Less Blame, More Respect

Hey All!  Once again, the weather is messing with us, running hot and cold.

We live in a world with people who just aren't perfect.  They make mistakes, they don't think things through, they insult (sometimes with every intention of doing so), and sometimes they just give us reasons to dislike them.

Although it doesn't always seem like it, they are still human.  Flesh and blood, heart and soul, faces and names.  We don't have to pretend to like them when we don't, and it's wrong to pretend that they're our friends when they aren't.  We also don't have to turn a blind eye to our boundaries when they are violated.  But hating them is not the answer either.

There are times we have to be honest with them about why what they do is not acceptable to us.  And those times are limited.  There is no need to turn a statement into a rant or a lecture.  Not only would it be an in-your-face attack against them that might not be warranted, but spending more time than necessary disparaging them (a) doesn't change them; and (b) makes us worse.

As one of my influences, Dr. Isaiah Hankel, has said, it doesn't do us any good to pursue a confession from others.  Chances are better than likely that (a) the other folks already know what they did wrong, and don't feel the need to fall on their sword over it; or (b) they think they've done absolutely nothing wrong, and don't owe you anything.  All we're ever going to get out of these folks is (i) a half-assed confession; (ii) an excuse; or (iii) a counter-attack because it's just as easy for them to judge us as it is for us to judge them.  We don't need a confession if we already know what they did, and we don't have to argue for them to find themselves in the wrong if we already think they are.

Instead, it is better for us to simply understand that they either have reasons for what they do, or they're simply misinformed, and simply leave them as they are.  No, that does not mean we give them license to abuse us.  And no, that does not mean that we should give them unlimited free passes without taking actions necessary to protect ourselves.  What it does mean is that it's not our job to forever point fingers at them, demonizing them as undesirables and hating them as untouchables.  It simply doesn't help us to continue doing that.  There is far more strength of character to take only actions that are necessary, without demanding that they become more like us, and without any malice or hatred involved.

If we can remain unflappable around them, without letting them get under or skin, and without allowing them to tempt us into hating, judging, or demonizing them, we win.  Plain and simple.

I EXIST.  I MATTER.  I BELONG.  I DESERVE.

I AM BOLD.  I AM BULLETPROOF.

I AM EMOTIONALLY MATURE.

Nothing Can Stop Self-Love

Hey All - Another Sunday night is upon us.

We're living in extreme times, yet again.  Israel, our only ally in the Middle East, is demonstrating that the best, and sometimes only, defense is a strong offense.  And as the liberal media has always done, it has taken Israel to task for the very thought of defending itself.  

This is not unlike the response school administrators traditionally give to bullying incidents.  The bully rarely, if ever, reveives consequences for their actions, but if a bullying victim retaliates, they are condemned, they are disarmed, they are showered with hearts and flowers and rainbows and told to be good little angels while the bully laughs as their enablement continues.

Applying this way of thinking to a sovereign nation makes no sense to me. As even Secretary Kerry stated today, no country should be expected to just sit there when it is attacked.  

My thought tells me that the world is trying to use Israel's status against it.  Israel is also known as the Holy Land, since it is home to most of the events in the Bible.  It appears that this designation leads to the assumption that Israel must be so charitable and generous as to turn the other cheek whenever threatened.  In a way, they are being mocked for being the Holy Land, and for not being like every other country.

We live in a world where people criticize much more quickly than they compliment.  It would be a much nicer world if the opposite were true, but it isn't. 

The only way to deal with this fact, other than preparing ourselves with our own snappy comebacks, is to truly love ourselves.  To know that our strengths are what put us on the map, and not what leave us exposed.  To know that we must never apologize for who we are.  To know that nobody's opinion of us is more important than that of the one person you see in the mirror.  

If Israel was so touchy, apologetic, and dependent on the world's approval that it stopped its defenses, it would have been conquered and renamed a long time ago.  If every bullying victim obeyed the directives of school administrators, and allowed their bullies to have their way with them, the suicide rate and the mental hospital occupancy would both skyrocket.  If we all did away with our goals, dreams, and identity because someone else just has to run their mouths, there would be no point to life itself.

Beta males are sometimes too willing to appease critics and apologize for being themselves.  Someone recently pointed out to me that the notion of not being ruled by criticism, and refusing to apologize for oneself, is the way of the alpha male, and not the beta male.  This may be true, but I believe that if betas become self-actualized, and make themselves bold and bulletproof, this changes.  I encourage beta males to look to Israel's example.  Nobody wants them to defend themselves, because they are expected to be more righteous than other countries, but they defend themselves no matter what.  Nobody wants beta males to be assertive, brave, or courageous because we are expected to be more compassionate and sensitive than other men.  By the same token, we can make this compassion and sensitivity our strengths by choosing to love ourselves more than we can hate anyone.  When we believe in ourselves that much, and are willing to protect ourselves the way Israel protects its citizens, we win.  And we win by a landslide.

By the same token, I hope Israel wins this conflict by a landslide.  I also hope the moderate Palestinians that do not view Hamas as martyrs or heroes have the courage to speak out and are safe from harm.  I also hope that those of us who crumble at criticism and suffer from exposure are able to set up out very own Iron Domes and shoot thoss rockets out of the sky.  

I EXIST.  I MATTER.  I BELONG.  I DESERVE.

I AM BOLD.  I AM BULLETPROOF.  I AM BETA.

PS - Facebook offers all of us our very own Iron Dome mechanisms.  I've had to use a few of them, and I encourage you to do the same.

Negative Feedback

Hey All -- while the winter blows cold around me, a few ideas are percolating . . . .

Adding to my prior post on "the rules," I'd like to address those moments in life when someone else tells you that what you do and say is not something they agree with.  A little emotional maturity is needed, as follows:

Who, exactly, are they?

Chances are, as is often the case with beta males, there might be a woman who just doesn't feel the same for you that you feel for her.  And it's possible that, despite her statements that she would prefer a nice guy, she somehow manages to be with a world-class alphole.  Even showing her what's best about you doesn't persuade her or help her see the light, as the alphole's hoots and hollers drown out your argument.

Little-known secret about these women -- they are just as flawed as you and me.  They are not goddesses, they are not royalty, and they are not the only females in existence.  You know how we get blinded by attractive women just by their physical appearance?  How we believe that they are the only women worth being with?  How, try as we might, we're always drawn to them?  That's exactly the same thing these women feel when the alpholes roll into town.  They are hard-wired to be attracted to these jabronies the same way we're hard-wired to be drawn to them.  It doesn't mean that they are mean or stupid, or that they deserve to suffer consequences.  It just means that they're human just like us.

That being said, their rejection of you is not the end-all and be-all, either.  If that's the type of man that makes them feel complete, then deep down, you owe them a small amount of gratitude.  If they chose to be with you instead, it would not be genuine.  Their heart would not be in it, and once they realized that they still expected you to have some of those badass alphole qualities, they'd just get annoyed with you for not being that way.  A woman who really wants somebody that you're not has the potential to make your life significantly less pleasant than it would be without her.  She wants a "real man" instead of you?  Good!  Do yourself a favor and let her go have him!  Why pretend to be something you're not, or better yet, something you hate, just to impress someone who'd be happier with someone else?  That's a waste of time.

But that doesn't mean that you can't find someone else that you'll still be attracted to anyway.  There are tons of women out there who are not attracted to these alpholes, and would be more than happy to welcome someone like you into their lives.  How you meet them, and how you succeed with them will be dealt with another time, but for now, it's enough to say that this type of rejection should have minimal to no impact on your self-esteem.

Lately, this blog has encountered some negative feedback as well.  A few gentlemen who consider themselves proud alpha males are not in agreement with some of my recent posts and tweets.  Since their perspective and experiences are entirely different from mine, I expect and welcome their opinions.  I think that criticism would be better served in written format here on Blogger or on Facebook, but they don't prefer that method for some reason.

First and foremost, they seem unhappy with the term "alphole."  For all intents and purposes, this is a slightly hipper term to describe a bully, by indicating that he is an @$$#ole who embodies the worse qualities of an alpha male.  It is clear and obvious that not every alpha male is an alphole, so I don't feel it's necessary to state it.  The reason I do not parse my words, or become extra specific,or put up disclaimers to avoid generalizations, is that I simply don't feel the need to soft-pedal this message.  I cannot afford to homogenize and decaffeinate a central theme of this blog to tip-toe around someone else's offense-o-meter.  I cannot change this blog just because someone else doesn't like it.  All I can say for a response is, if you're a friend of mine, you are certainly not an alphole.  If you are not a friend of mine, and honestly have to ask whether you are or aren't one, you need a little bit of self-reflection.

Secondly, they minimize this blog's purpose.  Yes, there are people who suffer from life-threatening illnesses, missing limbs, or have had to rebuild their lives out of complete and utter disasters.  And yes, the subject matter of this blog is about something less than that.  But that doesn't make the following problems irrelevant:

There are still men who lack confidence and self-esteem.

There are still men who need additional development.

There are still men who incorrectly learned to be ruled by their emotions, and not by common sense.

There are still men who have been abused, physically, emotionally, or both.

There are still men who cannot simply "get over it," because they have no idea how.

There are still men who understand how to be good, but receive no recognition for it.

There are still men who are giving and selfless, and are hopelessly taken advantage of because of it.

There are still men who sacrifice their own hopes and dreams to play a part in someone else's show.

There are still men who have screwed up big time.

There are still men who need help, even if they don't want to admit it.

There are still men who want to be happy, and aren't.

There are still men who want to live the life they deserve.

No, none of them are facing impending death.  But some may be dying a slow, painful death.  Self-actualization could easily avert that.

Once again, I invite those who feel this way to voice their opinions here where I can see them.  Otherwise, if you're not in agreement with this blog's purpose, you don't have to read it.

I EXIST.  I MATTER.  I BELONG.  I DESERVE.