A New Chapter

Hi All.  To those who celebrate, a very happy and sweet new year!

In the religion I was raised with, this time of year is called the Ten Days of Awe.  Our fate is said to be inscribed in the Book of Life, and then sealed at the conclusion of this period.  Traditionally, this is a time to behave somewhat more righteously than you had previously.

Only problem is, when those Ten Days are up, what then?

Secret for ya, peeps.  The Book of Life is ALWAYS open, every day and night of the year.  There is NEVER a wrong time to make a change for the better.  We are not governed by a diety who tracks all of our screw ups, waits until we've forgotten about them, and says "look what yooooou did!  Look what YOOOOOOOU did!"

(some people still do that - and if you tolerate them, that's a mistake)

You want to make a change?  To start winning more than you lose?  To show the world that you're somebody and deserve respect?  Don't wait.  And don't assume that you've missed some arbitrary deadline, because that's impossible.

And those alpholes?  And the coooool kids?  Don't worry - "look what yoooooou did" is the ONLY.  Card.  They.  Have.  To.  Play.  Keep being Bold and Bulletproof, and they'll have NOTHING to say.  And that's the best you'll get from them!

Today's a great day for a new start, but it can be done at ANY time.  I know I'n on my way.  How about you?

I EXIST.  I MATTER.  I BELONG.  I DESERVE.

I AM BOLD.  I AM BULLETPROOF.  I AM BETA.

The Record Is Closed

This evening, the 24-hour fast day of Yom Kippur came to an end.  For those who observe, this was our last chance to seek forgiveness for all wrongs we committed this year, and to ask for a chance to do it right this year.

In my profession, you usually get just once chance to make your argument or prove your case.  It's usually done "on the record," so there's always proof that you made it.  Only problem is, if you DON'T make that argument or offer of proof that you needed, and the record is CLOSED, YOU LOSE.

That means you can't bring it up for the first time on appeal -- can't sneak anything past judges at that level, for sure!

Well, I thought I covered everything as I was in temple last night and today, and made most of my peace with G-D.  However, during the course of the day, I did get a little curt and short with someone that I should not have.  I'm feeling a bit low about that, but the holiday is over.

That being said, the liturgy of this day says that the only atonement granted is for sins between you and G-D, which He is most likely to forgive.  Sins committed between you and other people?  You're on your own.

So, without bringing up any names or places, I would like to let this individual, who is a Facebook friend, know that I was wrong and I'm sorry.  I have no idea whether this person is in a forgiving mood, but I'm being sincere.

Of course, per my September 16, 2012 re-post, the ball would be in that person's court now.  If he/she is too good and full of themselves to accept my apology, my obligation ends.  By the way, this is why some people will tell you that NOT apologizing gets more respect than apologizing.  Far too many people see contrition as an act of weakness and groveling, and it emboldens them to rub it in the penitent one's face.

Accordingly, if my sincere entreaty is not accepted, then as far as I'm concerned, it's withdrawn, and my transgression is absolved.  It takes guts to admit that you made a mistake and you want forgiveness, but it takes little more than human decency to grant that forgiveness -- we're all human, after all.

Too big to forgive?  Take a gander at the book of Jonah, the lamest prophet in the Bible.  Went out of his way disobey G-D's own directive because he didn't want to see a whole nation of sinners forgiven.  Much to his chagrin, they did request atonement most sincerely, and it was granted over his objection, and G-D took the opportunity to rub it in Jonah's face so he'd finally learn!  Even after living in a whale's (or fish's) stomach for three days, the smell of the brine and seaweed did not alert him to the fact that forgiveness is available to all those who ask for it, and that nobody is so big to judge others not to forgive (except the Nazis, they'll never deserve it).

So now that the record is closed, and all is said and done -- I am sorry, but if I'm not forgiven, there's no real need to be.

Comment, y'all!

You Just Can't Make Them.

Good Evening All, it's about that time.

Things are going quite well -- took a nice long run up and down the neighborhood and the park.  To shake things up, I used a new heart rate monitor given to me by a very supportive family member.  While it didn't show me distance or pace, it did indicate that I was very close to my maximum heart rate of 181, and burned 1127 calories in 1:14:20.  Good to know that I'm not overdoing it, and also good to know that my metabolism hasn't slowed down!

But on to tonight's topic.  A friend of mine recently noted that attendance in his/her house of worship was significantly less this week than it was during the recent major holidays.  He felt sad and frustrated that others did not seek out G-D faithfully, and questioned why those with only sporadic attendance and participation would even join a congregation to begin with.

His feelings are completely valid, and I'm sure many others who are active in church or temple feel the same frustration.  Most weekends, the sanctuary is populated by "the regulars," but on the red-letter days, it's standing room only.  Or better yet, on the red-letter days, some people only come to hear "the important part," and then leave with a substantial amount of the service remaining.  It's annoying and disrespectful, let's be honest!  It also serves to erode faith - apathy is sometimes contagious, and it takes strength and discipline to indoctrine oneself against it.

However, the frustration felt towards our apathetic counterparts must be contained, otherwise it morphs into arrogance and judgment.  Nobody can force adherents of any faith to be present at services, or to say all the right prayers, or to do anything that the ancient scriptures say ought to be done.  That's why we live in a country that respects freedom of religion (and atheism), and not one that imposes religion on its population.

Are they doing wrong?  Maybe.  Is it a diss to the house of worship and its leaders?  It sure feels like it.  Then again, there might also be completely valid reasons for skipping or cutting, such as children, health, or other commitments.  Or chances are, they wish they could attend, but some problem in their life is preventing them from doing so, and they may be somewhat embarrassed to explain what it is!  It also might not be our business.

And if they don't have valid reasons, then let them deal with G-D Himself.  We can't assume that we speak for Him when we don't, so let Him do the job.  If He sees fit to send a message, people are much more likely to take Him seriously than us!

For those of us who are faithful attendees, keep it up.  Don't be discouraged by those who aren't there with you, and don't question whether you're wasting your time because of their no-shows.  Just like they don't have to explain to you why they don't go, you don't have to feel self-conscious or self-doubting because you choose to attend.  You honor G-D the way you see fit, keep your faith strong, and don't let anyone -- not the latecomers, not the early-leavers, not the no-shows, and not the smart-ass agnostics who deride and belittle your beliefs -- make you feel like you shouldn't stick with it.

And besides, maybe it's better to be happy with those who do attend, than it is to be angry at those who don't.  By way of analogy, look at me and this blog -- sometimes it feels like I have a pseudo-congregation out here in the blog-osphere, but I can't make people read it.  In fact, there are a few people out there I would LOVE to read it, but I know for a fact that they won't.   If I sent emails of my blog entries to all of them, demanding that they read it, they'd just get annoyed and delete them.  So all I can do is write what I know best, check the stats, and be happy with the turnout that results.  It hasn't happened often, but I sometimes get negative feedback from my readers.  I can't force them to love every single word I write, but I can politely acknowledge their beef, and then choose to either accept it or reject it.  It's far better for me to keep this going, even with the video, than to feel slighted and stunted by those who feel like walking out on what I'm saying.

WHEW . . .  sometimes I don't know where it comes from, people.  Oh, one more thing:

DISCLAIMER -- the above post was not intended to offend, malign, besmirch, insult, or kick sand in the face of any adherent or nonadherent of any church, religion, creed, cult, faith, group or organization.  Any offense or sense of being miffed is entirely the responsibility of the reader of this blog.

That's all I got now -- have a restful Sunday night!

For Those Who Work Hard

Today is Labor Day.  Many of us had the day off from our usual occupations, to honor and respect the American worker.  Since I was one of them, I postponed this week's blog until now.

I'd like to say a few words about those who labor, and the respect they deserve.

There is a group of friends that I sorely miss.  They live in my hometown on Long Island, and they raise their families together, sharing good times and bad, and sometimes sharing profit and loss.  Had Hurricane Irene not rained on our parades, I would have sojourned out to the Island to wish Happy Birthday to my godson and his older brother, and to acknowledge that they will both become big brothers this winter.

When I think about hard work, the image of these boys' father pops into my head.  I have known him since we were both in the first grade.

When we were in high school, he played hard more than he worked hard.  If you knew him, you'd see he was a star.  Every guy wanted to be him, know him, or hang with him.  Every woman . . . he should be the one to finish that sentence, and not me.  :)  He was the coolest, the hippest, the funnest, and the savviest.  Point being, he brought good times with him everywhere he went, and elevated everything he touched. 

Since high school ended, this man's time to play hard also ended.  However, he replaced that effort with his capacity to work hard, which he has done ever since.  He is an expert electrician and cable installer. His knowledge requires him to traverse the entire tri-state area to wherever his work is needed, so he may support his family.  He also can handle every type of home improvement issue that suburban life can throw at a man.  And he never, and I mean never, complains about how difficult or uncomfortable it is.  In fact, even while working harder than he did as a teen, he still has that attitude that elevates everything he touches.  As a father of two, soon to be three, boys, this is the right example to emulate.

What does this mean for the rest of us?  Transference of attitude, I think.  Many of us get lazy and start complaining over our job conditions.  We tend to do so with no idea of how much worse it could be if our jobs were suddenly taken away from us, which does happen in this economy.  We are better off taking pride in the work we do and the profit it brings us.  If many of us worked the way my friend does, we might not think of it as easy.  He probably doesn't either.  You wouldn't know that, though, because he carries himself through his work as if he were still in high school.  Still laughing, cracking jokes, and showing grace under pressure when things were rough -- much the same way he did when confronted with an overzealous disciplinarian in the old academic days.  Maintaining this same posture towards adversity and difficulty is what sets him apart from other men, now and then. 

The Four Pillars tell us that we exist, matter, belong, and deserve.  They don't tell us that we are spoiled, or that effort is beneath us.  Although he's brought this attitude to work and fun long before yours truly typed out the Four Pillars, he's actually been applying them better than most people I know.  He makes himself an integral part of every project he's on, and earns respect on top of remuneration.  Such is the manner that each of us should approach our job and/or business, should we hope to succeed.

However, the spotlight does not only belong to him this week.  Although this blog is primarily meant to provide motivation for men and boys with low self-esteem, it has come to my attention that most of the people who follow this blog are female.  Not to pander or glad-hand, but in the interests of further increasing traffic, I'd like to show the example of a woman I know who works just as hard as this man, if not more.

She is a single mother of three daughters.  She was in a marriage that was not doing her family or herself any good.  She took the risk of not only ending the marriage, but also moving her family clear across the country for a better life.  This move required her to work, and to work hard once she arrived there.

This move required her to make sacrifices.  Life got less comfortable than it had been previously, and sacrifices had to be made that required her and her girls to give up the creature comforts they had previously enjoyed.  Despite it all, on she presses.

Not everyone in her family or circle of friends agreed with this decision. Some of them gave her a cold shoulder, and others reneged on promises made. Even with so much unfairness of things, she worked two jobs, or one with additional hours, so that her girls could have what passes for a normal life. She has also moved on from the remnants of her marriage to find love and respect from a man who recognizes her and loves her for who she is. She is now the modern-day embodiment of the protagonist of Bertolt Brecht's "Mother Courage and Her Children."

This woman has also used the Four Pillars without realizing it. Despite the fear, doubt, and rejection that came her way, she knows that she plays an indispensable role. She plays the primary caregiver role for her family, teaching her girls the values of self-reliance and discipline. She reminds them to learn from her example of the right choices to make and the mistakes to avoid. She teaches them that even if they may hate the decisions she makes, they are done out of love and concern first and foremost.

So let's all remember the American worker. If there were no blue-collar workers, we'd all be living in tents. If there were no white collar workers, we'd be living in anarchy. If there were no green-collar workers, our environment would be deadly. And if nobody worked, we couldn't live.

Have a good week getting back to work and school, all. And don't forget to comment, like, and follow on Facebook and Twitter!

Re-Education

Another problem we have with these bullies:  Unlike Congressmen who get caught tweeting pictures that were meant for porno casting directors, these people NEVER admit fault, even if they're confronted with a mountain of proof.  No matter how judgmental they may be towards others, no matter how much they love pointing out other people's faults and weaknesses, they feign ignorance when shown to their face the many ways in which they themselves are wrong.  Some of them seem to pretend that it's not even happening!

However, I remember a very iconoclastic episode from my youth in which the opposite happened.  Some of you may remember me from college, when I was a member of a co-ed community service organization that attempted to appear similar to a fraternity or a sorority.  One of the leaders of this organization was a bully of the first order.  He/she had all the characteristics I've mentioned earlier in this blog -- he/she was spoiled to the degree of thinking that insulting people in public and behind their backs was a harmless pastime, because they had never suffered any punishment or consequences for their actions.  Even worse, if anyone took the slightest step towards rebuking them, there was an army of followers who worshipped every single thing this postpubescent child had to say!  I'll still never understand how that's ever possible, but it was an unfortunate reality.

I mean, please!  This was a community service organization, and these people behaved as if they were the forerunners to "Mean Girls!"  It's a good thing those "Real Housewives" reality shows had not yet been conceived at the time, because these people would have, unfortunately, become stars!

Finally, after burying their heads in the sand for an eternity (since this man/woman/child decided that he/she loved this illegitimate reign so much, he/she stayed at our school to get a master's), action was taken.  An underground group attempted to report his/her misdoings to the National Office to have him/her expelled as a member.  However, as was often the case, there were no secrets in this group.  Gossip traveled faster than texting, and there was no texting then! 

Nevertheless, a meeting was held, and he/she was finally faced with his/her offenses, and forced to confront them.  As predicted, his/her first response was the plaintive wail of "How could you do this to me . . . after all I've done?!?!?!?"  Yes, he/she did assist in founding the organization.  Yes he/she was a "good leader" (interpret that whichever way you'd like).  And yes he/she did want to do what was best for the organization.  BUT HE/SHE JUST COULD NOT STOP BERATING, INSULTING, BESMIRCHING, OR SLANDERING OTHER MEMBERS OF THE ORGANIZATION WHO WERE NOT HIS/HER CHOSEN FEW!  As predicted, his/her only response to this fact, which became weaker and weaker as the meeting wore on, was "But I'm only being honest!"

And then, before I knew it, I was brought into the fray as well.  One of my closest friends in the organziation rebuked him/her for talking trash about me when I wasn't around to defend myself.  His/her only response was that "But I wasn't speaking to you when I said that!"  And what's more, someone had chosen him/her and me to be co-chairs for a certain committee, prompting him/her to tell anyone who would listen how unworthy and sub-par he/she thought I was, even stating that "When David speaks, I leave the room."  Being confronted with this line actually brought a smile to his/her face.

(By the way, he/she was 24 years old when this was happening.  Scary, right?)

I decided to take the high road when it was my turn to speak.  I did not attack him/her, or accuse him/her of anything.  I did not toot my own horn or make myself sound better than him/her.  Instead, I decided to bring up my own weaknesses.  I admitted that I was not always a very nice guy to the other members either.  I, too, had said the wrong thing at the wrong time.  I, too, was far from perfect.  However, I had also gone out of my way to make amends for those failings.  I had accepted the consequences of my actions, and attempted to replace them with friendlier and gentler ones.  I then told him/her, that if he/she still chose to hate me, he/she was welcome to do so.  However, if he/she could make an effort to change his/her behavior when dealing with me, he/she might be pleasantly surprised.

He/she rolled his/her eyes (again) at the thought of showing me any respect at all.  However, I was the one who was pleasantly surprised in the next few minutes.

He/she said, somewhat begrudgingly, "Dave, you're right.  I have not been fair to you."  He/she then took the time to mention that I, also, had been dedicated to the organization, and put in the time to make it better than it had been.  He/she also stated that he/she would try to work with me on the committee, and would stop complaining about it.

I wasn't sure if this was a "work," as it's called in pro wrestling.  Was he/she faking this just to draw me offsides?  I didn't know.  I did know that his/her followers gave me the dirtiest looks around campus for the next few days.  Who was I to soften up their dear leader?

For the most part, we did work fairly well together as a team.  This sometimes meant I had to let him/her do a lot of things that I would have preferred to do.  But when you deal with someone who's that leadership-oriented (it's OK to read power-hungry), sometimes it's better to do that.  Otherwise, they'll just pick apart and second-guess everything that you did differently that they would have done.

The point of this ancient and dusty allegory is this:
(1)  Although it's not always a successful approach, one of the best ways to deal with bullying is to confront the aggressor with what they do and to explain why it's wrong.  People like this usually lack the humility to understand that anything they do might be wrong.  However, if it's done in a way that is not judgmental or preaching, but rather in a way that shows that we're sometimes as wrong as that person is, there's a better chance of them understanding it on their own terms.
(2)  Sometimes it's not what you do, it's how you do it.  It's not always that you get the job done, it's that you make others happy that you did it.  Or to put it bluntly:

(3)  YEAH, YOU DID IT -- BUT WHAT GOOD IS IT IF YOU'RE STILL A(N) ___________ ?

Feel free to comment -- especially those of you who were there when this episode happened!