Handling It

This week, in my religion, we have the 10 Days of Awe.  This is a time of celestial auditing - our good deeds are balanced against our screwups, our victories are weighed against our mistakes, our efforts to give respect and mindfulness are balanced against our moments of uncontrolled aggression - and the consequences to our actions are set in motion.

It is thought that during this time, a few concentrated efforts and good deeds/thoughts/words might tip the scales back in our favor, and maybe neutralize pitfalls and tragedies that might otherwise be dumped on us.

Now this thought may come from one religion in particular, but I think it’s something that works for people of all faiths, and also for people of no faith.

(1)  DID YOU SCREW UP?  That’s a loaded question.  Of course you screwed up, just like anyone else!

Just correct yourself.  Own it, understand that you were wrong, and figure out how to prevent it from happening again.

(2)  DID SOMEBODY ELSE SCREW UP ON YOU?  Welcome to life.  The rest of the world is imperfect, just like you are.

After you’ve made it clear that you didn’t appreciate it, maybe let it go.  Once the deed is done and they’ve been made aware of what damage - real or perceived - was caused, don’t hang it over their heads.  That’s called holding a grudge, and it’s an obstacle to growth.  If they’ve stopped what they were doing (and possibly apologized), it’s not their fault anymore.  But if you keep holding it against them, it becomes your fault.  Don’t let this happen.

Either way you slice it, we can't control anyone else's conduct, ever.  We may have some leeway if we are parents, teachers, bosses, or law enforcement officers.  But even that has its limits, and anyone who attempts to exceed those limits is manipulating.

We most certainly can, however, control our own behavior.  We're not enslaved by other people's opinions, and we're not designed to be triggered by other people's choices of words.

So if we can try that during these 10 Days, chances may or may not be likely that the consequences we face in the coming year might not be so onerous after all.

Hate in Christchurch, New Zealand

Good Evening All - Hope you all had a Happy St. Patty's Day Weekend!

The world has witnessed another tragic and violent episode, this time all the way down in New Zealand.  An alleged terrorist and murderer, seemingly taking his cue from the Tree of Life Synagogue massacre in Squirrel Hill, Pennsylvania, took it upon himself to murder everyone present for Friday worship services at two mosques.  After leaving a trail of carnage, prompted in no small part by hatred for Muslims, he was apprehended.

We have heard several predictable responses to this tragedy.  I'll respond to all of them.

(1)  It's the guns!  No guns!  Nobody needs a gun!  It's the mosque worshippers fault, they should have had guns!  Not the answer, either way.  If that gun were in the hands of responsible folks, and not this murderer, he might have found another means of violence to use.  And since this happened in another country, there is no Second Amendment issue.  Let New Zealand address its own gun laws within its own authority.

(2)  So what?  They had it coming!  Look what they do!  Look how evil they are!  They deserved it!  Wrong again.  These were human beings.  They assembled to worship their god on their weekly holy day as they saw fit.  That's not a reason to kill them.  And unless they're about to do you, or that killer, imminent harm, or if you have real grounds for a pre-emptive strike, there is no excuse for that kind of violence.

(3)  But what about these ones?  But what about those ones?  Why don't they get the same media coverage?  What about them?  Nobody says the mainstream media is perfect, but the most unusual events are the ones that trigger the most coverage.  Let's not have competitions over who is a more deserving victim - that's where we really get into trouble.

THE STOIC ANSWER:

(A)  We have people in this world who become consumed by hate.  And we have weapons.  And they unfortunately have ways of being brought together.   The governments of countries where this happens can pass laws against the illegal use of these weapons, but they cannot outlaw people's thoughts and opinions, or their abilities to circumvent those laws, as horrible as they may be. 

(B)  We cannot stop fully-grown adults from hating other races or other religions, and the laws themselves cannot prevent them from taking up arms against the objects of their hate. 

(C)  Also, demonizing these people, as evil as they may be, does not make them turn into Ebenezer Scrooge and completely change their ways.  It also doesn't make us look like heroes and champions - it makes us just as filled with the hatred that they have.

(D)  We can, however, decide that we won't hate members of other races or religions.  That doesn't mean wearing pins and T-shirts and joining candle-light vigils, and then forgetting about it all when things calm down.  It also doesn't mean we'll expose, defame, and sling mud at people who have different opinions than we do in the name of "stamping out hate."  It only means we won't hate, period.

(E)  We can instead read, research, and learn about the ways of others.  By way of illustration, when I was in seventh grade, I read books about the Soviet Union and Nazi Germany, notwithstanding the fact that I was American and Jewish, because I wanted to understand them instead of merely demonizing them.  Let's try the same thing for all perceived adversaries.

(F)  As stated in (B), we can't re-program fully-grown adults who've been taught the wrong thing and have acted on them.  We can, however, raise and teach our children to Respect All, and not to Hate Them (whomever Them might be).

And of course, last but not least, instead of seeking revenge or retribution, we can seek this invocation:

There's A Lady Named Karma.  She's Not Attracted To Bad Boys And She's Not Friends With Mean Girls.  Leave Vengeance To Her - She's Got Better Tools At Her Disposal.

With the assistance of the New Zealander justice system, the murderer will be prosecuted for his crimes, and will live with the deaths of his victims for the rest of his life.  Do not target politicians and ideologues as the proxy for the punishment you think you're entitled to dish out to that murderer - you're not entitled to dish out anything (including eggs).  Instead, look within to ensure that you yourself never take up arms out of hate, and that you teach any children you have to not do likewise. 

Ooof - that was a heavy one - see what happens when you don't down that Guinness for St. Patty's?  I'll salute the Irish, but I'll stand with New Zealand - they didn't deserve this.

I EXIST.  I MATTER.  I BELONG.  I DESERVE.

RESPECT ALL.  BEFRIEND FEW.  LOVE ONE.  HATE NONE.

EMOTIONAL MATURITY.

Please DM me with any lengthy or debate-ready comments.

Emotional Maturity IS The Best A Man Can Get!

Good Morning All, and welcome to the middle portion of Martin Luther King weekend.

There has been some controversy regarding a 90-second commercial produced by Gillette.  It questions whether some of society's ills, which have often been perpetrated by men, truly are "the best a man can get," which plays off the company's earlier slogan from the 1990's.

The commercial shows what would be solutions to the problem:  fathers stopping fights between their young children and teaching them that bullying is not the right way to treat people; men calling out their friends and associates to not act inappropriately around women, and basically reminding us that being a man does not mean the same thing it did in prehistoric times.

The vast overwhelming majority of men already know that rape is wrong, that women should not be spoken to disrespectfully, and (maybe the overwhelming majority doesn't want to admit this) bullying is also unacceptable, and any father who wants to earn respect has an obligation to teach his children not to behave that way.

This commercial has given yours truly cause for reflection.

(1)  It's been a very long time since I used the term "alphole."  I have made a conscious effort not to demonize "tough guys," macho types, or high-conflict individuals because everyone deserves respect, particularly those who are different from me.  The fact that I personally don't like the way a person carries himself or herself doesn't invalidate them as human beings.  I certainly can't take back the multiple times I've taken them to task - they're out there forever - but I can certainly chart my own evolution.

(2)  However, there are still people who hurt others.  And they often receive no consequences to speak of because they somehow always have a throng of enablers, followers, hangers-on, and fraaaaaaands who reinforce what they do.  This ad brought back a reminder of that reality.

(3)  If more men raised their children first to not bully those weaker than them, it would be a simple logical extension and expansion of this rule to treat women with more respect, those of other races and nationalities with more respect, and the entire balance of humanity with more respect as well.  That would be an absolute good.

(4)  Saying this does not demonize all men.  We already know that most men are not predators and narcissists - despite the shocking percentage of them that actually are - therefore there is no need to be offended by this advertisement.  Rather, this is an admonition and a wake-up call that the rest of humanity no longer wants to tolerate unwarranted aggression, plain and simple.

(5)  And yes, of course, though we are not likely to see any commercials addressing this, there are women who are just as predatory, just as evil, just as vicious, and just as wrong as the worst men could be.  This commercial might not bring it up, but this page certainly does not let them off the hook from the same exact behavior.  We do not accept this behavior from men or women, and we don't permit either of them to use their gender for means of exoneration.

There is toxic masculinity, and there is no denying its existence.  And there are women who are just as toxic as any male can be.

Let's put aside our need to condemn what this commercial says, and make an effort to understand why it's being said.  And when we're finished doing that, let's raise the next generation with a better understanding of right and wrong.  Once the desire to bully is eliminated, the need to "teach kids to fight" will disappear, and we just might have a more peaceful and less divisive world to live in.

I EXIST.                                                                                                                     RESPECT ALL.
I MATTER.                                                                                                             BEFRIEND FEW.
I BELONG.                                                                                                                       LOVE ONE.
I DESERVE.                                                                                                                   HATE NONE.

                                                      MOTHER PROTECT US.
                                                     FATHER EMBOLDEN US.

                                                     EMOTIONAL MATURITY

Backlash

Hey All!  Just came back from a little trip, now learning that just because the calendar says it's spring, the weather doesn't have to cooperate.

In the last few days, Tony Robbins, a giant in the self-help industry, has faced a torrent of criticism when he criticized the #MeToo movement.  He stated that those who are part of this movement are encouraging women to play the victim role, to refuse to take responsibility for their own lives, and to destroy other people to make themselves feel good about themselves.  Whether he thought this through completely before he made this statement is not clear.  What is clear is that the reaction to his statement is loud and angry.

Was he right or wrong?  Or are those reacting?  Let's review:

(1) Women are just as human as men - flesh and blood, heart and soul, thoughts and dreams.  Unfortunately, our species has celebrated male dominance and control for millennia, and only came to accept women as equals within the past century.

(2) Because of this, the notion that men can demand any type of physical contact, from playful slaps to full on intercourse, whenever they chose, so long as they were the strongest and most virile around, just like all other species in the animal kingdom, was hard-wired in our consciousness.  The notion that women are somehow empowered to reject this conduct is a comparatively recent one, and one that has not yet transformed how both genders interact.

(3) Gradually, women were accepted as equals, at least legally.  They now occupy every single profession that was once solely occupied by men.  Whether or not they truly earn less than men for the same work remains a subject of debate that will not be addressed further here.

(4) In terms of criminal law, prosecution of rape and sexual offenses has been transformed to the extent where the victim is believed, with or without proof beyond a reasonable doubt, and the accused, once found guilty, pays with the complete destruction of his life.  Earlier, nearly all accusers were viewed with skepticism and thought to have been untruthful, but now the pendulum has swung completely the other way.

(5) Upon exposure of men who had taken unwanted liberties with women, the MeToo movement was spawned.  Those with long and tarnished histories of making unwanted sexual advances were taken out in the public square and faced loss of their livelihoods, and possibly their freedom.

To The Extent That The #MeToo Movement Is Culturally Transforming How Men Are Expected to Treat Women, it is Valid, Right, and Good.

Now let's try a twist:

(1) That same dominance and control that men were celebrated for has also been asserted against men who were not as strong, smart, or aggressive as others.  For that reason, those "lesser men" have been referred to by the more aggressive men by a variety of misogynistic references, which will not be repeated here.

(2) They have also been faced with the same type of aggressive stance that women have faced, although the nature of that stance has been more violent than sexual in nature.

(3) While the anti-bullying movement, in the academic and workplace setting, is actually a more recent concept than that of feminism, it faces even more criticism and rejection than movements like #MeToo.  While women-supporting advocates remind us that women do not share responsibility for the abuse they suffer or the attacks visited on them by men who don't respect boundaries, men and boys who face bullying are not granted such courtesy.

(4) Speaking from personal experience, I have heard the same people who are die-hard #MeToo supporters, who demand consequences for instances of sexual abuse and credibility for women who suffer them, nevertheless dismiss and reject allegations of bullying with suggestions that the victims of that societal ill "ask for it" and "bring it on themselves," and need to "man up."

(5) Bullying is concededly less severe than sexual abuse or assault, but the victims of both acts of wrongdoing are left with the same exact feelings:

  (A) It's my fault that this was done to me;
  (B) Nobody will take me seriously;
  (C) If I speak out about it, I'll be considered weak and/or deserving of it; and
  (D) They'll just get away with it again anyway.

Accordingly, We Face An Inconsistency.

 The reason why Tony Robbins has a real problem right now is that the notion that women are at fault for being sexually assaulted, are playing the role of victim in order to gain sympathy, and want to tear people down with accusations to feel better about life is simply no longer acceptable in our society.  The thought that it's always their fault, while once universally thought, no longer works because society has accepted women as equal to men - a concept that is incongruous with our ancient hard-wiring - and does not seek to grant men free reign over women's bodies or minds.

HOWEVER, when boys are bullied in school, and men are bullied at work, society most certainly still does feel that way.  Male victims of bullying are constantly told that the reason they are bullied is their fault, that playing the victim keeps them from growing, and that they need to "get over it," thereby letting the bully enjoy a no-consequences existence.  Internet memes suggest that "teach kids to fight" is the only answer to bullying, despite the fact that this is the very reason why bullying continues.  Also, when the abuser is a female and the victim is a male, the male is considered not only deserving, but also ridiculously weak, because a woman would supposedly never do that to a so-called "real man," despite the reverse often being true.

Can This Be Reconciled?  YES to both.

(A)  The #MeToo movement needs its recognition for many reasons.  With enough time and attention, the desire to ever subject a woman to unwanted advances or disrespect will most likely evaporate, notwithstanding that desire's long-standing tradition.

(B) Once the point of evaporation is reached, then the anger and backlash against men must stop as well.  The message has been sent, received, and absorbed.  At that point, seeking to point fingers at men who have acted respectfully, but still have opposing perspectives, is no longer necessary or acceptable.

(C)  Likewise with the anti-bullying movement needs just as much recognition.  As stated above, enough time and attention should also be given, rather than dismissing one group of victims as heroes and another as cowards.  Eventually, the desire to ever victimize anyone else, regardless of race/gender/etc., will also most likely evaporate, notwithstanding that desire's long-standing tradition.

(D) Once the point of evaporation is reached, any resulting anger and backlash against former bullies must also stop as well.  The message has been sent, received, and absorbed.  At that point, seeking to point fingers at former bullies who have reformed is no longer necessary or acceptable.

For the sake of clarification, we do not minimize the mistreatment of women, or suggest it is a less worthy cause than the response and elimination of bullying.  Rather, we seek to draw a parallel and an equivalent solution.

I EXIST.  I MATTER.  I BELONG.  I DESERVE.

RESPECT ALL.  BEFRIEND FEW.  LOVE ONE.  HATE NONE.

EMOTIONAL MATURITY.

Hate None - Return of The Alpholes

Hey All - Hope you're having a relaxing Sunday Night!

As long as I've been writing, I've pointed out that there are people who aren't good to us, don't care about us, and somehow manage to get away with everything they've ever done wrong.  I've demanded that they be eliminated from our interactions, I've exposed their wrongdoings, and I've branded them with a label that they never liked very much.

For the uninformed, I called them alpholes.

Having always had a low opinion for those who were aggressive when they shouldn't have been, dominating and controlling when a leader or boss was not needed, and just way too full of themselves, I needed a name for them.  I combined the term "alpha males" with "assholes," and it was a perfect fit.  Having been on the mend from a terminated relationship, and feeling somewhat resentful, it was just the right message at just the right time.

However, the need to keep using that term, over time, has proven unnecessary and unprofitable.

The circumstances that I was in when I started using that term changed, immeasurably for the better.  That terminated relationship has faded into the background, and was replaced with one that is a thousand times better.  I also discovered, little by little, that those who were not being good to me or for me were not owed a lifetime of continued and begrudging association, so I stopped.  Last but not least, I understood that I didn't have to think about how angry I was at something from the past, I didn't have to be stuck with a constant reminder of it, and I didn't have to trap myself in a cycle of hate, grudges and finger-pointing. 

I didn't have to keep thinking about how unfair their judgments seemed to be, because I could just make my own.

When I kept pointing out other people's faults, it honestly didn't make me happy.  It made me feel miserable.  There was simply no glory to be found in bashing and crashing, no matter how badly those alpholes deserved it.

Also, I tapped into a little bit of Dr. Isaiah Hankel's words:  To paraphrase, he discusses how fruitless and unprofitable it is to demand that someone else confess or admit their wrongdoing - it won't happen, because nobody thinks they're the bad guy in their own stories.  The most you'll get out of that affair is a one-minute half-assed apology, an hour's lecture about how you deserved it because of what you did, you're not perfect either, and how they're better/smarter/whatever than you anyway, and a lifetime of resentment. 

I very rarely call them alpholes anymore, but that's only because it's my own choice to not stir up my own negative feelings.  They still exist, trust me.  I've simply learned, the hard way, that they're going to be alpholes no matter what we do or say, because they honestly believe there's nothing in the world wrong with what they're doing.  Demanding that they grow halos and wings in response to our objections to their personalities doesn't work.  We can either accept them for what they are, which is tolerance and respect, or we can reject them for what they are, which is boundaries and self-respect.  

(1) Cursing them for not behaving or thinking the way we want them to is not the answer.  Removing and Replacing them, if they're unacceptable, is.

(2) Telling everyone else you know how terrible they are is not the answer.  Eliminating them as a topic of conversation, is.

(3) Stripping away all of their humanity because of what you find intolerable, is not the answer.  Deciding what you will tolerate and what you won't, is.

This is our reality.  The problem is not the fact that they are alpholes and do alpholish things.  The problem is us getting so busy throwing shade at them that we forget that we can simply remove them with no malice aforethought.

I EXIST.  I MATTER.  I BELONG.  I DESERVE.

I AM BOLD.  I AM BULLETPROOF.

I AM EMOTIONALLY MATURE.

A Year of Emotional Maturity

Good Afternoon, Friends and Neighbors!

A nice little run sweated the alcohol out of my system, and the NFL has the last regular-season games of the season.  So where does that leave you and me?

(1) Constantly Seeking Improvement.
Yes, it's a day off from most jobs, but that doesn't mean from all work.  Every day we have is an opportunity to learn from our earlier choices, to improve from our earlier state, and to do things we've never done before.

(2) Reserving Alone Time.
Our high-conflict neighbors simply cannot function unless they are active, around people, and "on" as much as possible.  Our secret weapon is in avoiding this trap.  Every single day, we are to spend some time alone.  To write/journal, meditate, relax, or just be there.  That doesn't mean you stop moving forward, do nothing, and get lazy.  It does mean you take a period of time, not to long and not to short, to clear your mind, stabilize your thoughts, and keep your emotions in check and in order.

(3) Looking For Reasons To Be Happy.
Always find something, every day, that makes you smile.  A joke, a quick word with a friend, anything that gives you a reason to appreciate everything that is right about this world.  Even if you're having a bad day, people are being challenging or difficult to you, or unfortunate consequences have happened, do this.

The Big 1-7 is going to be a year of changes for you all and for me.  I'm looking to become even more successful in my career, get my message out through this blog and other means, and to start a life of happiness with somebody special.

I EXIST.  I MATTER.  I BELONG.  I DESERVE.

I AM BOLD.  I AM BULLETPROOF.

I AM EMOTIONALLY MATURE.

So What's In A Name?

Hey All - It's Christmukkah!  A rare and welcome event when the first night of Chanukah is also Christmas Eve, and the rest of Chanukah runs right into New Year's.  A great opportunity for caring and sharing.

In keeping with that opportunity, I've come to realize that I need to give more emphasis to the true theme of this blog.  Those of you who follow me on Facebook and Twitter have noticed that I have used the hashtags "emotional maturity" and "respect" more often than "Bold Betas" and "alpholes."  This has happened due to what I consider a natural evolution in my writing, and how things are developing in my life and the world around me.

When I started using the original hashtags, I was at a slightly different place in life than I am now.  Since a lot of blessings have been heading my way, the need to have a "bad guy" to throw things at has somewhat lessened, and the need to focus on how to handle life's challenges with intelligence and not with reactions has increased.

There really are people who are high-conflict, unnecessarily aggressive, threatening, narcissistic, and sociopathic.  They do exist.  And there really are people who've been hurt, put down, done to, held back, and underdeveloped.  They do exist too.  However, as I face the end of this year, I've started to realize that the way to address these problems is by not necessarily demonizing or deifying anyone, but not demonstrating how Emotional Maturity and Respect would change both extremes.

That being said, I'm just not sure about retitling this blog, or doing away with the original hashtags.  I think they still matter.

However, in the coming year, I would like to increase traffic, gain more exposure, expand into speaking engagements, and make a contribution to the world around me other than working and paying taxes.  In order to do that effectively, I have to ask the advice of other people who can see these messages from an outsider's perspective.

So, my readers, I address the following queries to you:

(1) Should I, or should I not, retire the terms "Bold Betas" and "alpholes?"

(2) If so, should I, or should I not, retitle this blog?

(3) If so, do I, or do I not, risk losing the audience I seek?

Only serious responses requested, of course.  And if you're on Facebook, and your comment is likely to exceed one paragraph, please direct-message me instead.

DISCLAIMER:  While I'm not yet sure whether to make Emotional Maturity a title of this blog, I am very sure to let it govern how we address each other.  If your statements to me reveal a lack of emotional maturity, they're getting deleted.  Your subsequent accusations of cowardice will not negate my boundaries.

Happy Holidays, everybody!

Trump Haters? Aim It That Way.

Hey All.  Well, we know what happened.

Were you mad at him for his tone?  His vulgarity?  His crudeness?  What he said about these people, those people, and damn near everyone?

Good.  I'm honestly glad you were.  It's actually very reassuring that this world does not want to live by the alphaganda after all.  This helps my cause more than you might realize.  Now if people could only prove it by keeping their cool and not rioting.

So what to do now, that he actually won?  Divide that anger to be aimed in these five directions:

(1)  Take 20% of that anger at Trump, and aim it at children who bully.  Remember how horrible you thought Trump sounded at his debates and in his interviews, and aim it at every kid who pushes, shoves, wedgies, and threatens those weaker or less adjusted than him or her.  Pretend that kid is Trump himself, and let that kid have it!  Don't hold back!  Just 20% of Trump Hatred should shake that kid's very foundations enough to check the behavior.

(2) Take another 20%.  Aim it at abusive bosses.  Also aim it at boss-appointed bullies who flaunt authority they don't deserve.  Tell them that you think the way you're treated is unacceptable, and if it doesn't change, you're out the door.  (Caveat - unless you're prepared to be self-employed, get yourself a new job before doing this)

(3) Take another 20%.  Aim it at family members who don't treat you with respect.  I mean parents, children, spouses, partners, uncles, cousins, in-laws - no more free passes.  Just 20% of that Trump rage should put them on notice that their behavior will not be tolerated.  (Further Caveat - there is a risk of schism within the family if this happens, because there will always be enablers who think they've done nothing wrong.  Prepare for this eventuality)

(4) Take another 20%.  Aim it at any laws, rules, ordinances, or regulations are unjust, unethical, unfairly prejudicial, harmful, or contrary to reasonable expectations of fairness.  In other words, get rid of stupid rules.  I'm not saying be a foolish revolutionary, since you only get 20% for this assignment.  But make your voice heard.  Write your Congressperson/Senator/State legislator/local legislator and tell them what's not right.  Go to a school board meeting and tell them why things should change.  Act like there's something that might be bigger than your own immediate space, and that it matters big time!  And I'm not interested in whether it's a conservative or a liberal issue - I'm interested in explaining why a rule should be repealed, and not just violated.  And that means persuasion, and not senseless violence.

(5) Take another 20%.  Aim it at the mirror!  We're far from perfect, you and I, and we can admit to ourselves that there are times we've done and said things that even Trump wouldn't!  If you're grown enough to own that, then you can take it upon yourself the responsibility of ceasing it.  If you're still hating Trump, but excusing your own conduct, you can feel free to refer to this process as DeTrumping Yourself!  Think he's so horrible, he's an ogre, he's no good?  Then make yourselves as much of an opposite of that as you can.  Bashing him every minute of every day is an unprofitable venture - demonstrating that you don't emulate those traits will yield huge dividends.

Nobody said he was a role model.  He was elected to be a leader in spite of his foibles, and not because of them.

Ummm, Daaaaaaave?  Can I ask a question?

You just did, so obviously you can.

How could you support him, of all people?!?  You spent how many years lamenting the evil that these men do, and now you choose him to be our President?!?

I'm glad you asked me that most popular and bandwagon-esque of all questions.  For the answer, however, we'll just have to wait until the Inauguration this January.

Until then, I'm looking towards Thanksgiving - where we can all show gratitude, and not regret.  Towards the phenomenon of Chanukah commencing on Christmas Eve - you can't get much more Judeo-Christian than that!  And of course, the year 2017 - foretold by Billy Joel in one of his best songs.


Night All!

I EXIST.  I MATTER.  I BELONG.  I DESERVE.

I AM BOLD.  I AM BULLETPROOF.  I AM BETA.

The One Who Stands Out

Hey All.  The summer is almost, but not quite, over.  Not with almost 70% humidity it's not, anyway.

Recently, we've been focusing a lot on an NFL quarterback who decided this year that he would not stand for the national anthem before football games.  And is often the case, the country is divided over this issue.  Those who do not agree with this gesture, like myself, think that it is a disrespectful slap in the face to our honored war dead and law enforcement officers.  Those who do agree return to the continuing refrain that racism and discrimination still abound, and that they cannot respect a country that has not yet eradicated these elements.

Let's start with the basics:

(1)  This is still America.  What this quarterback is doing is protected speech.  He is not breaking any law by refusing to stand for the anthem, and he can't be imprisoned for it.  After all, this is not North Korea.  Patriotism cannot be forced.
(2)  Some people like to stand out.  To be the rebel.  To be the guy who says, "No . . . I'm not wrong for disobeying rules.  The system is wrong for making them."  In all honesty, that's what we do here on the blog.
(3) However, as the alpholes sometimes forget, the fact that you are able to do something doesn't make it right, smart, or necessary.  Being a rebel just for the sake of being a rebel is a waste of everyone's time.  If there is a cause you stand for, and unfairness to fight, it needs to be done in a constructive way, and not a destructive one.

On this blog, we love America.  We are proud of this country and its ideals of freedom and liberty.  We love how the sky is the limit as to how much you can achieve, and I'm not ashamed of this, earn.  Does that make it Utopia?  No it doesn't.  But quite frankly, we believe that America's strengths far outweigh its weaknesses.

Most importantly, here in the blog, we support respect and emotional maturity.  Mr. Kaepernick is not showing either one.

If he was so concerned with racial injustice, or other issues, he could have used his status as a well-known athlete to make a far more positive impact.  Showing up at protests on his own time, or taping PSA's that support his values might have been a smarter idea.  But using his job to advocate his own personal opinion, which would get many other people fired, is wrong.  It has caused deep divisions not only in the media, but within his sport.

As Bold Betas, we automatically stand out.  Merely by being who we are, we go against the grain.  This sometimes is used for an excuse for bullies to behave the way they do, because that very act of being different is simply intolerable to them.  And the very notion of just letting us be us is far too stifling and boring to even consider.

However, quite a few bullies like to stand out too.  Like the class clown who gets a kick out of interrupting the teacher.  Who bears detention and suspension as badges of honor.  Who loves to put people down to make themselves look better.

Hate to break it to you, as it makes other athletes look bad, but Mr. Kaepernick's refusal to stand for the national anthem is in the latter category.  He's just stirring up trouble.  There is nothing constructive or responsible resulting from his conduct.

Aesop's Moral:  

Stand out to blaze a new trail, not merely to block other trails.

Stand out to build something new, not merely to destroy older structures.

Stand out to present a new idea, not merely to mock an older one.

Stand out to praise others' strengths, not merely to judge others' weaknesses.

Stand out to lift the right people up, not merely to put the wrong people down.

I EXIST.  I MATTER.   I BELONG.  I DESERVE.

I AM BOLD.   I AM BULLETPROOF.  I AM BETA.

Bounce 'Em If You Can't Boot 'Em

Hey All - Sunday Fun-Day!

In keeping with our evolution towards emotional maturity, I offer a few days to deal with possibly awkward social situations.  Yes, the best way of dealing with rude, arrogant, overly-aggressive, blowhard, bullying types is to not be near them in the first place.  But sometimes, family politics and alternate reasons don't make that possible.

(1)  Prepare Yourself.

   (A)  Decide that no matter what that individual tries to do, it will not affect your thoughts or your mood.  You are there for a good reason, and that fool isn't it.
   (B)  See yourself blocking, bobbing, weaving, and bouncing.  This does NOT mean prepping smart-ass comments that you think will shut them down.  Even if you're right, and even if everyone gives you a hand for that, it won't change that fool.
   (C)  Choose to leave that situation with the same calm and undisturbed state of mind that you had when you arrived.

(2)  Handle Yourself.

   (A)  They want to get you off your game.  Don't be.
   (B)  They will try to make a personal comment designed to get under your skin.  Let your skin be so thick it'll bounce right off.
   (C)  Don't let their followers egg you on, either.  Use that opportunity to evaluate who needs to be dispatched for flagrant disloyalty.

(3)   Reward Yourself.

   (A)   The law of attraction states that you attract what you think about.  If you are NOT a high-conflict personality, conflict will not find you as often as it does our alpholish counterparts.
   (B)  Behaving as if the mere presence of someone undesirable is nothing to be concerned with will provide better results than you think.
   (C)  Being less concerned with pettiness, drama, and others' lack of morality and ethics will allow you to be more concerned with issues in your own life that require more attention.

To borrow a concept from Isaiah Hankel, you don't need to beat a confession out of these people.  You don't need smart-ass comebacks, expert disses, or the ability to talk over people.  Even if you were able to expose them as being wrong, the most you'd get is a half-assed apology, and continued undesirable behavior.  These people are simply not capable of seeing issues with their actions or their words, and making them look bad will only (a) be forgotten and glossed over because they know everything or (b) make them want to do it even worse.

The best way to be Bold and Bulletproof is to Boot'em!  When the aforementioned Booting can't be done, the ultimate backup plan is simple Emotional Maturity.  It only looks difficult because people who love conflict simply can't succeed at it.

We can and we will.  You'll see for yourself.

I EXIST.  I MATTER.  I BELONG.  I DESERVE.

I AM BOLD.  I AM BULLETPROOF.  I AM EMOTIONALLY MATURE.

Change The Programming

Hey All - Happy 1st Day of May!

The reason why we face the struggles we do is that we don't alter our responses to certain stimuli.  Sometimes bullying and abuse continues because they notice your response, expect it, and we unfortunately deliver as expected. 

If that response isn't delivering the result you want, why continue it?  If it isn't working, why not fix it?  If it just reinforces things you don't want in life, why accept them?

(1).  Something Pissing You Off?

   (A).  Think how you'd act if you weren't pissed off.  You'd be controlled.  You'd be smart.  You'd be a winner.

   (B).  Look how you're about to act.  Out of control.  Raw emotion.  Like a loose cannon.

   (C).  Which would you rather use, even if you are that pissed off?

(2).  Something From The Past Bugging You?

   (A).  How?  It's over.  It's not happening now.  Feeling bad about doesn't change anything about what happened.

   (B).  Why?  Because you feel guilty?  Because you were mistaken?  Because the usual wiseasses say shit about it?  That's not a death sentence, despite what it must feel like.

   (C).  What if you could just scan that crap, shred the original document, file it away, and not even look at it?  And if it takes up too much space, set a timer to delete it?

(3).  Something Coming Soon You're Worried About?

   (A).  Is it happening right this minute?  Is it guaranteed to be a bad thing?  Is there a possibility, large or small, that what can happen is a good thing?
   (B).  If there is a possibility that it could be "mayyyyyybe something good, mayyyyyybe something bad," as they used to say on Ren & Stimpy, wouldn't it be better to think about the favorable outcome?
   (C).  Isn't Before Better?  Isn't this a chance to better prepare for what's coming?  And wouldn't that be a little more constructive that just plain worrying?

I've mentioned this before, but it bears repeating:  Our brains are programmed much the way computers and smartphones are.  If we want to change the way these devices are programmed, we have to reboot them, upgrade them, or sometimes get completely new devices.  If we want to change the way our brains are programmed, the steps we take are actually much easier.

The only reason why it seems harder is because it requires constant repetition.  The same way schoolchildren have to learn things by rote, by constant reminders of what they need to know, we have to learn how to change our thoughts and habits be reminding ourselves to do it every day.  Even if we don't feel like it.  Even if it's annoying.  Even if it's a pain in the ass.  We Must Make Ourselves Do It Anyway.

Our adversaries expect us to fold and worry because they derive pleasure from it.  No, they shouldn't do that, but they still do.  So prove their expectations to be wrong.  Fake them out.  School 'em.  Boot 'em.  Show them that nothing they do . . . not One Damn Thing . . . can make us feel bad about ourselves, make us run away, or make us feel like we're less than them.  I don't care how LOUD they talk, how MUCH they show off, or how many fraaaaaaands they claim to have.  They don't make the rules, and they don't tell you that you're less than they are.  No matter what.

I EXIST.  I MATTER.  I BELONG.  I DESERVE.

I AM BOLD.  I AM BULLETPROOF.  I AM BETA.

I AM EMOTIONALLY MATURE AND NOTHING CHANGES THAT.

Pause If You Must, But Never Wallow

Hey All - Happy Passover to those that celebrate.

It is impossible to advance in life without meeting obstacles and setbacks.  However, it's way too easy that this means "game over" instead of "handle it."

We Betas, being as sensitive as we are, often need time to reflect when confronted with such difficulty. Maybe we have to deal with anger, sadness, worry, anxiety, or a big stack of fear.  And sometimes a time out is needed to process that.

However, it's a very limited time out.  You can't do it forever.  You'll risk paralyzing yourself with doubt, guilt, or other stumbling blocks.  You'll be immobilized with hatred and contempt, and they'll chain you in a self-made prison.  You'll be stuck living in the past.

How to avoid this?

(1).  Schedule a Time.  Maybe when you first wake up, maybe when you first lie down.  Maybe a minute, maybe an hour, but keep it far away from anything else you need to do.  We don't need this getting in the way.

(2).  Use It Wisely.  Don't just ruminate, obsess, or wallow.  Ask WHY it's bad.  WHY it bothers you.  WHY it's wrong.  And follow them up with some good BECAUSES.

(3).  Contain It.  Resolve not to let these thoughts dominate you.  You still have a life to lead, and you don't owe it to anyone that wants you to feel bad.

But look what yoooooooou did!   But look what yooooooou didn't do!  But you were wrooooong!  But you screwed uuuuuuup!  I'm just sayinnnnnnn'!

Hear that?  If that voice is coming from a real live person, you can be Bulletproof and block it without letting them get under your skin.  That's not always easy to do.  But if it's coming from inside your head, then it's very easy to shut it down, by comparison.  You can mute, censor, reject, and silence that drivel anytime you choose.  You just haven't yet because it's become a habit.  But if you choose to inoculate yourself from these parasitic thoughts, you absolutely can.  Contain them, shred them, reject them, and dispose of them.

You don't own other people's behavior, actions, choices, or thoughts.  But you have exclusive domain over all of the above for yourself.  Handle them like it matters!  Don't let these things beat you.  Wrap them up in a bow and Fedex them outta here!

I EXIST.  I MATTER.  I BELONG.  I DESERVE.

I AM BOLD.  I AM BULLETPROOF.  I AM BETA.

There Are Friends, And There Are Fraaaaaaands

Hey All - Spring has finally sprung!

One obstacle we Bold Betas have is that we often just have a core group of friends instead of hundreds of thousands of friends.  And despite how rude, aggressive, and abrasive our adversaries are, they seem to have throngs approving of everything they do.  An unexplained phenomenon to be sure.

However, we must not be caught in the trap where we resent those with all those fraaaaaaaands, and I'll tell you why:

(1).  Those guys are expert BS artists.  They know how to pander and say things people want to hear, and they know how to target people who don't question it.

(2).  Those fraaaaaaands aren't who you really want to associate with.  Look at them - you know I don't need to elaborate.

(3).  Anyone who truly loves and respects himself knows how to be alone and use it productively.  These posers and panderers don't.  If they didn't have that throng of admirers, they'd be destitute.

Yes, friendship is an operation far more dependent on quality than on quantity.  Being fraaaaaands with, or liked by, a million acquaintances, hangers-on, fanboys, and followers, is meaningless compared to having deep, close, personal relationships with just a few good peeps who've seen you at your best and your worst, don't pass judgment on you, and accept you for exactly who you are.  There's no need to sell out stadiums when you already have the VIP's in the front row.

Yeah, those other suckers will still flaunt what they perceive to be their reputation.  And others might flock to them as if they're oblivious.  When you see that, remember the above.  

NEVER think that you are less than them because of what they have.  Instead, accentuate what you have.

Still, NEVER resent them for what they have.  Odds are more likely than not that what they have is nowhere near as great as it looks.

Do Not Deify.  Do Not Demonize.  Do Not Waste Thoughts On Them.

I EXIST.  I MATTER.  I BELONG.  I DESERVE.

I AM BOLD.  I AM BULLETPROOF.  I AM BETA.

Other Perspectives

Hey All - February's going from a deep freeze to an early spring.  Not sure if this is Punxsatawney Phil's doing, or someone else's.

Big news in law and politics -  the death of Senior Associate Justice Antonin Scalia.  As expected, for reasons to numerous to mention, this touched off a political firestorm.  However, what caught this blogger's attention was the statement made by Justice Ruth Bader Ginsberg.  In terms of how they evaluated cases before the Court, they were polar opposites.  In real life, they were, to use Justice Ginsberg's words, "best buddies."

The way our nation is so divided, this seems almost impossible.  The way arguments on social media so quickly devolve into personal attacks, the way those attacks and their responses become so acidic and vitriolic, it's an honest to goodness miracle that a civil war hasn't already started.  Say this word, you're a racist.  Say that word, you're a terrorist.  Say something I don't agree with, that somehow gives me the right to humiliate, embarrass, and insult you in public because I know everything and you need to be "taught." 

But "best buddies?"  Those whose opinions actually counted, whose findings could potentially become the law of the land, whose decisions actually had more substantial consequences than just hurt feelings . . . How on earth could they be "best buddies" under these circumstances?!?

Here are my educated guesses:

(1). Respect.  Whatever they decided did not extend beyond the four corners of the written decision that the Court issued.  They didn't taunt each other about how stupid they thought the opposing argument was over lunch.  No posturing or posing, because someone just had to be a loudmouth.  No finger pointing or name-calling at the seventh grade level.  Never making it personal.

(2).  Understanding.  Ginsberg noted that after she read Scalia's dissents, in which he ripped apart the weaknesses of Ginsberg's decisions, she was able to make the final draft that much better by becoming aware of those weaknesses and covering them.  No, it didn't mean she was bowing down to his superior intellect, it meant that she learned to write a better opinion after seeing the opposing argument.

(3). Boundaries.  To expand on what's been stated in (1), there are times you, believe it or not, keep it in check.  Maybe give it a rest sometimes.  Maybe save it for another time.  Maybe just because you feel that way is not carte blanche to start the great American debate all.  The.  Time.  Cause.  You.  Feel.  Like.  It.

As Betas, we are often intimidated into remaining silent not to offend anyone.  And then when we do work up the fortitude to say what we think, right or wrong, we are not always prepared for what could be an onslaught of opposition and criticism, because that takes even more fortitude.  

Can you hold differing opinions with friends?  If you're willing to abide by the above three suggestions, you most likely can.

But what if a friend or relative is not willing to abide by them when you are?  Welcome to Beta Male Life 101! 

They don't have to be as nice, as respectful, or as mature as a pair of Supreme Court Justices.  And you don't have to associate with them if they won't.

Don't get it twisted, if they don't hold back from personal attacks on you, especially with an audience, you shouldn't feel guilty about knocking them down a few pegs.  Nevertheless, no amount of proof will make these people change their tune, so don't expect to be a hero.  Do only what is necessary to protect yourself, leave them behind, and find better people to associate with - you shouldn't limit yourself to only those who think like you do, but you should only permit people who can respect your views the way Scalia and Ginsberg respected each other.

I EXIST.  I MATTER.  I BELONG.  I DESERVE.

I AM BOLD.  I AM BULLETPROOF.  I AM BETA.

So How Did You Do?

Hey All - Kind of a warm day for December, isn't it?

Every year, as New Year's Eve approaches, we like to make a lot of promises to ourselves, but we often fail to follow through on them by the time MLK Day rolls around.  The main reason why this happens is that we think our transgressions of the prior year were minor, irrelevant, or tolerable.  We got so comfortable with them that we didn't seriously feel like changing them.

So how do we overcome this?  A good old fashioned performance review:

(1).  What mistakes did we make?

    (A).   Why did they happen?  Be honest!

    (B).   Did we learn from them?   If so, what did we learn?

    (C).   Is it possible to prevent them?   If so, what?

(2).   Did we disrespect someone?

    (A).   Why?   

          (i).    Would they have irreparably harmed themselves if we stayed silent?  Were they lost, blind, and oblivious to their own mistakes before we stepped in?  If so, please move along,

          (ii).   Were you angry?  In a bad mood?  Did  you let something get under your skin?  If so, how did that happen?

          (iii).   Were they alpholes?  If so, were you still Bold and Bulletproof?   Meaning, did you fire back at them only after they had tried to provoke you more than enough times?   And did they leave themselves wide open?

     (B).   What can we do to prevent reoccurrences of (i) and (ii)?  And not punish ourseives for (iii)?

(3).  Were we disrespected?

    (A).   Why?

         (i).    Did we instigate something?  See 2.A.1 and 2.   If so, was the retaliation justified?

         (ii).    Did we just show up somewhere?   See 2.A.3.  Did we respond as recommended by this very blog?

    (B).   Were we Bold and Bulletproof in the face of disrespect and bullying?  If not, why?

(4)   Who was in our lives?

    (A).   People who respected us?  And vice versa?   If not, why?

    (B).   Hangers-on?  Friends-of-friends?   People we had to tolerate because they "don't bother" someone else?   Were we able to repel their repulsiveness?  If not, why?

Yes, as you can see, I'm not the answer man this time around.  You are.  Use this checklist, which is by no means exhaustive, to evaluate your social interactions of 2015.  Feel free to expand the situations to school or work.  Take a good look at why you made the choices you did.  Detach from your review any and all negative emotional responses.  Remember your choices from 2015 only so you can make better choices in 2016.

I EXIST.  I MATTER.  I BELONG.  I DESERVE.

I AM BOLD.  I AM BULLETPROOF.   I AM BETA.

The Opposition's Weaknesses

Hi All - Halloween is behind us, Thanksgiving may or may not be glossed over, and the Winter Holidays are just around the corner.  So what's on the docket for today?

Often times, people try to intimidate us when we say things that we're proud of or happy about.  If they're toxic enough, they'll try to say that what we like is stupid or useless, and they'll say it in the loudest, longest, and most obnoxious way.  And because they know that we're basically nicer, and are less likely to fight back, they sometimes also will say it in front of a crowd of followers and sycophants, since they need continuous reinforcement through enabling to continue living off this toxicity.

Why they do that is not as important as how to handle it.  However, some insight into their quest to silence you might reveal a few tips and pointers:

(Reason 1)  They're not secure enough to handle someone who thinks differently than they do, and can't share the floor with other voices.  
(Solution 1)   Keep voicing your opinion anyway.  The more they try to silence you, make yourself better, wiser, and more thick-skinned.  No matter how loud they get, they'll be forced to reckon with you.

(Reason 2)  They have weaknesses to protect, and the longer they allow you to talk, they're afraid you'll touch a nerve.
(Solution 2)  Keep it in your back pocket.  Don't hit them over the head out of nowhere with it, that's their game plan, and not ours.  Once they cross a line, which they always do, lock on the target and pull the trigger.  You didn't start that conflict, and they sure as heck asked for it.

(Reason 3)  They have been enabled, spoiled, and protected for so long they don't understand how it feels to be wrong, incorrect, or behind the times.  And it shakes the very foundations upon which they stand.
(Solution 3)  Keep it in lower in your back pocket.  It's not our way to fight arrogance with arrogance.  But whenever they make it a personal attack, yes you can hit them over the head with this.  The very concept of choosing not to say something, even though you can, was obviously never taught to them earlier, so teach them now.  

As I've stated before, the way for us Betas to improve our lives, be happier, and attain greater successes is to be Bold and Bulletproof.  That means not letting people bully us into silence just because they don't know how to respectfully disagree.  That means shoring up our feelings airtight so nothing they say can wound us, stun us, or make us feel ashamed of ourselves.  And yes, when warranted, that means take a shot at them to show them what is acceptable and what is not.

Unfortunately, there are still more alpholes out there than there are of us.  For now.

I EXIST.  I MATTER.  I BELONG.  I DESERVE.

I AM BOLD.  I AM BULLETPROOF.  I AM BETA.

Checking Privilege

Ahhh, what a beautiful Sunday afternoon -- I'm writing the first outdoor blog of the season!

In the past several years, there has been some talk in the "regular" media and social media demanding that some people "check their privilege."  I respectfully disagree.

You've seen me, time and time again, write about the destructive evils of bullying.  To me it's quite literally the path to the dark side.  My two-fold solution to this problem has been for us Bold Betas to, in a nutshell, become Bold and Bulletproof so that we can withstand any attack against us; and for those who perpetrate bullying to be taught how to be behave.  When this is accomplished, we Bold Betas reach self-actualization through a disciplined course of emotional maturity, and those who perpetrate bullying learn to stop being aggressive when they shouldn't be, and to be only aggressive when they absolutely must be.

But as Bold Betas, we are not only easy targets for bullying, we are also easy targets for shaming.  Stereotypically speaking, we are expected to be always-forgiving, non-assertive, docile, compliant, and consistently accommodating to others.  If we have something of value that others lack, we are faced with pointing fingers and clucking tongues that admonish us for not being "beta enough."  If we come from a background that provided us with some slight advantage that strengthened us, we are slammed and criticized for not being "open minded" enough to understand someone else's plight, and we are expected to believe that the others' disadvantages somehow make them morally superior to us. 

Gentlemen:  Don't fall for this.

Whatever "privileges" we have are strengths, and not weaknesses.  Unlike the overly-aggressive types, we do not use our strengths to cause harm to those who have less than we do.  We do rub our accomplishments in others' faces.  We do not shove people around with whatever confidence we have.  If we are Bold and Bulletproof, we use these "privileges" wisely in order to make our lives better.  These is nothing at all wrong with doing that.

Not to mention, if we choose to help those who lack what we have, on our own volition, and without being guilted or shamed into doing so, this is also using our "privileges" wisely.  

It is only when these "privileges" are intentionally used to harm others that they need to be "checked," and not just because someone is angry that they don't have them.  By the same token, it seems to me that these finger-pointers and shame-artists need to "check" their desire to judge and blame.  How much better can their lives be if all they do is "rage against the gods," like the antihero of an ancient Greek tragedy, instead of overcoming their disadvantages, as we do?

Never be ashamed of who you are.  Never minimize your accomplishments.  Never be less proud of yourself just because someone else has not accomplished what you've done.

Conversely, don't get a swelled head.  Don't attack those who have less than you.  Don't be like the overly-aggressive types that I've spoken out against.  Don't insult, disparage, or judge those who did not make the same choices you did.  This way, when they demand that you "check your privilege," you can truthfully say that there's nothing to check.

I EXIST.  I MATTER.  I BELONG.  I DESERVE.

I AM BOLD.  I AM BULLETPROOF.  I AM ME.

Who Do You Love Most?

Hey All!  Hope you enjoyed this three-day weekend if you were off for President's Day!

This past Saturday was Valentine's Day.  For those of you who are single, you might have called it "Black Saturday" or "Single Awareness Day."  You might have lamented the fact that you didn't have a sweetheart to spend this day with, and you might have cursed all those couples out there who seemed to be rubbing their abundance and your lack in your face.  You might have also celebrated the money you were saving and treating yourself instead.

Nowhere to go out?  Good!  Save your money, watch a movie, and be good to yourself.  While they're all out wining and dining as an investment in romantic love, you can make an investment in self-love.  They're having surf & turf?  Splurge on some Taco Bell!  You can make yourself laugh, you can make plans for the future, and you can think about how you'd rather spend Valentine's Day next year.

It might be that you're alone because you asked someone out and they said no.  Maybe they thought you "weren't good enough" for them in some way.  Maybe you took this to mean you were not good enough for everyone.  She is wrong, but so are you.

Rejection might be a form of bullying, but if you're bold and bulletproof, you can see that it's the mildest form of bullying there is.  She doesn't have to like you, and that's her choice to make.  But is she the end-all and be-all?  I highly doubt it.  But does that mean you should settle for someone else just so you can say you have a Valentine, and check off some unseen box on the alphaganda checklist?  No way, no how, not even close.  That way of thinking is why more than half of all marriages end in divorce.

You don't need a Valentine on Valentine's Day.   Maybe you want one.  If you'd like to have one, then have the good grace to love yourself first.  That one simple axiom, in and of itself, works better than any of the how-to guides to be a player, a pickup artist, or super-boyfriend that any of those jokers have ever manufactured. Rather, it comports with the Four Pillars -- specifically the ones about Belonging and Deserving.  If not today, then tomorrow.

Yes, you may feel like growling like Johnny Cash when you're single, muttering over those Folsom Prison Blues, and grumbling over your solitude.  Or, you might sing and groove like Barry White, knowing that with the loooooove you have for yourself, you'll be able to share the loooooove when it comes knockin', baby.

I recommend the Barry approach.  It's a lot more fun.  And it works.

I EXIST.  I MATTER.  I BELONG.  I DESERVE.

Good night everybody!

Changing

Hey all - time to continue the upward trend.

The real theme of this blog is change.  For us betas to advance, to be redeemed, and to become self-actualized, we must obviously change things.  The way we think, the way we act, the way we choose who gets cast in the movie we call our life, who stays in it, and who leaves.

Sometimes it's scary.  You're set in your ways for some time, and then you start doing things a whole new way, and that takes adjustment.

Sometimes it comes at a price.  Others might not be happy with your changes and try to guilt you back into being who they wish you were.  

Sometimes it feels uncomfortable.  Maybe staying the same is easier, even if it's wrong.

Sometimes it's needed.  You can't reach the heavens unless you ascend from the launching pad.

Sometimes it's beautiful.  Others might be accepting, if not impressed, with your changes.

Sometimes it's perfect.  You might just be "changing" into who you were always truly were.

Ya know, I haven't been seeing a lot of responses lately.  A few weeks ago, random person joked about not being a beta male to me and it took me by surprise!  I'm glad it's being read by somebody, but I'd like to hear that beta males struggling with themselves might have read something good in my weekly endeavors.

Any encouraging or helpful comments are encouraged, and those that are neither, or use sexist terms, will be deleted.

Removal and Replacement

Yes, I'm getting a little repetitious.  Yes, I've written ad nauseum about bouncing, ejecting, removing, and extricating the wrong people from your surroundings.  And yes, I've sung the praises of including the right people and keeping them.  In ideal situations, those two decisions go hand in hand.  

Mind if I explain why?

(1).  The less time you spend around people who aren't good to you, or for you, the less reason you have to get stuck in a rut of anger, resentment, grudges, and unresolved issues.  

(2).  The more time you spend around people who love you, listen to you, accept you for who you are, respect you, and, oh yeah, agree with you, more often than not, the more reason you have to be positive, pro-active, motivated, and genuinely happy.

(3).  When you're on that higher plane, it's a hell of a lot easier to be BOLD and a no-brainer to be BULLETPROOF.  When you have that going for you, nothing, not even the most disparaging or abrasive comment any alphole or femhole can spew, can do any damage.  

Don't get the wrong idea, you don't need other people to MAKE you Bold and Bulletproof.  That's entirely your doing.  But to stay that way, you need to be VERY selective as to who's in your supporting cast.  It truly does effect your attitude and performance.

Ummm Daaaaave?  IIIIIII hang out with TONS of people who are different from me.  It doesn't matter to meeee, I'm a cool kid!

Should I be impressed?  Should I try to copy you?  Am I less than you?  No.

And even if all these people are "different from" you, if those differences are not the kind that are still acceptable, you wouldn't give them the time of day.  That's basic sociology, nothing more and nothing less.  Let's not play Mother Teresa, please.

And those differences only work if they help you, enlighten you, and maybe entertain you, and not if they annoy the holy hell out of you, and not if they leave you feeling hopelessly inadequate.  There is no glory in being a martyr and selecting these people only because they're different.  That's tokenism, and it's a whole other issue.

You need people who respect you, not those who tolerate you.  There is a HUGE difference, and once we learn self-respect, we need better than mere tolerance.  We deserve a whole lot better than that.

So that's my message this week.  Feel free to respond anytime!