All In The Timing

Hey All -- hope you're enjoying the summer!

Lately, I haven't been talking about our adversaries.  However, someone once said that it is wise to study the ways of one's adversary.  And so let's review:

One big difference between us and the alpholes is that they choose to be aggressive at times when it is completely unnecessary to do so.  Maybe they do this because "it's the way they're made."  Maybe they had a disapproving parent who was that way too.  Maybe they feel a need to show their crowd that they're tough enough to hang with them.

Here's the world's smallest violin playing "Hearts & Flowers" for them.  NONE OF THAT makes it acceptable to push others around.  NONE OF THAT means that we should permit them to shove us so they'll feel better.  And despite opinion to the contrary, NONE OF THAT makes them winners.

Their downfall is that they're aggressive when they shouldn't be, and they're NOT aggressive when they should be.  To overcome this, we must choose our battles far more wisely than they do.

Ummmm, Daaaaaave?  Who are you to judge these poor, innocent victims, who have every right to be this way?  How do yoooooou know when to be aggressive and when not to be?

I'm glad somebody asked me!  Aggression is obviously tied to the "fight or flight" response that we're all born with.  The difference is that the alpholes think the "fight" switch should be on whenever someone weaker than them is within hearing difference, and that the "flight" switch should be on whenever the consequences of their actions materialize.  But when should these two responses be set?  Here you go:

WHEN TO BE AGGRESSIVE:
(1)  When you have a dream or a goal to achieve.
(2)  When distractions get in the way of that dream or goal.
(3)  When you have a job to do.
(4)  When you need to find a job to do, because you don't already have one.
(5)  When your life is in danger.
(6)  When you are faced with imminent bodily harm.  And someone saying they'll cause it does not make it imminent.
(7)  When you have exhausted all good faith efforts to avoid or alleviate conflict, and the proper authorities have not solved the problem already.
(8)  When someone makes a mistake, refuses to accept responsibility for it, and points fingers at everyone else.

WHEN NOT TO BE AGGRESSIVE:
(1)  When you think it's funny to disparage someone.
(2)  When someone is irritating or annoying you.  This does not rise to the level where aggression is needed, no matter how unpleasant it is.
(3)  When non-conflict remedies have not yet been utilized.
(4)  When someone's opinion is different from yours.  You can be assertive in expressive your opinion, but beating someone over the head is not necessary.
(5)  When presented with minor inconveniences.
(6)  When you're disappointed with your own shortcomings.  Instead, be gentle with yourself, but learn from whatever errors were made.
(7)  When someone else makes a mistake and they own up to it.

Of course, these lists are by no means exhaustive.  But notice how easily this is demonstrated in outline format?  How it eliminates all ambiguity that the know-it-alls and posers wish they could point out?  I've got someone very close to me to thank for that.

In our daily struggle to remain Bold and Bulletproof, we must embrace the fact that we are different from these other types, and use our differences to our advantages.  This is only one of several ways that this can be done, and others will follow.

See ya all!!!!!

Who Matters More?

Hi All:

Time for the weekly biblical analysis.

Remember that annoying nephew Abraham had?  Well, he stayed behind in the infamous Twin Cities.  And Abraham was told by a few messengers from On High that not only will his wife give birth to a son at a ripe old age, but those Twin Cities are gonna get flattened.

So Abraham bargains a bit to look out for his boy Lot.  Almost reminding G-D of His promise to Noah not to annihilate an entire population when not everyone deserves it, he persuades G-D not to drop the sulphur on them if there are just 10 decent people in both cities.  Apparently the quota wasn't met, notwithstanding these negotiations.

So the messengers from On High walk right into Sodom to warn Lot that it's all gonna go down, and the local gangsters and miscreants pick up on it.  Lot, in a sorry show of cowardice, offers to let them all have their way with his daughters, so they'd leave him alone, to no avail.  Those messengers, in a display not unlike Qui-Gon Jinn and young Obi-Wan in Episode I, blind the crowd so they can't bust down Lot's door.

Just in time, Lot and his family escapes from Sodom before it's destroyed, although at least one member of his household just can't help but look back at the Strip one last time, only to be vaporized.  And then, feeling that they won't be able to find suitable mates, Lot's daughters get their father drunk so he'll perform a most unnatural act.  More on that below.

And what of Abraham?  Sarah tells him to boot Hagar and Ishmael out of the family for good.  This time, instead of blindly following her orders, he's actually feeling wrong about doing it.  But then G-D actually tells him to do what Sarah says, because Ishmael is not only going to survive, but be the father of his own "great nation," while Isaac gets the covenant.  So is a consolation prize meant to be enough?

And what does he do with the son he kept?  He almost kills him for G-D.  Volumes have already been written about that whole sorry affair.

What this selection shows is a major-league demonstration of misguided loyalty.  Prime examples of how not to respond to desperate times, even if the choices really are that difficult.

Abraham knew that his nephew, whom he already saved once, was going to be in worse trouble than before.  At that time, he had no problem bargaining with G-D to consider even the possibility of sparing the innocent.  He didn't know whether there were 10 people in Sodom and Gomorrah who were worthy enough to justify the cities' survival, but at that time, he wasn't afraid to ask G-D to reconsider a severe decree.  But that same urgency was gone for both of his sons.  His first son was getting evicted, and forced to fend for himself, with assurances from On High, that he'd be just fine, and not to worry about him.  He was already showing some strength of character by not merely accepting these circumstances without question, but showing real concern, as this was his son.  But where was his bargaining power then?  Why did he not ask G-D to just put Hagar and Ishmael in the Guest House?  Or maybe check out a new apartment for them?  Just to make sure he'd be OK by making the provisions -- how could he plead for Lot and not for his son?

Same issue with Isaac, but better known.  Where was his power of persuasion then?  He pleaded for Lot to be kept safe, but he didn't object when directed to slaughter his son on the altar.

And Lot's not that much better.  He was willing to let those low-lifes have their way with his daughters to prevent a worse rumble, and then later he allows his daughters to get him drunk and have him impregnate them?  True, the Ten Commandments had not yet come down at the time, so maybe it was technically okay to do that, but why did they have to get him drunk to make it happen?  And why couldn't he be a good enough father to say no?  It could be that his daughters had some corruption issues of their own, having grown up in Sodom, but this might have been his chance to set them straight now that they were out of that city.

It seems to me that we're taught to recognize lessons from these errors in judgment.  Unlike Abraham and Lot, we can use the right tactics for the right situation.  Abraham could have still stood up for Lot, there was nothing wrong with that choice, but he could have also stood up for both of his sons, and pleaded against the eviction and the sacrifice.  As gracious as it was of him to be a good uncle, he also needed to be a good father, because his powers of persuasion were needed by his sons even more than they were needed by his extended family.

Sometimes you have to think about it.  Consider the consequences and risks, and weigh which choice brings the greater benefit.  Don't waste your all of your smarts and arguments on issues that will effect you less, and don't "pass" or give up on issues that affect you more.  Just because some higher authority, divine or otherwise, demands that you do something that feels wrong, that doesn't mean you can't speak up and at least explain why you feel it might be wrong.  Choose your battles wisely.  Someone may thank you for it one day.

I EXIST.  I MATTER.  I BELONG.  I DESERVE.