Choose Your Words Wisely

 Happy Halloween, All!

I find that the amount of anger, resentment, and moral righteousness I've felt in the past has been decreasing.  Part of that is because real life has been getting pretty good lately.  Another part of that is that I've started repeating my Affirmations a little bit more often.

It's often said that your thoughts and your words must be chosen carefully, as they become your actions.

So when I have free moments to myself, I like these mantras:

(I)  I EXIST.  I MATTER.  I BELONG.  I DESERVE.

I recommend reciting this anytime you find yourself disrespected, rejected, or insulted.

(II)  RESPECT ALL.  BEFRIEND FEW.  LOVE ONE.  HATE NONE.

I recommend reciting this anytime you find yourself about to become triggered, irritated, or angered by someone else's shoddy behavior.

(III)  DO NOT DEMONIZE, DO NOT DEIFY.

I recommend reciting this one before any political discussion.  Also, see II.

(IV)  POINT OF EVAPORATION

Anytime you're having trouble letting go of grudges or past hurts.

(V)  POINT OF FAULT TRANSFERENCE

Anytime someone else holds grudges against you or over-retaliates.

(VI)  MOTHER PROTECT ME, FATHER EMBOLDEN ME

Anytime you feel anxious, scared, or unsure about a future event.

(VII)  DO NOT SPOIL, DO NOT PUNISH

Anytime you've made a mistake or done something wrong.  Also see I and II.

(VIII)  I AM NOT ANGRY AT YOU, AND I AM ALSO NOT ASHAMED OF MYSELF

See II, IV, and V.

(IX)  BETTER ONES THAN ME HAVE DONE WORSE DEEDS AND SUFFERED FAR WORSE CONSEQUENCES

See VII.

(X)  THERE'S A LADY NAMED KARMA.  SHE IS NOT ATTRACTED TO BAD BOYS AND SHE IS NOT FRIENDS WITH MEAN GIRLS.  SHE IS NOT INFLUENCED BY GROUPTHINK, AND SHE IS NOT SWAYED BY VOLUME OR ARROGANCE.  LEAVE CONSEQUENCES TO HER - SHE HAS BETTER TOOLS AT HER DISPOSAL.

Use if you have already recited I, II, and III, and reinforcements are needed.

When used often enough, and effectively enough, they can help us manage most negative emotions.

Be safe, all.

Cancellation vs. Boundaries

 Good Morning All - hope you remembered to spring ahead!

A new issue has arisen:  Cancel Culture.

Various portions of pop culture are being taken off the shelves, or out of circulation, because they have been deemed unacceptable by today's standards.  These include entertainment products, sports team names and logos, and literature.

The reasons for their removal and rejection are based on good intentions:  namely, combating bigotry.  Since we Respect All, it is valid to remove prejudice and hatred from our own thoughts and actions.  

On this blog, we have explored a similar issue:  Boundaries.

We have accepted the fact that there are people and things that we do not need or want in our lives.  We cannot make them behave the way we would prefer, because they choose that.  We most certainly can, however, remove them or limit contact with them, because we have absolute power and control over that.

It seems that Cancel Culture is attempting to set boundaries against undesirable expressions and opinions, but doing so on a society-wide scale, rather than a personal scale.  

Both of these principles can be easily harmonized:

(1) Rather than penalizing the creators of older intellectual property produced years or decades ago because the words and expressions that they chose, at times when they were not considered offensive or hurtful, does not seem to be the most equitable remedy.  Rather, it seems a more responsible choice to simply not purchase or view the items, to the point where they are no longer considered valuable.  And if there are still others who consider them valuable, let them possess them instead.

(2) Instead of globally "canceling" such ideas and expressions, why not leave it up to each individual to decide what they will and will not accept?  Wouldn't this be tolerance and coexistence?  Wouldn't this be respect?  And most importantly, wouldn't this be the type of detachment that Emotional Maturity brings?

(3)  The Stoics taught us that there will always be people and things in this world that we don't like.  We can't make them disappear, and we can't force them to behave the way we want them to be.  What we can do, instead, is to either accept the fact that our world is less than ideal and proceed regardless, or when possible, to remove that which we find objectionable from our own personal realms.

So let it be with Cancel Culture.  Don't like what Dr. Seuss said in that book he wrote 80 years ago?  Don't buy it for your child.  Don't like what that football team wears on its helmet?  Don't watch them - in fact, cheer for the other team to beat them!  Don't like what's in that Disney cartoon?  Don't view it, and don't let your children view them either.

We Can Accept People For Who They Are, Because We Cannot Control Them.  We Can Also Reject People For Who They Are, Because They Cannot Control Us.

The operative word here being, "control."

I EXIST, I MATTER, I BELONG, I DESERVE.

RESPECT ALL, BEFRIEND FEW, LOVE ONE, HATE NONE.

DO NOT DEMONIZE, DO NOT DEIFY.

POINT OF EVAPORATION.

The Hidden Benefit

 Good Evening All.

As we're about to get vaccinated against COVID, there's a small air of optimism in the air.  There's a sense of relief, looking towards the reopening of society as we once knew it, and tossing away (in the most sanitary way possible), these masks.

Despite the discomfort, unfairness, tension, and resentment that this pandemic caused, I like to think that there is a hidden benefit to having endured it.

A popular saying is that, "tough times create strong people, strong people create easy times, easy times create weak people, and weak people create hard times."  Nobody likes to be called weak, but this saying is true.

When we face adversity, so long as we do not admit that the adversity is defeating us, we become stronger.  That does not mean that winning is the only acceptable solution.  If you bring your A game and you still lose, there's no shame in doing so.

Once we get over that hump, it's only natural to create easy times.  Why not, we've earned it!

Unfortunately, those who might not have earned those easy times become spoiled by them, having not experienced the previous hard times.  That's what keeps the circle going.

So what's to stop us from getting so spoiled? 

Just a little bit of understanding and appreciation, maybe.  Couple of Stoic exercises couldn't hurt:

(1)  Try a cold shower in the morning.  It will make you appreciate the hot ones more.

(2)  Go camping once a year or so.  It will make you appreciate property, possessions, and civilization more.

(3)  Travel to areas of your community, and your world, where members of other faiths and stripes live.  It will make you appreciate the world at large more.

(4)  Shut off these electronic devices once a month.  It will make you appreciate humanity as it naturally is more.

(5)  Spend time with people you dislike once a year.  Not only will it make you strengthen your boundaries, it will also make you appreciate the world that exists outside your opinion even more.

In no way to I suggest that we should torture or abuse ourselves.  I am suggesting that we should not spoil or weaken ourselves.

I EXIST.  I MATTER.  I BELONG.  I DESERVE.

RESPECT ALL.  BEFRIEND FEW.  LOVE ONE.  HATE NONE.

MOTHER PROTECT US, FATHER EMBOLDEN US.

DO NOT DEMONIZE, DO NOT DEIFY.

STOICISM AND EMOTIONAL MATURITY.

POINT OF FAULT TRANSFERENCE, POINT OF EVAPORATION.

Another Repost for MLK

 Good Evening All - Since I've already gone over this ground, here's a repost, by popular demand, in honor of the Reverend Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.  It's been edited a little to go with the times.

Today, we honored the birthday and celebrated the life of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.  Dr. King was one of those rare men who rise above human nature and its many weaknesses to bring about real change.

He came of age at a time when racism was as American as apple pie.  Most chose to accept simply accept it.  Jim Crow laws, separate-but-(un)equal facilities, and policies designed to keep one race isolated and abject were omnipresent.

The only other alternative besides "just accepting it" would have been starting rebellions and riots.  Dr. King, however, was not that kind of man.  As a man of the cloth, he understood that peaceful resistance was the most effective means by which to stop racist laws and counteract racist culture.

When I first learned about Dr. King in elementary school, I immediately identified with him. Back then, I learned that the "the system" was not there to take my interests into account.  At the time, I was bullied, the school knew about it, and it did absolutely nothing to stop it.  Dr. King's life story dealt with not only one person, but an entire group of people, being harassed, deprived, and disadvantaged, and a government that either turned a blind eye to what was occurring, or sometimes even encouraged it!  For me, it was far less an issue of race than it was an issue of respect -- or the complete lack thereof.

Dr. King can truly be said to be the greatest anti-bullying advocate there ever was, before people even understood that there was such a thing as "anti-bullying!"  He also combated what we now know to be bullying in ways that most men would not conceive of implementing.  He proved that it was not necessary to stoop to a bully's level to beat him.  

Got a bully in your personal life?  Or better yet, someone who has the backing and implicit encouragement of the authorities? It's not because that person is "insecure," it's most likely because they're spoiled instead.

It may feel easy for you to start blazing your guns at them, so to speak.  As we learned from Dr. King, this is a mistake, because that's exactly what the bully wants you to do. They're trying to make you use your anger from a position of weakness, which means you will, repeat will, make mistakes.  Anger can only be used from a position of strength, which the bully will often have over you. Don't let them play with your emotions like a sucker!  Dr. King saved his passion for his speeches, not for cursing out some sheriff with a fire hose!

My suggestion?  Use the power of "NO."  Are they trying to expose your weaknesses and foibles?  Say "NO" to the entire conversation.  The fact that they want you to admit that you've forgotten something or neglected something is not their attempt to win a case or a prize -- it's their way of testing how weak you are. If it's something that you know is irrelevant and inconsequential, just answer honestly. If it's something that they want to use to make you look stupid, just change the subject.  

MLK didn't eliminate hate.  That's beyond anyone's control.  However, he did severely weaken the power hate has over society.  So if someone hates you and you can't avoid interacting with them, just weaken their power.  Start with the Four Pillars:

I EXIST. I MATTER. I BELONG. I DESERVE.

You can recite it as a mantra, you can hum it to yourself when nobody's around, it doesn't matter.  Just as long as you have these Pillars in your head when these people are screwing with you, it's a lot easier not to let them win. You'll almost render yourself bulletproof!

And so, in closing, please honor the memory of MLK.  Not just by showing respect and tolerance towards members of all races, but also by how you respond to threats and adversity.

For clarification, this post was written in a time when my lifestyle was somewhat different than it is now, accordingly the tone is different than my more recent posts.   Originally, this blog was focused merely on opposing bullying, and then evolved into an empowerment tool for Beta Males.   Since then, it has evolved even further to embrace Stoicism and Emotional Maturity.  Since Dr. King's philosophy was based in maturity, and not in machismo, the result was more powerful than the hardest punch ever thrown.

Let's not let hate blur our thoughts and pervert our judgment.  Let's not be swept away by groupthink, buzzwords, and sound bites.  Let's think first and react afterwards.  

And above all, let's give, and receive, RESPECT.

Good night all!