me some work he was doing on the car. He wanted me to be mechanically inclined, so I'd know what I was doing once I had a car of my own. I tried to look interested, but it didn't work.

As unforgivable as I'd later realize this to be, growing up in a blue-collar town, I was anything but mechanically inclined.  I would have given anything at that time to go back inside the house, watch cartoons, and do anything that would allow me to put my mind in neutral, after the previous 5 school days of having various adult authority figures demand, in tones of righteous indignation, that I "Pay Attention!!!!!"

I would learn acting skills in later life, but that day, my performance was a failure. Finally, my Dad gave up out of frustration and told me to go back inside. I said "No, Dad, really, I'm interested," hoping to avoid another lecture, but he wasn't buying it.

So I did watch my cartoons, but I did so with a heavy sense of guilt.  Once again, I had disappointed someone without doing anything at all.  But later, he came into my room, and we had a talk.

He said, "David, I can't play the saxophone, but you can.  I also can't draw cartoons, do funny voices, or sing those Michael Jackson songs on the radio, but you can.  I'd like you to one day learn how cars work, because it can save you a lot of money and give you a good hobby.  But if this is not something you want to learn about now, that's OK.  You really don't have to do everything that I do, because you're your own person."

The reason why this moment remains so important to me is because it was the first time in my young life that an adult authority figure did not yell at me when I was being myself. In fact, this was the first time in my life any authority figure told me that I was OK, and that I should feel OK about it! In that moment, my father, with his quiet, gentle, and thoughtful ways, became Bill Cosby, Ward Cleaver, and Mike Brady all rolled up in one!

From that day to this one, my father has remained a man of patience and dignity. The thought of him undergoing the bypass made a lot of things clearer to me -- that he deserves a lot more accolades and praise than he's received.  For all things he's done, for his family and his country, he deserves a ton of recognition.

In later life, my father would enlighten me with his simple, almost Daoist wisdom.  As a teenager, sitting at the dinner table, I would sometimes go on my oft-repeated rants over who made me angry and how wrong they were.  In response, Dad would patiently say, without the slightest trace of annoyance in his voice, "David.  Eat your dinner."  

At the time, I'd get belligerent when he said this, because I thought he was trying to shut me up.   He certainly was, but he was trying to do it in a way that would teach me that the anger and rage I was feeling was not going to do me any good when a plate of my mother's cooking was sitting in front of me undigested.   Right at that moment, at dinner time, I couldn't travel back in time and suckerpunch the miscreant who'd aroused my ire, but I certainly could enjoy the meal instead.  Now I look back and laugh how he was always the one who could hold it together, no matter what -- without ever studying Zen Buddhism, he was just almost as advanced as the Dalai Lama.

Yes, the past happened, and we were all stuck with it. But through my father's gentle repositioning, I learned projecting it on others around me, all of whom were actively engaged in the present moment, did precious little to help things.  In his own way, he knew I was upset and he wanted me to be happier, but he also knew that dwelling in the anger and enabling feelings of permanent victimhood would not be effective solutions.

So, I dedicate this reposted and re-edited post to my father.  I'd also like to wish a Happy Father's Day to all the men out there who accepted this most challenging role, and to thank them for the examples they have always set for their children.  I'd also like to thank my father for the support and encouragement he gave me earlier this year when it was most needed.

Yes, my Dad really was, and still is, the Zennest master of all Zen masters!  I still know of nobody else who keeps composure like he does.  I hope he had a nice day to just relaaaaaax today.  :)

Good night, All!

OK, We Got Him. Now What?

Hey All.

Well, our friends in Boston have breathed a huge sigh of relief, and toasted the efforts of their local, state, and federal law enforcement agencies in apprehending the surviving accused terrorist who attacked the marathon.  No further attacks anytime soon, we hope.

So now what happens?  The legal issues.  Will he be tried for murder under state law in Massachusetts, which does not have the death penalty?  Or will the US Attorney General charge him with capital murder, which by definition, carries the death penalty?  Will this exception to the Miranda warnings stand up in Court if challenged by the public defender?  Or will his all-too-important statements be excluded from evidence?  Or will the proper authorities realize the risk of this overconfident maneuver, wait until Tsarnaev regains consciousness, and read him his rights just as a CYA move?  Or better yet, will they deem him an enemy combatant and ship him off to Gitmo?

This is why we have police, this is why we have courts, and this is why we have at least two overlapping justice systems.  Let's leave the second guessing to the pundits and prognosticators, and trust that they'll figure it out so we don't need to deal.

But what about the rest of us?  I think we've already seen what to do next.

(1) Remember the victims and their families.  Whether it's buying a shirt to show support, running in a race to acknowledge them, or just plain posting inspirational messages on your feed, just show them that they matter more than any extremist, miscreant, or gangster.

(2) Remember that life matters, just like we all did after 9/11.  It's not a guarantee, it's a gift.  Although we all have laws and standards to live by, we also have free will.  Unfortunately, free will is sometimes used to accept hatred and anger, and to commit unspeakable acts because of them.  But it's no excuse to avoid living life just because there's a risk that someone will take it from us.  Rather, it's even more of a reason to live, and live even better.  Nobody, not the FBI, CIA, TSA, DHS, or ICE can ever stop this from happening.  But we can still live anyway, and live with greater purpose.

In fact, what better reason is there to live, than with the knowledge that our death could happen 20 years from now, or tomorrow?  I apologize in advance for the thoughts this hypo may generate, but what if you or I were lost in that bombing?  Granted, the media would grant you a brief, but sincere-sounding epitaph.  And they may take a few tearful statements from your loved ones.  But wouldn't it be better if you knew, just for yourself, that you were living life the best way you knew how, When The Hour Comes?  Wouldn't it be satisfying, at least for your loved ones if not just for you, that you died doing what you loved?  Instead of postponing it because the other daily crapola got in the way?

(3) Let Love Trump Anger.  This one I'm borrowing from a good friend of mine.  This friend has recently become a fan of this blog, and has reviewed some of my posts dealing with anger.  This friend acknowledged that anger sometimes stays with us longer than necessary, and believed that some anger stays with us permanently, no matter what we do about it.  However, this friend believed that the best possible way to keep anger at bay is to let it be trumped by love.

That doesn't mean we should all bake cookies and send them to this miscreant while the feds grill him.  It does mean that we do the same thing we did after 9/11, and use this as a chance to heal.  Act a little friendlier to total strangers, maybe -- if you're in NYC, give up your seat on the subway to someone else, and pay it forward.  Or if elsewhere, drop a quarter in someone else's parking meter.  Maybe even strike up a conversation with a total stranger at the DMV.  And even now, when at least one playoff series pits New York against Boston, taper off the anti-chowder rhetoric and show a little respect and understanding.

Smile at people.  Pay a few compliments.  Be less rigid.  Know what to sweat and what to let go -- I mean really know this.

There's no reason to forgive this Chechen extremist, whether he was brainwashed or not.  But there is a reason to live like it matters, and to enjoy life by letting our righteous anger be pre-empted by good old-fashioned happiness with life.

That's all from here -- and thanks to that friend of mine who gave me a little reminder.  :)

Black Thursday?

Hi All.

Missed ya last week, due to the Super Bowl.  And as great as that game was, I still owe you a Double Portion.  So here goes.  :)

This coming Thursday is a very confusing day.  It apparently originated as a saint's day in the Catholic Church, but it has now become an annual boon to the greeting card industry, the florist industry, and sometimes the jewelry industry.  It may have an underlying theme of celebrating the passion and the beauty of romantic love, but others have made into yet another obligatory gift-giving holiday, even for those who are not significant others -- not to say they're insignificant, of course, but they're not as significant as spouses or partners, if that makes any sense.

When I was younger, all the single people I knew would jokingly label Valentine's Day as "Black [insert day of week that February 14th fell on here].  Well, since I happen to be in that category this year, looks like I'll be reviving that old tradition.

I will most likely be wearing all black to work, even to Court appearances.  If anyone asks, I'll smile and do my best Johnny Cash concert introduction for them.  I may even do a parody of Folsom Prison Blues specifically for unattached gentlemen such as myself.  I can still have some fun with it, after all, even if it is Black Thursday.

However, a very good friend of mine recently cautioned me that I might be taking the occasion a bit too far.  Holidays like this sometimes deceive us into believing that the grass is somehow greener in someone else's front yard.  Well, my friend is certainly right -- just because other people may have a more traditional reason to celebrate Valentine's Day, that doesn't necessarily mean that they're winning something over those that don't have that reason to celebrate.  It also doesn't necessarily mean that they're so much happier than those that aren't celebrating either.  And more importantly, there's nothing that says next year won't be different.

As is often the case, my good friend is very wise.  This year, I may be marking February 14th as Johnny Cash, but next year I may be marking it as Barry White.  And for those of you who have heard my impressions of both fallen stars, you'll see that they're actually quite similar -- who knew?  Still, it'd be interesting to spend one year as a Man in Black, and another year as a guru of loooooooove, behbeh.  Oh yeah.

So for those of you celebrating Valentine's Day in the traditional manner, I wish you what the late Heavy D referred to as, "nothin' but love."  And for those of us who won't be, let's just remember that our time will come.  Maybe not on that date specifically, but usually when we've got our mind on other things and just acting naturally, it'll just happen.  And that's a proven fact that any deceased singer can attest to!

Have a nice weekend, all!

Now That Felt Good!

Hey All, it's Sunday night!

Today, I had pretty good race.  Ran in the 18-Mile Tune-Up at Central Park, and wasn't sure how I'd do.  Last week I tried to do 16 miles on my own crossing the Queensborough Bridge and back, but good old MapMyRun just wasn't cooperating that day.  Got a big fat "Auto-Pause" instead of an accurate tracking, so I couldn't really gauge how I did.

Today, however, felt different.  This was three loops of the big 6-mile loop of Central Park, including Harlem Hill!  I tried to start out slow and relaxed, but I fell in with a chatty bunch, including a pace group leader for other races who had a million stories to tell, and wound up doing a 9-minute pace along with them.  I worried whether I was wasting what I'd need for the end, and then took a mint chocolate chip Gu with a Powerade chaser as I began the second loop at Mile 6.  That sent a few bursts of energy through me, and I found myself coming close to 8-minute splits.  After a while, I just dialed in that pace and stayed with it as long as I could, although that second Gu at Mile 12 didn't hurt matters.  Towards the end, I felt myself slowing a tiny bit, but I reminded myself that the finish line was near.  Right on cue, I came within range of the PA system, reminding the runners still competing to stay in the rec lanes on the left side of the road and leave the rest of the park to everyone else.  Lady, you can remind us all you want, I'm coming in for the home stretch!  So as soon as I saw the turn on the 102nd Street transverse, I booked it!

Met up with that chatty bunch later, and we compared "gun times," and extrapolated them to likely marathon times.  Mine was 2:34, and I was pretty happy with that, but I wanted to wait until the "chip time" was available before logging it with good old MapMyRun.  After I did, and posted it on Facebook, I got a lot of likes and comments that made me smile!  :)

I'd like to thank everybody for the congrats and accolades, but this isn't the end by any means.  The first Sunday in November, I've gotta stare down 26.2 miles on a journey through the Five Boroughs of NYC.  So in between then and now, I've gotta do at least one 20-miler on my own, and then taper down.  I'll keep you all posted, of course.

But it's not all about me, you understand.  Another triumph today was that of a good friend of mine who competed in a duathlon outside Buffalo, and placed second in her age group!  As a prize, she was awarded a snazzy-jazzy plate specifically designated for second place in her age group, and a free jar of peanut butter, LOL!  I still think they should switch to Nutella, but that's just me.  :)

Either way you slice it, this really is a good way to start the New Year that many of my tribespeople are celebrating.  I've talked a little bit about new beginnings, about starting classes at a metaphorical new school, and making changes in life.  This race was one good way to get a jump-start on that, as I needed a little boost of confidence to get started on all of those things.  I hope to ride these new changes all the way to Marathon Sunday and beyond, and in other senses besides running.  This year I'm also going to be re-kindling old friendships, making new ones, and making vast improvements and overhauls to this part-time hobby I call my blog.  To the extent I can't see what can be done to make it better now, I plan to enlist expert opinions of those who know how to make these things successes, and continue to make great connections and spread a little extra confidence, self-esteem, and good old-fashioned happiness to all who read it.

Back to work tomorrow, peeps!  Monday awaits . . . .  :)

Mother's Day

Good Evening, All:

For my Mother's Day post, I think it only fitting to re-post (and where necessary, edit) what I posted on New Day last year.  I dedicate it not only to my own Mom, but to all the Moms I've met in my travels.

Today, most Americans celebrated a day to honor all mothers. For some, this included breakfast in bed, going out to brunch, or gathering at a family member's house. I'd like to take this time to honor my own mother.
My mom ran a tight ship. She expected homework done every night, even if she had to make us do it. She expected rooms to be clean, even if she had to make us clean them. Most importantly, she expected us to behave according to a "higher standard."
That meant even if every other kid in school had a toy gun, I wouldn't have one. Even if every other kid watched a certain show on TV that she didn't approve of, I wouldn't watch it. And most importantly, even if every other kid had a smart mouth, or had an attitude, and acted like they could get away with whatever they wanted, I couldn't -- because THERE WAS NO GETTING AWAY WITH ANYTHING!
Our family was raised before the era of time-outs, and during a time when children did not make the rules. Rather, it was the PARENTS who made the rules, and the children who learned to follow the rules, and not to break, or else suffer consequences!
I credit my mother with substantial success in that department -- she raised a son who did very well in school, and went on to become a lawyer. She also raised a daughter who knew how to see right through people, how to show compassion to children who needed it most, and how to coach others to their peak physical form. NEITHER of whom failed out of school, broke the law, or expected things to be handed to them because they felt entitled.
I am not a parent, but I know that the essence of parenting is to give children roots and wings. Mom gave us both of those for sure -- we learned that we could always turn to her for advice (and we still do), and that we could grow up and advance as adults, achieving anything we chose to achieve.
Thanks, Mom. I know it meant putting up with a lot of nonsense from us, because children are known to do that. Heck, we still do that a little bit as adults, too. But you had the tenacity, the patience, the endurance, and the patience to raise two damn fine people!

And now the update for this year:  My Mom is due an extra bit of gratitude because she helped me through a few tough experiences with some no-nonsense advice and her unwavering support.  This year, more than ever, she has been someone I could turn to for anything, and I'll never take it for granted.

Mom, you're the best, and don't you forget it!

Heroism -- Not As Easy As It Looked!

Yes, People, today marks the end of what is known as Holy Week for some, and the transition from the festival days of Passover to the intermediate days of Passover -- I'll explain that concept another time.

MOSES.

This week we celebrate major festivals in two different faiths that both concern men who were called upon to be heroes for different reasons.  The Passover story recounts how Moses, an Egyptian nobleman, learned of his Hebrew lineage, aligned himself with his enslaved countrymen, and led their miraculous escape from slavery. He was, at best, a reluctant leader - the rabbinical commentaries said that he was so uncomfortable with public speaking that Aaron had to "interpret" for him when he demanded that Pharaoh "let my people go."  Not all studly and forceful like Charlton Heston played him, he never volunteered for this gig.  Rather, he was chosen to be the leader and to bring G-D's message of deliverance and freedom.

And this business of freedom proved to make him an unpopular leader.  Once the Jews made it across the Red Sea, the complaint department was open for business 24/7.  People thought that Moses had brought them out of Egypt to die, they questioned where this Promised Land actually was, and they started remarking that the Egyptians, brutal as they were, at least fed them (no kidding they fed you -- to paraphrase Boba Fett, unfed slaves were no good to the Egyptians!)

This lack of popularity eventually got under his skin, so that he lost his temper on two significant occasions:  First, when he came down from Sinai with the Tablets in his hand, what did he see?  His own people decided it would be a lot more fun to worship a golden idol and hold a bacchanalian shindig than to wait for him to deliver some high-handed laws.  So he chucked those sacred Tablets at them, went off on them royally, and declared them unworthy.  Eventually, the Tablets were replaced from on high, the golden calf was smelted down, and those responsible paid the price, but Big Moe showed the people that he had his limits.

On the second occasion, he got tired of the people asking for water from the rock, which could have been delivered merely by speaking to it.  But he was in such a foul mood that day that he struck it hard out of frustration, against the commandment to merely ask for the water from the rock.  This time, he paid a hefty price:  all those complaining Hebrews were going to cross the river into Canaan and build their own country, but he wouldn't be joining them.

These two isolated incidents smudged his otherwise legendary status.  Although it was he who brought G-D's word to Israel, he was all too human in his reactions to the complaints and capriciousness of a brand new nation.  Had he only learned that it's not possible to change the way people act or think, even if they are delivered with Commandments from G-D, his record could have been perfect.  The simple truth is, that some people will complain and judge and gossip even when faced with direct and irrefutable proof of a Higher Power.  The only One who can change them is G-D himself, not you.  Had he simply understood that (a) some people flocked to the calf because they were not ready for G-D, no matter what miracles they'd seen; and that (b) people will demand water even if it's there for the taking, he may have been able to enjoy the rewards of his hard work, and actually entered what is now Israel.  However, he would settle for the fact that he brought Israel, a great and mighty nation, out of misery and bondage to build its own kingdom and Temple, which was clearly enough of an accomplishment in and of itself.

JESUS.

The Easter story tells of the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ.  A carpenter was called upon to fulfill his role as a Chosen Savior predicted by prophecy, and he went about it the best way he knew how.  He preached what he knew was true, and taught others how they could receive the Kingdom of Heaven.  In doing so, he risked great peril from many sources.  While those who agreed with him saw him as a leader, a prophet, and a source of comfort and faith, others called him a fraud and an enemy.  Had he been around today, there might have been a large amount of friends and advisers with good intentions who would have tried to limit what he said, where he said it, and to whom he said it, just to protect him.  If there were such advisers around him then, he apparently chose to take those risks instead of seeking safety.

Ultimately, his enemies brought an end to his earthly existence in spite of the good he did.  However, the Gospels state that he still triumphed over them when he rose from the grave.  His words would eventually be accepted by most of known world.  Nevertheless, the end to his life on earth was a painful and tragic one.

His example, not unlike Moses, was a reminder of perseverance in the face of adversity and unpopular sentiment.  Both men stuck to their convictions, no matter how hated or reviled their positions made them.   Both men have long since been venerated for what they accomplished -- one brought a nation of slaves to freedom and liberty, the other preached salvation and redemption to all people.  They both succeeded, but both their successes came at heavy costs.

So let's take the examples from both men:  (1) Are you angry at people who just don't get your message?  Let them not get it, because that's not your problem.  Staying angry at those who just don't feel like listening will only drag you down to their level.  (2) Are you brave enough to deliver your message even if it's unpopular and others may threaten you?  Don't be afraid of them.  However, if there's a personal safety, life-and-death issue, be careful.  Dying for a cause is noble, but living for your cause is even better.  As long as nobody's being put in danger, and your adversaries at least respect your right to live and speak your truth, don't hold back.

Hope you enjoyed your holidays, all, and have a happy Monday!

DISCLAIMER:  The above blog entry was not intended to malign, besmirch, impugn, or condemn any religious practices, creeds, or beliefs.  Any offense experienced by the reader of this message is entirely the responsibility of that reader, and not its author.

You Deserve A Break!

Hi all -- now that all four football playoff games are done, and the Golden Globes are on, now's a good time to update the old blog!

It takes a certain amount of work to elevate yourself to new levels.  Accepting the Four Pillars, eliminating the parasites, saboteurs, and gangsters from your lives, and increasing your self-esteem are not as easy as our friends in the "I don't care" crowd would have us believe.  So what do we do when we're swamped?  Take a BREAK.

Last week, I had a break of sorts.  It was one I'd planned months before in order to run the Disney Marathon.  Away from my normal routine, I visited my parents down in Florida, went to Orlando for all three of us to enjoy the marathon, and was treated to a little extra rest and relaxation.  Once again, I thank my mom & dad for all their support! Not only did I use that weekend to compete in that marathon, I also used it for a little extra peace and introspection.

And this past weekend, I took another break.  I had a week off from running, and treated myself to a mini-junk food binge!  I'm not sure if the editors of Runner's World would agree, but most coaches will tell you that your body definitely needs to rest before you start running regularly again.  And so I have!  Of course, something tells me that by next week, that'll change.

The best thing about my breaks -- reconnecting with family.  Our past can only be our past, we can't live in it, and we can't go home again.  Even so, maintaining long-term relationships, especially with blood relatives, can still give us greater insight into who we are at present, and where we're going.  Your immediate family still knows you better than anyone else, and has the best perspective into the path you're taking, and can always advise you in the most supportive way.  You can still trust them more than anyone else.  So long as you remain true to them, they'll always stay true to you.

So I'd like to thank my folks for inviting me into your home recently.  I can assure you that those visits won't be the last.  The time I've spent with you has been rejuvenating, and I recommend the same to all my readers, to the extent it's possible to do so, no matter how young or how old you may be.  Through reunification and reflection with the family you grew up with, you're able to gain strength from the original source of life.  In doing so, you're able to rejoin the world stronger, more mature, and significantly wiser.

And it doesn't hurt to remind them, and yourselves, that:

I EXIST.  I MATTER.  I BELONG.  I DESERVE.

Feel free to comment!