The Heart of Armor, Revisited

Hey All, it's about that time.

This weekend, I advanced my technology just a bit.  Well, more like I renewed a part of my technology that I hadn't discussed in a while.

Part of being emotionally mature means finding a way to deal with any and all negative thoughts.  Can we experience fear, pain, anxiety, anger, frustration, etc.?  Absolutely.  But we need to experience them without being ruled by them.

Years ago, I talked about a Heart of Armor.  That means there is a part of your mind/heart/soul that is completely, protected, insulated, and secure from the above negative emotions.  That means you don't think about that project at work when you're at the beach.  That also means you don't start immediately showing a mental rerun of bad stuff that happened just because you see or hear something that reminds you of it (that crap might work on Family Guy, but it doesn't work in your mind).

You might be aware of troubles and challenges - you kinda need to be - but there is a protected part of you that you never, ever, let those troubles and challenges affect.  If it's not in front of you that minute, you keep any thought of it in check.  If it is in front of you that minute, then handle it.  Regardless, you must keep those stress-causing, agita-inducing thoughts way out of your zone.

This way, you don't personalize or internalize the problems.  You don't make it all about you when it isn't.  And when it is all about you, you still don't let it immobilize, paralyze, or hurt you.

There is a difference between accepting responsibility for something, when you must, and hurting yourself.  When people know your weaknesses, they will try to make you feel like hurting yourself with no remorse and no regret.  It is our job, and only our job, to prevent this from happening at all costs.  Not just to protect us from them.  But also from ourselves.

When we can be aware of what is around us, good or bad, without being distracted or emotionally triggered by it, half the battle is won.  Our tormentors will realize that they're not getting the out-of-control reaction they wanted.  Our supporters will respect us more than otherwise.

"But I'm so passionate!"  "But I'm so outgoing!"  "But I'm just so badass I can't be contained!"

You may or may not be reading the wrong blog, friend.  Or more likely, you can use that passion with discipline and control.  That way you bring about positive results, and not just more and more debates and arguments.

More importantly, that way you don't get your buttons pushed.  You control your emotions, they don't control you.

I EXIST.  I MATTER.  I BELONG.  I DESERVE.

I AM BOLD.  I AM BULLETPROOF.

I AM EMOTIONALLY MATURE.

Change The Programming

Hey All - Happy 1st Day of May!

The reason why we face the struggles we do is that we don't alter our responses to certain stimuli.  Sometimes bullying and abuse continues because they notice your response, expect it, and we unfortunately deliver as expected. 

If that response isn't delivering the result you want, why continue it?  If it isn't working, why not fix it?  If it just reinforces things you don't want in life, why accept them?

(1).  Something Pissing You Off?

   (A).  Think how you'd act if you weren't pissed off.  You'd be controlled.  You'd be smart.  You'd be a winner.

   (B).  Look how you're about to act.  Out of control.  Raw emotion.  Like a loose cannon.

   (C).  Which would you rather use, even if you are that pissed off?

(2).  Something From The Past Bugging You?

   (A).  How?  It's over.  It's not happening now.  Feeling bad about doesn't change anything about what happened.

   (B).  Why?  Because you feel guilty?  Because you were mistaken?  Because the usual wiseasses say shit about it?  That's not a death sentence, despite what it must feel like.

   (C).  What if you could just scan that crap, shred the original document, file it away, and not even look at it?  And if it takes up too much space, set a timer to delete it?

(3).  Something Coming Soon You're Worried About?

   (A).  Is it happening right this minute?  Is it guaranteed to be a bad thing?  Is there a possibility, large or small, that what can happen is a good thing?
   (B).  If there is a possibility that it could be "mayyyyyybe something good, mayyyyyybe something bad," as they used to say on Ren & Stimpy, wouldn't it be better to think about the favorable outcome?
   (C).  Isn't Before Better?  Isn't this a chance to better prepare for what's coming?  And wouldn't that be a little more constructive that just plain worrying?

I've mentioned this before, but it bears repeating:  Our brains are programmed much the way computers and smartphones are.  If we want to change the way these devices are programmed, we have to reboot them, upgrade them, or sometimes get completely new devices.  If we want to change the way our brains are programmed, the steps we take are actually much easier.

The only reason why it seems harder is because it requires constant repetition.  The same way schoolchildren have to learn things by rote, by constant reminders of what they need to know, we have to learn how to change our thoughts and habits be reminding ourselves to do it every day.  Even if we don't feel like it.  Even if it's annoying.  Even if it's a pain in the ass.  We Must Make Ourselves Do It Anyway.

Our adversaries expect us to fold and worry because they derive pleasure from it.  No, they shouldn't do that, but they still do.  So prove their expectations to be wrong.  Fake them out.  School 'em.  Boot 'em.  Show them that nothing they do . . . not One Damn Thing . . . can make us feel bad about ourselves, make us run away, or make us feel like we're less than them.  I don't care how LOUD they talk, how MUCH they show off, or how many fraaaaaaands they claim to have.  They don't make the rules, and they don't tell you that you're less than they are.  No matter what.

I EXIST.  I MATTER.  I BELONG.  I DESERVE.

I AM BOLD.  I AM BULLETPROOF.  I AM BETA.

I AM EMOTIONALLY MATURE AND NOTHING CHANGES THAT.