Get Up and Go Deep!

Hey All!

We're continuing with our transition from righteous anger at those who've wronged us to satisfaction and self-actualization.  There are miles to go before we rest (ha ha, running humor), but let's get to it.

To expound a little bit on what I've said earlier, once the battle against those is finished (got attacked, responded within 24-hour statute of limitations, told them off, got respect), there's another stage to get past . . . not the just respect of others, but the respect of yourself!

When we have our minds focused on a conflict ahead of us, we think about how to beat our adversary logically and systematically, with just enough anger/fury/rage not to let them get away with anything.  That anger/fury/rage can sometimes mean the difference between a win and a loss, as long as you control the anger, and it doesn't control you.

So what happens when the battle is over?  If we lost, we might be angry with ourselves, and that's when we really get into trouble.  Our opponents can, and should, get angry with us and maybe smear us a little, if they expect to win.  We cannot, and MUST not, do that to ourselves!  We'll be giving our opponents free passes that they never even asked for!!!

As another blogger I've linked to likes to say that we should not be our own worst critics.  Rather, we should be our own biggest fans!  Check his blog at http://www.personal-development-for-men.com/personal-development-blog.html

That doesn't mean we shouldn't be objective about our weaknesses and mistakes, and that we shouldn't learn from them.  It means that we should be tough on our opponents, and gentle and forgiving with ourselves.  It means we don't whip ourselves like that albino monk in The DaVinci Code!  It means if we get knocked down, we don't smack ourselves in the head for letting it happen, chew ourselves out for being stupid, or think about how wrong we are.  It means WE GET UP!!!!

We've already learned that bullying is wrong and bullies should be punished -- but now that we've gotten up, and gotten past that, we keep going.  We get ready for what's next, stronger and wiser.  We aim our anger that way, not back this way!

And what, pray tell, do we do if there's actually not a fight in front of us?  No opponent to dismantle, no argument to refute, and no emperor to overthrow?  No argument to win, no besmircher to resmirch, and no jabroni to layeth the smacketh down upon?

Does it even happen that way????   YES, PEOPLE IT DOES MORE OFTEN THAN YOU THINK!  Not everything is a fight!

So what then?  You smile.  You laugh.  You tell jokes!  If you're like me, you do impressions too, because they're a riot!

You get your friends and have a rockin' good time!  You talk to your family and talk about everything that's going right, and save the depressing crapola for another time!  If you have someone special in your life, you show them that they're special because you know they're special, with prompting or reminders! 

And if you don't have someone special, and would like one, let it happen!  That doesn't mean going to clubs and showing off your Rico Suaveness if you're not comfortable doing so (if you are, don't let me stop you, but please!)  It means that you present yourself with confidence and respect in everything you do, even the way you get lunch from the deli or zip onto the subway before the doors close.  It means you don't throw hissy fits if the train is late or if people annoy you.  Just put your best foot forward without being a "desperado," as my sister calls guys who "desperately" need women, and you'll get one!  And once you get one, make it worth your while!

It's two very simple methods. During wartime, GET UP, and in peace, GO DEEP!

Feel free to comment, and let's go JETS!!!!

In fact, don't only comment, but give me a high sign and a vote of confidence.  I know I've got my regular readers out there, thank you very much, but unless someone hits the "like" button on Facebook, I've got no clue that my stuff is well received.  What would you like to read more of?  Is my shift from rebellion against abuse to living with self-respect a welcome one?  And more importantly, where are my young men and boys that I want to read this stuff?

Help a guy out -- thanks!

Forgiveness and Punishment

Gentlemen, there's been talk on the old Common Man blog about consequences, specifically those that don't happen to bullies, gangsters, and other miscreants as often as they should.  Well, the rest of us actually do face them, but it's not always guaranteed.  Why is that, we wonder?

Many of us believe there is some form of Supreme Being who metes out rewards and punishments, not just in the afterlife but in this life.  But how does this Omnipotence decide who gets what?  It's not as clear-cut as Santa Claus making a "nice list" and a "naughty list," and we don't always get gifts!

Here's my theory:

(1)  Free Passes:  Some of us try to live our lives with a little bit more discipline than others.  Call it a moral code, a higher calling, whatever you'd like to call it.  However, even those in this group can slip up, screw up, or even fudge details once in a blue moon.  Once these people do it, they get credit against any likely consequences due to their overall character.  Accordingly, this is why sometimes our L-D can "let things slide," because He's is confident that this is not happening more than once or twice in a thousand instances.

(2)  Lack of Responsibility:  Every now and then, however, some of us will really do someone else wrong.  Maybe a break-up without a make-up.  Maybe a little white lie that turned ugly colors.  Maybe a zig when a major zag was required.  And maybe we've either (a) given a half-assed apology just to shut someone up; or (b) not cared.  When this happens, you're more likely to receive a come-around in your face in response to the go-around you caused.  Chances are, it'll be sticky, unpleasant, and possibly expensive.  But once you realize it's got you, stop fighting it and ride it out.  You may not have been forgiven for your misdeeds, but once you've paid the price, keep the receipt!  Learn from it.  Discipline yourself.  And once its over, even if nobody else wants to forgive you, forgive yourself.  Maybe after a while you'll earn another free pass.

(3)  Some People Just Don't Get It:  Even when some people do receive their well-deserved comeuppance, it doesn't change anything.  Personally, I know of a former bully who had punishment rained on him later in life.  Spent well more than four years in college with no actual major or job prospects, still lives with his parents, and has barely any friends.  Did this humble him?  Not in the slightest!  He's still the same in-your-face, might-makes-right tough guy he was before!  And then there was another guy who was the consummate BS artist who took advantage of those who weren't as slick as he was.  His fiancee left him, he maxed out his unemployment, and also went to live with his parents.  Did that teach him a lesson?  Oh please!!!!!!!  If these characters would only put two and two together, they'd be able to actually get through their punishment and save the receipt, as described above.

Anybody out there know someone who has consequences coming their way and doesn't get it?  I probably do, but I've agreed to stay away from controversial topics for the time being.

Feel free to comment and like!