This week, in my religion, we have the 10 Days of Awe. This is a time of celestial auditing - our good deeds are balanced against our screwups, our victories are weighed against our mistakes, our efforts to give respect and mindfulness are balanced against our moments of uncontrolled aggression - and the consequences to our actions are set in motion.
It is thought that during this time, a few concentrated efforts and good deeds/thoughts/words might tip the scales back in our favor, and maybe neutralize pitfalls and tragedies that might otherwise be dumped on us.
Now this thought may come from one religion in particular, but I think it’s something that works for people of all faiths, and also for people of no faith.
(1) DID YOU SCREW UP? That’s a loaded question. Of course you screwed up, just like anyone else!
Just correct yourself. Own it, understand that you were wrong, and figure out how to prevent it from happening again.
(2) DID SOMEBODY ELSE SCREW UP ON YOU? Welcome to life. The rest of the world is imperfect, just like you are.
After you’ve made it clear that you didn’t appreciate it, maybe let it go. Once the deed is done and they’ve been made aware of what damage - real or perceived - was caused, don’t hang it over their heads. That’s called holding a grudge, and it’s an obstacle to growth. If they’ve stopped what they were doing (and possibly apologized), it’s not their fault anymore. But if you keep holding it against them, it becomes your fault. Don’t let this happen.
Either way you slice it, we can't control anyone else's conduct, ever. We may have some leeway if we are parents, teachers, bosses, or law enforcement officers. But even that has its limits, and anyone who attempts to exceed those limits is manipulating.
We most certainly can, however, control our own behavior. We're not enslaved by other people's opinions, and we're not designed to be triggered by other people's choices of words.
So if we can try that during these 10 Days, chances may or may not be likely that the consequences we face in the coming year might not be so onerous after all.
