Close Platonics

Hey All - here it is.

Started writing this one on the iPhone app, to whence it went I heard 'nary a clap . . . .

Yes, that was lame, but you get my drift.  Back to the drawing board . . . .

Over the course of my now-lengthy lifespan, I've had many platonic female friends.  The way my life has developed, I now have more of them than I do guy friends.  I'm happy with this, because many of them are actually better friends than my guy friends are.

However, a subset has formed within this group.  An elite and secret club . . . so secret that the members may not have actually known each other.  These are my Close Platonics.

Close, meaning that they are only platonic because there is an impenetrable and immovable barrier that prevents my relationship with them from being anything more than platonic, and but-for that barrier, we might have bonded in ways that Nicholas Sparks could write about it.  But that barrier remains, although the feelings would prefer otherwise/

With these women, I've shared deep and personal thoughts -- so deep that I don't even post them here -- and they've done likewise with me.  Bonds have developed over the years, notwithstanding those barriers, and feelings have developed too.  It's frustrating, but at the same time joyous, to know that those feelings are mutual, despite the fact that they will never be acted upon.  So even if I am hemmed in, and blocked from my honest desires, I can still enjoy what is available, and not take it for granted.

The "Friend Zone" is not the place every man hopes to be.  When you're there, it's easy to assume that you've been placed there because someone else thinks you're not good/rich/strong/cool/badass enough, but they feel sorry you, so you get the consolation prize.  Sometimes that's true, which is sad, but sometimes it's not.  Sometimes the friendship is there for a good reason, and if those barriers were lifted, the further relationship that's desired might not have been such a good one.  Or maybe those barriers actually make the friendship stronger than it would be without it, sort of like an extra reinforcement.

So, to my Close Platonics, I'm thankful that I have you in my life.  It makes me happy to know that we have the bond we do, and that we can tell each other damn near everything because of it.  In some parallel universe, or maybe in several of them, we're living fantasy lives where the barriers don't exist, and it's nice to imagine how those lives might have unfolded, but here in this life, the barriers are firmly in place, where they're needed.  I accept that.

In acknowledging these limits, there is further development of emotional maturity.  Accepting the things we cannot change, etc.  It is far better to have this maturity developed and encouraged by a close friendship, chaste though it may be, than it is by animosity and innuendo.  And so gentlemen, even if you are relegated to the "Friend Zone," you can upgrade it to a Close Friend Zone.  You can assuage your feelings of frustration with the knowledge that within the limits set by others, there is still much to be gained.

DISCLAIMER:  The identities of my Close Platonics are being withheld out of respect for their privacy.  If you are one of them, you should be able to recognize yourself.  But if you have a question in this regard, please message me privately.

Night All!

Resolve Yourself!

Yes, it is a new year -- Day One of the year 2012!

Last year, I posted about New Year's Resolutions.  This year I'm posting about New Year's Voluntary Self-Initiated Choices.  Takes up a little more gray matter and blog-space, but this description makes it a little more difficult to shirk on these goals!

This New Year's Eve at my godson's family's house, one of his brothers announced a new resolution for himself -- to be "less annoying."  I love this young man as if he were my own son, but he, and I, both know that he broke this resolution (OK, not yet . . . not yet . . . not yet . . .) already.  Certainly not his fault, of course.  That's because these lame, weak, half-assed pseudo-oaths are designed to fail -- they're just words used to describe an action that the "resolver" knows that he or she has absolutely no intention of performing.

So rather than make another annual inside joke of "there's no way I'm ever gonna do that," let's promise ourselves things that we actually can, and will, accomplish.  Suggestions:

(1)  Be true and honest to yourself.

(2)  Be willing to say "no."

(3)  Take authority and responsibility for your own life and choices.

(4)  Sever ties with those who cannot or will not accept you for who you are.

(5)  Stop respecting those who don't respect you.

(6)  Seek relationships that benefit you, and don't leave you empty and exhausted.

(7)  Increase your self-respect and decrease your self-effacement; reduce your self-criticism, and eliminate your self-loathing.

(8) Admit your mistakes, make good on them, learn from them, and then stop the self-flagellation that arises from every screw-up.

(9)  Find the hidden advantage and loophole in every negative -- they do exist, just find them!

(10)  If you're not happy with your circumstances, look for and find ways to change them.

Also, repeat to yourself daily a mantra like the one below:

I EXIST.  I MATTER.  I BELONG.  I DESERVE.

Happy New Year, my readers.  Make good choices for 2012!