Who Do You Love Most?

Hey All!  Hope you enjoyed this three-day weekend if you were off for President's Day!

This past Saturday was Valentine's Day.  For those of you who are single, you might have called it "Black Saturday" or "Single Awareness Day."  You might have lamented the fact that you didn't have a sweetheart to spend this day with, and you might have cursed all those couples out there who seemed to be rubbing their abundance and your lack in your face.  You might have also celebrated the money you were saving and treating yourself instead.

Nowhere to go out?  Good!  Save your money, watch a movie, and be good to yourself.  While they're all out wining and dining as an investment in romantic love, you can make an investment in self-love.  They're having surf & turf?  Splurge on some Taco Bell!  You can make yourself laugh, you can make plans for the future, and you can think about how you'd rather spend Valentine's Day next year.

It might be that you're alone because you asked someone out and they said no.  Maybe they thought you "weren't good enough" for them in some way.  Maybe you took this to mean you were not good enough for everyone.  She is wrong, but so are you.

Rejection might be a form of bullying, but if you're bold and bulletproof, you can see that it's the mildest form of bullying there is.  She doesn't have to like you, and that's her choice to make.  But is she the end-all and be-all?  I highly doubt it.  But does that mean you should settle for someone else just so you can say you have a Valentine, and check off some unseen box on the alphaganda checklist?  No way, no how, not even close.  That way of thinking is why more than half of all marriages end in divorce.

You don't need a Valentine on Valentine's Day.   Maybe you want one.  If you'd like to have one, then have the good grace to love yourself first.  That one simple axiom, in and of itself, works better than any of the how-to guides to be a player, a pickup artist, or super-boyfriend that any of those jokers have ever manufactured. Rather, it comports with the Four Pillars -- specifically the ones about Belonging and Deserving.  If not today, then tomorrow.

Yes, you may feel like growling like Johnny Cash when you're single, muttering over those Folsom Prison Blues, and grumbling over your solitude.  Or, you might sing and groove like Barry White, knowing that with the loooooove you have for yourself, you'll be able to share the loooooove when it comes knockin', baby.

I recommend the Barry approach.  It's a lot more fun.  And it works.

I EXIST.  I MATTER.  I BELONG.  I DESERVE.

Good night everybody!

Negative Feedback

Hey All -- while the winter blows cold around me, a few ideas are percolating . . . .

Adding to my prior post on "the rules," I'd like to address those moments in life when someone else tells you that what you do and say is not something they agree with.  A little emotional maturity is needed, as follows:

Who, exactly, are they?

Chances are, as is often the case with beta males, there might be a woman who just doesn't feel the same for you that you feel for her.  And it's possible that, despite her statements that she would prefer a nice guy, she somehow manages to be with a world-class alphole.  Even showing her what's best about you doesn't persuade her or help her see the light, as the alphole's hoots and hollers drown out your argument.

Little-known secret about these women -- they are just as flawed as you and me.  They are not goddesses, they are not royalty, and they are not the only females in existence.  You know how we get blinded by attractive women just by their physical appearance?  How we believe that they are the only women worth being with?  How, try as we might, we're always drawn to them?  That's exactly the same thing these women feel when the alpholes roll into town.  They are hard-wired to be attracted to these jabronies the same way we're hard-wired to be drawn to them.  It doesn't mean that they are mean or stupid, or that they deserve to suffer consequences.  It just means that they're human just like us.

That being said, their rejection of you is not the end-all and be-all, either.  If that's the type of man that makes them feel complete, then deep down, you owe them a small amount of gratitude.  If they chose to be with you instead, it would not be genuine.  Their heart would not be in it, and once they realized that they still expected you to have some of those badass alphole qualities, they'd just get annoyed with you for not being that way.  A woman who really wants somebody that you're not has the potential to make your life significantly less pleasant than it would be without her.  She wants a "real man" instead of you?  Good!  Do yourself a favor and let her go have him!  Why pretend to be something you're not, or better yet, something you hate, just to impress someone who'd be happier with someone else?  That's a waste of time.

But that doesn't mean that you can't find someone else that you'll still be attracted to anyway.  There are tons of women out there who are not attracted to these alpholes, and would be more than happy to welcome someone like you into their lives.  How you meet them, and how you succeed with them will be dealt with another time, but for now, it's enough to say that this type of rejection should have minimal to no impact on your self-esteem.

Lately, this blog has encountered some negative feedback as well.  A few gentlemen who consider themselves proud alpha males are not in agreement with some of my recent posts and tweets.  Since their perspective and experiences are entirely different from mine, I expect and welcome their opinions.  I think that criticism would be better served in written format here on Blogger or on Facebook, but they don't prefer that method for some reason.

First and foremost, they seem unhappy with the term "alphole."  For all intents and purposes, this is a slightly hipper term to describe a bully, by indicating that he is an @$$#ole who embodies the worse qualities of an alpha male.  It is clear and obvious that not every alpha male is an alphole, so I don't feel it's necessary to state it.  The reason I do not parse my words, or become extra specific,or put up disclaimers to avoid generalizations, is that I simply don't feel the need to soft-pedal this message.  I cannot afford to homogenize and decaffeinate a central theme of this blog to tip-toe around someone else's offense-o-meter.  I cannot change this blog just because someone else doesn't like it.  All I can say for a response is, if you're a friend of mine, you are certainly not an alphole.  If you are not a friend of mine, and honestly have to ask whether you are or aren't one, you need a little bit of self-reflection.

Secondly, they minimize this blog's purpose.  Yes, there are people who suffer from life-threatening illnesses, missing limbs, or have had to rebuild their lives out of complete and utter disasters.  And yes, the subject matter of this blog is about something less than that.  But that doesn't make the following problems irrelevant:

There are still men who lack confidence and self-esteem.

There are still men who need additional development.

There are still men who incorrectly learned to be ruled by their emotions, and not by common sense.

There are still men who have been abused, physically, emotionally, or both.

There are still men who cannot simply "get over it," because they have no idea how.

There are still men who understand how to be good, but receive no recognition for it.

There are still men who are giving and selfless, and are hopelessly taken advantage of because of it.

There are still men who sacrifice their own hopes and dreams to play a part in someone else's show.

There are still men who have screwed up big time.

There are still men who need help, even if they don't want to admit it.

There are still men who want to be happy, and aren't.

There are still men who want to live the life they deserve.

No, none of them are facing impending death.  But some may be dying a slow, painful death.  Self-actualization could easily avert that.

Once again, I invite those who feel this way to voice their opinions here where I can see them.  Otherwise, if you're not in agreement with this blog's purpose, you don't have to read it.

I EXIST.  I MATTER.  I BELONG.  I DESERVE.