A New Chapter

Hi All.  To those who celebrate, a very happy and sweet new year!

In the religion I was raised with, this time of year is called the Ten Days of Awe.  Our fate is said to be inscribed in the Book of Life, and then sealed at the conclusion of this period.  Traditionally, this is a time to behave somewhat more righteously than you had previously.

Only problem is, when those Ten Days are up, what then?

Secret for ya, peeps.  The Book of Life is ALWAYS open, every day and night of the year.  There is NEVER a wrong time to make a change for the better.  We are not governed by a diety who tracks all of our screw ups, waits until we've forgotten about them, and says "look what yooooou did!  Look what YOOOOOOOU did!"

(some people still do that - and if you tolerate them, that's a mistake)

You want to make a change?  To start winning more than you lose?  To show the world that you're somebody and deserve respect?  Don't wait.  And don't assume that you've missed some arbitrary deadline, because that's impossible.

And those alpholes?  And the coooool kids?  Don't worry - "look what yoooooou did" is the ONLY.  Card.  They.  Have.  To.  Play.  Keep being Bold and Bulletproof, and they'll have NOTHING to say.  And that's the best you'll get from them!

Today's a great day for a new start, but it can be done at ANY time.  I know I'n on my way.  How about you?

I EXIST.  I MATTER.  I BELONG.  I DESERVE.

I AM BOLD.  I AM BULLETPROOF.  I AM BETA.

Close It Out, and Crack Open a New One!

Good Evening, Peeps!

Sorry I was not around last week, but that only entitles my adoring public to a double portion for the Big '13!  And that ain't bad!

I already blogged about new beginnings, that's a subject we're all familiar with.  It's for sure that I've got some new beginnings going on for the Big '13.  But before that becomes official, it's also a good idea to trash all the not-so-happy material we collected in the past 12 months.

Yesterday in NYC, some organization put together a "Good Riddance Day."  Everything that people wanted to be rid of at the end of the year was shredded, compacted, or otherwise destroyed, along with notes of things that we all aspire to be rid of!

I know I've got a boatload of things I'm anxious to be rid of that accumulated in 2012, and I recommend all y'all do likewise.  So before I commence the purge cycle, let's review:

(1)  Memories of people who did not make my life happier.

(2)  Thoughts of people who seem to irritate me, and the reactionary thoughts that somehow keep the irritation on the repeat cycle long after the irritating source has been removed.  Of course, a long term removal of said irritants would be ideal, but you and I usually don't have a secret "eject" button to make that happen (with a few exceptions).

(3)  Any records that are older than 5 years -- that's why we have shredders!

(4)  Anything expired -- this may require the intervention of the Food Police, the Coupon Police, or the Out Of Date Magazine Task Force, but someone's gotta handle that job for real!!!!!!!!!!

(5)  Anything that takes up space for no good reason.

(6)  Any relationship that is not based on respect, trust, and understanding, and is instead based on guilt, fear, or obligation.

(7)  Stress triggered by something I have no control over and cannot fix at that moment.

(8)  Resentment of anyone who offers constructive and respectful criticism, doubt and fear engendered by negative criticism, and the understanding to differentiate between them both.

(9)  Grudges against anyone who wronged me this year.

(10)  Desperate need for approval by others, even when their approval is completely unnecessary.

(11)  Stagnant annoyance and irritation at people who act like jerks and a$$#oles.  As I've said before, merely hating them doesn't bring down G-D's wrath on them, they'll eventually bring that on themselves.

Of course, this list is not exhaustive.  In fact, I encourage all my Pillarites to comment and add their own s--t list!  Even for me, writing it down is the first and most decisive step towards getting rid of all this clutter and waste product that can only hold us back.

And of course, the two biggest things I'd like to close out, trash, and forget about for 2012:

(A)  Hurricane Sandy -- a natural disaster that left people homeless and unsheltered, ripped my beloved Long Island apart, and created yet another reason for people to gripe, complain, moan, and whine about how ineffectual government agencies are and always will be.

(B)  The Cancellation of the NYC Marathon -- after all the self-righteous posturing and soap-box commentary about how runners were selfish for not wanting the marathon to be canceled, and the shameless political pressure that caused it to be canceled, I'd like to put that nonsense far behind me.  And with the NYC RUNS marathon in February, and a visit to the upstate Frontier this May, that's exactly what your friendly neighborhood blogger intends to do.

So that's it.  Take a hike, 2012!  Get lost, disappear, vamanos!  And take that stupid Mayan BS with you too!

Now to make the Big '13 The Year of the Pillars!

I EXIST.  I MATTER.  I BELONG.  I DESERVE.

A New Year With a Repost!

Hey All --

Since many of you might have missed last year's post regarding the Jewish New Year and the Ten Days of Awe.  So, in honor of this holiday, here is last year's post, with a few edits, and some emphasis added for good measure.

Gentlemen:

Some of you may be aware that this week is the Jewish New Year, and next week is the Day of Atonement.  This is the time of year when many devout Jews take into account their deeds and misdeeds, their successes and failures, and their strengths and weaknesses.  Many of you might not celebrate these holidays, but what I've got to say about it may be worth a read.

During the Ten Days of Awe, G-D is said to take into account each person's conduct throughout the prior year, and to decide what consequences he or she will or may not experience as a result of that conduct.  It is implied that if we've done wrong, we may face a comeuppance.  However, the liturgy of these days states that "Prayer, Righteousness, and Repentance avert (or lessen, depending on the translation) the severe decree."

You've seen me blog about misdeeds before.  The Four Principles tell us that we Exist, Matter, Belong, and Deserve, but they don't tell us that we're perfect.  Unless one of you is a divine super-being from another world, and chose not to enlighten me to this fact, then it's pretty obvious that we've all made mistakes this past year.  We've all opened our mouths and put our feet in them.  We've all forgotten things we should have remembered, and obsessed over things that were completely irrelevant, to our detriment.  We've all gotten too big for our britches and put our own desires over others' needs.  And we've all gotten so incensed in the heat of a disagreement, that we've done or said things that should not have been done or said, and can't be taken back.

The liturgy gives us a road map that might persuade the Almighty to grant us forgiveness:

PRAYER -- this can take many forms.  For those who are traditional, this could mean attending morning synagogue services and wearing tefillin as a "sign upon your hand and as frontlets between your eyes (see Deuteronomy Chapter 6)."  Or maybe going to church, mass, temple or mosque, and reciting the appropriate supplications seeking forgiveness.  Or maybe just finding a quiet park bench, overlooking a lake, and seeking a personal connection with G-D.

There's no one sure-fire request to make of the Holy One, but I would borrow the recommendation a good friend of mine once made.  Think of how it feels when you're with a good friend, you tell a joke, and your friend laughs.  If you can go to the park bench described above, and you can sense that a good friend is already there, listening to you, you may have already made the connection.  Depending on your surroundings, either out loud or silently, just ask for it.  Ask to be forgiven.  Admit that you're only limited, and did the wrong thing, and that you want another chance.  There can never be any assurance of what the outcome will be, but if you don't ask, it's guaranteed you won't get.

RIGHTEOUSNESS -- this is a concerted effort to do the opposite of whatever mistakes you made last year.  Did you zag when you should have zigged?  Zig and zig hard.  Did you forget too many details?  Plug some notes into your smartphone so you'll remember.  Did you chew out a subordinate at work?  PRAISE your subordinates and praise them well.

Did you insult someone just because you thought they were weaker or dumber than you?  Make respect and honor your watchwords, because you won't get as many free passes as you think you will.  

This part is separate from the prayer component because most of us don't need guidance to know right from wrong.  Most of the time, we just know.  Abraham knew that it was wrong to try to kill his son Isaac.  However, because he received a commandment from on high, and didn't know where He was going with it, Abraham didn't have the gumption to refuse.  Many of us have found ourselves in that predicament because someone "cool" wanted us to do something that wasn't.  Righteousness means standing up to those who would have you do the wrong thing, consequences be damned, and saying NO.

REPENTANCE -- this is the tough part.  This means admitting to someone other than G-D that you wronged them, and promising not to go that route again.  Only problem is, to borrow a cliche from several action movies, G-D forgives, but many people don't.  Some of them see repentance as a sign of weakness, and an invitation to browbeat, to upbraid, to rub salt in wounds, to take advantage, and to put you down in order to make themselves look more righteous than they really are.

Several of you have been reading my post from September 19, 2010 on New Day, entitled "The Fast He Wanted," which contains an even more concrete example of a refusal to forgive.  Here's the link, for those who haven't yet read it:  http://runninglawchunglee.blogspot.com/2010/09/fast-he-wanted.html

This is where the 24-hour Statute of Limitations can be used as a buffer.  Chances are, the bastion of self-righteousness that you're now facing didn't tell you that you'd offended them until days, months, or weeks had passed.  This means that any claim they once had against you is waived.  This means that you do not need to feel guilty over what they perceive to have occurred, and you are under no obligation to apologize.  However, to comply with the three steps outlined above, and just because it's good to "be a mensch," you must still apologize if you know you've done wrong.

The 24-hour Statute of Limitations does not prevent you from repenting for your sins if you choose to do so.  It does, however, bar the allegedly aggrieved from attacking you further, because they didn't timely state their claim.  And if they do choose to attack you at a moment of contrition, any obligation you may have felt to apologize and make whole evaporates.  That's right.  Their claim was waived ab initio, you tried to make good on it anyway, and they tried to take advantage of your good nature to state a claim untimely.  People who do that are completely undeserving of repentance, and over time, they'll learn that the hard way.

As for those who were timely, but are less callous and more accepting, don't let them down.  REALLY make good on whatever ails them.  Don't just say you're sorry, show you're sorry.  By money, by deeds, by actions, whatever it is, make them whole.  Even if you can't completely make them whole, your efforts and your intentions will be golden, and they will respect you for it.  And they themselves will be golden by their choice to forgive!

The reading of the Prophets for the Second Day of Rosh Hashanah comes from Chapter 31 of the Book of Jeremiah.  In that passage, Israel is compared to Rachel weeping for her departed children, and G-D tells her to stop her weeping, because her work will be rewarded, and Israel will be forgiven for its sins.  The message, according to some rabbis, is that as long as you have performed Prayer, Righteousness, and Repentance, there's no need to keep begging and groveling for forgiveness.  Without expressly saying so, Jeremiah is saying that G-D had his own 24-hour Statute of Limitations in those days.  Once you've said your peace go G-D, it's OK to feel free.

So let it be with you all.  Get it right with G-D, get it right with yourself, and ask to get it right with others.  Everything else should be a piece of cake!

A good holiday to those that observe.  And may those that don't observe take something good away from this week's entry.

Resolve Yourself!

Yes, it is a new year -- Day One of the year 2012!

Last year, I posted about New Year's Resolutions.  This year I'm posting about New Year's Voluntary Self-Initiated Choices.  Takes up a little more gray matter and blog-space, but this description makes it a little more difficult to shirk on these goals!

This New Year's Eve at my godson's family's house, one of his brothers announced a new resolution for himself -- to be "less annoying."  I love this young man as if he were my own son, but he, and I, both know that he broke this resolution (OK, not yet . . . not yet . . . not yet . . .) already.  Certainly not his fault, of course.  That's because these lame, weak, half-assed pseudo-oaths are designed to fail -- they're just words used to describe an action that the "resolver" knows that he or she has absolutely no intention of performing.

So rather than make another annual inside joke of "there's no way I'm ever gonna do that," let's promise ourselves things that we actually can, and will, accomplish.  Suggestions:

(1)  Be true and honest to yourself.

(2)  Be willing to say "no."

(3)  Take authority and responsibility for your own life and choices.

(4)  Sever ties with those who cannot or will not accept you for who you are.

(5)  Stop respecting those who don't respect you.

(6)  Seek relationships that benefit you, and don't leave you empty and exhausted.

(7)  Increase your self-respect and decrease your self-effacement; reduce your self-criticism, and eliminate your self-loathing.

(8) Admit your mistakes, make good on them, learn from them, and then stop the self-flagellation that arises from every screw-up.

(9)  Find the hidden advantage and loophole in every negative -- they do exist, just find them!

(10)  If you're not happy with your circumstances, look for and find ways to change them.

Also, repeat to yourself daily a mantra like the one below:

I EXIST.  I MATTER.  I BELONG.  I DESERVE.

Happy New Year, my readers.  Make good choices for 2012!

Happy Holidays -- Please!

Sunday night, friends and neighbors!  Time to share with all some thoughts on the upcoming December holidays!

This month, those of us who were raised with a Judeo-Christian upbringing encounter the second of two occurrences in the year when two quasi-religious festivals that coincide chronologically, but represent different traditions, are celebrated.  That is to say, it's one of the rare occasions where Judeo- and -Christian are de-hyphenated and separated.

Let's review. 

CHANUKAH

Chanukah (also known as Hannukah, Hanukkah, Channukah, Chanukkah (Jodie how do you get the app for Hebrew letters again?), and the Festival of Lights) is celebrated by Jews to commemorate the events in the First Book of Maccabees.  Ironically, this book is not included in the Jewish Bible, which had already been canonized when these events took place, and is instead in the Apocrypha.

A Greek ruler, Antiochus Epiphanes IV, was given control over Jerusalem, desecrated the Holy Temple, attempted to completely suppress the practice of Judaism, and to completely Hellenize the population.  The sons of the High Priest, Mattathias, including Judah Maccabee, staged a military campaign against the Greeks to defend and protect the faith, emerged victorious, and rededicated the Temple (too bad they had to form an alliance with the Romans to get it done).  Legend says that there was not enough oil to light the lamps in the Temple for even one day, but after it had been re-dedicated, it lit the lamp for eight days instead. 

The theme of this holiday is to resist conformity, to refuse to be dominated by oppressors, and to be courageous.  It's celebrated by lighting the menorah eight nights in a row, giving & receiving presents, and eating latkes and applesauce (sometimes sour cream, that's my thing) and jelly donuts (what, no chocolate?).  All in all, not the major huge holiday that Passover is, but it's celebrated nonetheless, and the message is certainly not lost on this blogger!

CHRISTMAS

Christmas celebrates the Virgin Birth of Jesus Christ to Mary.  The two accounts of this occasion, in the Gospels of Matthew and Luke, indicate that the birth took place in a manger, which may or may not have been in the midst of farm animals.  It is the second-most important holiday in all Christian denominations, as the birth of this Son of G-D to a human mother is the first of several miracles that are said to reveal G-D's love to the world, and the foundation of all permutations of Christianity that would eventually follow.

(yes, some of them celebrate this holiday in January, but that's not important right now).

The celebration of these two holidays have given rise to a certain degree of awkwardness, that many have attempted to remedy by simply merging both holidays into a generic December/winter-solstice celebration to make sure nobody gets "offended" or left out, or made to feel disloyal in some way.  I can still remember songs being replaced from an elementary school's holiday concert for just that reason.  The terms used to describe an office party likewise become homgenized and genericized to avoid ruffling feathers.

Rather than continue in this politically correct mishmash, I propose a different approach -- celebrate the underlying MESSAGES of both holidays, and how they coincide, and not contradict!  They BOTH stand for NEW BEGINNINGS, and declarations of SELF-IDENTITY!

NEW BEGINNINGS!

Just look at them:  Chanukah celebrates a new beginning for Judaism by removing a corrupting influence, despite the fact that most of the Jews actually wanted the corrupting influence to continue.  Christmas celebrates a new beginning because a savior and redeemer was born, half human and half diety, just ready to start one of the most influential lives ever lived.  Until he met the end of his human life in his early 30's, he would face an onslaught of corrupting influences, and inspire those around him to resist them without the need to take up arms.

Now that I've found and isolated the common thread between both festivals, what exactly am I planning to do with it?  Glad you asked . . . .

I am not suggesting that any of you dispense with family traditions, of course.  But my proposal would be to merge Chanukah, Christmas, and New Year's into a two-week nonsectarian festival of New Beginnings.  Is it any accident that both holidays are perched so perilously close to January 1st?  Let's make the timing work for us!

Let's go easy on the list of what you want to give/receive in terms of material gifts -- instead, make a list of new beginnings!  How will you cleanse the temple that is your life?  Will you restore it to the joy and peace you knew in childhood?  Will you remove negativity, obsessions, and old habits from your sanctuary and replace them with things worth venerating?

Or better yet, will this be a year to start a whole new life?  I mean from the ground up, from the beginning forward?  Can you get past everything that happened before that held you back and make this a Day One instead?

Not to toot my own horn, but I think we may have discovered the "true meaning" of the "holiday season" -- to start a new beginning!

Ummmm, yeaaaahhh Daaaave???  Isn't this what you already posted about for the Jewish New Year?

Ummmm, no it isn't.  Those posts were about forgiveness, while this one is simply about beginning again.  No requirement to atone here -- only a desire to start from Square One!
And while you're repeating "Seasons' Greetings," "Happy Holidays," and whatever other greetings gets tossed around for the next few weeks, let's put this one on for size:

I EXIST.  I MATTER.  I BELONG.  I DESERVE.

May you and yours have a Happy New Beginning!