Speaking Their Language

Hey All.  It's another relaxing Sunday, and that means it's time for another post.

In our challenge to obtain Emotional Maturity, we are often confronted with manipulators, beyess artists, and posers who have developed talents that don't deserve respect.  Instead of owning up to their misdeeds, (or not even doing them in the first place - what a concept), they do everything they can to excuse, confuse, distract, or just babble incessantly in hopes of avoiding consequences.

It's very easy to become angry at them for being this way - and their apologists will not hesitate to remind us that it's a talent we lack - until we remember that this is their only talent.

However, when we are able to easily decipher what they say, we can avoid being manipulated by them.  Some prime examples:

(1)  "No offense, but . . ."  - I'm going to bash you, but instead of admitting that, I'm going to add this disclaimer so I end up looking like the good guy.

(2) "I have no idea what you're talking about."  You're right, but I'm too full of myself to admit it.

(3) "I see the good in all people" - I know my friends are assholes, but if they do/say things wrong to you, I'm going to defend them, because I need popularity more than respect.

(4) "You might learn something/Be open minded" - I'm better than you, so you have to let me interrupt and talk all over you.

(5) "I'm not putting one over on you" - Now that I disarmed you, you're going to fall for my BS just like Charlie Brown trying to kick the football.

This by no means an endorsement of the brutally honest - there is such a thing as respect - but there are way too many bullies, abusers, and narcissists who victimize people by beyessing them so hard it comes out their ears!

There are way too many people who get bullied and disrespected when young, used and abused by employers when grown, and made mincemeat out of by spouses and significant others with no morals to speak of.  Contrary to popular opinion, the answer to that problem is not a left hook or a leg sweep.  It's preparation and maturity.

Once you know their language, you can provide responses that clearly indicate that we're not getting fooled.  Here are some examples.

(1) "No offense, but -" Why would I get offended if I wasn't even listening?

(2) "I have no idea what you're talking about."  That's OK, your six-year-old nephew will explain it to you.

(3) "I see the good in all people" - I'm impressed.  I didn't know they made microscopes for that.

(4) "You might learn something."  Mission accomplished.  Bye.

(5) "I'm not putting one over on you."  I didn't say you were.

Don't get it twisted, we're not looking to find the best comebacks, or to have the Hollywood ending.  We're also not looking to get the most hoots and hollers from the spectators and bystanders.  What we are looking to do is set boundaries, and let our egocentric cousins understand that they don't own us, that we are not their followers, and that if they want more tools, they can go to Home Depot.  One of the best ways to do this is to learn their language, instead of being misled by it.  Aside from this, we can leave people like this behind, and (if we choose) replace them with less predatory and more empathetic counterparts.

And even if you don't have a ready response to these meritless, untruthful, and deceptive statements, don't worry.  Our Mother Lady Karma has even better ones.  Maybe She thinks a good comeback might be a ride in handcuffs, an unexpected pregnancy test, or having those very words proven false.  Let Her handle that.  We'll handle our own development, our own happiness, and our own choices of whom we choose to include in our lives.

I EXIST.  I MATTER.  I BELONG.  I DESERVE.

G-D THE FATHER PROPELS ME.  G--SS THE MOTHER PROTECTS ME.

I AM EMOTIONALLY MATURE.

There Are Friends, And There Are Fraaaaaaands

Hey All - Spring has finally sprung!

One obstacle we Bold Betas have is that we often just have a core group of friends instead of hundreds of thousands of friends.  And despite how rude, aggressive, and abrasive our adversaries are, they seem to have throngs approving of everything they do.  An unexplained phenomenon to be sure.

However, we must not be caught in the trap where we resent those with all those fraaaaaaaands, and I'll tell you why:

(1).  Those guys are expert BS artists.  They know how to pander and say things people want to hear, and they know how to target people who don't question it.

(2).  Those fraaaaaaands aren't who you really want to associate with.  Look at them - you know I don't need to elaborate.

(3).  Anyone who truly loves and respects himself knows how to be alone and use it productively.  These posers and panderers don't.  If they didn't have that throng of admirers, they'd be destitute.

Yes, friendship is an operation far more dependent on quality than on quantity.  Being fraaaaaands with, or liked by, a million acquaintances, hangers-on, fanboys, and followers, is meaningless compared to having deep, close, personal relationships with just a few good peeps who've seen you at your best and your worst, don't pass judgment on you, and accept you for exactly who you are.  There's no need to sell out stadiums when you already have the VIP's in the front row.

Yeah, those other suckers will still flaunt what they perceive to be their reputation.  And others might flock to them as if they're oblivious.  When you see that, remember the above.  

NEVER think that you are less than them because of what they have.  Instead, accentuate what you have.

Still, NEVER resent them for what they have.  Odds are more likely than not that what they have is nowhere near as great as it looks.

Do Not Deify.  Do Not Demonize.  Do Not Waste Thoughts On Them.

I EXIST.  I MATTER.  I BELONG.  I DESERVE.

I AM BOLD.  I AM BULLETPROOF.  I AM BETA.

Answers For Everything

Hey All -

Just add to the topic of tonight's earlier post, we all know people like this.  Conversing with them is frustrating, uncomfortable, and sometimes intolerable because no matter what you say to them, they have an answer for everything.

This trait is the most pronounced when they are doing or saying something that is particularly unpleasant, harmful, or just plain not smart.  No matter how respectfully, courteously, or constructively an explanation or an explanation is given, it is either (a) not acknowledged, as the subject is changed with lightning speed; (b) answered with an infinite number of excuses, based on details, minutiae, and the proverbial ifs, ands, and buts; (c) met with a defensive "don't judge me;" or (d) drowned out with the intellectual equivalent of horse manure.

Now keep in mind, unlike them, we don't know everything.  We can express opinions tactfully, and explain why it might not be a good idea for them to proceed on their present course.  But the chances are, however unlikely, that some of that minutiae they fling at us might actually make sense, at least to them.  More importantly, this flung minutiae has a hidden benefit - the annoyance and irritation that it causes lessens any desire there once was to sympathize, to offer assistance, or be anyone's little helper.  

In other words, do you really want to hear all of that?  Is your life so empty and dull that you have adequate room for all of that?  I should hope your answer is no to both.  The fact that these individuals obviously have enough room for all of that should be a clear indicator that you're not dealing with someone who thinks like you do.

As Beta Males, we pride ourselves on doing good for others.  We are proud of being compassionate, sensitive, chivalrous, and when necessary, selfless.  Because of people like this, these wonderful qualities cannot be provided to everyone.

Try it once, maybe twice.  If they still have "answers for everything," or they just keep bobbing and weaving, then just walk away.  There's no shame in just saying "you win" to someone like this.  As set forth in the earlier post, let them either figure it out for themselves, or simply fall on their own sword, without your involvement.  It's OK to be more selfish than selfless when confronted with all of that.

Just let them do, or say, as they wilt.  You never know, they might still turn around and see the light on their own anyway.

Hope you all had a satisfying 2013 -- but let's all have an even better 2014!