A Repeat Performance for Father's Day

Good Evening All.  I don't usually post reruns, but I think what I posted last year for Fathers' Day says it all:

I know that I appreciate my dad immensely.  He'd be pretty humble about it, but much of what I post in the blog is an outgrowth of the life lessons he taught me.

But even more than my appreciation of him, is my appreciation of Him:  G-D the Father.

Now this isn't based on any religion in particular.  It's just an understanding that there is a supernatural being who has a completely rational expectation of us to recognize and fulfill our personal responsibilities.  Our Mother Lady Karma is the One who handles things we can't control, executes judgment against those who wrong us, and pardons us for our errors.  G-D the Father, however, has a very different role to play.

What He does is remind us of what we CAN control, and that we'd better handle it to the best of our abilities.  His message is, "I'm not going to do your job for you."  Should we get started and keep moving, He is very likely to provide assistance, and quite possibly rewards, along the way.  But if we don't work for it, He won't provide it.

Our Father G-D doesn't want us to give up trying after only a few attempts.  He wants us to get our hands dirty and fail again and again until there has to be some sort of success, great or small.  He wants us to rise above critics and nay-sayers, disable our triggers when they are not needed, and to be as disciplined as possible in our thoughts and actions.

He knows that we'll make mistakes.  Honestly, He expects them to happen.  And He also expects us to keep our emotional reactions to a minimum because they'll only get in the way.  Our Mother can kiss our skinned egos to make them better.  But Our Father wants us to heal them ourselves, because we can!

That doesn't mean He's mean or unforgiving.  If He were, He'd be convincing us all to jump off bridges and end it all.  Instead, He wants us to live, and live right.  He wants us to understand that every new day is another chance to get it right, and not to eternally punish ourselves for when we get it wrong.  He wants us to own The Four Pillars, and own them hard!

So, Friends & Neighbors, today I hope you told your fathers how much you appreciate them.  And every day going forward, I suggest we show appreciation to Our Father G-D by making ourselves even better.

DISCLAIMER:  The above message is not an endorsement or a rejection of any organized religion in existence.

RESPECT ALL

BEFRIEND FEW

LOVE ONE

HATE NONE.

I EXIST.

I MATTER.

I BELONG. 

I DESERVE.

EMOTIONAL MATURITY

Getting Too Comfortable

Hey All - enjoying the Saturday afternoon of July 4th weekend!

I don't normally share a lot of personal information through this blog, but this time I've something I'm proud to share - I'm engaged!  I'm engaged to a beautiful, sweet, hilariously funny, and very loving woman.  She makes me smile and laugh every morning I wake up with her, and every night I go to bed with her.  We have our very own love, and we're happy with it every day.

Now don't get it twisted, it's not such a surprise - in fact, I showed her this post before I published it, so she's completely fine with me talking about us.

But unlike the overly-aggressive types we sometimes deal with, I'm not saying this to boast or brag.  I have no need to flaunt my relationship with a beautiful woman as if it were some type of possession I purchased or prize that I won.  However, since some of my audience might be single for extended portions of their lives, or may have given up on women for many reasons, I think it's appropriate to say that as long as you look for love in the right places, and continue to look even after it "doesn't work out," chances are better than average that you'll find it.

But assuming that does happen, what then?  Is the war really over?  Are the closing credits rolling?  Are our issues really finished and done with?

Not a chance.  Not a chance in hell.

When we betas do finally "get the girl," the movie does not end.  Rather, a new chapter begins.  That means contributing enough to the relationship.  That means paying a little more attention to what she wants and needs.  That means surprising her when she least expects it.  To put it short, that means acting like you give a damn.

Now don't get it twisted.  I didn't say sacrifice your individual just to make her happy.  I also didn't say become a henpecked, yes-dear, spineless, soul-less, shell of your former self.  That's crap.  And definitely don't become that guy who talks endlessly about how out of control his wife is, waits for a reaction, and then says "It doesn't bother me."  Guys who do that are looking for attention that they don't deserve.

What I did say was to act like the relationship matters.  Don't just be a spectator, be a participant!  Yes, you won't both do all the same things together, and yes, you will need some alone time and some guys'/girls' nights out.  But make your together moments count!  Surprise her by covering a few household chores that she would otherwise do.  Buy her a few little presents.  Plan a date night with a few surprises!

And in those hopefully rare occasions when you get annoyed with each other and do something stupid, have the good grace to (a) calm the flip down; and (b) apologize for your part in the disagreement.  No, that does not mean "the woman is always right," this isn't The Good Men Project, but it does mean that if there's a disagreement happening, you're both doing something that's not perfect.  And the saying, "you can be right, or you can be happy," is particularly applicable.

Be happy?  You got it.  Be proud?  Keep at it.  But be comfortable?  That's where it all gets flat, stale, and used-up.  Don't get so comfortable with your newfound love that you forget to keep it up.

I EXIST.  I MATTER.  I BELONG.  I DESERVE.

I AM BOLD.  I AM BULLETPROOF.  I AM BETA.

Resolve Yourself!

Yes, it is a new year -- Day One of the year 2012!

Last year, I posted about New Year's Resolutions.  This year I'm posting about New Year's Voluntary Self-Initiated Choices.  Takes up a little more gray matter and blog-space, but this description makes it a little more difficult to shirk on these goals!

This New Year's Eve at my godson's family's house, one of his brothers announced a new resolution for himself -- to be "less annoying."  I love this young man as if he were my own son, but he, and I, both know that he broke this resolution (OK, not yet . . . not yet . . . not yet . . .) already.  Certainly not his fault, of course.  That's because these lame, weak, half-assed pseudo-oaths are designed to fail -- they're just words used to describe an action that the "resolver" knows that he or she has absolutely no intention of performing.

So rather than make another annual inside joke of "there's no way I'm ever gonna do that," let's promise ourselves things that we actually can, and will, accomplish.  Suggestions:

(1)  Be true and honest to yourself.

(2)  Be willing to say "no."

(3)  Take authority and responsibility for your own life and choices.

(4)  Sever ties with those who cannot or will not accept you for who you are.

(5)  Stop respecting those who don't respect you.

(6)  Seek relationships that benefit you, and don't leave you empty and exhausted.

(7)  Increase your self-respect and decrease your self-effacement; reduce your self-criticism, and eliminate your self-loathing.

(8) Admit your mistakes, make good on them, learn from them, and then stop the self-flagellation that arises from every screw-up.

(9)  Find the hidden advantage and loophole in every negative -- they do exist, just find them!

(10)  If you're not happy with your circumstances, look for and find ways to change them.

Also, repeat to yourself daily a mantra like the one below:

I EXIST.  I MATTER.  I BELONG.  I DESERVE.

Happy New Year, my readers.  Make good choices for 2012!