Revenge Evaporates

Hey All.  Looks like spring is finally here!

This is kind of an old-hat topic, but I felt the need to return to it.

Demonization Is Death.

Part of the reason we stay so angry at those who wronged us is that it's so easy.  It takes no skill at all to just get angry.  That's why children are always doing it and need to be taught how to stop.

This world we live in has become more and more contentious by the day.  Physical confrontations are started and manipulated to go viral.  Debates escalate into full-out war just because someone doesn't like someone else's FB post.  And divorces are less about an orderly termination of a marriage and far more about making the other former spouse's life as difficult as possible.

The reason for this is because we stop trying to understand the ways of our opponents and we instead see them as less than human, undeserving of respect, and something to be destroyed with as much pain as possible.  This is a mistake of the highest order.

This way of thinking enables the narcissists, abusers, and manipulators to do even more of what they do.  It justifies their high-conflict personalities, and encourages them to be aggressive where no aggression is needed.  It also keeps us stuck forever blaming, pointing, and self-victimizing.

How To Stop?

(1)  The Fact That It's Their Fault Does Not Give Us a Lifetime Free Pass.

Being someone else's victim does not make us flawless, does not exonerate us from all of our own wrongdoing, or render us immune to our own responsibility.  Contrary to popular opinion, it does not place us onto a pedestal from which we can continue judging, ad infinitum and ad nauseum, or to hurt others with immunity and impunity.

(2) We Cannot Spend A Lifetime Blaming Someone Else For How We Are.

The way to deal with our opponents is by either (a) removing them; or (b) refusing to allow them to trigger us.  Not by attributing all of our misfortune and shortcomings to them.  Yes, they still are alpholes and narcissists, let's be honest.  But what they are is far less important than what we are.  Whatever they may have done or said is not an excuse for us being filled with bitterness and resentment, no matter what the enablers and sycophants might suggest.

(3) Reach The Point Of Evaporation.

As I've said in my last post, when speaking about Tony Robbins and #MeToo, most modern-day problems and grievances eventually reach a Point of Evaporation.  Racism, sexism, rape culture, and other types of hatred do still exist, but they're shadows of their former selves.  It is only a matter of time before the Point of Evaporation is reached there - and at that point, the backlash that you may think is deserved against those perpetrators is no longer necessary.  It has evaporated into thin air.  So let our hate and anger do likewise.

To reach Emotional Maturity, resentment and grudges must be contained, controlled, and where possible, eliminated forever.  It doesn't mean that they weren't wrong, and it doesn't mean that we didn't get wronged.  But it does mean that we are not ruled by hate and anger at someone else's actions, and we are instead taking responsibility for our lives.

It's not our place to seek revenge, and it's not our obligation to remain in a state of war against people we don't like.  We are not avenging angels, and it's not up to us to interfere with the judgment that will be executed against them.  I've been giving Her a little bit of a break lately, but say it with me . . .

THERE'S A LADY NAMED KARMA.  SHE'S NOT ATTRACTED TO BAD BOYS AND SHE'S NOT FRIENDS WITH MEAN GIRLS.  SHE SOLELY DOMINATES THE FIELD OF VENGEANCE BECAUSE SHE HAS MUCH BETTER TOOLS AT HER DISPOSAL THAN WE DO.

Let's let it evaporate, and kiss it on up to Our Mother.  She'll handle it for us.

I EXIST.  I MATTER.  I BELONG.  I DESERVE.

RESPECT ALL.  BEFRIEND FEW.  LOVE ONE.  HATE NONE.

FROM HERE TO THE POINT OF EVAPORATION.

EMOTIONAL MATURITY.

Love Yourself More Anyway

Hi All!

The written blog is a little early today.  Just got finished watching (a) the anomaly of a hockey game starting at 12 noon; (b) the first home playoff game my Islanders had in several years; and (c) a frustrating overtime loss.  Much props to my team for showing that they can give a No. 1 seed a run for their money.  However, at this point in the season, there is no one-point-for-an-overtime-loss, it's win or lose.  Let's hope we can make this series 2-2 next game.

It's very easy to hate the Penguins.  It's even easier to hate the refs and the NHL for calling a BS penalty for the apparent protection of Sidney Crosby.  But that apparently doesn't change the final score.  The only way to rise above that is for our boys to win three of the next four games.  I'll let our pundits, prognosticators, and self-appointed experts, explain how that can be done, and await the final result.

You've heard me blog about people we hate, sometimes with rancor and venom, and sometimes with dismissal.  Volumes could be written about those we hate, and then volumes upon volumes.  It remains to be understood how hatred, anger, envy, jealousy, and their resulting rage and fury are so pervasive.  Why is it so much more interesting that positive attitudes?  Why does it sour everything that could be sweet, and why does it soil everything that could be clean?  Why does it take everything that could be happy and make it unpleasant?  Where does it get its power to just ruin damn near everything?  Because the key ingredient to shut it down is missing.

There is a core audience that reads this blog that does not agree with its direction.  I harbor no resentment towards this crowd, because I do actually respect its opinion.  However, I sometimes call it the "I don't care" crowd.  They pride themselves on repeatedly reminding me that they're just so mature, just so developed, and just so self-actualized that they "never" hate anyone, "never" let anyone get to them, and "never" react to the obnoxiousness or rudeness of anyone who challenges them, because it "never" bothers them.  With all due respect to the loyal opposition, I call the accuracy of these statements into question, and present something that rings truer:

(1)  There is nobody, with the possible exception of the Pope and the Dalai Lama, who "never" gets pissed off at someone else or something else.  That's false.  I've known people who are as stoic and solid as the Rock of Gibraltar when people are watching, but then "freak out" worse than anyone else when there's nobody watching.  It's just a lot easier for them to put on a show.

(2)  If this were really true, people would be walking all over the "I don't care" crowd.  It is not apathy, distraction, or "just letting it go" that stops miscreants and jabronies, it's consequences, or the understanding that some will be delivered in the near future, that stops them.

(3)  Expressing anger in the appropriate manner is healthy.  It is mature, it is cathartic, it is pro-active, and it gains respect.  Suppressing anger, and pretending something doesn't bother you when it obviously should, is a recipe for a breakdown.

So what's the alternative?  Simple, really.

(A)  Pick a number that represents the amount of hatred or ill will you have towards somebody.

(B)  Multiply that number by 10.

The total represents how highly you should value yourself, compared to how much you despise all of those others.

My "I don't care" peeps are really saying exactly that, but for some reason, they're saying it in code, and covering it with condescension.  Maybe they think the rest of us can't figure out their secret, but I can.  And maybe they don't think it's the most macho thing to say, but I'm saying it anyway.  I just put their secret "on the record," and they have no recourse against me!

Self-love is the first step towards achieving any goal in life.  A new job, an invention, a business idea, a winning team, a friendship, a relationship, or a marriage.  You really can't fake it like the individuals I've described above.

It's the only way to get over loss, mourning, adverse decisions, unflattering commentary, disapproval or rejection.  The individuals who spew this garbage all over you do it because they don't love you.  If you adopt their attitude, then you don't love yourself either.  People who don't love themselves are lost.

Not too long ago, some criticism of this blog came my way.  This criticism was that this blog was meaningless, because it contained no research, but consisted only of the author's opinion.  Pardon me for pointing out the obvious, but this blog was never advertised as a scholastic term paper or a thesis statement.  It's based on real-life experiences and common-sense observations of life in general, and not on self-serving intellectualism and ivory-tower pomposity.  It is intended for men and boys with low self-esteem, because there are a thousand resources for women who suffer from this issue, but precious little for males who do.  Ironically, it attracted many more female readers, because the messages still resonated with them.

I'm not very happy with this critic's opinion.  However, I love this blog much more than I could ever resent any negative feedback.  It is my contribution to the world around me, independent of my choice of career, and it is a hobby I enjoy even more than my long-distance running.  It is a commitment that I don't compromise.  Instead of looking at the mark the world leaves on me, it's my way of leaving my mark on the world instead.  I'll even go out on a limb and say that I love writing this blog more than I notice how many or how few readers I get.  This blog is mine, and will outlast and endure all criticism and threats.

Do I have some off weeks?  Of course I do.  Am I sometimes running low on ideas?  We all get writer's block.  But this blog still means a great deal to me because it has a consistent message behind it.

Yes peeps, it's been a while since I brought it up, but say it with me:

I EXIST.  I MATTER.  I BELONG.  I DESERVE.

Keep on saying it until you love yourself 10 times more than you hate anyone else.  And then say it some more!

Video to follow . . . .