Pour 'Em Out!

Hey All -- another Sunday come and gone, just like the temporary spring-like weather we had in NYC.

Today is a minor Jewish holiday known as Purim.  For the kids, it's a little like Halloween, because they're encouraged to wear goofy costumes for fun.  For the adults, it's a little like St. Paddy's Day, because we're encouraged to get so hammered that we get the characters in the Purim story confused.  And since it often happens around the same time as St. Paddy's it's cool to share some Buds or Guinesses with those already celebrating!  :)

Which brings me to the story of Purim -- taken from the Scroll of Esther.  It commemorates a time when the basic Jewish Holiday formula was again put into effect as follows:

(1) Someone tried to kill us;
(2) They failed most pathetically;
(3) We won;
(4) So let's eat already!

It takes place sometime after the First Temple was sacked, and the Jewish Nation was exiled to Persia.  Centuries before Cyrus permitted the Jews to return to Israel, the Persian Empire was ruled by a King sometimes known as "Artaxerxes," and sometimes as "Ahasuerus," and who simply got manipulated by other forces in issuing his executive orders.

The King had his first wife executed for disobedience, and needed to search for someone new.  The winner of his royal beauty pageant was a young Jewish woman named Esther.  She was the niece of Mordechai, leader of the Jewish people in exile, who warned her to not let anyone know her background.  Mordechai, in the meantime, had a few issues happening because a high-ranking nobleman named Haman felt dissed when Mordechai wouldn't bow down to him in public.  So dissed felt Haman, a descendant of the Amalekites, that he convinced the king to issue a royal edict to massacre all Jews in the Persian Empire.

So Mordechai asked the new Queen to use her new influence to convince the king otherwise.  As background, Mordechai had already made a good name for himself by thwarting a royal assassination, but without Google or Bing, that information was not as readily available as it could have been.

So in order to get on the king's good side, Esther invited the King and Haman to a state dinner, with a promise that she had a "special request" for the King.  On the way home, Haman saw Mordechai and felt dissed again, so he built a gallows in his front yard, anticipating that he was going to convince the King to have Mordechai executed.

That night, the King couldn't sleep, so he asked his servants to "Google" from the records the names  of those who'd done the right thing, and there he was reminded how Mordechai saved his bacon.  So he calls up Haman, asking, what's a cool thing to do to honor someone who goes above and beyond?  Haman described for him exactly what he would want, and the King says, let's do all of that for Mordechai, he's the man!  Haman got dissed again!

So that night, there was another state dinner requested by the Queen, again with the King and Haman.  Now that the King knows that a Jew did the right thing for him, Esther reveals that she herself is Jewish, and that Haman seeks to destroy the whole Jewish nation, including her.  So the King orders that Haman be hung from the gallows he built for Mordechai, gives Mordechai Haman's vacant seat, and lets him draft legislation to rescind the royal edict to massacre all Jews in the Persian Empire.

Yeah, that story is a little convoluted, but I've summarized it just to get the point across.  Other than Esther herself, nobody in this book is a real hero -- the King flip-flopped worse than Bill Clinton and had the morals of Caligula.  Mordechai was a righteous man, but he was also an opportunist.  And Haman was so filled with hate towards those who didn't bow down to him, he tried to abuse his power and influence to have those who dissed him, and all those like him, suffer consequences.

As documented in my earlier anti-bullying posts, we've all had to deal with someone like Haman.  Someone who can only become powerful by seeking to plunder and destroy.  Someone who gains strength and power from stepping on people along the way.  And someone who seeks favor with those who could grant him that power by pointing fingers at others to make them look worse, and subject them to punishment.  And even worse, someone who seeks to silence all dissent through force.

In ancient biblical texts, those who do this are guaranteed to face consequences for their actions promptly.  In real life, they often get away scot-free.  And sometimes people give them even more accolades than Haman received.  Depending on their circumstances, sometimes real-life Hamans not only elude punishment for the misdeeds, they sometimes get rewarded for them quite handsomely.  Obscene, isn't it?

Well, the first step that we Betas have to take is to acknowledge that the Hamans we call alpholes are not being set up by the Almighty for an instant downfall, at least not the way we wish they were.  In real life, they get a lot of followers, a lot of sychophants, and a lot of hangers-on, and we usually don't.  This not only increases their strength, it also provides them with protection.  If anyone actually has the guts to call them out, the way Esther did, there will almost always be a loyal throng that will blindly follow their fearless leader no matter what horrors they've wrought.  In a way, this makes them even more powerful than the real Haman.

There is not much we can learn from the other characters in this story about how to take down real-life Hamans.  The rest of us don't get an audience with a King who outranks a Haman and can be so easily persuaded.  Instead, the key lies in how the story is told.

Normally, Jewish children are taught to behave properly in synagogue.  But when the Scroll of Esther is read on the evening of Purim, they're taught to get really loud at certain points.  Specifically, whenever the name of Haman is read, they are encouraged to make as much noise as possible to drown out his name.

Yes, this does sound a little bit foreign.  But the concept works.  Part of the reason why these real-life Hamans get so powerful is the above-referenced throng keeps talking about them.   They talk about them wayyyyyy too much.  They get too famous.  They get too popular.  They get around too much.  Too many people know their name.

I've often discussed how bullies and alpholes become who they are because they have enablers.  Let's counter that phenomenon by being disablers.  DON'T discuss them.  DON'T bring up their names.  DON'T waste time with stories of what they do or don't do.

Don't advertise them.  Delete them.
Don't make them famous.  Make them anonymous.
Don't be affected by them.  Be apathetic to them.
Don't gossip about them.  Talk about people better than them.
Don't listen to people talking about them.  Go off on a tangent and change the subject (my friends in the "we don't care" crowd are experts at this move)
Don't care about them.  They need you to, and they'll die out if you don't.

There is no law saying you have to bow down to these jabronies.  You can refuse to do so, and nobody will seek to hang you.  You can tune them out, you can seek better company, you can render them irrelevant.  Yes, you can also drown them out with noise, like the children in synagogue, but it's even harsher to them to drown them out with silence.

And remember, gentlemen.  As Betas, we are able to be alone for long periods of time.  For the Hamans of the world, solitude will suffocate them worse than any gallows can.

Good night everybody!

Congrats Beats Schadenfreude!

The Disease of Schadenfreude

Hi All -- don't usually throw around a lot of ten-dollar words, but this one popped up, so it gets the title of this post.

Recently, I was at a friend's home where MTV was on.  Remember MTV, once known as Music Television?  Meaning that they played, you know, music videos?

Times change.  Now they had on a show called "Ridiculousness."  Essentially, it's "Jackass" repackaged and regurgitated.  They present videos of people attempting to perform crazy stunts that go horribly awry.  Consciousness is lost, bodies bounce, and unimaginable damage is done to internal and external organs.  Even babies and old women are caught getting "popped" somehow.  The studio audience, encouraged by a too-cool host and a former Playboy Playmate, laugh out loud at others' misfortune.

It wasn't my house, or my TV, and it's not my place to whine and complain.  I did, however, observe that if I had 15 minutes of fame, I'd rather spend it doing something I was proud of, and not something that would leave me this embarrassed.

Ask yourselves, is this something you really need to see?  Once you get past Beavis' and Butthead's chronological ages, is this useful?  Is this positive?  Does this help anyone?  Would you want your kids watching this?  Better yet, would you want your kids on this show?!?

I should say not.  This blog stands for empowerment of those who need it, and not ridicule.  It stands for wearing one's strong suit, and not exposing one's most embarrassing mistakes.  And most importantly, it stands for embracing and respecting men for their worth, and not pointing fingers and laughing at their lowest moments.

I do not believe in censorship, of course.  If this show is good for the network, brings in revenue, and enough of these people watch it, then good.  Have a ball.  But there's no way I'd watch that garbage willingly.  And I certainly wouldn't encourage the beta males that I write for to watch it either.

Men like us need more constructive things to watch than that.  Let's make better choices.

Oscar Night!

Oscar Night!

Hey All!  Hope you've all battened down the hatches for the next snowstorm -- which is apparently showing up later than expected, immobilizing some of us who are geared towards additional, if not unnecessary, preparedness.

But most importantly, it's Oscar Night.  The motion picture industry, also known as Hollywood, takes this opportunity to celebrate itself, and to honor the performances and productions that have exceeded all others in the past year.

The highlight of this evening is always the acceptance speech.  The nominee chosen, be it best actor, actress, director, or producer, will show elation and exuberance, tempered by a small amount of respect and humility.  For some of them, notwithstanding how cliche this ritual has become, for some of these winners, it truly is the greatest moment of their lives.  This is an acknowledgment that something that took all of their blood, sweat, and tears, is recognized as being exceptional, above-board, and worthy of a golden prize.  Yes, they sometimes go on too long, because there are always "so many people to thank," and there is always "get off the stage" music to prompt them off, but this is jokingly accepted as part of the show.

A fellow blogger once told me that we should live our lives as if we're the writer, director, producer, and star of our own movie.  I'd like to borrow that concept.

As beta males, we are sometimes told that we are stuck with our lot in life.  WRONG.  As the head screenwriter, you can come up with a story that proves this cop-out otherwise.

As beta males, we sometimes lack vision.  As the producer of our own movie, we have no other choice but to have a vision.  What does this movie look like?  What happens in the next scene?  What would the audience enjoy seeing?  What would YOU enjoy seeing?

As beta males, leadership roles to not come us naturally.  But as director of our own movie, we have to become leaders in one way or another.  How are we going to make these things happen?  What do we need to make things happen?  What is our plan?  What would you LIKE to plan?

As beta males, we have been deceived into believing that we are suited only for supporting roles.   Oh please!  You are the star of this movie, and don't anyone else tell you otherwise.  This story is all about you, nobody else, and don't you forget it!

You can re-write the script at any time.  You can ad-lib.  You can change locations.  You can change characters.  Oh right, that reminds me, you're also the casting director.  That means you get to pick who is in this movie, and who's not!  NEVER FORGET THAT YOU ARE ABLE TO DO THIS AT ANY TIME DURING PRODUCTION!

And while you're working on this movie, imagine . . . wouldn't you like this film to win an Oscar?  Or several?  Wouldn't you want people to recognize what's in your movie, and applaud it?  Wouldn't you like the story to be inspiring?  The acting to be not just believable, but real?  A production that people would be willing to stand in line to see?

Make your own movie, and make it a winner.  True, you may be nominated and not actually win the award, but make it a winner anyway.  And you'll know it's a winner if you're living like a winner.

That's my piece, everyone.  Enjoy the Oscars!

Make The Time, Dammit!

Making The Time

Hey All -- trying to make up for some lost ground here!

Well, the Games have ended for USA Hockey.  They jazzed us a week ago with that shootout victory over the host nation, but something in them sort of . . . died once the medal round started.  Good luck to Canada and Sweden in the Gold Medal game, nice re-match from 1994 in Lille-hammer.  For us?  Let's just get back to the regular NHL season and all of its unfinished business.

Ever get stuck in a rut?  Just no time for anything because you're too busy doing everything else?  Don't lie and say no.  :)

Those of us who have stressful jobs seem to do nothing but that job, relax from the work week, and rinse and repeat forever.  Those of us who are raising young families have that to an even higher degree.  And 8 hours of sleep a night?  Some of us have just given up on that!

But maybe some of us just make it work through something called "time management."  Instead of feeling overwhelmed that time is overwhelming them, and they'll never get to things they need, they actually find ways to make time work for them instead.

How?  Here's what I see them doing:

(1)  SAYING NO.  If someone other than their superior authority figure tries to interrupt their work, they politely and firmly say, "Not right now," "Come back later," or "I have something to finish."  If someone calls them at the last minute with a gotta-go-here, gotta-go-there idea, they turn them down.  If they've already checked their e-mail or social networking within the last hour, they don't check it yet again!  If they already know that there's something ahead that will WASTE their time, CAUSE unpleasantness, and PREVENT them from doing that which is necessary, they turn it down.

(2)  PRIORITIZING:  If something has a shorter deadline than anything else, that can't be missed, it gets top billing.  NOTHING else gets placed above it, no matter what.  Everything else gets listed in descending order of importance, and gets handled likewise.  Unless there is an unavoidable emergency, NOTHING on that list gets altered.

(3)  LEAVING NOTHING UNFINISHED:  Yes, you can negotiate this a little, but if you can't finish the whole thing in a single sitting, have the good grace to finish a clearly-delineated portion of it, so you'll know exactly where you left off.  Other than symphonies and works of art left undone by the composer's or artist's demise, NOTHING is good enough when it's not really finished.

(4)  PUTTING IN EXTRA HOURS WHEN NEEDED:  We do not only live between the hours of 9 and 5.  If something requires additional time beyond the traditional day, you put in that time.  If you don't want to burn the midnight oil doing it, then boil the morning coffee instead and do it early.  Or just do what we all did in college and put in a good old-fashioned all-nighter, allowing yourself to make up the missed sleep later.

What's that, you say?  You don't want to do it on the all-important weekend?  Oh gee.  What if you have no plans during that all-important weekend?  Do you realllllly need to see who's hosting Saturday Night Live?  I doubt it.  That show has gone south ever since my woman Kristen Wiig left it!  Why not take that extra free time that you're not being paid for someone else's bidding or running some silly household errand and move a little closer to actualizing your dreams?

Oh noooo, you're a man about town, maybe you do have plans on the weekend?  How's about right before you dream on, dream away to slumberland, you make the time to make it real?  Or maybe at the crack of dawn before the rest of the world starts its wacky schedule, you start your own?

This is just another way of claiming your life, your dreams, and your goals for your own, and not to have others continually and eternally dictating them to you.  If you make them matter enough, then nothing -- not Great Aunt Tilly's 86th birthday party, not your friend's children's Sunday school graduation, and not that person at work who alllllllways "a little question," can shut 'em down.  Ya dig?  I dig more.

And by the way, without admitting or denying, confirming or rejecting, yours truly may or may not be doing the same.  ;)

Enjoy our early spring thaw, all!