How Would You Like To Feel If You Had A Choice?

Hi All!  I have a separate blog for the younger folks.  But for the rest of us Generation X'ers, here's another reality check.

It's a very human thing to experience feelings and emotions, and it's also very human to react in response to something that happens to you.  The only problem is, we forget that we actually have the ability to control these reactions, regardless of what our feelings and emotions are.  And even more than that, we actually have the power to control those feelings and emotions too!

REACTIONS:

Life is not a steady stream of being provided with what we want, exactly when we want, and precisely how we want it.  Trains and traffic delay us.  Other people rub us the wrong way.  People ignore us, or don't give us their full attention.

People tell us we're wrong, and spend painfully long periods of time telling us why.  Better yet, people get silent when we're right and speak into a megaphone when we're wrong!  People annoy us.

People make mistakes.  We make mistakes.  People tell us we make mistakes, every single time we make a mistake, and then tell you you're mistaken in pointing out their mistakes.  The mistakes lead to even more mistakes and mistakes on top of mistakes!

As aggravating as they are, we don't actually have to get angry when these things happen.  We can choose to keep our cool.  If it's something that someone else did, we can relax with the knowledge that it's out of our control.  And if it's something that we did, we can remedy the situation first and react when it's all done.  That way we're never in the heat of the moment.

FEELINGS:

Nothing seems more natural then psychological self-flagellation over the mistakes we make.  Nothing seems more normal than worrying about what may or may not happen.  How sad that really is.

Like I said above, when a mistake is made, we act first and react later.  That way, the act of correcting the mistake is not emotionally compromised, and the reaction will not be an overreaction because everything that could have been done already has been.

Worrying is the most destructive thing you can do.  Instead, the same way that a criminal defendant is presumed innocent until proven guilty, presume that there is no reason to worry unless proven otherwise!

That doesn't mean be irresponsible, of course.  Preparation and intelligence are not the same as worrying.  Rather, they eliminate the need to worry to begin with!

The point of this post is that our feelings and reactions are not automatically generated by what happens to us, even if it is unpleasant.  We have the unchallenged power to hold our reactions in check, and to render our moments or regret and worry nonexistent.

Well that's my thing for tonight -- let's put it all into practice!

I EXIST.  I MATTER.  I BELONG.  I DESERVE.

I AM BOLD.  I AM BULLETPROOF.  I AM BETA.

Reconciliation For The Next Generation

Hey All -- sorry I missed you last week, but here's the straight dope from the Good Book:

Just as Jacob and Esau reconciled, so did Joseph and his brothers.  He had him right where he could make their lives absolutely miserable, given the power he'd earned, but somehow he saw fit to reveal his true identity and to forgive them for leaving him for dead in that ditch.

Many times in this blog, I have decried the evil of bullies, targeted the alpholes of this world, and sought to eliminate those who enabled them.  But forgiving them?  Letting it go?  Maybe giving them a friendly reminder that you have the means and the desire to flatten them, but you choose not to because it's better to be nice?!?!?!?!

Let's explore this in further detail . . . .

There's a friend of mine who casts a large and imposing figure.  The chance of anyone pushing him around or starting a bar fight with him is slim and none.  Still, when he was younger and smaller, he was bullied.  There was a classic high school loud mouth, undisciplined, spoiled moron who pelted him with spitballs and called him a lot of names bordering on racism.  Years later, after he'd grown to his full size of 6'5, he ran into this jabroni and invited him to throw a spitball "now."  After giving him the scare of his life, he revealed his true identity, and the two ended up becoming friends.

The way he tells this story, there is too much alphaganda and "might makes right" narrative for my taste.  That's not what this blog is all about, because those rules don't apply to us.  So I will extract the central idea and use it to highlight the theme of this biblical scene:  Just because you can, doesn't mean you should.

His reasoning is not made clear, but he knew he was right to reveal himself to the 11 brothers who tried to kill him as a younger man.  He understood that, right or wrong, they all had the same father, and they would all have the same responsibility for making sure the nation of Israel would grow fruitful and multiply.  Even though he had achieved a status close to that of the Pharaohs, he never forgot his roots, or his duty to his heritage.  And it appears to me that those higher purposes required him to forgive his brothers, regardless of how hateful they previously were to him.  And, oh yeah, he did instigate some portion of it himself, as he was not just an innocent little lamb.

Israel/Jacob seemed to acknowledge the wrongs of the past by investing in the future.  He blessed Joseph's two sons, Ephraim and Manasseh, echoing the blessing that Isaac administered to him and to Esau.  He placed his right hand on the younger son's head, when tradition would have stated otherwise.  Joseph tried to set him straight, believing him to be mistaken, but Israel explains that no, he's actually doing this on purpose, because he knows that the younger son's lineage will be stronger.  This appears to be his penance for tricking Isaac two generations ago.  Or maybe he's trying to set things straight from the beginning.  After all, G-D told Israel's mother that the younger son will be stronger, so she tried to finagle things to make it happen.  But now that Israel has received revelation directly from G-D, he already knows what lies ahead, so there's no need for trickery to prevent a mistake.

Whatever the reason, he's obviously learned from the mistakes of the past, and wants to make things right before he leaves this earth.  That's to be commended.  It looks like Jacob may have been the most self-aware of the three patriarchs, and his most-favored son apparently followed suit.

So it goes with us.  We are just as flawed as this ancient family, if not more, and it's just as easy for us to make mistakes.  But correcting those mistakes, rectifying the consequences, and taking preventive measures to avoid their recurrence is a sign of maturity.  In my opinion, that is one of the most respect-worthy things that someone can do.  Let's make it happen a little more often, huh?