All In The Timing

Hey All -- hope you're enjoying the summer!

Lately, I haven't been talking about our adversaries.  However, someone once said that it is wise to study the ways of one's adversary.  And so let's review:

One big difference between us and the alpholes is that they choose to be aggressive at times when it is completely unnecessary to do so.  Maybe they do this because "it's the way they're made."  Maybe they had a disapproving parent who was that way too.  Maybe they feel a need to show their crowd that they're tough enough to hang with them.

Here's the world's smallest violin playing "Hearts & Flowers" for them.  NONE OF THAT makes it acceptable to push others around.  NONE OF THAT means that we should permit them to shove us so they'll feel better.  And despite opinion to the contrary, NONE OF THAT makes them winners.

Their downfall is that they're aggressive when they shouldn't be, and they're NOT aggressive when they should be.  To overcome this, we must choose our battles far more wisely than they do.

Ummmm, Daaaaaave?  Who are you to judge these poor, innocent victims, who have every right to be this way?  How do yoooooou know when to be aggressive and when not to be?

I'm glad somebody asked me!  Aggression is obviously tied to the "fight or flight" response that we're all born with.  The difference is that the alpholes think the "fight" switch should be on whenever someone weaker than them is within hearing difference, and that the "flight" switch should be on whenever the consequences of their actions materialize.  But when should these two responses be set?  Here you go:

WHEN TO BE AGGRESSIVE:
(1)  When you have a dream or a goal to achieve.
(2)  When distractions get in the way of that dream or goal.
(3)  When you have a job to do.
(4)  When you need to find a job to do, because you don't already have one.
(5)  When your life is in danger.
(6)  When you are faced with imminent bodily harm.  And someone saying they'll cause it does not make it imminent.
(7)  When you have exhausted all good faith efforts to avoid or alleviate conflict, and the proper authorities have not solved the problem already.
(8)  When someone makes a mistake, refuses to accept responsibility for it, and points fingers at everyone else.

WHEN NOT TO BE AGGRESSIVE:
(1)  When you think it's funny to disparage someone.
(2)  When someone is irritating or annoying you.  This does not rise to the level where aggression is needed, no matter how unpleasant it is.
(3)  When non-conflict remedies have not yet been utilized.
(4)  When someone's opinion is different from yours.  You can be assertive in expressive your opinion, but beating someone over the head is not necessary.
(5)  When presented with minor inconveniences.
(6)  When you're disappointed with your own shortcomings.  Instead, be gentle with yourself, but learn from whatever errors were made.
(7)  When someone else makes a mistake and they own up to it.

Of course, these lists are by no means exhaustive.  But notice how easily this is demonstrated in outline format?  How it eliminates all ambiguity that the know-it-alls and posers wish they could point out?  I've got someone very close to me to thank for that.

In our daily struggle to remain Bold and Bulletproof, we must embrace the fact that we are different from these other types, and use our differences to our advantages.  This is only one of several ways that this can be done, and others will follow.

See ya all!!!!!

Play Ball!

Hey All!  

It's All Star Week for Major League Baseball.  So here are some baseball analogies!

The alpholes of the world have somehow been conditioned to believe that getting someone upset is a win.  It's mas puntos.  It's a trip, it's fun, it increases their status.  Or, some might say, it makes them the strikeout kings!

Getting angry and flying off the handle is like a ground ball to them.  Losing control is like having them run into the stands to catch a foul ball for an easy out.  Hitting below the belt and having you admit that you can't take what they said is a third strike down the middle!  Instead, what we need is a base hit between third and short, an RBI, or a home run.  In other words, we have to get hits off their pitching!

Any ballplayer will tell you that you have to be smart at the plate.  Look at where the infield and outfield have moved.  Look where he's aiming the pitch.  Watch for the curve.  If it's going outside, be smart and quick enough to not swing at that pitch.  If it's going inside, don't be scared, but get out of the way.  But if you know that it's your pitch, swing for the fences!

By the same token, accept this reality.  About 90% of what these would-be aces are throwing are bad pitches.  If we're smart enough to avoid swinging at these bad pitches, we walk.  They fail.  They missed a beautiful opportunity to fake us out and win over us.  Guess we're not like those bush-league hitters, huh?

But when we're Bold and Bulletproof, we're ready for them when they throw strikes.  As outlined in the last post, we can foul off those pitches when we capture evidence of their misdeeds and present them to the authorities. That means we are quick enough to get a piece of their pitching and not let them manipulate us.  And if they find a curve or change up, we can see it coming, and we can send it downtown!  That means that we know what they're going to do, we won't fall for it, and we'll use their tactics against them.

And more importantly, we will not let any emotional reactions impair our judgment.  That is the only way they can beat us, and we'll deprive them of that opportunity!  They can't force us to play by their rules if we stick to our rules and resist all distractions.

So that's the jam for now.  Enjoy the All Star Game on Tuesday night!

I EXIST.  I MATTER.  I BELONG.  I DESERVE.

I AM BOLD.  I AM BULLETPROOF.  I AM BETA.

Respect

Hey All -- another weekend done, another week about to get under way!

One obstacle we sometimes face as beta males is lack of respect.  We are often confronted by those who enjoy hearing the sound of their own voices, expect those around them to kowtow to their superiority, and seriously believe that pushing others around, with immunity and impunity, is their divine right.  It's not only frustrating, it's dangerous - if you're not careful, all of the "just ignore them;" "it's the way they are;" and "don't take it personally;" rhetoric will serves to give these people a protective shield against any consequences.

There are always ways to deal with them -- here are some:

(1) Emotional Discipline:  never lose your cool.  People like this live to make other people upset.  It's their point system, their merit badges, and their "likes."  Do NOT, under any circumstances, give them an easy win.  The Armor around your Heart should be at maximum srength, your frustration should be held in check, and your composure should be will within reach.

(2) Short Reaction Time:  do not reflect on whatever bruises they left for more than five minutes.  Anything beyond that stops being their doing, and starts becoming yours.  Don't do their job for them.

(3) Preparation:  Decide that next time they choose to reach in, you will handle them with respect, but firmness.  Choose what you will allow, and what you won't.

(4) Boundaries:  Explain to them that their actions are not acceptable, and if they choose to deal with you, they'll simply have to stop them.

(5) Consequences:  This is where it can get tricky.

   (A)  Authority - do not engage in any action that contravenes the legitimate authority you have over you unless absolutely necessary.  And it can only be absolutely necessary if you first notify that authority of what is happening.

   (B)  Response of Authority - if they act, and resolve the issue, don't aggravate it further.  If they do not act, then and only then can you take action, because you now have a record of the problem.

   (C)  Position of Strength - if the next incident happens, remind them that the authorities know about them, that they are not the authorities, no matter how much they act like it, and that nothing they do will be tolerated.

  (D)  Attack Mode - remind them of their weaknesses.  Their defeats.  Their mistakes.  Their shortcomings.  Don't get distracted when they try to bring up yours, and don't let them intimidate you.  At that point, they've run out of free passes.

  (E)  Preparation for Future Confrontations - now that you know how they are when it gets real, you'll be even better prepared for them next time.  Unless they've actually shown enough cowardice to back down.

 This list is, of course, not exclusive, and doesn't apply to any and all situations.  However, it's a much more civilized and controlled method of responding to disrespect in most settings. 

DISCLAIMER:  This blog does not condone violence of any kind.  Let someone else handle that.  Of course, measures must be taken to defend yourself from imminent harm, but striking out in violence solves nothing.  We are not savages or neandrathals.  And yes, I'll say it once more, we are not ruled by the alphaganda, and we do not live in a comic book.  Let the animals behave like animals.  Don't be one.