Hey All - Hope you're enjoying your weekend!
It's becoming old news pretty fast, but I needed to say something about this latest school shooting.
For the last several weeks, as the country has moved on from the school shooting in Lakeland, Florida, we've had a lot of issues come up on the news. Second Amendment vs. Gun Control. Better mental health care. Whose fault it was. Whose fault it wasn't. And we've seen this great group of kids from that high school - the Most Likely To Succeed types - take center stage and challenge Washington and Tallahassee to do better jobs.
But I've seen a different issue and started running with it, because I think it comes before the others:
Did anyone ever just say hi to this kid?
Did Emma Gonzalez ever ask Nikolas Cruz if he was having a bad day? Did she ever sit with him at lunch?
Did David Hogg ever invite him to play at recess? Did he ever contact the school psychologist out of concern that Nikolas was in a bad way?
These are straight, unloaded questions. I'm not suggesting that these students did anything wrong. Instead, I'm asking if they had ever tried to show Nikolas that he wasn't really alone.
They can persist in finding fault with the NRA and the Broward County Sheriff's office. Whenever something goes wrong, it's perfectly natural to demand to know who was responsible. But it might also be enlightening to review the choices we've made ourselves.
Nobody has said whether or not Nikolas Cruz was bullied. From the sound of it, he might have been a real terror if he was barred from wearing a backpack on campus, and then expelled. That might have made the thought of speaking to him daunting - kind of like Kevin speaking to that weird old man in "Home Alone" - but if he had know that someone was at least willing to treat him like a human being, he might not have been so willing to destroy other human beings.
Yes, there is the possibility that someone tried this and it didn't work. Maybe Cruz might have thought people approaching him were phony and fake, or looking to manipulate him. Kids can be pretty good at that. But if nobody enlightens us on that, we'll never know.
And, of course, I'm not saying that anyone should have pretended to be his friend when there was no friendship. Friendship is a precious thing that should only be granted to a select few. Respect, however, is to be evenly distributed to all.
With all of these issues that have propped up, I hope the youth of today and tomorrow will consider these events in their future dealings with their troubled peers. It's for damn sure that throwing shade, bullying, snarking, and dissing isn't helping anyone. And this blaming and shaming in the media in't much better.
RESPECT ALL
BEFRIEND FEW
LOVE ONE
HATE NONE
I EXIST.
I MATTER.
I BELONG.
I DESERVE.
EMOTIONAL MATURITY
runninglaw@gmail.com
This blog is meant for the advancement, redemption, and self actualization of those who have not been taught how to properly manage their emotions, and have suffered due to this lack of information. While we in no way defend those who have harmed us, we also do not make ourselves triggered and manipulated by people and things we cannot control. Through the application of the Eight Pillars, we can move forward and become the strong, unflappable, respectable people we were meant to be.
Showing posts with label acknowledgment. Show all posts
Showing posts with label acknowledgment. Show all posts
Saturday, March 10, 2018
Sunday, December 4, 2016
Yes, They Got Away With It. So?
Hey All - It's a Chilly Sunday in December. Hope everyone's doing well.
One stumbling block to emotional maturity is Resentment, and it's slacker big brother, Grudges. If there's one thought that can keep people angry and stuck, it's that feeling where someone else gets away with doing something wrong, knowing full well that punishment and consequences would be inevitable had we done the same thing.
Goodness knows I've felt angry seeing that happen. Sometimes the teacher's pet/boss' favorite/coach's son gets protected when they make mistakes, or even worse, one of us takes the hit for it because it's always our fault, and never theirs, no matter what happens. Unfortunately, this practice has been around since the dawn of time, and short of transforming the hearts and minds of the perpetrators, it will continue indefinitely.
Let's be honest. It is frustrating to the extreme to have been raised with values, discipline, and lines we don't cross, and then seeing so many other people do the opposite of that and not suffer consequences for it. It is disheartening to know that some authority figures consider someone else to be better than you, sometimes for no objective reason, and that nothing you do or say can change that. And it's also that way when we remember how bullies of yesteryear, how nasty, abrasive, rude, and abusive they were, and yet they were mobbed with fraaaands and followers, instead of being isolated and despised.
It's that frustration with life "not being fair" that most triggers our dissatisfaction with this arrangement. In a perfect world, there would be automatic consequences for these transgressions, hence no transgressions. But for now, we do not live in a world where that happens. Instead, for hopefully a limited time, we must adapt to this misfortune.
(1) Accept the decisions that action cannot be taken against. If the only thing you can do in response to that which aggrieves you is to just be angry and criticize it, then you're wasting your time. Yes, you can be angry and dissatisfied with it, but if that anger and dissatisfaction can never change the results, then it must be contained. If it is not, then you risk harming yourself far more than you can ever impact them. Our high-conflict neighbors still have no intention of owning their actions or improving their behavior. Until they are compelled to do so, courtesy of Lady Kharma, we must accept that which we have no control over.
(2) If you are able to do something or say something about it, take the chance while you have it. In my line of work, you have a 30 day deadline to appeal decisions that aggrieve your client. In real life, the window of opportunity is sometimes smaller. But if you have the chance, that's your time to make your arguments. You may need to have supporting evidence to demonstrate why they're wrong and you're right, so have it ready to produce whenever someone else wants to ask questions designed to make you look stupid. You may need to erect definitive boundaries against behavior you find objectionable while it is happening. You may need to politely, but firmly, explain that you do not appreciate certain behaviors.
(3) Handle yourself with emotional intelligence, and not with emotional chaos. When we're angered, triggered, or just plain annoyed, our heads are not on straight. In that state, it's very easy to fudge the earlier two steps. We can still remain calm even when telling someone else that their actions are unacceptable, or explaining why someone else's decision should be changed. We can still respond to attacks designed to trigger us by not becoming triggered. We can repel their attempts to get under our skin while still responding appropriately to their actions.
No, it's still not OK that people get away with actions that we, and they, know are wrong. But simply bemoaning this fact and cursing their improperly-gotten gains does nothing to stop them. Accepting what cannot be reversed, and reversing that what can be, however, are the best weapons we have. And handling these weapons at the highest level of emotional maturity will ensure the best results possible.
That's The Jam, Folks.
I EXIST. I MATTER. I BELONG. I DESERVE.
I AM BOLD. I AM BULLETPROOF. I AM BETA.
EMOTIONAL MATURITY IS THE ONLY WAY.
One stumbling block to emotional maturity is Resentment, and it's slacker big brother, Grudges. If there's one thought that can keep people angry and stuck, it's that feeling where someone else gets away with doing something wrong, knowing full well that punishment and consequences would be inevitable had we done the same thing.
Goodness knows I've felt angry seeing that happen. Sometimes the teacher's pet/boss' favorite/coach's son gets protected when they make mistakes, or even worse, one of us takes the hit for it because it's always our fault, and never theirs, no matter what happens. Unfortunately, this practice has been around since the dawn of time, and short of transforming the hearts and minds of the perpetrators, it will continue indefinitely.
Let's be honest. It is frustrating to the extreme to have been raised with values, discipline, and lines we don't cross, and then seeing so many other people do the opposite of that and not suffer consequences for it. It is disheartening to know that some authority figures consider someone else to be better than you, sometimes for no objective reason, and that nothing you do or say can change that. And it's also that way when we remember how bullies of yesteryear, how nasty, abrasive, rude, and abusive they were, and yet they were mobbed with fraaaands and followers, instead of being isolated and despised.
It's that frustration with life "not being fair" that most triggers our dissatisfaction with this arrangement. In a perfect world, there would be automatic consequences for these transgressions, hence no transgressions. But for now, we do not live in a world where that happens. Instead, for hopefully a limited time, we must adapt to this misfortune.
(1) Accept the decisions that action cannot be taken against. If the only thing you can do in response to that which aggrieves you is to just be angry and criticize it, then you're wasting your time. Yes, you can be angry and dissatisfied with it, but if that anger and dissatisfaction can never change the results, then it must be contained. If it is not, then you risk harming yourself far more than you can ever impact them. Our high-conflict neighbors still have no intention of owning their actions or improving their behavior. Until they are compelled to do so, courtesy of Lady Kharma, we must accept that which we have no control over.
(2) If you are able to do something or say something about it, take the chance while you have it. In my line of work, you have a 30 day deadline to appeal decisions that aggrieve your client. In real life, the window of opportunity is sometimes smaller. But if you have the chance, that's your time to make your arguments. You may need to have supporting evidence to demonstrate why they're wrong and you're right, so have it ready to produce whenever someone else wants to ask questions designed to make you look stupid. You may need to erect definitive boundaries against behavior you find objectionable while it is happening. You may need to politely, but firmly, explain that you do not appreciate certain behaviors.
(3) Handle yourself with emotional intelligence, and not with emotional chaos. When we're angered, triggered, or just plain annoyed, our heads are not on straight. In that state, it's very easy to fudge the earlier two steps. We can still remain calm even when telling someone else that their actions are unacceptable, or explaining why someone else's decision should be changed. We can still respond to attacks designed to trigger us by not becoming triggered. We can repel their attempts to get under our skin while still responding appropriately to their actions.
No, it's still not OK that people get away with actions that we, and they, know are wrong. But simply bemoaning this fact and cursing their improperly-gotten gains does nothing to stop them. Accepting what cannot be reversed, and reversing that what can be, however, are the best weapons we have. And handling these weapons at the highest level of emotional maturity will ensure the best results possible.
That's The Jam, Folks.
I EXIST. I MATTER. I BELONG. I DESERVE.
I AM BOLD. I AM BULLETPROOF. I AM BETA.
EMOTIONAL MATURITY IS THE ONLY WAY.
Sunday, March 2, 2014
Oscar Night!
Hey All! Hope you've all battened down the hatches for the next snowstorm -- which is apparently showing up later than expected, immobilizing some of us who are geared towards additional, if not unnecessary, preparedness.
But most importantly, it's Oscar Night. The motion picture industry, also known as Hollywood, takes this opportunity to celebrate itself, and to honor the performances and productions that have exceeded all others in the past year.
The highlight of this evening is always the acceptance speech. The nominee chosen, be it best actor, actress, director, or producer, will show elation and exuberance, tempered by a small amount of respect and humility. For some of them, notwithstanding how cliche this ritual has become, for some of these winners, it truly is the greatest moment of their lives. This is an acknowledgment that something that took all of their blood, sweat, and tears, is recognized as being exceptional, above-board, and worthy of a golden prize. Yes, they sometimes go on too long, because there are always "so many people to thank," and there is always "get off the stage" music to prompt them off, but this is jokingly accepted as part of the show.
A fellow blogger once told me that we should live our lives as if we're the writer, director, producer, and star of our own movie. I'd like to borrow that concept.
As beta males, we are sometimes told that we are stuck with our lot in life. WRONG. As the head screenwriter, you can come up with a story that proves this cop-out otherwise.
As beta males, we sometimes lack vision. As the producer of our own movie, we have no other choice but to have a vision. What does this movie look like? What happens in the next scene? What would the audience enjoy seeing? What would YOU enjoy seeing?
As beta males, leadership roles to not come us naturally. But as director of our own movie, we have to become leaders in one way or another. How are we going to make these things happen? What do we need to make things happen? What is our plan? What would you LIKE to plan?
As beta males, we have been deceived into believing that we are suited only for supporting roles. Oh please! You are the star of this movie, and don't anyone else tell you otherwise. This story is all about you, nobody else, and don't you forget it!
You can re-write the script at any time. You can ad-lib. You can change locations. You can change characters. Oh right, that reminds me, you're also the casting director. That means you get to pick who is in this movie, and who's not! NEVER FORGET THAT YOU ARE ABLE TO DO THIS AT ANY TIME DURING PRODUCTION!
And while you're working on this movie, imagine . . . wouldn't you like this film to win an Oscar? Or several? Wouldn't you want people to recognize what's in your movie, and applaud it? Wouldn't you like the story to be inspiring? The acting to be not just believable, but real? A production that people would be willing to stand in line to see?
Make your own movie, and make it a winner. True, you may be nominated and not actually win the award, but make it a winner anyway. And you'll know it's a winner if you're living like a winner.
That's my piece, everyone. Enjoy the Oscars!
But most importantly, it's Oscar Night. The motion picture industry, also known as Hollywood, takes this opportunity to celebrate itself, and to honor the performances and productions that have exceeded all others in the past year.
The highlight of this evening is always the acceptance speech. The nominee chosen, be it best actor, actress, director, or producer, will show elation and exuberance, tempered by a small amount of respect and humility. For some of them, notwithstanding how cliche this ritual has become, for some of these winners, it truly is the greatest moment of their lives. This is an acknowledgment that something that took all of their blood, sweat, and tears, is recognized as being exceptional, above-board, and worthy of a golden prize. Yes, they sometimes go on too long, because there are always "so many people to thank," and there is always "get off the stage" music to prompt them off, but this is jokingly accepted as part of the show.
A fellow blogger once told me that we should live our lives as if we're the writer, director, producer, and star of our own movie. I'd like to borrow that concept.
As beta males, we are sometimes told that we are stuck with our lot in life. WRONG. As the head screenwriter, you can come up with a story that proves this cop-out otherwise.
As beta males, we sometimes lack vision. As the producer of our own movie, we have no other choice but to have a vision. What does this movie look like? What happens in the next scene? What would the audience enjoy seeing? What would YOU enjoy seeing?
As beta males, leadership roles to not come us naturally. But as director of our own movie, we have to become leaders in one way or another. How are we going to make these things happen? What do we need to make things happen? What is our plan? What would you LIKE to plan?
As beta males, we have been deceived into believing that we are suited only for supporting roles. Oh please! You are the star of this movie, and don't anyone else tell you otherwise. This story is all about you, nobody else, and don't you forget it!
You can re-write the script at any time. You can ad-lib. You can change locations. You can change characters. Oh right, that reminds me, you're also the casting director. That means you get to pick who is in this movie, and who's not! NEVER FORGET THAT YOU ARE ABLE TO DO THIS AT ANY TIME DURING PRODUCTION!
And while you're working on this movie, imagine . . . wouldn't you like this film to win an Oscar? Or several? Wouldn't you want people to recognize what's in your movie, and applaud it? Wouldn't you like the story to be inspiring? The acting to be not just believable, but real? A production that people would be willing to stand in line to see?
Make your own movie, and make it a winner. True, you may be nominated and not actually win the award, but make it a winner anyway. And you'll know it's a winner if you're living like a winner.
That's my piece, everyone. Enjoy the Oscars!
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