Checking Privilege

Ahhh, what a beautiful Sunday afternoon -- I'm writing the first outdoor blog of the season!

In the past several years, there has been some talk in the "regular" media and social media demanding that some people "check their privilege."  I respectfully disagree.

You've seen me, time and time again, write about the destructive evils of bullying.  To me it's quite literally the path to the dark side.  My two-fold solution to this problem has been for us Bold Betas to, in a nutshell, become Bold and Bulletproof so that we can withstand any attack against us; and for those who perpetrate bullying to be taught how to be behave.  When this is accomplished, we Bold Betas reach self-actualization through a disciplined course of emotional maturity, and those who perpetrate bullying learn to stop being aggressive when they shouldn't be, and to be only aggressive when they absolutely must be.

But as Bold Betas, we are not only easy targets for bullying, we are also easy targets for shaming.  Stereotypically speaking, we are expected to be always-forgiving, non-assertive, docile, compliant, and consistently accommodating to others.  If we have something of value that others lack, we are faced with pointing fingers and clucking tongues that admonish us for not being "beta enough."  If we come from a background that provided us with some slight advantage that strengthened us, we are slammed and criticized for not being "open minded" enough to understand someone else's plight, and we are expected to believe that the others' disadvantages somehow make them morally superior to us. 

Gentlemen:  Don't fall for this.

Whatever "privileges" we have are strengths, and not weaknesses.  Unlike the overly-aggressive types, we do not use our strengths to cause harm to those who have less than we do.  We do rub our accomplishments in others' faces.  We do not shove people around with whatever confidence we have.  If we are Bold and Bulletproof, we use these "privileges" wisely in order to make our lives better.  These is nothing at all wrong with doing that.

Not to mention, if we choose to help those who lack what we have, on our own volition, and without being guilted or shamed into doing so, this is also using our "privileges" wisely.  

It is only when these "privileges" are intentionally used to harm others that they need to be "checked," and not just because someone is angry that they don't have them.  By the same token, it seems to me that these finger-pointers and shame-artists need to "check" their desire to judge and blame.  How much better can their lives be if all they do is "rage against the gods," like the antihero of an ancient Greek tragedy, instead of overcoming their disadvantages, as we do?

Never be ashamed of who you are.  Never minimize your accomplishments.  Never be less proud of yourself just because someone else has not accomplished what you've done.

Conversely, don't get a swelled head.  Don't attack those who have less than you.  Don't be like the overly-aggressive types that I've spoken out against.  Don't insult, disparage, or judge those who did not make the same choices you did.  This way, when they demand that you "check your privilege," you can truthfully say that there's nothing to check.

I EXIST.  I MATTER.  I BELONG.  I DESERVE.

I AM BOLD.  I AM BULLETPROOF.  I AM ME.

Only With Effort

Hey All!  Are you ready for the summer? 

A universal truth became apparent to me recently:  the only way to have the life, friends, and surroundings we want is through continuous effort.

Sometimes people say, let "nature take its course."  Is that what we really want?

If we have a house and let "nature take its course," it doesn't get cleaned, wear and tear becomes excessive, grass doesn't get mowed, leaves don't get raked, and the local authorities condemn it.

If we have a relationship and let "nature take its course," birthdays and anniversaries get forgotten, plans don't get made, memories don't get created, and feelings don't get reinforced.

If we, as beta males, let "nature take its course," we get manipulated by over-aggressive types, we get ignored and passed over, we get shamed and punished for not delivering what "they" want, and we resign ourselves to a life of anonymity.

HOWEVER, WHEN EFFORT IS APPLIED:

The house is kept in great condition, and possibly increases in value.

The relationship blossoms and thrives.

And as beta males, so do we.

I am not saying that we must overburden ourselves with everything we do to the point of burnout.  That's no way to live.  But I am saying that self-actualization, confidence-building, and basic human respect happen only with effort, and they are not given to us automatically.  It takes practice to become Bold and Bulletproof, and if we stop for too long, we backslide.

I EXIST.  I MATTER.  I BELONG.  I DESERVE.

I AM BOLD.  I AM BULLETPROOF.  I AM ME.

Emotional Discipline

Hey hey, it's Sunday night!  You know what that means.

Stop me if I mentioned this before.  Actually, don't.  You see, there's nothing wrong with bringing up a prior topic, because if it everything was said and done, I wouldn't be bringing it up now. 

One trait that we beta males have that is both our greatest strength and our biggest stumbling block is our emotional capacity.  By definition, we are more sensitive than the alpholes, who are strangely admired for the devil-may-care approach.  While this leads to better moral choices, it also stunts our growth and leaves us in a rut.

There is nothing wrong with caring for others.  There is something wrong with putting everyone else's needs over our own.

There is nothing wrong with admitting that you're hurt.  There is something wrong with admitting it to people who are unwilling or unable to actually help you get through it.

There is nothing wrong with saying that you feel something is unfair or unjust.  There is something wrong with "just saying" that, and not making a real change.

There is nothing wrong with being angry.  There is something wrong using that anger destructively.

There is nothing wrong with walking away from a fight.  There is something wrong with initiating or provoking a fight and then running away from it.

There is nothing wrong with being concerned about something bad that might happen.  There is something wrong with immobilizing yourself with fear and worry because you assume the worst case scenario.

There is nothing wrong with stating that you have been wronged.  There is something wrong with thinking about how you've been wronged over and over again without actually making an attempt to rectify it.

There is nothing wrong with honestly assessing the past.  There is something wrong with still living there and not living in the present.

There is nothing wrong with showing compassion.  There is something wrong with showing it to people who don't deserve your time or attention.

There is nothing wrong with apologizing for your mistakes.  There is something wrong with begging forgiveness from people who are too arrogant to accept your apology.

There is nothing wrong with admitting that you are wrong and made a mistake.  There is something wrong with self-flagellation and self-loathing because you made that mistake.

There is nothing wrong with mourning a loss.  There is something wrong with using the loss as a crutch and an excuse long after that loss is gone.

There is nothing wrong with charity.  There is something wrong with enabling and spoiling.

There is nothing wrong with wanting peace.  There is something wrong with using peace as an excuse to permit unacceptable behavior.

There is nothing wrong with having independent thoughts.  There is something wrong with aggressively forcing those thoughts on others without respecting their differences.

There is nothing wrong with telling someone else that you do not agree with what they have said or done.  There is something wrong with telling someone else that you do not agree with anything they have said or done, or that you do not agree with their very existence.

Now that I've given enough examples, it's plain to see that they key to accepting ourselves, and in turn, earning respect in this life, is to keep our emotions in check.  Our reactions, no matter how justified, are stumbling blocks if they are not used properly.  If we speak too quickly in anger, we will say things that we may be forced to apologize for later.  If we react out of fear, we will be immobilized and prevented from growing and maturing.  If we show compassion and caring to those who have not earned it from us, we will be made into targets and victims, because we've given those people a lifetime free pass to hurt us with impunity.

Don't have a pure heart with an empty head.  Instead, have a full heart ruled by logical, self-governing, and independent mind.  And never, EVER, be ruled by a mouth.

I EXIST.  I MATTER.  I BELONG.  I DESERVE.

I AM BOLD.  I AM BULLETPROOF.  I AM ME.

Bruce Jenner

Hey All.  Hoping this isn't really the last time the Islanders play at the Coliseum this season.  Hopefully being on the brink of elimination will force them to bring their A game!

But the big story is Bruce Jenner's revelation that he always felt that he was meant to be a woman, and that he'll soon be making it official.  This story really got me thinking about how it affects the audience this blog is intended for.

From what I understand, this trans-gender issue has very little to do with being an alpha male or a beta male, nothing at all to do with sexual preference, and everything to do with a lack of identity.  The first pillar of this blog is "I Exist," but it seems that not everyone knows how, or why, they exist, and by extension, who they really are.  Apparently, some people are not too sure about the "I Belong" part either.  If you don't have a strong concept of self, you may try to define yourself by other means that are not necessarily authentic.

Bruced talked about a desire to wear a dress when he was only eight years old.  Women have not always worn dresses, but he obviously saw the women in his young life wearing them before he had this desire.  Accordingly, all he wanted to do was to exchange one set of cultural norms for another, rather than truly defining himself.

The central theme I've touted here is self-actualization.  That means that the highest good is to find, accept, and love yourself as you are.  With all due respect to Bruce Jenner and those who seek to do what he wants to do, this isn't it.

I have posted many times against the dangers of trying to be something that you aren't.  The transgender experience is exactly that.  This practice of changing your gender to cure deep-seeded issues is literally becoming a new, and different person, one that you never were before.   This is the exact opposite of the self-acceptance that I advocate here, which is completely natural and authentic.  Regardless of what modern medicine can do, and how seamless a transition can be, it cannot and does not allow you to become your true and authentic self.

You don't have to be religious about it and say that G-D made you a certain way.  You can just accept that you were created as one gender, and be the best member of that gender that you can possibly be.  Since we are all about rejecting the alphaganda and refusing to be ruled by it, we are also about refusing to be ruled by what is demanded by the other gender too.  An artificial, synthetic, and unnatural attempt to become a different person is simply not the solution to whatever emptiness or confusion there is.  Instead, deep introspection, emboldening yourself, and being the best person that you are, is the answer.

I EXIST.  I MATTER.  I BELONG.  I DESERVE.

I AM BOLD.  I AM BULLETPROF.  I AM ME.

DISCLAIMER:  The above post is not intended to insult, offend, smear, besmirch, belittle, or reject those in the trans-gender community.  It is merely intended to explain why this practice is not good for the beta male community. 

The Crowd's Rules

Hey All - I'm back!

Since childhood, we are conditioned to follow a crowd.  Go where the crowd goes, don't go where it doesn't.  Don't stand out.  Don't think differently.    Don't do what the crowd doesn't want you to do.  Don't be who the crowd doesn't want you to be.  Don't break the rules. 

Don't be fresh.  Don't speak out of turn.  Don't be different.

In adulthood, matters are different.  Once you've completed, or withdrawn from, an undergraduate curriculum, you no longer have to answer to anyone.  It's your life now, and its direction is yours and yours alone.

However, some people would rather you not be that way.  Sometimes there are unwritten rules that people apply to themselves, and then mistakenly apply to you.  There are standards that people impose on themselves, with the assumption that everyone else should follow them too.

With all due respect, they're wrong.

When we're younger, there are reasons to follow rules that are imposed on us, even if we do not agree with them.  Reason being, we're young.  We don't know everything.  We're underdeveloped.  We need to grow, we need to learn, and we need to mature.  Until we're able to do them, the rules stay.

But once we have grown, learned, and matured, those same rules can only hold us back.  They infantilize us when we need to be adults.  They cause us to stagnate and plateau.  They restrict us to the painless demise of a comfort zone.  They erode away at our individual identity until we're just faceless drones like everyone else.

Beta males sometimes live lives that are based on following the rules to the letter of the law.  While this usually makes for a childhood and adolescence that is risk-free, commendable, and respected by elder generations, it can also sow the seeds for an adulthood that is uneventful, bland, dull, predictable, and tragically anonymous.  It sets you up for a life experience that merely involves changing one set of rules for another, and never actually making your own rules.

When you become Bold and Bulletproof, that won't happen.  When you embrace your own strength and arm yourself against criticism, rejection, and disrespect, you can, and will, make your own rules.  When you live by the Four Pillars, those rules won't keep you pinned down or rendered useless. 

DISCLAIMER:  This does NOT mean you break the law, or make a spectacle of yourself at a government office or courthouse.  It DOES mean that you don't pretend that someone else's rules were delivered from Mount Sinai to your doorstep on stone tablets, and that you don't spend your whole life limited from reaching your full potential because of rules that were once imposed on you in childhood.  We're not robots.  We're not servants.  We're not meant to be sidekicks, wing men, or nobodies.

To be a leader, one must first be a follower.  But we eventually must stop being followers.

I EXIST.  I MATTER.  I BELONG.  I DESERVE.

I AM BOLD.  I AM BULLETPROOF.  I AM ME.
 

Catch A Tiger By The Toe!

Grabbing the Tiger By The Toe!

Hi All -- did you remember to spring ahead?

Many things anger us:  the guy in the subway is a rude jerk, someone on the street is annoying, somebody and school or work seems to always "get away" with things that would get you suspended fired in a nanosecond.  Somebody gives you bad information, somebody laughs at your opinions, someone just always has to say that you're wrong, or just always has to brag about how much better they are than you.

You're actually allowed to be angry at them -- for One Minute.  And I mean one minute only.  That is your window of opportunity to either confront the problem or dismiss it.  This can actually be deferred to a later time when circumstances prevent an immediate reaction, but it cannot be extended.  You also have the third option of venting your anger in a safe place with someone you trust, but it's still only one minute.  After that, your thoughts must go elsewhere.

Stewing, fuming, gossiping, and bashing has never solved a problem in history.  It has only made them worse.

If you must re-visit this anger, either (a) use it from a position of strength to build, create, or take other types of needed action, or (b) diffuse it.  If that anger gives you power, fuel, and gusto to clean your house from top to bottom, write an unbeatable legal brief, or help a child build a toy with incomprehensible instructions, so be it!  If not, then either work it out through various forms of exercise, or smooth it out through various forms of meditation and relaxation.

Point being, as I've stated before, self-actualization means to control anger, and not to be controlled by it.  Grab the tiger by the toe, or it will eat all ten of yours!!!!!!

I EXIST.  I MATTER.  I BELONG.  I DESERVE.

I AM BOLD.  I AM BULLETPROOF.   I AM BETA.