Answers For Everything

Hey All -

Just add to the topic of tonight's earlier post, we all know people like this.  Conversing with them is frustrating, uncomfortable, and sometimes intolerable because no matter what you say to them, they have an answer for everything.

This trait is the most pronounced when they are doing or saying something that is particularly unpleasant, harmful, or just plain not smart.  No matter how respectfully, courteously, or constructively an explanation or an explanation is given, it is either (a) not acknowledged, as the subject is changed with lightning speed; (b) answered with an infinite number of excuses, based on details, minutiae, and the proverbial ifs, ands, and buts; (c) met with a defensive "don't judge me;" or (d) drowned out with the intellectual equivalent of horse manure.

Now keep in mind, unlike them, we don't know everything.  We can express opinions tactfully, and explain why it might not be a good idea for them to proceed on their present course.  But the chances are, however unlikely, that some of that minutiae they fling at us might actually make sense, at least to them.  More importantly, this flung minutiae has a hidden benefit - the annoyance and irritation that it causes lessens any desire there once was to sympathize, to offer assistance, or be anyone's little helper.  

In other words, do you really want to hear all of that?  Is your life so empty and dull that you have adequate room for all of that?  I should hope your answer is no to both.  The fact that these individuals obviously have enough room for all of that should be a clear indicator that you're not dealing with someone who thinks like you do.

As Beta Males, we pride ourselves on doing good for others.  We are proud of being compassionate, sensitive, chivalrous, and when necessary, selfless.  Because of people like this, these wonderful qualities cannot be provided to everyone.

Try it once, maybe twice.  If they still have "answers for everything," or they just keep bobbing and weaving, then just walk away.  There's no shame in just saying "you win" to someone like this.  As set forth in the earlier post, let them either figure it out for themselves, or simply fall on their own sword, without your involvement.  It's OK to be more selfish than selfless when confronted with all of that.

Just let them do, or say, as they wilt.  You never know, they might still turn around and see the light on their own anyway.

Hope you all had a satisfying 2013 -- but let's all have an even better 2014!

Realistic Frustration

Hey All.

Just another little note on anger.  Yes, I've discussed how it can never be used from a position of weakness.  But what if you're still feeling it anyway?

Is it there?  Yes.  Is there sometimes an honest reason to feel it?  No doubt.  Does that mean you suppress it, bury it down deep, and leave it unaddressed?  No.  No no no no no no NO!!!!!!!!!!

(1) Find a way to say what's bugging you, but don't say it like it's owning you.  There's nothing wrong with expressing that you're not cool with something that has just happened, or is currently happening, provided you don't flip out like Jim Harbaugh coaching the 49'ers.

(he gets a free pass because he knows what he's doing.  And he himself was coached by Mike Ditka, so he was trained to be that way)

But since you are experiencing every day frustrations, the kind that are not on national TV, you can have a calm and rational reaction, even if you are angry or frustrated at the time.

OK, great.  Now you've said it.  Now it's out of your system.  It's been established.  No repetition required.  NOW YOU CAN STOP EXPRESSING IT AS QUICKLY AS YOU'VE STARTED!

(2) Transfer the energy from expression to effort.  After you've finished saying why you're angry, it's time to use that anger for something other than just being angry.  You can:

  (A).  Laugh at the situation.  Humor is the best medicine, trust me, I know.  You already know why it sucks, now make the fact that it sucks funny.  BEST WAY THERE IS to deal with it!  For example, if you're waiting on a line that doesn't budge, start whistling Finale from "William Tell Overture."  And if you're on line right behind someone who takes too long, and asks too many questions, start whistling the "Jeopardy" theme.  And if a train is delayed or you're stuck in traffic, tell everyone within earshot, "I feel a lot of love around me right now."

  (B).  Defeat or diffuse the situation.  If someone behind you in a public place is talking really loudly and discussing a lot of personal information, thank them for sharing, and suggest discussing it somewhere else so others may hear.  If you're nice to someone, and they're rude to you, being mockingly sweet and ingratiating!  If someone corrects you, thank them for their advanced knowledge and recognize them as authorities on the subject.  If the aforementioned delays are slowing things down, either find another method of transportation once you're able, or leave the line.

(C).  Once it's over, let it be over.  DO NOT rehash it.  DO NOT air dirty laundry.  DO NOT "zap" people with "remember when yooooooou did thiiiiiiis!"  Your purpose in life is not to shoot down or judge others, your purpose is self-actualize.  Have the discipline to disarm yourself once your weapons are no longer needed.

And now that that's done, you can go back to enjoying the plethora of things about life that are good, that are satisfying, that are pleasant, and are often taken for granted.  You'd be surprised how many of those there are, but because someone hard-wired us with this stupid fight-or-flight instinct that is no longer needed, the things that anger us still grasp our attention more than those that elevate us.

As we saw in the Bible portion, Jacob's sons broke a long-standing trend.  Why don't we?  Instead of doing things that end up on YouTube, how about we be firm and honest, but mature?

I EXIST.  I MATTER.  I BELONG.  I DESERVE.