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Sunday, February 26, 2012

The Envelope, Please

Tonight is the Oscars.  The night when those who have played well their parts get to thank the Academy for its recognition, Billy Crystal tells a lot of jokes, people obsess over what each actress is wearing on the red carpet.  The men, on the other hand, just rent a tuxedo as if it were prom night and go with it.

Everyone nominated is obviously very attractive and very talented.  However, these award shows are completely and entirely subjective.  Which they must be, because there is no objective way to determine which actor or actress or director is truly "better" than the others.

Chances are we may have felt like we got the shaft from some other arbitrary or capricious system:  Maybe a judge or a jury decided against our argument, no matter how right on the money it was.  Maybe the pretty lady you asked out on a date turned you down because you weren't manly/cool/smooth/rich enough, even though you're the best you can be in all of those areas.   Maybe someone flat-out told you they didn't like you.

Most teachers and camp counselors have gotten used to telling little children that even when they lose a game, they still win, just so they won't cry.  As corny and unrealistic as it seems, it's actually similar to what we all need to do for ourselves.  The fact that some system picks someone else instead doesn't mean you should reject yourself!

So tomorrow morning, anyone who's been feeling like they came in second, or that they came up empty-handed somehow, do the following:

(1)  Open an envelope in front of your bathroom mirror;
(2)  Announce that the Oscar goes to [insert your name];
(3)  Give your own acceptance speech.  If it won't make you late for work, go as long as you want.  Include the following:
       (A)  Role models that taught you to believe;
       (B)  Loved ones who returned that love; and
       (C)  Anyone who moved you ahead, or convinced you to move yourself ahead
(4)  Just before you finish, tell everyone who did the opposite of the above that you didn't have time to fit them in, and then rush off the stage!

Good night, all, and don't forget to comment!