Too Much Time on Your Hands? Or Maybe Too Little?

Recently, an old friend of mine had a comment to make about this esteemed blog:

"You must have a lot of time on your hands to talk about everything that's right and wrong in this world.  The 'Four Pillars of Manhood?'  Don't get the wrong idea, I'm not going off on your blog, I'm just saying . . . ."

I'll let those words speak for themselves, and withhold judgment.  Of course, this old friend got the title wrong, but "I'm just saying."

However, that comment really did make me think -- do I really have too much time on my hands?  In response, the other side of brain woke up and said, "Doubtful.  Not with the responsibilities I have at work.  Not with the time I put in training for yet another marathon.  Not with the time I spend visiting friends, meeting new people, etc.  Too much time on my hands?  That's nothing more than an old Styx tune!"

You know what, the issue isn't really how much, or how little time we have.  It's how we use that time.  Do we run the clock out, or do we milk it.  Do we try to beat the clock, or do we let it just pass us by?

Many of us have careers that just don't fit into a Monday through Friday, 9 to 5 schedule.  Sometimes we have to get to the office early, sometimes we have to stay late.  Sometimes we have to go in on weekends, sometimes we have to work from home.  If we're focused enough on the job at hand, it shouldn't matter how much time is put into it, but it should matter that we get the job done, and that it's done right.  If anything, I've found that putting in some extra time, just to make sure it's right, is a pretty satisfying experience.  Maybe not like winning the whole ball game, but you definitely put "mas puntos" on the board!

That being said, you can't make a job, or a career, your whole life.  We're equipped to function normally if we're awake only 16 out of 24 hours every day.  We usually have friends and loved ones who miss us when we say we're "too busy," and appreciate us all the more when they're given top billing on our schedule.  And if they really matter, you'll make the time for them, even if you have XYZ to do, and it must be done today!

And of course, if we're too busy to make time for some form of exercise, whether it's hitting the weights, burning up the roads, mixed martial arts or even tai chi, we regret it.  Big time.  Even if you have to work 12 hours a day, if you can't find time to blow off that steam, level off that stress, or just close the door and chillax for a while, you're harming yourself tremendously.

Take me, for example.  My job gives me huge responsibilities that require large amounts of time, but I still make time to run.  If I'm lucky, I give myself three mornings a week for speed work or tempo runs, and then a long run on the weekend.  And not to toot my own horn (don't lie Dave, yes it is), but I enjoyed the fruits of that labor this morning when I ran a 1:44:33 half marathon in 20 degrees.  Of course, I needed to take even more time to get up early this morning to make the 8am starting time, but it was more than worth it.  As many of us runners know, (a) early morning races leave you the rest of the day to use productively; and (b) the "runner's high" that we all get after running that far is our secret weapon in life.  That's why so many runners are basically happy people, and a lot less likely to get agitated or annoyed at life's little annoyances.  Don't get me wrong, we still know they're annoying, we're not the Dalai Lama for cryin' out tears, but we know that getting upset over them would (say it with me, peeps) waste time, and energy, when we could simply keep our chill intact and simply handle life.

And this esteemed blog?  Truth be told, peeps, this most enjoyable hobby of mine takes no more than one hour a week.  And that's including the video.  It doesn't take hours or days to be aware of what's up in the world, or what's up in someone's mind.  It just takes a brief interval to transfer it all from brain to keyboard, and a nanosecond to publish it.

So, people, as another exciting work week begins, let's try to use our time, as much or as little of it as we have, productively.

And don't forget, another gift-giving holiday approaches -- I'll comment on the significant of that day, or possible lack thereof, later.

Get Up and Go Deep!

Hey All!

We're continuing with our transition from righteous anger at those who've wronged us to satisfaction and self-actualization.  There are miles to go before we rest (ha ha, running humor), but let's get to it.

To expound a little bit on what I've said earlier, once the battle against those is finished (got attacked, responded within 24-hour statute of limitations, told them off, got respect), there's another stage to get past . . . not the just respect of others, but the respect of yourself!

When we have our minds focused on a conflict ahead of us, we think about how to beat our adversary logically and systematically, with just enough anger/fury/rage not to let them get away with anything.  That anger/fury/rage can sometimes mean the difference between a win and a loss, as long as you control the anger, and it doesn't control you.

So what happens when the battle is over?  If we lost, we might be angry with ourselves, and that's when we really get into trouble.  Our opponents can, and should, get angry with us and maybe smear us a little, if they expect to win.  We cannot, and MUST not, do that to ourselves!  We'll be giving our opponents free passes that they never even asked for!!!

As another blogger I've linked to likes to say that we should not be our own worst critics.  Rather, we should be our own biggest fans!  Check his blog at http://www.personal-development-for-men.com/personal-development-blog.html

That doesn't mean we shouldn't be objective about our weaknesses and mistakes, and that we shouldn't learn from them.  It means that we should be tough on our opponents, and gentle and forgiving with ourselves.  It means we don't whip ourselves like that albino monk in The DaVinci Code!  It means if we get knocked down, we don't smack ourselves in the head for letting it happen, chew ourselves out for being stupid, or think about how wrong we are.  It means WE GET UP!!!!

We've already learned that bullying is wrong and bullies should be punished -- but now that we've gotten up, and gotten past that, we keep going.  We get ready for what's next, stronger and wiser.  We aim our anger that way, not back this way!

And what, pray tell, do we do if there's actually not a fight in front of us?  No opponent to dismantle, no argument to refute, and no emperor to overthrow?  No argument to win, no besmircher to resmirch, and no jabroni to layeth the smacketh down upon?

Does it even happen that way????   YES, PEOPLE IT DOES MORE OFTEN THAN YOU THINK!  Not everything is a fight!

So what then?  You smile.  You laugh.  You tell jokes!  If you're like me, you do impressions too, because they're a riot!

You get your friends and have a rockin' good time!  You talk to your family and talk about everything that's going right, and save the depressing crapola for another time!  If you have someone special in your life, you show them that they're special because you know they're special, with prompting or reminders! 

And if you don't have someone special, and would like one, let it happen!  That doesn't mean going to clubs and showing off your Rico Suaveness if you're not comfortable doing so (if you are, don't let me stop you, but please!)  It means that you present yourself with confidence and respect in everything you do, even the way you get lunch from the deli or zip onto the subway before the doors close.  It means you don't throw hissy fits if the train is late or if people annoy you.  Just put your best foot forward without being a "desperado," as my sister calls guys who "desperately" need women, and you'll get one!  And once you get one, make it worth your while!

It's two very simple methods. During wartime, GET UP, and in peace, GO DEEP!

Feel free to comment, and let's go JETS!!!!

In fact, don't only comment, but give me a high sign and a vote of confidence.  I know I've got my regular readers out there, thank you very much, but unless someone hits the "like" button on Facebook, I've got no clue that my stuff is well received.  What would you like to read more of?  Is my shift from rebellion against abuse to living with self-respect a welcome one?  And more importantly, where are my young men and boys that I want to read this stuff?

Help a guy out -- thanks!

For Those Who Work Hard

Today is Labor Day.  Many of us had the day off from our usual occupations, to honor and respect the American worker.  Since I was one of them, I postponed this week's blog until now.

I'd like to say a few words about those who labor, and the respect they deserve.

There is a group of friends that I sorely miss.  They live in my hometown on Long Island, and they raise their families together, sharing good times and bad, and sometimes sharing profit and loss.  Had Hurricane Irene not rained on our parades, I would have sojourned out to the Island to wish Happy Birthday to my godson and his older brother, and to acknowledge that they will both become big brothers this winter.

When I think about hard work, the image of these boys' father pops into my head.  I have known him since we were both in the first grade.

When we were in high school, he played hard more than he worked hard.  If you knew him, you'd see he was a star.  Every guy wanted to be him, know him, or hang with him.  Every woman . . . he should be the one to finish that sentence, and not me.  :)  He was the coolest, the hippest, the funnest, and the savviest.  Point being, he brought good times with him everywhere he went, and elevated everything he touched. 

Since high school ended, this man's time to play hard also ended.  However, he replaced that effort with his capacity to work hard, which he has done ever since.  He is an expert electrician and cable installer. His knowledge requires him to traverse the entire tri-state area to wherever his work is needed, so he may support his family.  He also can handle every type of home improvement issue that suburban life can throw at a man.  And he never, and I mean never, complains about how difficult or uncomfortable it is.  In fact, even while working harder than he did as a teen, he still has that attitude that elevates everything he touches.  As a father of two, soon to be three, boys, this is the right example to emulate.

What does this mean for the rest of us?  Transference of attitude, I think.  Many of us get lazy and start complaining over our job conditions.  We tend to do so with no idea of how much worse it could be if our jobs were suddenly taken away from us, which does happen in this economy.  We are better off taking pride in the work we do and the profit it brings us.  If many of us worked the way my friend does, we might not think of it as easy.  He probably doesn't either.  You wouldn't know that, though, because he carries himself through his work as if he were still in high school.  Still laughing, cracking jokes, and showing grace under pressure when things were rough -- much the same way he did when confronted with an overzealous disciplinarian in the old academic days.  Maintaining this same posture towards adversity and difficulty is what sets him apart from other men, now and then. 

The Four Pillars tell us that we exist, matter, belong, and deserve.  They don't tell us that we are spoiled, or that effort is beneath us.  Although he's brought this attitude to work and fun long before yours truly typed out the Four Pillars, he's actually been applying them better than most people I know.  He makes himself an integral part of every project he's on, and earns respect on top of remuneration.  Such is the manner that each of us should approach our job and/or business, should we hope to succeed.

However, the spotlight does not only belong to him this week.  Although this blog is primarily meant to provide motivation for men and boys with low self-esteem, it has come to my attention that most of the people who follow this blog are female.  Not to pander or glad-hand, but in the interests of further increasing traffic, I'd like to show the example of a woman I know who works just as hard as this man, if not more.

She is a single mother of three daughters.  She was in a marriage that was not doing her family or herself any good.  She took the risk of not only ending the marriage, but also moving her family clear across the country for a better life.  This move required her to work, and to work hard once she arrived there.

This move required her to make sacrifices.  Life got less comfortable than it had been previously, and sacrifices had to be made that required her and her girls to give up the creature comforts they had previously enjoyed.  Despite it all, on she presses.

Not everyone in her family or circle of friends agreed with this decision. Some of them gave her a cold shoulder, and others reneged on promises made. Even with so much unfairness of things, she worked two jobs, or one with additional hours, so that her girls could have what passes for a normal life. She has also moved on from the remnants of her marriage to find love and respect from a man who recognizes her and loves her for who she is. She is now the modern-day embodiment of the protagonist of Bertolt Brecht's "Mother Courage and Her Children."

This woman has also used the Four Pillars without realizing it. Despite the fear, doubt, and rejection that came her way, she knows that she plays an indispensable role. She plays the primary caregiver role for her family, teaching her girls the values of self-reliance and discipline. She reminds them to learn from her example of the right choices to make and the mistakes to avoid. She teaches them that even if they may hate the decisions she makes, they are done out of love and concern first and foremost.

So let's all remember the American worker. If there were no blue-collar workers, we'd all be living in tents. If there were no white collar workers, we'd be living in anarchy. If there were no green-collar workers, our environment would be deadly. And if nobody worked, we couldn't live.

Have a good week getting back to work and school, all. And don't forget to comment, like, and follow on Facebook and Twitter!