Gratitude

 Hey All - it's a chilly Sunday Afternoon, so it's a perfect time for a good post.

This year, there is no shortage of things that are unpleasant and unwanted.  We have a pandemic that has yet to be cured, we have people who have suffered from it, and we also have restrictions on our normal daily activities that have done seemingly more harm than good.

The vast majority of these things are events beyond our control.  More than likely, we did not cause or contribute to them in any way.

This world was already filled with things that were uncomfortable, unfortunate, and undesirable.  In 2020, these things seemingly snowballed.  

Let's face it:  There is not a single thing that we can do about COVID, about those who've contracted it, or about these inconvenient, stifling, and economy-harming restrictions put in place in response.

This means that Thanksgiving cannot be celebrated this week as it would otherwise be.  The governing authorities seem to be divided over whether or not anyone should visit family, as is customarily done, and it remains doubtful whether or not it's a good idea to try it.  Regardless of that argument, it's not the same Thanksgiving.

Nonetheless, the purpose of this holiday is to express gratitude for the things we do have, notwithstanding that which we're not happy to receive.

Speaking for myself, I am grateful for my wife, my family, and every friend I've made (in both real life and on social media), and thankful that they're all COVID negative.  I am also grateful for the food we have for sustenance (for Thanksgiving and otherwise), our home, and our comforts.  I am also grateful that my parents and in-laws are safe, that my professional career endured through the pandemic, and that are everyday needs are met notwithstanding COVID or its restrictions.  Lastly, I am thankful for my own life and health, without which I wouldn't be able to address the above.

What we can do is choose our attitude and mentality in this situation.  Complaining about what's wrong is nothing more than a submission to it.  Detaching from what's wrong is growth, maturity, and ultimately happiness.

I hope my readers choose to be grateful rather than antagonized during this pandemic.  If you're not, so be it, but I'd rather be appreciative of that which COVID has not, and cannot ruin.

I EXIST.  I MATTER.  I BELONG.  I DESERVE.

RESPECT ALL.  BEFRIEND FEW.  LOVE ONE.  HATE NONE.

DO NOT DEMONIZE, DO NOT DEIFY.

DISCLAIMER:  THIS POST IS NOT AN INVITATION TO DEBATE.  CRITICAL COMMENTS WILL BE ADDRESSED VIA DIRECT MESSAGE, BUT NOT IN COMMENT FORM.

No Apology Necessary

Hey All --

Tonight's blog entry deals with conflict and conflict management.

Most of us like to be the good guys.  Fight fair, take the high road, don't stoop to their level.  And that's the right way to be, across the board.  No child should be raised to be a hyper-aggressive bully -- we have too many of those characters already.  In a perfect world, we'd all handle conflict this way, and world peace would not just be the pseudonym of a basketball player with respect issues.

However, some people don't feel the need to play by the rules.  Somebody either neglected to teach them right from wrong, or someone encouraged them that wrong meant winning.  Or better yet, they use that old tried-and-true excuse for assholiation -- "But I'm Only Being Honest!!!!"

Within a certain point, the high road must still be taken.  We're better raised, and educated, and groomed than these foolios, so why let them bring us down to their level?  At that initial moment, we're standing taller than them just staying where they are.

But what if they try to hit a raw nerve or a soft spot?  What if they go off on something that is solely intended to provoke, offend, or "get a rise" out of us?  If you don't have a clear shot, letting it bounce off is the right thing to do.  But if they're trying to throw a stone from within the confines of a glass house, whatever comes from you is their fault, not yours.

Why feel guilty?  If you were dumb enough to comment about them when you had a glaring weakness, would they be nice to you?  Heck no!  If they get such a thrill out of hurting you, then they deserve to get hit where it hurts! 

You might remember the story of "The Emperor's New Clothes," by Hans Christian Andersen.  It tells the story of a ruler who has a glaring and obvious weakness, namely that for such a wise ruler, he was duped by two con-artists into believing that that the "invisible" clothes they sold him were actually nonexistent.  But because everyone feared the consequences, they BS'ed themselves as much as possible to make believe his incompetence was actually wisdom, until finally a child, who had no such fear, confirmed the truth of his weakness. 

Why be afraid of someone who behaves like royalty when they're not?  Why be intimidated by someone who is so irrational that he or she expects the world to ignore his or her failings while he or she has free reign to threaten and insult others?  BE THE KID, and say that THE EMPEROR HAS NO CLOTHES!!!  You may find out that the Emperor not only lacks the clothes he or she thinks are there, but that the Emperor is also lacking something else, as the nudity reveals . . . .

Don't mind me, all.  I don't really have an ax to grind -- this is just something that should have been part of my earlier material that I never got around to posting.

Don't forget to comment, and check the video!

Don't Hulk Out!

Of course, I'm not referring to the former WWF champion who told kids to "say their prayers and eat their vitamins," and threatened to have Hulkamania run wild on his opponents.  I mean that brainchild of Stan Lee who turned into a green-skinned giant whenever he got angry!

Lately I've been talking about things that should make us angry, specifically bullies and the enablers who keep them around.  The anger they inspire should manifest itself in action:  to set boundaries, to grow backbones, to reject and condemn those who (still) expect to get away with it, and to eliminate it from our lives.  But what if you're feeling anger for the same of anger, ranting for the sake of ranting, and hate for the sake of hate -- with no constructive purpose to use it for????

You're in trouble, that's what!

If you sit in a dark room by yourself, thinking only about things that make you angry, and don't do anything about it, you've introduced a parasite into your psyche.  You have injected a tapeworm into your brain and allowed it to eat away at everything that would otherwise be healthy and positive.  You have transformed your anger into resentment, which can kill you just like smoking or overeating can:  it's a disgusting habit that slowly erodes everything good -- the difference being that smoking and overeating destroy the body, while resentment destroys your mind, your soul, and your personality.

Psychologists describe resentment as the result of suppressed or repressed anger.  The only way to prevent resentment is to use it properly.  It is a weapon meant to be used from a position of strength to make needed changes.  It is not a crutch, it is not an excuse, and it is not permission for you to do or say things that hurt those who don't deserve it.  If you think it is, you're putting your own psyche through a meat-grinder!

So what if you're someplace where you can't get rid of it at the moment?  Keep thinking about it at that moment, you'll get distracted and sloppy, you'll lose your focus and your energy, and the source of your anger will (yet again) get off scot-free!

Being a long-distance runner, let me use the marathon as an example.  The marathon is the ultimate endurance exercise for your body and your mind.  You train your body by constant activity, putting it through the distance and time it will take to finish the rate.  You also train your mind for the same thing.  That means you visualize turning on your speed at Mile 18.  That means you think about friends or family who will call at your name and hold up big signs on the course!  And that means you DO NOT think about whether your time is too slow, whether you shut the oven off, whether you missed a deadline at work, or whether someone made you angry and you wish you could tell them off right then and there.  And if ANY of those thoughts are creeping into your head, scuffing your shoes, or slowing your stride, TURN THEM OFF, OR YOU'LL FIND YOURSELF LIMPING TO THE FINISH LINE TOMORROW WHILE EVERYONE ELSE HAS GONE HOME!

In other words, tell yourself to "stop," and then for the next minute or two, don't think about anything.  Maybe slow your pace to a jog while doing this, but whatever you need to do, get it out of your head.  You're running a marathon, and that's not a time to be carrying excess baggage.  Get your head in the race, and not up somewhere else!  ;)

If those malcontents and jabroni's knew that you were giving them a piggy-back ride to the finish line, they'd probably laugh out loud because they won (again)!  And if you're doing something else you like other than that, imagine how bad it would be giving them a free lunch, or a free hotel stay in your head.  Thinking about anyone or anything that makes you mad while you're trying to do something that you enjoy is ridiculous.  Once you're able to do something about it, you pull the trigger, but they don't get to have your thoughts when it's your time, and not them!

Don't misread me, I'm not saying that anger is better when it's repressed, far from it!  What I'm saying is that your anger must be controlled, harnessed, and dominated, because IT WORKS FOR YOU, NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND!  When it's the wrong time, turn it off.  When it's the right time, and you're using it the right way, then and only then, TURN IT ON AND GO DEEP!!!!!!!!!!!!

YOU decide when the anger comes out, and YOU decide when to keep it together.  Times when the source of your anger is not present and not causing you trouble, directly or indirectly, is when you keep it together.  Times that they are crossing a line, and they are talking trash, and they are expecting to perform yet another action without a consequence, DON'T HOLD BACK, MAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

When you're mature, you pick your battles and the times you fight them, and not the other way around.  It's your mind, it's your life, it's your manhood.  Show them all who's boss and make them do their jobs right!  You can't control all the gangsters in this world, but you can, and must, control you.

I'd like to thank two of my toughest critics for this one.  Please feel free to comment!