The Re-Centering

 Good Afternoon All.  A rainy Saturday in December brings us towards a little more introspection.

It has been part of the human experience, both before and during COVID, to experience ups and downs.  Days with events that make us feel happy, perhaps even content, and events that make us frustrated/angry/resentful/worried/anxious.  And because of COVID, there are possibly more events in the latter categories.

As we have learned from COVID, and as the Stoics knew all along, the world has a whole ton of things out there that are beyond our control.  How others conduct themselves, the weather, the news, and the environment.

However, becoming enveloped in anger, worry, or even hopelessness, must be prevented.  Regardless of what's happening externally, we must keep ourselves grounded and controlled internally.

(1)    HERE AND NOW.  Reference the date, time, and place you're in, right where and when you are.  If it helps, say it like Captain Kirk from the original Star Trek dictating into the Captain's Log.

(2)    DEEP BREATHING.  All the way in, hold for 4-5 seconds, and all the way out.  Repeat as many times as needed to slow down and focus.

(3)    GRAPHING AND CHARTING.  Whatever the issue, is if there is a way to change it for the better, write it down.  Maybe make a pro/con list, maybe make it an if/then flow-chart.  And if there is nothing to be done, then stop wasting your time.  No options, no problems.

(4)    VISUALIZATION.  Picture scenes in your mind that are relaxing, comforting, or otherwise satisfying.  Use this hand-in-hand with the deep breathing, and do it every single time you start thinking about negative crap.  Every single time, with the hope being that our annoying cousin, Amy G. Dala, will realize that she'll never get in a complete sentence with us again.

(kind of like we don't get a word in edgewise with distant relatives)

(5)    AFFIRMATIONS

        (A)   Mother Protect Me.  On the average, most of the things beyond our control work out, or at the very least, turn out to be less terrible than they could have.  Worrying about what awaits us in the next episode is an untenable burden.  All the more reason to send those thoughts up to a Higher Power who has the power and discretion to block it.

        (B)    Father Embolden Me.  Most of the things that are actually within our control, by comparison, require a great deal of assembly, maintenance, and responsibility.  All the more reason to seek some energy from a Higher Power who can ever-so-gently remind you that you have two hands and two feet, and one brain - use them all wisely, but don't just let them hang aimlessly.

As repetitive as the above might be, please be aware that constant and continuing internal effort is necessary in order to achieve happiness, and possibly success, in a world filled with unfairness, inconvenience, and unpredictability.

I EXIST.  I MATTER.  I BELONG.  I DESERVE.

RESPECT ALL.  BEFRIEND FEW.  LOVE ONE.  HATE NONE.

MOTHER PROTECT US, FATHER EMBOLDEN US.

STOICISM. EMOTIONAL MATURITY. POINT OF EVAPORATION

Gratitude

 Hey All - it's a chilly Sunday Afternoon, so it's a perfect time for a good post.

This year, there is no shortage of things that are unpleasant and unwanted.  We have a pandemic that has yet to be cured, we have people who have suffered from it, and we also have restrictions on our normal daily activities that have done seemingly more harm than good.

The vast majority of these things are events beyond our control.  More than likely, we did not cause or contribute to them in any way.

This world was already filled with things that were uncomfortable, unfortunate, and undesirable.  In 2020, these things seemingly snowballed.  

Let's face it:  There is not a single thing that we can do about COVID, about those who've contracted it, or about these inconvenient, stifling, and economy-harming restrictions put in place in response.

This means that Thanksgiving cannot be celebrated this week as it would otherwise be.  The governing authorities seem to be divided over whether or not anyone should visit family, as is customarily done, and it remains doubtful whether or not it's a good idea to try it.  Regardless of that argument, it's not the same Thanksgiving.

Nonetheless, the purpose of this holiday is to express gratitude for the things we do have, notwithstanding that which we're not happy to receive.

Speaking for myself, I am grateful for my wife, my family, and every friend I've made (in both real life and on social media), and thankful that they're all COVID negative.  I am also grateful for the food we have for sustenance (for Thanksgiving and otherwise), our home, and our comforts.  I am also grateful that my parents and in-laws are safe, that my professional career endured through the pandemic, and that are everyday needs are met notwithstanding COVID or its restrictions.  Lastly, I am thankful for my own life and health, without which I wouldn't be able to address the above.

What we can do is choose our attitude and mentality in this situation.  Complaining about what's wrong is nothing more than a submission to it.  Detaching from what's wrong is growth, maturity, and ultimately happiness.

I hope my readers choose to be grateful rather than antagonized during this pandemic.  If you're not, so be it, but I'd rather be appreciative of that which COVID has not, and cannot ruin.

I EXIST.  I MATTER.  I BELONG.  I DESERVE.

RESPECT ALL.  BEFRIEND FEW.  LOVE ONE.  HATE NONE.

DO NOT DEMONIZE, DO NOT DEIFY.

DISCLAIMER:  THIS POST IS NOT AN INVITATION TO DEBATE.  CRITICAL COMMENTS WILL BE ADDRESSED VIA DIRECT MESSAGE, BUT NOT IN COMMENT FORM.

Uneven Consequences

 Good Evening, Good Evening All.  Hope you're enjoying another Sunday Night!

This weekend we've celebrated the Jewish New Year.  This can certainly be a new beginning for all of us!

This year, as we're looking towards an analysis of our shortcomings, failures, and errors in the past year, we're also asking for further opportunities to get it right, now that we've learned our lessons.  

Specifically, to re-address an old subject, I'd like to touch on how unfair it sometimes seems that when two or more people commit the same offense, one might suffer consequences for their actions, and another might skate away no worse for the wear.  If you're the one who has to suffer the consequences, that's very frustrating situation.

However, we can't get triggered by that perceived unfairness.

(1)  Deflecting and whatabouting are not the right responses to our consequences.  Throwing shade at others, deserved or not, does not exonerate us.  If we are presented with deserved consequences, we face them and get past them.

(2)  Chances are better than average that we've dodged bullets too.  This might be their turn instead.

(3)  Having actually facing these consequences allows us to become stronger and wiser than those who escaped them.  It's they who might end up getting spoiled, believing that they have immunity and impunity when they don't.

Stoicism teaches us that we cannot control external events, and we accordingly need not concern ourselves with them.  They got away with it?  It's not fair?  So is the way that fortune allows.  We have an opportunity to learn from the error of our ways, but they don't.  

And if they go too long without facing such consequences?  There's a Lady Named Karma.  OMLK.

I EXIST.  I MATTER.  I BELONG.  I DESERVE.

RESPECT ALL.  BEFRIEND FEW.  LOVE ONE.  HATE NONE.

MOTHER PROTECT US, FATHER EMBOLDEN US.

Don't Return to Class at Butt U.

Happy Sunday, Friends and Neighbors.  Hope you're enjoying what's left of the summer, within the limitations imposed due to COVID, at least.

I have continued my Stoic Awakening by incorporating the teachings of Marcus Aurelius and Epictetus into situations where I would have otherwise be ruled by my emotions.  An adjustment to be sure, but a welcome change.

In so doing, I've realized that part of the reason for such division in our society is that we overreact and over-retaliate whenever anyone says things we don't like.  Yes, people really do say the wrong things, and they sometimes say them with the intention of provoking others.  But that doesn't mean we absolutely have to be provoked just because they said it.

How many arguments have we seen take this pattern:  

(A)    I think that's wrong because (XYZ).

(B)    But youuuuuuu do this!  But youuuuuuu do that!  But heeeeee did this!  But theyyyyyyy did that!

Ladies and gentlemen, this is the Proctology School Fight Song.  Whenever someone challenges you, invoke the name of our honored alma mater, Butt U!

Why do we deflect everything coming our way?  Why be defensive?  Why make it into a confrontation when it might not have been one?

(1)    NOBODY'S PERFECT.  NOT ME, NOT YOU.

The more arrogant of us like to say, The Truth Hurts.  They're wrong.  As Einzelganger says, if it's the truth, it's not an insult at all.  

If you're hearing something you're not happy with, before you get all your defenses up, stop and think:  Is This True?  If so, stop.  Or to be more direct, sit down, shut up, and take notes.  

Never bash anyone for telling you something that's true, even if it's an uncomfortable truth.  The more you get into practice doing this, it will actually become less uncomfortable.  That's because you've decided not to make yourself injured by that which is true.  You don't have to thank them, and it's for darn sure you don't have to be fraaaaands within someone who makes a career of doing this, but you do have to acknowledge what's true.  Period.

Trying to counter-punch, find fault with the critic, and one-up them is the way of a child.  Let's outgrow that.

(2)    THAT'S THEIR OPINION.

If it's just a matter of opinion, let them have it.  They're actually entitled to think differently than you, believe it or not.

We don't have to live by their beliefs.  And they don't have to live by ours.

It should take less than one minute to move on from that.  Sometimes the more narcissistic among them will try to goad you into a fight with the wrong tone of voice and attitude.  Let them have their obnoxious behavior for their own enjoyment.  There's no reason for us to commence the downward spiral by retaliating to their hot air.

Telling an asshole that he's an asshole will do nothing more than reinforce the assholery.  You know this to be true.

(3)    WHY SHOULD WE CARE?

It may feel like "getting back at them" is a sign of strength.  It's anything but.

It's a sign that you couldn't hold it together in the face of unpleasant circumstances.  It means that you can't hear uncomfortable things without taking them personally.  It means that you have not outgrown the the infantile need to always be right and always win.  

When we reach Emotional Maturity, that all evaporates.  

There are greater battles worth fighting, more important issues that require responses, and better people worth addressing.  When we realize this, we've reached the summit.

This year, students are returning to school, regardless of the pandemic.  Please don't let Butt U be one of the schools you return to.  Please transfer instead.

DO NOT DEMONIZE, DO NOT DEIFY.

STOICISM, EMOTIONAL MATURITY, POINT OF EVAPORATION

I Exist, I Matter, I Belong, I Deserve.

Respect All, Befriend Few, Love One, Hate None.

A Two-Way Street

Good Afternoon and Good Evening All - Hope you're enjoying this lovely weather on a Sunday afternoon in May!

As with most things, this COVID-19 pandemic, and the multiple governmental and administrative responses to it, have generated arguments and disputes.  I've certainly got my own opinion on this subject, but I'm also aware of what the likely responses that Stoicism and Emotional Maturity would provide.

(1)  We Shouldn't Have to Socially Distance or Stay-At-Home.

True.

It sucks.  It's unnatural.  It's uncomfortable.  It's frustrating.  It's leading many businesses towards ruin, and it's depleting the funds available for unemployment and other business relief.  Nobody is arguing that this is all a good thing.

Nonetheless, when statewide and/or national emergencies happen, the power of the proper authorities are temporarily extended and increased in ways that unfortunately look like totalitarian police states.  We didn't cause the problem, we didn't make the problem worse, and we don't deserve the punishment.  But much like the times our parents, or a school administrator, or a boss made a bunch of stupid rules that everyone with half a brain hated, we'll just have to temporarily toe the line for a temporary measure.

We have the right to free speech, under the First Amendment, to tell the world loud and long how much it sucks, and not care who knows it.  However, the fact that we have the right to do it doesn't necessarily make it the smart thing to do, let alone the best thing.

Yes, I know, the Government and the State are not our parents or our bosses.  They still have the power to enact and execute laws that they deem fit for the protection of society at large, and we don't.

Having accepted the truth that we lack authority in this area, as much as we despise it, we must acknowledge that we simply aren't helping anyone by complaining about things we cannot control.  We're just continuing a cycle of frustration that gets worse and worse through no other cause but our own.  As the ancients taught us, it is not things, but our reactions to things that cause us anger and grief.

Accept What Is, and Cannot Be Otherwise, and Live With It.  If that means moving around less, wearing a goofy mask, and staying 6-12 feet away from other people (which some of us were already doing before this all happened), then just do it.  It could be better, but it could also be hella lot worse.

(2)  If I'm Social Distancing, So Should They!

This is where we can get into even more trouble.

Nobody likes it when we commit ourselves the aforementioned stupid rules, and there's always someone who thinks the rules don't apply to him or her.  That's even more annoying, aggravating assinine, and undesirable than these rules themselves.

However, other people's behavior, much like the actions of governmental officials that we're not ok with, remains far beyond our control.  It was Marcus Aurelius and Epictetus themselves who reminded us that we need not be triggered, outraged, or infuriated by how "them other suckers don't know how to act," because it's not they themselves who are causing this outrage.  It's still us.

If you're angered by other people's decision not to toe the line and wear a mask, that's not really their problem.  As long as you're doing so, you shouldn't be concerned about any exposure to COVID-19.  You also shouldn't be concerned about how their conduct should affect you (because it shouldn't).

Use This Time To Our Advantage:

This is less a time for pandemonium and paranoia than it is an opportunity to grow and become strengthened by adversity. 

Perhaps, instead of complaining about that which we know to be unpleasant, illogical, and sometimes painful, we might be better off trudging through it, knowing full well that it will end, and that we will survive it, hopefully better off than before.

"THIS TOO SHALL PASS."

I EXIST.  I MATTER.  I BELONG.  I DESERVE.

RESPECT ALL.  BEFRIEND FEW.  LOVE ONE.  HATE NONE.

STOICISM.  EMOTIONAL MATURITY.  POINT OF EVAPORATION.

Cleaning House, Keeping Distance

Good Afternoon All, and Happy Easter and Passover to those who celebrate.

As previously discussed, this COVID-19 pandemic forces us, in no uncertain terms, to accept conditions beyond our control.  Some of these conditions include executive orders and government actions that would otherwise be unconstitutional, or even unthinkable.  Others include the presence of a disease that is incredibly contagious and horrifyingly real.  Nevertheless, here they are.

However, this is also a chance to take better stock of things that we actually can control.  Such as the condition of our living space, now that we're spending so much extra time here.  It's also a chance to delve inward for a little bit of self-discovery that can't be addressed in normal times.

Nothing can stop you from endless hours of scrolling and binging.  However, it could be slightly more constructive to just be.  Meditate.  Maybe pray.  Some stretching and yoga might be helpful too.  And while you're at it, maybe try cooking (after learning, if you don't already know how) more nutritious cuisine, since fine dining is no longer an option.

But most importantly, while we have this hiatus from direct social interactions, we may want to use this time to revise and revamp the manner in which we deal with people.  To decide that we can control our irritation and dislike of others' personality limitations.  To control and refine the manner in which we address (or better yet, not address) things we don't appreciate.  To prepare ourselves for what reality and experience show us will almost certainly occur once the pandemic has ended.

Let's think constructively and live wisely.

I EXIST.  I MATTER.  I BELONG.  I DESERVE.

RESPECT ALL.  BEFRIEND FEW.  LOVE ONE.  HATE NONE.

MOTHER PROTECT US, FATHER EMBOLDEN US.

Beyond Our Control, Within Our Control

Good Afternoon, Friends and Neighbors.  Hope you're all safe and healthy!

Now that the response to the Coronavirus has gone nationwide, chances are better than average that you're homebound and locked down, just like yours truly. 

Some say, what an inconvenience, we're being manipulated, we're stuck!

They're not wrong.  However, this can still be used as opportunities rather than excuses.

(1)  That Great American Novel burning inside of you?  Perfect time to write it!

(2)  That "around to it" pile you save for a rainy day that never comes?  Well even if it's not raining, that rainy day is now here!

(3)  Missed out on groceries and laundry last week?  Not this week ya didn't!

(4)  Not spending enough quality time with your loved ones?  That's now been remedied.

And best of all, your "exposure" to people who aren't good to you, or even respectful to you, has now been fortuitously halted.  From where I'm sitting, that's a luxury that we should never ask for, but also should never squander once it's presented!

Now is the perfect opportunity to build yourself back up for when this crisis ends, and discipline yourself to never be triggered by their shoddy behavior.  It's the perfect chance to redirect your thinking, reprogram your habits, and prepare yourself for the next inevitable encounter with people who behave in ways you don't appreciate.

My Stoics?  Time to delve back into the Meditations of Marcus Aurelius and the Enchiridon.  Time to further strengthen our Emotional Maturity.  And for all other stale and unresolved issues, time to accelerate and radiate them to reach the Point of Evaporation.

Even more importantly, we can recognize the actual health risks recognized by science, and do right by them:  social distancing, not staying out longer than needed, not going into the office, etc.  We can't control how this disease is spreading, or the new laws being passed in response to it.  But we most certainly can control the manner in which we respond to these conditions.

My gut tells me that the reactionary hysteria and prohibitive measures put in place will be not only temporary, but of shorter duration than anticipated.  Let's try to help make that happen.

I EXIST.  I MATTER.  I BELONG.  I DESERVE.

RESPECT ALL.  BEFRIEND FEW.  LOVE ONE.  HATE NONE.

MOTHER PROTECT US, FATHER EMBOLDEN US.

Feel free to like, comment, retweet, and follow, and together let's share how we're handling this event!

New Year, New Name

Good Evening All.  Hope you enjoyed New Year's 2020!

Now that we've begun a year that implies unimpaired and tainted vision, this little writing space of mine will be doing likewise.

(1)  We still have the original Four Pillars, but we've expanded them to Eight.

I EXIST.  I MATTER.  I BELONG.  I DESERVE.

This means that we have a duty to love and respect ourselves, that we have a place in this world that's all our own, and that by staying virtuous and avoiding vices (as much as possible with imperfections acknowledged), we earn the same respect as anyone else.  As set forth in the other Pillars,

RESPECT ALL.  BEFRIEND FEW.  LOVE ONE.  HATE NONE.

This means that we pay forward the respect we'd like others to grant us.  That being said, we also grant friendship to a select few, because not everyone can be our friends.  We also get even more selective with whom we love, ideally a spouse or partner.  But regardless of how low or how high our opinions of other people might be, and even if they actually do deserve our scorn, judgment, and righteous anger, we simply do not hate them.

(2)  We acknowledge that there are aggressive, obnoxious, narcissistic, bullying, violent, and unfriendly people in this world.  However, we know that pointing fingers at them and reminding them of their failings will never convince them to change their ways.  Instead, as unfair as it may seem, it is actually our obligation to prevent ourselves from becoming triggered, offended, incensed, or driven to violence.  Instead, we advocate healthy boundaries against those who engage in such shoddy behavior, while being mindful and self-aware enough to not adopt that same shoddy behavior.

WE CAN ACCEPT PEOPLE FOR WHO THEY ARE BECAUSE WE CANNOT CONTROL THEM.  WE CAN ALSO REJECT PEOPLE FOR WHO THEY ARE BECAUSE THEY CANNOT CONTROL US.

(3)  More than anything, we promote the practices of mindfulness, Stoicism, and self-healing in response to bullying and harassment.

We do not condone violence of any sort.  For those who will see opportunities for debate when these posts are read, please be advised that we have already heard, and addressed, every counter-argument that could possibly raised on this issue.  We recommend measuring twice and posting once, with that admonition in mind.

Instead, we promote the regulation, control, and discipline of our emotions, regardless of how shoddily "they" behave.  We also promote the evaporation of our feelings that arise from prior harms and slights, real and perceived.  That means we do not believe in holding grudges.

Feel free to like, follow, and comment.  More to follow!

MOTHER PROTECT US, FATHER EMBOLDEN US.