Hey All - a rainy Sunday afternoon is about to become a rainy Sunday evening.
Today I finally made it official and retitled this page. It's not as short and snappy as the last one, but it's more real, more inclusive, and far more constructive.
I feel a little bit like someone who's been "born again" or "saved," but now that I've figured out how to practice emotional maturity, I feel like a new man. I feel happier, calmer, and more able to accept new thoughts and information. I can accept criticism or disagreement without getting amped up and raging out. And most importantly, I can realize that there are people in this life who do not conduct themselves the way I'd prefer, but that instead of becoming enraged and infuriated like some dopey sitcom character, I can either accept them despite these objections, or reject them because of these objections with no second thoughts.
For many of you reading this, it might be old hat to you. And it should be. Therefore, you probably shouldn't be reading this blog, because you might have most of it figured out already.
However, I'm pretty darn sure that there are still many of you out there, like me, who did not have such a strong command of these things. Some of you might be young, still going through school, unsure about what direction to take and a little bit scared, and having trouble coping with life's unpleasantness. Maybe we can help each other out.
Until recently, I exhorted all the Bold Betas out there to be Bulletproof, and I threw a lot of shame and disapproval at all the alpholes. In doing so, I made a few errors.
(1) I negated those who might be tough, badass, alpha types who are not seeking to harm those who weren't. We live in a world where we need police, soldiers, firefighters, rescue squads, sailors, marines, special forces, and heavy physical labor. I am nobody to say that those men and women who perform those jobs are no good.
(2) I overlooked the truth that simply being a Beta didn't insulate someone from being just as judgmental, just as hurtful, just as arrogant, and just as brutal as any of the alpholes on their worst day.
When we demonize, we obliterate anything good about someone, and when we deify, we place someone on a pedestal that they don't deserve. To the extent I've been erroneous to do this, it's stopping now.
When we are emotionally mature, we understand that nobody is perfect, but also that nobody is evil. That doesn't mean we're going to go out of our way to hang out with people we don't like and pretend to be their friends. But it does mean that we should not think that this person can do no wrong, and that this person can do no right. That way, we do not respond to people with childlike expressions of wonder and worship, or with infantile forms of name-calling and belittling.
Instead, we acknowledge everyone else has degrees and percentages. If they score high on what we find acceptable, even leaving a certain amount of "room for error," we welcome them into our lives and bestow friendship and respect on them. If they score low, we kindly and politely place them on the other side of our boundaries.
In understanding that there is no all-or-nothing situation here, I'm minimizing the use of the labels and concentrating instead on the real way to eliminate bullying, sexism, and racism - good old fashioned Emotional Maturity. I hope you'll continue to show me support for this along the way.
I EXIST. I MATTER. I BELONG. I DESERVE.
I AM BOLD. I AM BULLETPROOF.
I AM EMOTIONALLY MATURE.
This blog is meant for the advancement, redemption, and self actualization of those who have not been taught how to properly manage their emotions, and have suffered due to this lack of information. While we in no way defend those who have harmed us, we also do not make ourselves triggered and manipulated by people and things we cannot control. Through the application of the Eight Pillars, we can move forward and become the strong, unflappable, respectable people we were meant to be.
Showing posts with label anti-bullying. Show all posts
Showing posts with label anti-bullying. Show all posts
Sunday, February 12, 2017
Sunday, January 1, 2017
A Year of Emotional Maturity
Good Afternoon, Friends and Neighbors!
A nice little run sweated the alcohol out of my system, and the NFL has the last regular-season games of the season. So where does that leave you and me?
(1) Constantly Seeking Improvement.
Yes, it's a day off from most jobs, but that doesn't mean from all work. Every day we have is an opportunity to learn from our earlier choices, to improve from our earlier state, and to do things we've never done before.
(2) Reserving Alone Time.
Our high-conflict neighbors simply cannot function unless they are active, around people, and "on" as much as possible. Our secret weapon is in avoiding this trap. Every single day, we are to spend some time alone. To write/journal, meditate, relax, or just be there. That doesn't mean you stop moving forward, do nothing, and get lazy. It does mean you take a period of time, not to long and not to short, to clear your mind, stabilize your thoughts, and keep your emotions in check and in order.
(3) Looking For Reasons To Be Happy.
Always find something, every day, that makes you smile. A joke, a quick word with a friend, anything that gives you a reason to appreciate everything that is right about this world. Even if you're having a bad day, people are being challenging or difficult to you, or unfortunate consequences have happened, do this.
The Big 1-7 is going to be a year of changes for you all and for me. I'm looking to become even more successful in my career, get my message out through this blog and other means, and to start a life of happiness with somebody special.
I EXIST. I MATTER. I BELONG. I DESERVE.
I AM BOLD. I AM BULLETPROOF.
I AM EMOTIONALLY MATURE.
A nice little run sweated the alcohol out of my system, and the NFL has the last regular-season games of the season. So where does that leave you and me?
(1) Constantly Seeking Improvement.
Yes, it's a day off from most jobs, but that doesn't mean from all work. Every day we have is an opportunity to learn from our earlier choices, to improve from our earlier state, and to do things we've never done before.
(2) Reserving Alone Time.
Our high-conflict neighbors simply cannot function unless they are active, around people, and "on" as much as possible. Our secret weapon is in avoiding this trap. Every single day, we are to spend some time alone. To write/journal, meditate, relax, or just be there. That doesn't mean you stop moving forward, do nothing, and get lazy. It does mean you take a period of time, not to long and not to short, to clear your mind, stabilize your thoughts, and keep your emotions in check and in order.
(3) Looking For Reasons To Be Happy.
Always find something, every day, that makes you smile. A joke, a quick word with a friend, anything that gives you a reason to appreciate everything that is right about this world. Even if you're having a bad day, people are being challenging or difficult to you, or unfortunate consequences have happened, do this.
The Big 1-7 is going to be a year of changes for you all and for me. I'm looking to become even more successful in my career, get my message out through this blog and other means, and to start a life of happiness with somebody special.
I EXIST. I MATTER. I BELONG. I DESERVE.
I AM BOLD. I AM BULLETPROOF.
I AM EMOTIONALLY MATURE.
Sunday, June 7, 2015
Checking Privilege
Ahhh, what a beautiful Sunday afternoon -- I'm writing the first outdoor blog of the season!
In the past several years, there has been some talk in the "regular" media and social media demanding that some people "check their privilege." I respectfully disagree.
You've seen me, time and time again, write about the destructive evils of bullying. To me it's quite literally the path to the dark side. My two-fold solution to this problem has been for us Bold Betas to, in a nutshell, become Bold and Bulletproof so that we can withstand any attack against us; and for those who perpetrate bullying to be taught how to be behave. When this is accomplished, we Bold Betas reach self-actualization through a disciplined course of emotional maturity, and those who perpetrate bullying learn to stop being aggressive when they shouldn't be, and to be only aggressive when they absolutely must be.
But as Bold Betas, we are not only easy targets for bullying, we are also easy targets for shaming. Stereotypically speaking, we are expected to be always-forgiving, non-assertive, docile, compliant, and consistently accommodating to others. If we have something of value that others lack, we are faced with pointing fingers and clucking tongues that admonish us for not being "beta enough." If we come from a background that provided us with some slight advantage that strengthened us, we are slammed and criticized for not being "open minded" enough to understand someone else's plight, and we are expected to believe that the others' disadvantages somehow make them morally superior to us.
Gentlemen: Don't fall for this.
Whatever "privileges" we have are strengths, and not weaknesses. Unlike the overly-aggressive types, we do not use our strengths to cause harm to those who have less than we do. We do rub our accomplishments in others' faces. We do not shove people around with whatever confidence we have. If we are Bold and Bulletproof, we use these "privileges" wisely in order to make our lives better. These is nothing at all wrong with doing that.
Not to mention, if we choose to help those who lack what we have, on our own volition, and without being guilted or shamed into doing so, this is also using our "privileges" wisely.
It is only when these "privileges" are intentionally used to harm others that they need to be "checked," and not just because someone is angry that they don't have them. By the same token, it seems to me that these finger-pointers and shame-artists need to "check" their desire to judge and blame. How much better can their lives be if all they do is "rage against the gods," like the antihero of an ancient Greek tragedy, instead of overcoming their disadvantages, as we do?
Never be ashamed of who you are. Never minimize your accomplishments. Never be less proud of yourself just because someone else has not accomplished what you've done.
Conversely, don't get a swelled head. Don't attack those who have less than you. Don't be like the overly-aggressive types that I've spoken out against. Don't insult, disparage, or judge those who did not make the same choices you did. This way, when they demand that you "check your privilege," you can truthfully say that there's nothing to check.
I EXIST. I MATTER. I BELONG. I DESERVE.
I AM BOLD. I AM BULLETPROOF. I AM ME.
In the past several years, there has been some talk in the "regular" media and social media demanding that some people "check their privilege." I respectfully disagree.
You've seen me, time and time again, write about the destructive evils of bullying. To me it's quite literally the path to the dark side. My two-fold solution to this problem has been for us Bold Betas to, in a nutshell, become Bold and Bulletproof so that we can withstand any attack against us; and for those who perpetrate bullying to be taught how to be behave. When this is accomplished, we Bold Betas reach self-actualization through a disciplined course of emotional maturity, and those who perpetrate bullying learn to stop being aggressive when they shouldn't be, and to be only aggressive when they absolutely must be.
But as Bold Betas, we are not only easy targets for bullying, we are also easy targets for shaming. Stereotypically speaking, we are expected to be always-forgiving, non-assertive, docile, compliant, and consistently accommodating to others. If we have something of value that others lack, we are faced with pointing fingers and clucking tongues that admonish us for not being "beta enough." If we come from a background that provided us with some slight advantage that strengthened us, we are slammed and criticized for not being "open minded" enough to understand someone else's plight, and we are expected to believe that the others' disadvantages somehow make them morally superior to us.
Gentlemen: Don't fall for this.
Whatever "privileges" we have are strengths, and not weaknesses. Unlike the overly-aggressive types, we do not use our strengths to cause harm to those who have less than we do. We do rub our accomplishments in others' faces. We do not shove people around with whatever confidence we have. If we are Bold and Bulletproof, we use these "privileges" wisely in order to make our lives better. These is nothing at all wrong with doing that.
Not to mention, if we choose to help those who lack what we have, on our own volition, and without being guilted or shamed into doing so, this is also using our "privileges" wisely.
It is only when these "privileges" are intentionally used to harm others that they need to be "checked," and not just because someone is angry that they don't have them. By the same token, it seems to me that these finger-pointers and shame-artists need to "check" their desire to judge and blame. How much better can their lives be if all they do is "rage against the gods," like the antihero of an ancient Greek tragedy, instead of overcoming their disadvantages, as we do?
Never be ashamed of who you are. Never minimize your accomplishments. Never be less proud of yourself just because someone else has not accomplished what you've done.
Conversely, don't get a swelled head. Don't attack those who have less than you. Don't be like the overly-aggressive types that I've spoken out against. Don't insult, disparage, or judge those who did not make the same choices you did. This way, when they demand that you "check your privilege," you can truthfully say that there's nothing to check.
I EXIST. I MATTER. I BELONG. I DESERVE.
I AM BOLD. I AM BULLETPROOF. I AM ME.
Sunday, February 8, 2015
The Four Pillars!
Hey All! About that time again!
Since there are now a few new readers of this blog and viewers of the video, it's only fair that I reboot the central purpose of these writings. So here's the very first blog post I wrote, edited and updated for today's audience.
As I've grown older and reflected on the course my life has taken, I have realized that every young man, in order to survive into adulthood, must accept and adopt the following Four Pillars of Life:
(1) I Exist.
(2) I Matter.
(3) I Belong.
(4) I Deserve.
I Exist.
It would appear to go without saying that we exist. Cogito Ergo Sum, for all the Latin speakers out there. But this first element is too easily taken for granted. There are too many young men who fall short of their potential and resign themselves to lowly or insignificant roles in life because they have incorrectly resigned themselves to the role of a "nobody." They think they're just someone's son, someone's brother, someone's husband, someone's father. They either stopped trying to attain dreams, or failed to dream new ones, or both.
When boys are small, they are very aware of their existence. In fact, it's what they're most aware of in life. However, through no fault of their own, these boys sometimes are deceived into believing that they either do not, or should not, exist. I’m not concerned with how it happens, but only that it happens. If that tragically incorrect belief is not corrected in short order, confusion envelopes the boy's mind. This confusion leads to guilt, doubt, shame, self-loathing, and other emotions that can stunt his growth and destroy his self-worth. Otherwise, when that boy becomes a man, he must re-learn the value of his existence, and understand that he is here for a reason. Unfortunately, this is sometimes made more difficult when the boy, now a man, finds himself attracting people who do think he does not, or should not, exist.
I Matter.
Even if these boys come to terms with their existence, they still may not be convinced that their existence is relevant. Someone may have told them they were "slow," "underachieving," or the worst euphemism of all, "special." They may have their weaknesses shoved in their faces by predatory elements, reinforcing the notion that they are "losers" or "useless." If his strengths are not reinforced during childhood, and they don’t receive sufficient positive affirmations to build confidence, the boy will be convinced that he does not "matter," and must again convince himself otherwise during adulthood. He may find himself attracting those who continue to convince him he does not matter, making the process even more difficult.
I Belong.
Belonging is something that only the boy can decide for himself -- not only that truth that he belongs, but where and with whom he belongs. However, if the boy does make that decision at the right time, he will "settle." He will associate with those who do not help him achieve his potential, but instead merely "accept" him and allow him to occupy space within their ranks. He will not develop as a participant, or even a leader, but will only be a follower, unable to think or reason in a manner different than the rest of the "herd." Or worse, he will associate with individuals who are toxic towards him, and derive pleasure from continuously rejecting, abusing, and bullying him, or forcing him to continuously fight a losing battle. Resigned to a mistaken belief that those who truly would accept him will only reject him instead, and vice-versa, he sabotages this component of his development and fails to make valuable contacts and friendships that would otherwise serve him well.
Again, this must be reinforced during childhood. If not, the boy will either (a) become a recluse, believing that he cannot make any friends; or (b) ONLY associate with the wrong people. If this is not remedied, the future will include not only difficult, but disastrous consequences.
I Deserve.
The final Pillar, to deserve, simply cannot stand if the first three have not been properly erected. To deserve is to use the faith, belief, and courage needed for plain and simple success. This is the underlying theme of everything that our friends Anthony Robbins, Joel Osteen, and Dr. Phil have been telling us for years in their own words -- beyond just being, mattering, and belonging, in order to ADVANCE, you must BELIEVE that you DESERVE to have what you want! Don't write yourself off saying "it never happened" before you even tried! And even worse, don't just go around telling people you're doing it when you have no intention of doing so! DON'T LIE TO YOURSELF OR OTHERS ABOUT IT! DESERVE IT, PERIOD!
Why state the obvious? Don't most guys already know this? Not if they're faking it they don't! As for those of us who grow up with one or more of these Pillars missing, we tend to wait on longer lines than the ones our more well-adjusted neighbors occupy. And it HURTS. And since all four Pillars are interdependent, you can't have one missing. For a plane to fly you can't have three out of four engines working!
And why am I focusing on these Pillars for men and boys, but not for women and girls? Because life and nature are not politically correct. Even if this is the 21st Century, society does not cruelly punish women for having low self-esteem or confidence, but it certainly does punish men. Very harshly.
If a woman does not have all Four Pillars, she can most likely depend on a husband, a partner, or a family member to support her while she takes all the time she heeds to wallow in self-pity. MEN CANNOT AND DO NOT HAVE THIS LUXURY!
So how does a man with low self-esteem survive? Childhood is over. Pointing fingers at our parents and their failures is not effective. Repeating these Four Pillars, contemplating them at your job or at school, feeling them during your social interactions, and just plain living them WILL WORK.
Let's review, gentlemen:
I EXIST. I MATTER. I BELONG. I DESERVE.
This is not the grunt of an animal who cannot respect those around him. This is also not the wail of a spoiled child who is granted everything without earning it, and only becomes more and more demanding. This is the battle cry of a young man who seeks to live and profit from life. This is the song of redemption, fulfillment, and self-actualization. This is the eviction notice to the thoughts of defeat and rejection that have been squatting rent-free in men's subconscious minds for decades. This is the death sentence to the ill effects of bad childhoods, worse adolescences, and unpleasant adulthoods. Again!
I EXIST! I MATTER! I BELONG! I DESERVE!
Don't just say it, USE it!
Sunday, February 1, 2015
The Big Game
Good afternoon, all! Took a short hiatus, but chose a quasi-national holiday to come back! Can't really fault me, many a good TV series has had its premiere right before or right after the Super Bowl - seems smart for me to follow suit.
You don't have to be a football fan to know this, but this is the end of a long season for two teams. Regardless of what happened in the regular season or the playoffs, what happens today really counts. This one is for all the marbles, for all the glory, for the big parade in the city that team represents.
Well, that's for the players and coaches. How about you?
You got an even better deal than they do, believe it or not. In the NFL, you might get eliminated from the playoffs and not make it anywhere near the Big Game without a ticket. In real life, your season does not end until Divine Providence chooses to end it for you, and not before.
Your Big Game does not have to only come once a year. You don't need any kind of regular season record, home advantage, or even a bigger stadium to get there. You just have to play to win. And the winning formula is made clear and obvious by the Four Pillars.
It's very likely that some of you reading these words might not feel like such winners. Maybe someone has told you that you don't measure up to their standards, and you accepted that assessment as fact. Maybe someone thought laughing at your inadequacies in front of an enabling audience was a fun thing to do, and it left a bruise. Maybe someone pushed you to a breaking point, and you actually broke.
Good news, everyone. The damages recited above are all curable. They can be removed like they never even happened. And once they are removed, you're ready to suit up for your own Big Game. The prize will not be the Vince Lombardi Trophy, but if you win, you'll earn something far more valuable: Dignity. Self-Respect. Emotional Maturity. Confidence. Power.
Today, you can watch someone else make it happen. Tomorrow, it's your turn.
I EXIST. I MATTER. I BELONG. I DESERVE.
I AM BOLD. I AM BULLETPROOF. I AM BETA.
You don't have to be a football fan to know this, but this is the end of a long season for two teams. Regardless of what happened in the regular season or the playoffs, what happens today really counts. This one is for all the marbles, for all the glory, for the big parade in the city that team represents.
Well, that's for the players and coaches. How about you?
You got an even better deal than they do, believe it or not. In the NFL, you might get eliminated from the playoffs and not make it anywhere near the Big Game without a ticket. In real life, your season does not end until Divine Providence chooses to end it for you, and not before.
Your Big Game does not have to only come once a year. You don't need any kind of regular season record, home advantage, or even a bigger stadium to get there. You just have to play to win. And the winning formula is made clear and obvious by the Four Pillars.
It's very likely that some of you reading these words might not feel like such winners. Maybe someone has told you that you don't measure up to their standards, and you accepted that assessment as fact. Maybe someone thought laughing at your inadequacies in front of an enabling audience was a fun thing to do, and it left a bruise. Maybe someone pushed you to a breaking point, and you actually broke.
Good news, everyone. The damages recited above are all curable. They can be removed like they never even happened. And once they are removed, you're ready to suit up for your own Big Game. The prize will not be the Vince Lombardi Trophy, but if you win, you'll earn something far more valuable: Dignity. Self-Respect. Emotional Maturity. Confidence. Power.
Today, you can watch someone else make it happen. Tomorrow, it's your turn.
I EXIST. I MATTER. I BELONG. I DESERVE.
I AM BOLD. I AM BULLETPROOF. I AM BETA.
Tuesday, November 5, 2013
Going Incognito
You knew I was gonna go there. You knew I was not going to stay silent on this issue!
When it gets to the point that even the atmosphere in an NFL locker room is crossing the line, something has got to give. I commend the Miami Dolphins for taking the proper action against someone whose actions went beyond harmless horseplay.
People think that a "real" man can't be abused, or bullied, or manipulated just because. Just because of what? He could just kick someone's ass? Because he should be able to "just take it?" The very thought of this is sexist in and of itself. You don't know what's going on inside that guy's head.
We don't live in a comic book, the jungle, or the old west, and most of us aren't in high school anymore, so don't tell me that kicking ass is the only way to solve problems. Yes, I agree that there really are people who deserve to get smacked as hard as possible, due to the aforementioned inability to behave like adults. But they're the animals, not us, so let's not try to play dirty like them as long as we can help it.
People love saying that if someone is being bullied, then it's the victim's fault. I put very little stock in that. More likely, the perpetrator has issues that were never dealt with, or better yet, maybe they had parents who just got too lazy to discipline them, and couldn't explain that there's a way you behave and there's a way you don't. No, I think that bullying escalates less because someone "asks for it," and more because early childhood behavior was not properly guided. Hence one of my many catch-phrases, Teach These Damn Kids How To Behave. It's for damn sure you can't teach them anything of the sort once they reach adulthood, or turn pro! This is why we have anti-bullying laws, because society does not owe them a free lifetime pass of "just ignoring them."
I was already working on this before, but now that this story broke, here it is:
The Animal attains goals through aggression and dominance, and fear and intimidation.
The Man does so through intelligence, within the bounds of basic ethics.
The Animal follows a herd and engages in groupthink.
The Man thinks for himself and chooses whether or not to follow the herd.
The Animal bullies, plunders, and usurps.
The Man treats others with respect.
The Animal thinks nothing of causing harm.
The Man chooses his battles wisely.
The Animal does not understand right or wrong.
The Man does.
Now that this unfortunate news has coincided with the new, and more accurate, title I've given this blog, you're gonna see a little more of this. The notion that you have to do something just because you're a man, and someone thinks every man should do it, is no less sexist than saying that a woman's place is in the home, barefoot and pregnant.
So, gentlemen, which would you rather be. A Man, or an Animal? If you're not sure, then let the above suggestions guide you towards "manning up!"
I EXIST. I MATTER. I BELONG. I DESERVE.
When it gets to the point that even the atmosphere in an NFL locker room is crossing the line, something has got to give. I commend the Miami Dolphins for taking the proper action against someone whose actions went beyond harmless horseplay.
People think that a "real" man can't be abused, or bullied, or manipulated just because. Just because of what? He could just kick someone's ass? Because he should be able to "just take it?" The very thought of this is sexist in and of itself. You don't know what's going on inside that guy's head.
We don't live in a comic book, the jungle, or the old west, and most of us aren't in high school anymore, so don't tell me that kicking ass is the only way to solve problems. Yes, I agree that there really are people who deserve to get smacked as hard as possible, due to the aforementioned inability to behave like adults. But they're the animals, not us, so let's not try to play dirty like them as long as we can help it.
People love saying that if someone is being bullied, then it's the victim's fault. I put very little stock in that. More likely, the perpetrator has issues that were never dealt with, or better yet, maybe they had parents who just got too lazy to discipline them, and couldn't explain that there's a way you behave and there's a way you don't. No, I think that bullying escalates less because someone "asks for it," and more because early childhood behavior was not properly guided. Hence one of my many catch-phrases, Teach These Damn Kids How To Behave. It's for damn sure you can't teach them anything of the sort once they reach adulthood, or turn pro! This is why we have anti-bullying laws, because society does not owe them a free lifetime pass of "just ignoring them."
I was already working on this before, but now that this story broke, here it is:
The Animal attains goals through aggression and dominance, and fear and intimidation.
The Man does so through intelligence, within the bounds of basic ethics.
The Animal follows a herd and engages in groupthink.
The Man thinks for himself and chooses whether or not to follow the herd.
The Animal bullies, plunders, and usurps.
The Man treats others with respect.
The Animal thinks nothing of causing harm.
The Man chooses his battles wisely.
The Animal does not understand right or wrong.
The Man does.
Now that this unfortunate news has coincided with the new, and more accurate, title I've given this blog, you're gonna see a little more of this. The notion that you have to do something just because you're a man, and someone thinks every man should do it, is no less sexist than saying that a woman's place is in the home, barefoot and pregnant.
So, gentlemen, which would you rather be. A Man, or an Animal? If you're not sure, then let the above suggestions guide you towards "manning up!"
I EXIST. I MATTER. I BELONG. I DESERVE.
Sunday, November 13, 2011
Get Up and Go Deep!
Hey All!
We're continuing with our transition from righteous anger at those who've wronged us to satisfaction and self-actualization. There are miles to go before we rest (ha ha, running humor), but let's get to it.
To expound a little bit on what I've said earlier, once the battle against those is finished (got attacked, responded within 24-hour statute of limitations, told them off, got respect), there's another stage to get past . . . not the just respect of others, but the respect of yourself!
When we have our minds focused on a conflict ahead of us, we think about how to beat our adversary logically and systematically, with just enough anger/fury/rage not to let them get away with anything. That anger/fury/rage can sometimes mean the difference between a win and a loss, as long as you control the anger, and it doesn't control you.
So what happens when the battle is over? If we lost, we might be angry with ourselves, and that's when we really get into trouble. Our opponents can, and should, get angry with us and maybe smear us a little, if they expect to win. We cannot, and MUST not, do that to ourselves! We'll be giving our opponents free passes that they never even asked for!!!
As another blogger I've linked to likes to say that we should not be our own worst critics. Rather, we should be our own biggest fans! Check his blog at http://www.personal-development-for-men.com/personal-development-blog.html
That doesn't mean we shouldn't be objective about our weaknesses and mistakes, and that we shouldn't learn from them. It means that we should be tough on our opponents, and gentle and forgiving with ourselves. It means we don't whip ourselves like that albino monk in The DaVinci Code! It means if we get knocked down, we don't smack ourselves in the head for letting it happen, chew ourselves out for being stupid, or think about how wrong we are. It means WE GET UP!!!!
We've already learned that bullying is wrong and bullies should be punished -- but now that we've gotten up, and gotten past that, we keep going. We get ready for what's next, stronger and wiser. We aim our anger that way, not back this way!
And what, pray tell, do we do if there's actually not a fight in front of us? No opponent to dismantle, no argument to refute, and no emperor to overthrow? No argument to win, no besmircher to resmirch, and no jabroni to layeth the smacketh down upon?
Does it even happen that way???? YES, PEOPLE IT DOES MORE OFTEN THAN YOU THINK! Not everything is a fight!
So what then? You smile. You laugh. You tell jokes! If you're like me, you do impressions too, because they're a riot!
You get your friends and have a rockin' good time! You talk to your family and talk about everything that's going right, and save the depressing crapola for another time! If you have someone special in your life, you show them that they're special because you know they're special, with prompting or reminders!
And if you don't have someone special, and would like one, let it happen! That doesn't mean going to clubs and showing off your Rico Suaveness if you're not comfortable doing so (if you are, don't let me stop you, but please!) It means that you present yourself with confidence and respect in everything you do, even the way you get lunch from the deli or zip onto the subway before the doors close. It means you don't throw hissy fits if the train is late or if people annoy you. Just put your best foot forward without being a "desperado," as my sister calls guys who "desperately" need women, and you'll get one! And once you get one, make it worth your while!
It's two very simple methods. During wartime, GET UP, and in peace, GO DEEP!
Feel free to comment, and let's go JETS!!!!
In fact, don't only comment, but give me a high sign and a vote of confidence. I know I've got my regular readers out there, thank you very much, but unless someone hits the "like" button on Facebook, I've got no clue that my stuff is well received. What would you like to read more of? Is my shift from rebellion against abuse to living with self-respect a welcome one? And more importantly, where are my young men and boys that I want to read this stuff?
Help a guy out -- thanks!
We're continuing with our transition from righteous anger at those who've wronged us to satisfaction and self-actualization. There are miles to go before we rest (ha ha, running humor), but let's get to it.
To expound a little bit on what I've said earlier, once the battle against those is finished (got attacked, responded within 24-hour statute of limitations, told them off, got respect), there's another stage to get past . . . not the just respect of others, but the respect of yourself!
When we have our minds focused on a conflict ahead of us, we think about how to beat our adversary logically and systematically, with just enough anger/fury/rage not to let them get away with anything. That anger/fury/rage can sometimes mean the difference between a win and a loss, as long as you control the anger, and it doesn't control you.
So what happens when the battle is over? If we lost, we might be angry with ourselves, and that's when we really get into trouble. Our opponents can, and should, get angry with us and maybe smear us a little, if they expect to win. We cannot, and MUST not, do that to ourselves! We'll be giving our opponents free passes that they never even asked for!!!
As another blogger I've linked to likes to say that we should not be our own worst critics. Rather, we should be our own biggest fans! Check his blog at http://www.personal-development-for-men.com/personal-development-blog.html
That doesn't mean we shouldn't be objective about our weaknesses and mistakes, and that we shouldn't learn from them. It means that we should be tough on our opponents, and gentle and forgiving with ourselves. It means we don't whip ourselves like that albino monk in The DaVinci Code! It means if we get knocked down, we don't smack ourselves in the head for letting it happen, chew ourselves out for being stupid, or think about how wrong we are. It means WE GET UP!!!!
We've already learned that bullying is wrong and bullies should be punished -- but now that we've gotten up, and gotten past that, we keep going. We get ready for what's next, stronger and wiser. We aim our anger that way, not back this way!
And what, pray tell, do we do if there's actually not a fight in front of us? No opponent to dismantle, no argument to refute, and no emperor to overthrow? No argument to win, no besmircher to resmirch, and no jabroni to layeth the smacketh down upon?
Does it even happen that way???? YES, PEOPLE IT DOES MORE OFTEN THAN YOU THINK! Not everything is a fight!
So what then? You smile. You laugh. You tell jokes! If you're like me, you do impressions too, because they're a riot!
You get your friends and have a rockin' good time! You talk to your family and talk about everything that's going right, and save the depressing crapola for another time! If you have someone special in your life, you show them that they're special because you know they're special, with prompting or reminders!
And if you don't have someone special, and would like one, let it happen! That doesn't mean going to clubs and showing off your Rico Suaveness if you're not comfortable doing so (if you are, don't let me stop you, but please!) It means that you present yourself with confidence and respect in everything you do, even the way you get lunch from the deli or zip onto the subway before the doors close. It means you don't throw hissy fits if the train is late or if people annoy you. Just put your best foot forward without being a "desperado," as my sister calls guys who "desperately" need women, and you'll get one! And once you get one, make it worth your while!
It's two very simple methods. During wartime, GET UP, and in peace, GO DEEP!
Feel free to comment, and let's go JETS!!!!
In fact, don't only comment, but give me a high sign and a vote of confidence. I know I've got my regular readers out there, thank you very much, but unless someone hits the "like" button on Facebook, I've got no clue that my stuff is well received. What would you like to read more of? Is my shift from rebellion against abuse to living with self-respect a welcome one? And more importantly, where are my young men and boys that I want to read this stuff?
Help a guy out -- thanks!
Monday, July 4, 2011
Declare Your Independence!
Today is a special day, gentlemen. On this date in 1776, leaders of the Continental Congress chose to be bold and daring, take a huge risk, and write a nice long letter to the King of England setting forth every unjust act he'd done to the 13 colonies, calling him out for what he'd done, and severing all governmental ties between what was now the United States of America and Britain.
For this historically conscious among us, let's examine the text of this document, rephrase it into modern-day parlance, and incorporate the spirit behind it to our own lives:
"When in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation."
In other words, if one people finds it necessary to separate or detach from another people to whom they've been connected, and strike out on their own, common courtesy says we explain why it's happening. These gentlemen obviously wanted to be polite, in giving notice of their intentions, but direct, in stating exactly why the relationship was about to end.
"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.--That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, --That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness."
In other words, we are just the same as you, and we deserve the same rights that you enjoy under your government. Since we're not getting those same rights, we don't need to live under your government, so we're rejecting it and setting up our own, and making it even better than yours!
"Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn, that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security.--Such has been the patient sufferance of these Colonies; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former Systems of Government."
In other words, we're not just doing this because we woke up one morning and decided to be different for one day. If there were only trifling matters we'd just shake it off and live with it. Thing is, though, we've been suffering a lot of injustice for a long time, and looking the other way just isn't working anymore. After all we've been through, we have no choice but to take it all in a new direction.
"The history of the present King of Great Britain is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over these States. To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid world."
In other words, here are the facts -- just look what this autocrat has been doing! He won't sign off on laws that the people need, or allow his appointed governors to do likewise! Or worse, he'll require the people to waive their rights to representation in the Legislature. Better yet, he'll call legislative meetings at the worst possible times and places just to wear people down so they'll do what he wants! He forces judges to rule his way. He sends armies to "patrol" us during peacetime without our consent, forces us to allow them to live in our homes whenever they feel like it, and when they murder our citizens, he stages "mock trials" to let them off! Taxation without consent, no trial by jury, false criminal charges, arbitrary government, abolition of our own laws, impression of our citizens into his navy, and just when it can't get even worse, inciting the native Americans to massacre us (the original text is not politically correct regarding this last issue)!
"In every stage of these Oppressions We have Petitioned for Redress in the most humble terms: Our repeated Petitions have been answered only by repeated injury. A Prince whose character is thus marked by every act which may define a Tyrant, is unfit to be the ruler of a free people."
In other words, we tried to seek relief, but he just doesn't care.
"Nor have We been wanting in attentions to our Brittish brethren. We have warned them from time to time of attempts by their legislature to extend an unwarrantable jurisdiction over us. We have reminded them of the circumstances of our emigration and settlement here. We have appealed to their native justice and magnanimity, and we have conjured them by the ties of our common kindred to disavow these usurpations, which, would inevitably interrupt our connections and correspondence. They too have been deaf to the voice of justice and of consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our Separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of mankind, Enemies in War, in Peace Friends."
Even the rest of Britain doesn't care about us either -- so the heck with them too!
"We, therefore, the Representatives of the united States of America, in General Congress, Assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the Name, and by Authority of the good People of these Colonies, solemnly publish and declare, That these United Colonies are, and of Right ought to be Free and Independent States; that they are Absolved from all Allegiance to the British Crown, and that all political connection between them and the State of Great Britain, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as Free and Independent States, they have full Power to levy War, conclude Peace, contract Alliances, establish Commerce, and to do all other Acts and Things which Independent States may of right do. And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes and our sacred Honor."
Based upon the above, we are no longer British colonies, but instead are 13 independent, but united, states. We know the risks involved, and we're not afraid, no matter what!
Some of you may find yourselves unnecessarily bound to a tyrannical, oppressive, bullying, autocratic, dictatorial force at a time where such condition is no longer needed or helpful. Chances are, you might also be suffering from the negative effects of favoritism, nepotism, or other forms of disparate treatment. As the text above states, it's usually human nature to just put up with it, tolerate it, and say "that's life." But there comes a point where you have to say no, that's not life, that's wrong!
Maybe there's a family member who thinks they "pwn" you, to use some gamer language. Declare your independence from them! If you're able to do so, show them that you are grown, make your own decisions, and don't need their approval for anything you choose to do!
Maybe there's a classmate at school who is permitted to harrass and intimidate you without fear of consequences or punishment (thank you school administrators). Maybe he thinks he's got a free pass to do and say whatever he wants to you with no remorse and no regret. Declare your independence from him too! He doesn't run the school (thank you again, school administrators)! He doesn't have authority to pronounce who you are, how smart you are, how good you are, or what you can do. Don't Let Him!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And how do you do this? Follow the example of our Founding Fathers, of course!
(1) BE CLEAR ABOUT IT. That flowery "when in the course of human events" paragraph was the 18th century way of telling the British monarchy that they were about to be placed on notice of their transgressions and the consequences.
(2) EXPLAIN WHY IT'S WRONG. You and I may know that it's "self-evident." Whoever thinks it's OK to "pwn" you is CLUELESS to that which is self-evidence because THEY ARE NOT SELF-AWARE, and need explanations.
(3) READ THEM THE LIST. Assuming you've documented them well enough, of course. It's hard for most self-aware individuals to explain away their documented actions. The CLUELESS ones, of course, will try to convince you (and themselves) that it never happened in the first place.
(4) TELL THEM THE GRAVY TRAIN IS OVER. Oppressors in all walks of life get accustomed to receiving too many free passes. They must be clearly notified that they will no longer receive them, and that boundaries have now been erected.
(5) BE AWARE OF WHAT YOU RISK. Our Founding Fathers were not drafting a school term paper there. The more liberal among you will note that they were all white males over the age of 21 who owned property (including slaves). Putting that annoying issue to the wayside, they faced grave danger signing that document. Several of them were murdered by the British, some of them lost their property, some of them were poor and penniless after the war.
Not to say that this will happen to you if you declare your own independence. The last thing you need is another reason to put it off. Just be prepared for whatever consequences your former oppressors might throw at you. Make a plan, if you have to. But bottom line, just be ready.
Happy Independence Day, America!
For this historically conscious among us, let's examine the text of this document, rephrase it into modern-day parlance, and incorporate the spirit behind it to our own lives:
"When in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation."
In other words, if one people finds it necessary to separate or detach from another people to whom they've been connected, and strike out on their own, common courtesy says we explain why it's happening. These gentlemen obviously wanted to be polite, in giving notice of their intentions, but direct, in stating exactly why the relationship was about to end.
"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.--That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, --That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness."
In other words, we are just the same as you, and we deserve the same rights that you enjoy under your government. Since we're not getting those same rights, we don't need to live under your government, so we're rejecting it and setting up our own, and making it even better than yours!
"Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn, that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security.--Such has been the patient sufferance of these Colonies; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former Systems of Government."
In other words, we're not just doing this because we woke up one morning and decided to be different for one day. If there were only trifling matters we'd just shake it off and live with it. Thing is, though, we've been suffering a lot of injustice for a long time, and looking the other way just isn't working anymore. After all we've been through, we have no choice but to take it all in a new direction.
"The history of the present King of Great Britain is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over these States. To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid world."
In other words, here are the facts -- just look what this autocrat has been doing! He won't sign off on laws that the people need, or allow his appointed governors to do likewise! Or worse, he'll require the people to waive their rights to representation in the Legislature. Better yet, he'll call legislative meetings at the worst possible times and places just to wear people down so they'll do what he wants! He forces judges to rule his way. He sends armies to "patrol" us during peacetime without our consent, forces us to allow them to live in our homes whenever they feel like it, and when they murder our citizens, he stages "mock trials" to let them off! Taxation without consent, no trial by jury, false criminal charges, arbitrary government, abolition of our own laws, impression of our citizens into his navy, and just when it can't get even worse, inciting the native Americans to massacre us (the original text is not politically correct regarding this last issue)!
"In every stage of these Oppressions We have Petitioned for Redress in the most humble terms: Our repeated Petitions have been answered only by repeated injury. A Prince whose character is thus marked by every act which may define a Tyrant, is unfit to be the ruler of a free people."
In other words, we tried to seek relief, but he just doesn't care.
"Nor have We been wanting in attentions to our Brittish brethren. We have warned them from time to time of attempts by their legislature to extend an unwarrantable jurisdiction over us. We have reminded them of the circumstances of our emigration and settlement here. We have appealed to their native justice and magnanimity, and we have conjured them by the ties of our common kindred to disavow these usurpations, which, would inevitably interrupt our connections and correspondence. They too have been deaf to the voice of justice and of consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our Separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of mankind, Enemies in War, in Peace Friends."
Even the rest of Britain doesn't care about us either -- so the heck with them too!
"We, therefore, the Representatives of the united States of America, in General Congress, Assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the Name, and by Authority of the good People of these Colonies, solemnly publish and declare, That these United Colonies are, and of Right ought to be Free and Independent States; that they are Absolved from all Allegiance to the British Crown, and that all political connection between them and the State of Great Britain, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as Free and Independent States, they have full Power to levy War, conclude Peace, contract Alliances, establish Commerce, and to do all other Acts and Things which Independent States may of right do. And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes and our sacred Honor."
Based upon the above, we are no longer British colonies, but instead are 13 independent, but united, states. We know the risks involved, and we're not afraid, no matter what!
Some of you may find yourselves unnecessarily bound to a tyrannical, oppressive, bullying, autocratic, dictatorial force at a time where such condition is no longer needed or helpful. Chances are, you might also be suffering from the negative effects of favoritism, nepotism, or other forms of disparate treatment. As the text above states, it's usually human nature to just put up with it, tolerate it, and say "that's life." But there comes a point where you have to say no, that's not life, that's wrong!
Maybe there's a family member who thinks they "pwn" you, to use some gamer language. Declare your independence from them! If you're able to do so, show them that you are grown, make your own decisions, and don't need their approval for anything you choose to do!
Maybe there's a classmate at school who is permitted to harrass and intimidate you without fear of consequences or punishment (thank you school administrators). Maybe he thinks he's got a free pass to do and say whatever he wants to you with no remorse and no regret. Declare your independence from him too! He doesn't run the school (thank you again, school administrators)! He doesn't have authority to pronounce who you are, how smart you are, how good you are, or what you can do. Don't Let Him!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And how do you do this? Follow the example of our Founding Fathers, of course!
(1) BE CLEAR ABOUT IT. That flowery "when in the course of human events" paragraph was the 18th century way of telling the British monarchy that they were about to be placed on notice of their transgressions and the consequences.
(2) EXPLAIN WHY IT'S WRONG. You and I may know that it's "self-evident." Whoever thinks it's OK to "pwn" you is CLUELESS to that which is self-evidence because THEY ARE NOT SELF-AWARE, and need explanations.
(3) READ THEM THE LIST. Assuming you've documented them well enough, of course. It's hard for most self-aware individuals to explain away their documented actions. The CLUELESS ones, of course, will try to convince you (and themselves) that it never happened in the first place.
(4) TELL THEM THE GRAVY TRAIN IS OVER. Oppressors in all walks of life get accustomed to receiving too many free passes. They must be clearly notified that they will no longer receive them, and that boundaries have now been erected.
(5) BE AWARE OF WHAT YOU RISK. Our Founding Fathers were not drafting a school term paper there. The more liberal among you will note that they were all white males over the age of 21 who owned property (including slaves). Putting that annoying issue to the wayside, they faced grave danger signing that document. Several of them were murdered by the British, some of them lost their property, some of them were poor and penniless after the war.
Not to say that this will happen to you if you declare your own independence. The last thing you need is another reason to put it off. Just be prepared for whatever consequences your former oppressors might throw at you. Make a plan, if you have to. But bottom line, just be ready.
Happy Independence Day, America!
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