Happy Sunday, Friends and Neighbors. Hope you're enjoying what's left of the summer, within the limitations imposed due to COVID, at least.
I have continued my Stoic Awakening by incorporating the teachings of Marcus Aurelius and Epictetus into situations where I would have otherwise be ruled by my emotions. An adjustment to be sure, but a welcome change.
In so doing, I've realized that part of the reason for such division in our society is that we overreact and over-retaliate whenever anyone says things we don't like. Yes, people really do say the wrong things, and they sometimes say them with the intention of provoking others. But that doesn't mean we absolutely have to be provoked just because they said it.
How many arguments have we seen take this pattern:
(A) I think that's wrong because (XYZ).
(B) But youuuuuuu do this! But youuuuuuu do that! But heeeeee did this! But theyyyyyyy did that!
Ladies and gentlemen, this is the Proctology School Fight Song. Whenever someone challenges you, invoke the name of our honored alma mater, Butt U!
Why do we deflect everything coming our way? Why be defensive? Why make it into a confrontation when it might not have been one?
(1) NOBODY'S PERFECT. NOT ME, NOT YOU.
The more arrogant of us like to say, The Truth Hurts. They're wrong. As Einzelganger says, if it's the truth, it's not an insult at all.
If you're hearing something you're not happy with, before you get all your defenses up, stop and think: Is This True? If so, stop. Or to be more direct, sit down, shut up, and take notes.
Never bash anyone for telling you something that's true, even if it's an uncomfortable truth. The more you get into practice doing this, it will actually become less uncomfortable. That's because you've decided not to make yourself injured by that which is true. You don't have to thank them, and it's for darn sure you don't have to be fraaaaands within someone who makes a career of doing this, but you do have to acknowledge what's true. Period.
Trying to counter-punch, find fault with the critic, and one-up them is the way of a child. Let's outgrow that.
(2) THAT'S THEIR OPINION.
If it's just a matter of opinion, let them have it. They're actually entitled to think differently than you, believe it or not.
We don't have to live by their beliefs. And they don't have to live by ours.
It should take less than one minute to move on from that. Sometimes the more narcissistic among them will try to goad you into a fight with the wrong tone of voice and attitude. Let them have their obnoxious behavior for their own enjoyment. There's no reason for us to commence the downward spiral by retaliating to their hot air.
Telling an asshole that he's an asshole will do nothing more than reinforce the assholery. You know this to be true.
(3) WHY SHOULD WE CARE?
It may feel like "getting back at them" is a sign of strength. It's anything but.
It's a sign that you couldn't hold it together in the face of unpleasant circumstances. It means that you can't hear uncomfortable things without taking them personally. It means that you have not outgrown the the infantile need to always be right and always win.
When we reach Emotional Maturity, that all evaporates.
There are greater battles worth fighting, more important issues that require responses, and better people worth addressing. When we realize this, we've reached the summit.
This year, students are returning to school, regardless of the pandemic. Please don't let Butt U be one of the schools you return to. Please transfer instead.
DO NOT DEMONIZE, DO NOT DEIFY.
STOICISM, EMOTIONAL MATURITY, POINT OF EVAPORATION
I Exist, I Matter, I Belong, I Deserve.
Respect All, Befriend Few, Love One, Hate None.
