Containment and Control

Happy Sunday, All.  Hope you're dressing in multiple layers!

What holds us back from achieving emotional maturity is negative thinking.  Anger at someone else, fear about what might happen, regret/self-punishment over what did happen, and grudges against others.

Are these feelings valid?  Yes.  There are people in this world who aren't good to us or for us, and we might not have the luxury of simply getting rid of them.  There are unknown events waiting for us around the bend that we're not confident about, and there are mistakes that we've made that haunt us.  That's all real.

But it's not all of reality.  Not by a long shot.

Someone else can back me up with the scientific data, but it seems that negative thoughts and attitudes have a much stronger pull on people that positive, happy, peaceful and sedate thoughts do.  That's why we see so many fights and arguments on social media.  This also why some people, even after they reach middle age, somehow find themselves involved in juvenile drama and conflict.  Moreover, it's why some people can't move forward and deal with the here-and-now - they're playing a non-stop rerun marathon of everything that they remember badly, over and over again.

(1) Recognition:

There are reasons why we have these negative thoughts, and they're mostly valid, as set forth above.  We need to recognize when these thoughts are popping up before we address them.

(2) Limitation:

Excuse the analogy, but let's consider our bladder and bowel functions.  When we are newborns, we just "let 'em rip," whenever and wherever we feel like.  However, the first lesson our parents teach us is to handle these functions in one place, and one place only.  Once we learn that, we eventually learn how to exercise a fair amount of control over the timing of these functions so that we can use them in this one particular place in a way that we can dispose of the results without subjecting anyone else to the sight, sound, or texture of them. 

And, oh yeah . . . when we're finished with that business, we flush it away so nobody else, with all due respect to the plumbing industry, has to deal with it.

Believe it or not, we can do the same thing with our thoughts.  We can limit the time, place, and circumstances of when we have them.  And when we're done, we can flush them away, light a match or candle, and walk away relieved.

No, I don't mean not preparing yourself for a task you have to perform tomorrow or next week.  Prepare, by all means, but if the toilet analogy doesn't feel right, then just close the file on it once you've finished your preparation.  Either way, once you've done your business, please remove yourself from the toilet.  Waiting in the bathroom all day for your biological cycle to repeat would not make sense, because you'd miss everything else.  Don't do it mentally, either.

(3) Disposal:

Can you control what it is you're thinking about?  Get to it sooner rather than later.  If possible, do it now and be finished with it!  If you can't do it now, write a note for yourself to do it later.  Place it on your to-do list with a reminder on a certain date and and time.  That way you won't have to worry about forgetting it.

Can't control it?  Then stop thinking about it, period.  That doesn't mean never think about it.  It means think about it, and then stop thinking about it.  Those thoughts don't get to rule your life, you do.

And as I've said before, sometimes that means getting rid of people who trigger those thoughts.  If you can't do that, you can still remain unflappable in in their presence, and refuse to allow them to poison your mind or trip your triggers.  But still, removing them is the best option.

WE DO NOT LIVE ON THE JERRY SPRINGER SHOW.  We are not trapped in a cycle of hate and fear.  We are also not trapped with those who try to manipulate us into feeling hate and fear, and them blame us for feeling them.  We decide what to think and what not to think, and we also decide whom is permitted to influence our thoughts.

But what about different perspectives?  But what about learning something?  OK.  We'll consider the source first.  We don't judge books by covers, but after we've read them, we can, and must, decide what we think of it.

I EXIST.  I MATTER.  I BELONG.  I DESERVE

I AM BOLD.  I AM BULLETPROOF.  I AM EMOTIONALLY MATURE.

Play Ball!

Hey All!  

It's All Star Week for Major League Baseball.  So here are some baseball analogies!

The alpholes of the world have somehow been conditioned to believe that getting someone upset is a win.  It's mas puntos.  It's a trip, it's fun, it increases their status.  Or, some might say, it makes them the strikeout kings!

Getting angry and flying off the handle is like a ground ball to them.  Losing control is like having them run into the stands to catch a foul ball for an easy out.  Hitting below the belt and having you admit that you can't take what they said is a third strike down the middle!  Instead, what we need is a base hit between third and short, an RBI, or a home run.  In other words, we have to get hits off their pitching!

Any ballplayer will tell you that you have to be smart at the plate.  Look at where the infield and outfield have moved.  Look where he's aiming the pitch.  Watch for the curve.  If it's going outside, be smart and quick enough to not swing at that pitch.  If it's going inside, don't be scared, but get out of the way.  But if you know that it's your pitch, swing for the fences!

By the same token, accept this reality.  About 90% of what these would-be aces are throwing are bad pitches.  If we're smart enough to avoid swinging at these bad pitches, we walk.  They fail.  They missed a beautiful opportunity to fake us out and win over us.  Guess we're not like those bush-league hitters, huh?

But when we're Bold and Bulletproof, we're ready for them when they throw strikes.  As outlined in the last post, we can foul off those pitches when we capture evidence of their misdeeds and present them to the authorities. That means we are quick enough to get a piece of their pitching and not let them manipulate us.  And if they find a curve or change up, we can see it coming, and we can send it downtown!  That means that we know what they're going to do, we won't fall for it, and we'll use their tactics against them.

And more importantly, we will not let any emotional reactions impair our judgment.  That is the only way they can beat us, and we'll deprive them of that opportunity!  They can't force us to play by their rules if we stick to our rules and resist all distractions.

So that's the jam for now.  Enjoy the All Star Game on Tuesday night!

I EXIST.  I MATTER.  I BELONG.  I DESERVE.

I AM BOLD.  I AM BULLETPROOF.  I AM BETA.

I Alone Decide

From my darkened and fortified sanctum, from my secret and covert lair,
I watch over all in the world that's mine, I survey my territory far and broad.

I sit high above in my high far tower, rotating and observing my domain below,
Observing all that moves, stretches and transforms, my agents are my faithful eyes and ears.

The data from below is infinite, if I were able I'd digest it every waking hour,
Authority reaching over all that I see, my fiefdom and empire, mine for the taking.

Loyalty and honor the sole requirements, to enter and stay, lest they should dissipate,
Dissent is accepted, in reasonable doses, lest it flame into rebellion, never tolerated.

Only those with respect are admitted here, no blowhards or loudmouths may benefit,
Criticism is only accepted if constructive, cross-examination is strongly discouraged.

Through struggle and strife was my land made free, liberated from the old regime,
Defend and protect it at all costs is a rule hard to translate to times of peace.

So even if my realm is clean and pure, who's there who can share it with me?
Lonely at the top is an understatement, this throne has room for more than one seat.

Who can match my commands and desires with the common sense that I've missed?
Who can soothe my my doubts and fears, and make me more human than ruler?

Queen Esther wisened up the emperor of Persia, Evita brought about a New Argentina,
Josephine charmed the Little General, and Dagny Taggart found who was John Galt.

Who, like them, can match me as an equal, and not be as a taskmaster or a maid?
Who can understand me on all levels, and who can I understand exactly the same?

Who can help me choose my words wisely, and not hastily, when they count the most?
Who can I speak to without fear and worry, but instead with trust and confidence?

The choice is mine, and I will choose wisely, no following or abdicating will come from me,
And even if the choice is mine alone to make, the choice to be alone is my last resort.