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Sunday, February 12, 2017

Limitations and Percentages

Hey All - a rainy Sunday afternoon is about to become a rainy Sunday evening.

Today I finally made it official and retitled this page.  It's not as short and snappy as the last one, but it's more real, more inclusive, and far more constructive.

I feel a little bit like someone who's been "born again" or "saved," but now that I've figured out how to practice emotional maturity, I feel like a new man.  I feel happier, calmer, and more able to accept new thoughts and information.  I can accept criticism or disagreement without getting amped up and raging out.  And most importantly, I can realize that there are people in this life who do not conduct themselves the way I'd prefer, but that instead of becoming enraged and infuriated like some dopey sitcom character, I can either accept them despite these objections, or reject them because of these objections with no second thoughts.

For many of you reading this, it might be old hat to you.  And it should be.  Therefore, you probably shouldn't be reading this blog, because you might have most of it figured out already.

However, I'm pretty darn sure that there are still many of you out there, like me, who did not have such a strong command of these things.  Some of you might be young, still going through school, unsure about what direction to take and a little bit scared, and having trouble coping with life's unpleasantness.  Maybe we can help each other out.

Until recently, I exhorted all the Bold Betas out there to be Bulletproof, and I threw a lot of shame and disapproval at all the alpholes.  In doing so, I made a few errors.
(1) I negated those who might be tough, badass, alpha types who are not seeking to harm those who weren't.  We live in a world where we need police, soldiers, firefighters, rescue squads, sailors, marines, special forces, and heavy physical labor.  I am nobody to say that those men and women who perform those jobs are no good.
(2) I overlooked the truth that simply being a Beta didn't insulate someone from being just as judgmental, just as hurtful, just as arrogant, and just as brutal as any of the alpholes on their worst day.

When we demonize, we obliterate anything good about someone, and when we deify, we place someone on a pedestal that they don't deserve.  To the extent I've been erroneous to do this, it's stopping now.

When we are emotionally mature, we understand that nobody is perfect, but also that nobody is evil.  That doesn't mean we're going to go out of our way to hang out with people we don't like and pretend to be their friends.  But it does mean that we should not think that this person can do no wrong, and that this person can do no right.  That way, we do not respond to people with childlike expressions of wonder and worship, or with infantile forms of name-calling and belittling.

Instead, we acknowledge everyone else has degrees and percentages.  If they score high on what we find acceptable, even leaving a certain amount of "room for error," we welcome them into our lives and bestow friendship and respect on them.  If they score low, we kindly and politely place them on the other side of our boundaries.

In understanding that there is no all-or-nothing situation here, I'm minimizing the use of the labels and concentrating instead on the real way to eliminate bullying, sexism, and racism - good old fashioned Emotional Maturity.  I hope you'll continue to show me support for this along the way.