The Next Level?

 Happy Sunday Afternoon, Friends and Neighbors.

Those of you have followed this blog through the years, and patiently waited through the lulls and gaps, know that my cause celebre is dealing with those who are unkind to us, developing a thicker skin (more like Armored Heart) when their presence is unavoidable, and simply getting the eff rid of them when the possibility of doing so is available.

I don't know about you, but I am actually reaching the point where the message has become slightly redundant.  Mostly because, on the personal end of things, it's kind of already happened.  Anyone that I was able to dismiss is long gone, and anyone that I've kinda had to tolerate, I've put on a clinic in grey-rocking.  Honestly, while the subject of bullying and narcissism is clearly eternal, I'm beginning to feel a little bit like the Japanese soldier who stayed in the jungle for 30 years because he honestly thought the war wasn't really over.

In all honesty, I haven't been making enough time for those who actually have been good to me, and that needs to change.  However, that's my issue, to be dealt with.

That being said, the question remains:  What's on the other side?  What's the next level like?  How is the climb up from this part of the mountain?

Or in other words, how do we address life once we get over other people who weren't good to us, and start being good to ourselves?

That's a question I'm kind of figuring out myself too, but here are some suggestions I've picked up along the way.

(1)  Continue Mastering Your Thoughts.  You don't think about "them" anymore, so what's to be thought of instead?

    (A)  Meditate.  You don't need to have constant, non-stop, never-ending stimulation.  If there's nothing in front of you to do right now, then use that nothing constrictively.  Just be, just breathe, just observe.  Add some mantras on top of that if you choose, but don't be ashamed of just doing nothing for a short time every day.

    (B)  Review.  Check your living space.  Check your finances.  Check your social schedule.  Like what you see?  Good.  If not, go back to the well and change things up a tad.  Throw away the stuff you don't need, and fix up the stuff you do.  

(2)  Continue Owning Your Actions.  Thinking the right thoughts is good, but transforming them into actions is better.

    (A)  Keep Advancing.  One of my most vocal (former) critics asked me years ago, "Are you saying people should be happy with who they are, or are you saying that they should improve?"  I answered, "Both."  And I still mean it.  Get even better than that, every single day, even if by only a little bit.  tell yourself to run a little faster, lift a little heavier, smile a little a wider, earn a little more wealth, etc., etc.  Maybe relax one day a week as needed, but keep climbing up anyway.

    (B)  Be Real.  If you're wrong about something, learn a lesson.  If you're right, congratulate yourself on being right once.  If you don't know, ask.  If you do know, act on that knowledge.  If they're good to you, be good in return.  If they're not good to you, be polite, but unaffected.

(3)  Plan and Graph The Future.

   (A)  Decide Your Goals.  Choose what you want to happen and plan how to make it happen.  This is doing your homework, making choices that require effort, and refusing to lose sight of the goal.

   (B)  Choose Your Influences Wisely.  We have spent years reminding ourselves that if people are criticizing you just because they dislike you, don't take you seriously, and don't want to hear anything you have to say, their opinions are not valid.  We got the point of that.  However, chances are better than average that you still need constructive criticism, and that if you disengage your ego when it's being presented, you may actually be receiving some much-needed help.  If it's coming from people who actually want you to succeed, and not fail, it costs nothing to listen.

   (C)  Tune Out The Distractions:  Harder to do in this day and age, when we're tethered to our devices for better or for worse.  But if what you're seeing and hearing from your devices is drawing you offsides, or taking your eye off the ball, then you'll need to stop seeing and hearing them until they lose their influence over you.  You make the rules, they don't.

Should you find your mind wandering back to the aging relics that left scars, try to remember this:  

   i.    You were presented with that experience as a blueprint of who not to be, and not as an excuse to behave the same way they did.  

   ii.   Also, if you were never presented with obstacles, losses, rejections, and insults, you would have been just as spoiled and narcissistic as they are.  Leave them behind, overcome the residuals, and keep moving.

I EXIST.  I MATTER.  I BELONG.  I DESERVE.

RESPECT ALL.  BEFRIEND FEW.  LOVE ONE.  HATE NONE.

New Year, New Name

Good Evening All.  Hope you enjoyed New Year's 2020!

Now that we've begun a year that implies unimpaired and tainted vision, this little writing space of mine will be doing likewise.

(1)  We still have the original Four Pillars, but we've expanded them to Eight.

I EXIST.  I MATTER.  I BELONG.  I DESERVE.

This means that we have a duty to love and respect ourselves, that we have a place in this world that's all our own, and that by staying virtuous and avoiding vices (as much as possible with imperfections acknowledged), we earn the same respect as anyone else.  As set forth in the other Pillars,

RESPECT ALL.  BEFRIEND FEW.  LOVE ONE.  HATE NONE.

This means that we pay forward the respect we'd like others to grant us.  That being said, we also grant friendship to a select few, because not everyone can be our friends.  We also get even more selective with whom we love, ideally a spouse or partner.  But regardless of how low or how high our opinions of other people might be, and even if they actually do deserve our scorn, judgment, and righteous anger, we simply do not hate them.

(2)  We acknowledge that there are aggressive, obnoxious, narcissistic, bullying, violent, and unfriendly people in this world.  However, we know that pointing fingers at them and reminding them of their failings will never convince them to change their ways.  Instead, as unfair as it may seem, it is actually our obligation to prevent ourselves from becoming triggered, offended, incensed, or driven to violence.  Instead, we advocate healthy boundaries against those who engage in such shoddy behavior, while being mindful and self-aware enough to not adopt that same shoddy behavior.

WE CAN ACCEPT PEOPLE FOR WHO THEY ARE BECAUSE WE CANNOT CONTROL THEM.  WE CAN ALSO REJECT PEOPLE FOR WHO THEY ARE BECAUSE THEY CANNOT CONTROL US.

(3)  More than anything, we promote the practices of mindfulness, Stoicism, and self-healing in response to bullying and harassment.

We do not condone violence of any sort.  For those who will see opportunities for debate when these posts are read, please be advised that we have already heard, and addressed, every counter-argument that could possibly raised on this issue.  We recommend measuring twice and posting once, with that admonition in mind.

Instead, we promote the regulation, control, and discipline of our emotions, regardless of how shoddily "they" behave.  We also promote the evaporation of our feelings that arise from prior harms and slights, real and perceived.  That means we do not believe in holding grudges.

Feel free to like, follow, and comment.  More to follow!

MOTHER PROTECT US, FATHER EMBOLDEN US.

A Year of Emotional Maturity

Good Afternoon, Friends and Neighbors!

A nice little run sweated the alcohol out of my system, and the NFL has the last regular-season games of the season.  So where does that leave you and me?

(1) Constantly Seeking Improvement.
Yes, it's a day off from most jobs, but that doesn't mean from all work.  Every day we have is an opportunity to learn from our earlier choices, to improve from our earlier state, and to do things we've never done before.

(2) Reserving Alone Time.
Our high-conflict neighbors simply cannot function unless they are active, around people, and "on" as much as possible.  Our secret weapon is in avoiding this trap.  Every single day, we are to spend some time alone.  To write/journal, meditate, relax, or just be there.  That doesn't mean you stop moving forward, do nothing, and get lazy.  It does mean you take a period of time, not to long and not to short, to clear your mind, stabilize your thoughts, and keep your emotions in check and in order.

(3) Looking For Reasons To Be Happy.
Always find something, every day, that makes you smile.  A joke, a quick word with a friend, anything that gives you a reason to appreciate everything that is right about this world.  Even if you're having a bad day, people are being challenging or difficult to you, or unfortunate consequences have happened, do this.

The Big 1-7 is going to be a year of changes for you all and for me.  I'm looking to become even more successful in my career, get my message out through this blog and other means, and to start a life of happiness with somebody special.

I EXIST.  I MATTER.  I BELONG.  I DESERVE.

I AM BOLD.  I AM BULLETPROOF.

I AM EMOTIONALLY MATURE.

Chinks In The Armor

Hey All!

Had the kind of Saturday afternoon where I really needed to focus on something good to post.  Yes, the cleaning lady was over, relieving me of an otherwise unfortunate menial household task.  Still, had to stay here to "supervise," rendering me immobile.  Hey, that's the price of having someone else keep your place presentable.  :)

The reason why many of us, beta or otherwise, encounter so many obstacles in life is that we have a weakness.  We have an Achilles' heel, we have a kill switch, we have a virus that freezes up the hard drive known as our brain, and sets us back.

This could be many different things to many different people, but rest assured it's something that happened in the past.  My dearly beloved adversaries in the "we don't care, we're too cool" crowd will instantly pooh-pooh this fact because they've always "gotten over it," so they think nothing from their past weighs them down, and if anyone else does, there's something wrong with them.  I'll let them say whatever they feel, with the knowledge that everyone has something from the past weighing them down, no matter how much they deny it.

Your past is a part of you, that's unavoidable.  History cannot be altered.  You can't do what George Lucas did to the original Star Wars trilogy and change what already happened.  Right, wrong, or indifferent, that's the way it was.

Notice I emphasize . . . was.

Here in the present, there are number of ways you can handle the past.  You can suppress it, ignore it, and pretend it never happened, like the "cool kids" say they do.  If you're able to do that, that's nice, but you may face bigger problems.  As my father loves to say, "He who does not learn the lessons of history is forever condemned to repeat them."

You can also allow it to rule you.  Because someone yelled at you really loudly as a child, you could become a sweet, docile, non-assertive people-pleaser, because you'll do anything to avoid having anyone angry at you.  Because someone hurt you in your younger years, you could become guarded, snippy, suspicious, defensive, and cold-hearted to anyone who crosses your path, because you just can't trust anyone not to hurt you.  Because somebody rejected you, you'll just reject everyone else to protect yourself.

Or . . . you can make peace with it.

You can accept that what happened, happened, but is not happening now.  You can realize that those events cannot affect the here and now.  You can become emotionally detached from it.

You can accept it as a part of history memorialized only in old books and photos.  You can reduce it to dry references and footnotes, instead of allowing it to define you.  You can keep it for informational purposes, but not as a reflection of current values.

How you do it is up to you.  You should know how your own mind works better than I do, or anyone else does.  But if you want to fill in the chinks in your armor, and really be a bold and bulletproof beta, then you need to take these lessons of the past, scan them into some kind of psychological zip drive, and save them somewhere other than your active thoughts.  If they are somehow manifesting themselves subconsciously in your present thoughts and actions, then engage in some redirection.

You cannot afford to let your past affect your present to your detriment.  If you let it, it will ruin you.  It will sap your strength.  It will stunt your growth.  It will leave you stranded on a psychological plateau, leaving you incapable of advancing or improving yourself for the rest of your life.

This blog is about the Advancement of beta males.  As long as you stay in a state of arrested development, forever fighting with ghosts and memories, seeking vengeance on those who got away with it, and mourning over unfinished business, you will not be successful.

It's also about the Redemption of beta males.  Not just from outside sources who've held you down, but from holding yourself down.  You must free yourself from anything that holds you back, especially yourself!

And it's also about the Self-Actualization of beta males.  And part of that means that you can only live in the here and now.

Whatever happened is done.  The past will always be a part of who you are, but it should not, and cannot, be the strongest part of you.  Your passions and drive should only be centered on the present, or on preparation for the immediate future, and not on things that have already transpired and cannot be rearranged.

Once the past is filed away where it belongs, you will become bold and bulletproof.

I EXIST.  I MATTER.  I BELONG.  I DESERVE.

I AM BOLD.  I AM BULLETPROOF.  I AM BETA.

Have a great weekend, all!