The Hidden Benefit

 Good Evening All.

As we're about to get vaccinated against COVID, there's a small air of optimism in the air.  There's a sense of relief, looking towards the reopening of society as we once knew it, and tossing away (in the most sanitary way possible), these masks.

Despite the discomfort, unfairness, tension, and resentment that this pandemic caused, I like to think that there is a hidden benefit to having endured it.

A popular saying is that, "tough times create strong people, strong people create easy times, easy times create weak people, and weak people create hard times."  Nobody likes to be called weak, but this saying is true.

When we face adversity, so long as we do not admit that the adversity is defeating us, we become stronger.  That does not mean that winning is the only acceptable solution.  If you bring your A game and you still lose, there's no shame in doing so.

Once we get over that hump, it's only natural to create easy times.  Why not, we've earned it!

Unfortunately, those who might not have earned those easy times become spoiled by them, having not experienced the previous hard times.  That's what keeps the circle going.

So what's to stop us from getting so spoiled? 

Just a little bit of understanding and appreciation, maybe.  Couple of Stoic exercises couldn't hurt:

(1)  Try a cold shower in the morning.  It will make you appreciate the hot ones more.

(2)  Go camping once a year or so.  It will make you appreciate property, possessions, and civilization more.

(3)  Travel to areas of your community, and your world, where members of other faiths and stripes live.  It will make you appreciate the world at large more.

(4)  Shut off these electronic devices once a month.  It will make you appreciate humanity as it naturally is more.

(5)  Spend time with people you dislike once a year.  Not only will it make you strengthen your boundaries, it will also make you appreciate the world that exists outside your opinion even more.

In no way to I suggest that we should torture or abuse ourselves.  I am suggesting that we should not spoil or weaken ourselves.

I EXIST.  I MATTER.  I BELONG.  I DESERVE.

RESPECT ALL.  BEFRIEND FEW.  LOVE ONE.  HATE NONE.

MOTHER PROTECT US, FATHER EMBOLDEN US.

DO NOT DEMONIZE, DO NOT DEIFY.

STOICISM AND EMOTIONAL MATURITY.

POINT OF FAULT TRANSFERENCE, POINT OF EVAPORATION.

Another Repost for MLK

 Good Evening All - Since I've already gone over this ground, here's a repost, by popular demand, in honor of the Reverend Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.  It's been edited a little to go with the times.

Today, we honored the birthday and celebrated the life of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.  Dr. King was one of those rare men who rise above human nature and its many weaknesses to bring about real change.

He came of age at a time when racism was as American as apple pie.  Most chose to accept simply accept it.  Jim Crow laws, separate-but-(un)equal facilities, and policies designed to keep one race isolated and abject were omnipresent.

The only other alternative besides "just accepting it" would have been starting rebellions and riots.  Dr. King, however, was not that kind of man.  As a man of the cloth, he understood that peaceful resistance was the most effective means by which to stop racist laws and counteract racist culture.

When I first learned about Dr. King in elementary school, I immediately identified with him. Back then, I learned that the "the system" was not there to take my interests into account.  At the time, I was bullied, the school knew about it, and it did absolutely nothing to stop it.  Dr. King's life story dealt with not only one person, but an entire group of people, being harassed, deprived, and disadvantaged, and a government that either turned a blind eye to what was occurring, or sometimes even encouraged it!  For me, it was far less an issue of race than it was an issue of respect -- or the complete lack thereof.

Dr. King can truly be said to be the greatest anti-bullying advocate there ever was, before people even understood that there was such a thing as "anti-bullying!"  He also combated what we now know to be bullying in ways that most men would not conceive of implementing.  He proved that it was not necessary to stoop to a bully's level to beat him.  

Got a bully in your personal life?  Or better yet, someone who has the backing and implicit encouragement of the authorities? It's not because that person is "insecure," it's most likely because they're spoiled instead.

It may feel easy for you to start blazing your guns at them, so to speak.  As we learned from Dr. King, this is a mistake, because that's exactly what the bully wants you to do. They're trying to make you use your anger from a position of weakness, which means you will, repeat will, make mistakes.  Anger can only be used from a position of strength, which the bully will often have over you. Don't let them play with your emotions like a sucker!  Dr. King saved his passion for his speeches, not for cursing out some sheriff with a fire hose!

My suggestion?  Use the power of "NO."  Are they trying to expose your weaknesses and foibles?  Say "NO" to the entire conversation.  The fact that they want you to admit that you've forgotten something or neglected something is not their attempt to win a case or a prize -- it's their way of testing how weak you are. If it's something that you know is irrelevant and inconsequential, just answer honestly. If it's something that they want to use to make you look stupid, just change the subject.  

MLK didn't eliminate hate.  That's beyond anyone's control.  However, he did severely weaken the power hate has over society.  So if someone hates you and you can't avoid interacting with them, just weaken their power.  Start with the Four Pillars:

I EXIST. I MATTER. I BELONG. I DESERVE.

You can recite it as a mantra, you can hum it to yourself when nobody's around, it doesn't matter.  Just as long as you have these Pillars in your head when these people are screwing with you, it's a lot easier not to let them win. You'll almost render yourself bulletproof!

And so, in closing, please honor the memory of MLK.  Not just by showing respect and tolerance towards members of all races, but also by how you respond to threats and adversity.

For clarification, this post was written in a time when my lifestyle was somewhat different than it is now, accordingly the tone is different than my more recent posts.   Originally, this blog was focused merely on opposing bullying, and then evolved into an empowerment tool for Beta Males.   Since then, it has evolved even further to embrace Stoicism and Emotional Maturity.  Since Dr. King's philosophy was based in maturity, and not in machismo, the result was more powerful than the hardest punch ever thrown.

Let's not let hate blur our thoughts and pervert our judgment.  Let's not be swept away by groupthink, buzzwords, and sound bites.  Let's think first and react afterwards.  

And above all, let's give, and receive, RESPECT.

Good night all!

The Re-Centering

 Good Afternoon All.  A rainy Saturday in December brings us towards a little more introspection.

It has been part of the human experience, both before and during COVID, to experience ups and downs.  Days with events that make us feel happy, perhaps even content, and events that make us frustrated/angry/resentful/worried/anxious.  And because of COVID, there are possibly more events in the latter categories.

As we have learned from COVID, and as the Stoics knew all along, the world has a whole ton of things out there that are beyond our control.  How others conduct themselves, the weather, the news, and the environment.

However, becoming enveloped in anger, worry, or even hopelessness, must be prevented.  Regardless of what's happening externally, we must keep ourselves grounded and controlled internally.

(1)    HERE AND NOW.  Reference the date, time, and place you're in, right where and when you are.  If it helps, say it like Captain Kirk from the original Star Trek dictating into the Captain's Log.

(2)    DEEP BREATHING.  All the way in, hold for 4-5 seconds, and all the way out.  Repeat as many times as needed to slow down and focus.

(3)    GRAPHING AND CHARTING.  Whatever the issue, is if there is a way to change it for the better, write it down.  Maybe make a pro/con list, maybe make it an if/then flow-chart.  And if there is nothing to be done, then stop wasting your time.  No options, no problems.

(4)    VISUALIZATION.  Picture scenes in your mind that are relaxing, comforting, or otherwise satisfying.  Use this hand-in-hand with the deep breathing, and do it every single time you start thinking about negative crap.  Every single time, with the hope being that our annoying cousin, Amy G. Dala, will realize that she'll never get in a complete sentence with us again.

(kind of like we don't get a word in edgewise with distant relatives)

(5)    AFFIRMATIONS

        (A)   Mother Protect Me.  On the average, most of the things beyond our control work out, or at the very least, turn out to be less terrible than they could have.  Worrying about what awaits us in the next episode is an untenable burden.  All the more reason to send those thoughts up to a Higher Power who has the power and discretion to block it.

        (B)    Father Embolden Me.  Most of the things that are actually within our control, by comparison, require a great deal of assembly, maintenance, and responsibility.  All the more reason to seek some energy from a Higher Power who can ever-so-gently remind you that you have two hands and two feet, and one brain - use them all wisely, but don't just let them hang aimlessly.

As repetitive as the above might be, please be aware that constant and continuing internal effort is necessary in order to achieve happiness, and possibly success, in a world filled with unfairness, inconvenience, and unpredictability.

I EXIST.  I MATTER.  I BELONG.  I DESERVE.

RESPECT ALL.  BEFRIEND FEW.  LOVE ONE.  HATE NONE.

MOTHER PROTECT US, FATHER EMBOLDEN US.

STOICISM. EMOTIONAL MATURITY. POINT OF EVAPORATION

Gratitude

 Hey All - it's a chilly Sunday Afternoon, so it's a perfect time for a good post.

This year, there is no shortage of things that are unpleasant and unwanted.  We have a pandemic that has yet to be cured, we have people who have suffered from it, and we also have restrictions on our normal daily activities that have done seemingly more harm than good.

The vast majority of these things are events beyond our control.  More than likely, we did not cause or contribute to them in any way.

This world was already filled with things that were uncomfortable, unfortunate, and undesirable.  In 2020, these things seemingly snowballed.  

Let's face it:  There is not a single thing that we can do about COVID, about those who've contracted it, or about these inconvenient, stifling, and economy-harming restrictions put in place in response.

This means that Thanksgiving cannot be celebrated this week as it would otherwise be.  The governing authorities seem to be divided over whether or not anyone should visit family, as is customarily done, and it remains doubtful whether or not it's a good idea to try it.  Regardless of that argument, it's not the same Thanksgiving.

Nonetheless, the purpose of this holiday is to express gratitude for the things we do have, notwithstanding that which we're not happy to receive.

Speaking for myself, I am grateful for my wife, my family, and every friend I've made (in both real life and on social media), and thankful that they're all COVID negative.  I am also grateful for the food we have for sustenance (for Thanksgiving and otherwise), our home, and our comforts.  I am also grateful that my parents and in-laws are safe, that my professional career endured through the pandemic, and that are everyday needs are met notwithstanding COVID or its restrictions.  Lastly, I am thankful for my own life and health, without which I wouldn't be able to address the above.

What we can do is choose our attitude and mentality in this situation.  Complaining about what's wrong is nothing more than a submission to it.  Detaching from what's wrong is growth, maturity, and ultimately happiness.

I hope my readers choose to be grateful rather than antagonized during this pandemic.  If you're not, so be it, but I'd rather be appreciative of that which COVID has not, and cannot ruin.

I EXIST.  I MATTER.  I BELONG.  I DESERVE.

RESPECT ALL.  BEFRIEND FEW.  LOVE ONE.  HATE NONE.

DO NOT DEMONIZE, DO NOT DEIFY.

DISCLAIMER:  THIS POST IS NOT AN INVITATION TO DEBATE.  CRITICAL COMMENTS WILL BE ADDRESSED VIA DIRECT MESSAGE, BUT NOT IN COMMENT FORM.

Uneven Consequences

 Good Evening, Good Evening All.  Hope you're enjoying another Sunday Night!

This weekend we've celebrated the Jewish New Year.  This can certainly be a new beginning for all of us!

This year, as we're looking towards an analysis of our shortcomings, failures, and errors in the past year, we're also asking for further opportunities to get it right, now that we've learned our lessons.  

Specifically, to re-address an old subject, I'd like to touch on how unfair it sometimes seems that when two or more people commit the same offense, one might suffer consequences for their actions, and another might skate away no worse for the wear.  If you're the one who has to suffer the consequences, that's very frustrating situation.

However, we can't get triggered by that perceived unfairness.

(1)  Deflecting and whatabouting are not the right responses to our consequences.  Throwing shade at others, deserved or not, does not exonerate us.  If we are presented with deserved consequences, we face them and get past them.

(2)  Chances are better than average that we've dodged bullets too.  This might be their turn instead.

(3)  Having actually facing these consequences allows us to become stronger and wiser than those who escaped them.  It's they who might end up getting spoiled, believing that they have immunity and impunity when they don't.

Stoicism teaches us that we cannot control external events, and we accordingly need not concern ourselves with them.  They got away with it?  It's not fair?  So is the way that fortune allows.  We have an opportunity to learn from the error of our ways, but they don't.  

And if they go too long without facing such consequences?  There's a Lady Named Karma.  OMLK.

I EXIST.  I MATTER.  I BELONG.  I DESERVE.

RESPECT ALL.  BEFRIEND FEW.  LOVE ONE.  HATE NONE.

MOTHER PROTECT US, FATHER EMBOLDEN US.

Don't Return to Class at Butt U.

Happy Sunday, Friends and Neighbors.  Hope you're enjoying what's left of the summer, within the limitations imposed due to COVID, at least.

I have continued my Stoic Awakening by incorporating the teachings of Marcus Aurelius and Epictetus into situations where I would have otherwise be ruled by my emotions.  An adjustment to be sure, but a welcome change.

In so doing, I've realized that part of the reason for such division in our society is that we overreact and over-retaliate whenever anyone says things we don't like.  Yes, people really do say the wrong things, and they sometimes say them with the intention of provoking others.  But that doesn't mean we absolutely have to be provoked just because they said it.

How many arguments have we seen take this pattern:  

(A)    I think that's wrong because (XYZ).

(B)    But youuuuuuu do this!  But youuuuuuu do that!  But heeeeee did this!  But theyyyyyyy did that!

Ladies and gentlemen, this is the Proctology School Fight Song.  Whenever someone challenges you, invoke the name of our honored alma mater, Butt U!

Why do we deflect everything coming our way?  Why be defensive?  Why make it into a confrontation when it might not have been one?

(1)    NOBODY'S PERFECT.  NOT ME, NOT YOU.

The more arrogant of us like to say, The Truth Hurts.  They're wrong.  As Einzelganger says, if it's the truth, it's not an insult at all.  

If you're hearing something you're not happy with, before you get all your defenses up, stop and think:  Is This True?  If so, stop.  Or to be more direct, sit down, shut up, and take notes.  

Never bash anyone for telling you something that's true, even if it's an uncomfortable truth.  The more you get into practice doing this, it will actually become less uncomfortable.  That's because you've decided not to make yourself injured by that which is true.  You don't have to thank them, and it's for darn sure you don't have to be fraaaaands within someone who makes a career of doing this, but you do have to acknowledge what's true.  Period.

Trying to counter-punch, find fault with the critic, and one-up them is the way of a child.  Let's outgrow that.

(2)    THAT'S THEIR OPINION.

If it's just a matter of opinion, let them have it.  They're actually entitled to think differently than you, believe it or not.

We don't have to live by their beliefs.  And they don't have to live by ours.

It should take less than one minute to move on from that.  Sometimes the more narcissistic among them will try to goad you into a fight with the wrong tone of voice and attitude.  Let them have their obnoxious behavior for their own enjoyment.  There's no reason for us to commence the downward spiral by retaliating to their hot air.

Telling an asshole that he's an asshole will do nothing more than reinforce the assholery.  You know this to be true.

(3)    WHY SHOULD WE CARE?

It may feel like "getting back at them" is a sign of strength.  It's anything but.

It's a sign that you couldn't hold it together in the face of unpleasant circumstances.  It means that you can't hear uncomfortable things without taking them personally.  It means that you have not outgrown the the infantile need to always be right and always win.  

When we reach Emotional Maturity, that all evaporates.  

There are greater battles worth fighting, more important issues that require responses, and better people worth addressing.  When we realize this, we've reached the summit.

This year, students are returning to school, regardless of the pandemic.  Please don't let Butt U be one of the schools you return to.  Please transfer instead.

DO NOT DEMONIZE, DO NOT DEIFY.

STOICISM, EMOTIONAL MATURITY, POINT OF EVAPORATION

I Exist, I Matter, I Belong, I Deserve.

Respect All, Befriend Few, Love One, Hate None.

A Two-Way Street

Good Afternoon and Good Evening All - Hope you're enjoying this lovely weather on a Sunday afternoon in May!

As with most things, this COVID-19 pandemic, and the multiple governmental and administrative responses to it, have generated arguments and disputes.  I've certainly got my own opinion on this subject, but I'm also aware of what the likely responses that Stoicism and Emotional Maturity would provide.

(1)  We Shouldn't Have to Socially Distance or Stay-At-Home.

True.

It sucks.  It's unnatural.  It's uncomfortable.  It's frustrating.  It's leading many businesses towards ruin, and it's depleting the funds available for unemployment and other business relief.  Nobody is arguing that this is all a good thing.

Nonetheless, when statewide and/or national emergencies happen, the power of the proper authorities are temporarily extended and increased in ways that unfortunately look like totalitarian police states.  We didn't cause the problem, we didn't make the problem worse, and we don't deserve the punishment.  But much like the times our parents, or a school administrator, or a boss made a bunch of stupid rules that everyone with half a brain hated, we'll just have to temporarily toe the line for a temporary measure.

We have the right to free speech, under the First Amendment, to tell the world loud and long how much it sucks, and not care who knows it.  However, the fact that we have the right to do it doesn't necessarily make it the smart thing to do, let alone the best thing.

Yes, I know, the Government and the State are not our parents or our bosses.  They still have the power to enact and execute laws that they deem fit for the protection of society at large, and we don't.

Having accepted the truth that we lack authority in this area, as much as we despise it, we must acknowledge that we simply aren't helping anyone by complaining about things we cannot control.  We're just continuing a cycle of frustration that gets worse and worse through no other cause but our own.  As the ancients taught us, it is not things, but our reactions to things that cause us anger and grief.

Accept What Is, and Cannot Be Otherwise, and Live With It.  If that means moving around less, wearing a goofy mask, and staying 6-12 feet away from other people (which some of us were already doing before this all happened), then just do it.  It could be better, but it could also be hella lot worse.

(2)  If I'm Social Distancing, So Should They!

This is where we can get into even more trouble.

Nobody likes it when we commit ourselves the aforementioned stupid rules, and there's always someone who thinks the rules don't apply to him or her.  That's even more annoying, aggravating assinine, and undesirable than these rules themselves.

However, other people's behavior, much like the actions of governmental officials that we're not ok with, remains far beyond our control.  It was Marcus Aurelius and Epictetus themselves who reminded us that we need not be triggered, outraged, or infuriated by how "them other suckers don't know how to act," because it's not they themselves who are causing this outrage.  It's still us.

If you're angered by other people's decision not to toe the line and wear a mask, that's not really their problem.  As long as you're doing so, you shouldn't be concerned about any exposure to COVID-19.  You also shouldn't be concerned about how their conduct should affect you (because it shouldn't).

Use This Time To Our Advantage:

This is less a time for pandemonium and paranoia than it is an opportunity to grow and become strengthened by adversity. 

Perhaps, instead of complaining about that which we know to be unpleasant, illogical, and sometimes painful, we might be better off trudging through it, knowing full well that it will end, and that we will survive it, hopefully better off than before.

"THIS TOO SHALL PASS."

I EXIST.  I MATTER.  I BELONG.  I DESERVE.

RESPECT ALL.  BEFRIEND FEW.  LOVE ONE.  HATE NONE.

STOICISM.  EMOTIONAL MATURITY.  POINT OF EVAPORATION.