Welcome The Challenge

 Happy Weekend All, It's Me Again.  Hope you've enjoyed our recent climate-change sci-fi movie here in NYC!

I'm going to talk about some more next-level stuff.  Once we've gotten over whatever bothered us about the past, we've gotta zone in on the here and now.  However, sometimes that can unfortunately send us on the tangent of worrying about the future.

When we are not spoiled or sheltered, life presents us with challenges:  Situations that are uncomfortable, unpleasant, and sometimes a little bit scary.  Actually, though the occurrence are rare, we can still be confronted with situations that are actually very frightening.

It's OK to acknowledge that it feels uncomfortable or scary.  We're human, and we do feel things.  However, the trick is to get through that fear the same way we could previously get through grudges and resentment.  They are still negative emotions that have the capacity to paralyze us, so the key is to avoid being paralyzed.

The worries for the future can be addressed exactly the same way as the regret or resentment of the past.

(1)  Of course, mindfulness and meditation are the first step.  So long as we can keep these thoughts off of the forefront of our minds, we are already ahead of them.  If We Make The Angels Stronger, Fighting Our Demons Will Be Easier.

(2)  Handle whatever can be handled in the present moment.  If there's nothing to be done, then don't think about it.  If there is something to be done, however, get yourself prepared.

(3)  When the challenge actually comes, rely on your preparedness and act.  Decide.  Execute.  State.  Point.  Represent.  Advocate.  Focus.  And no matter what, never let anything get under your skin, no matter how adversarial it's presented.

If you overcome this challenge, be respectful and grateful.  If you don't, be respectful and learn a lesson.

But whatever you do, don't let fear, worry, anxiety, or perceived helplessness get in your way.  Keep them all in your proverbial safe room, and get ready to do the hard work.

MOTHER PROTECT US, FATHER EMBOLDEN US.

A New Spirituality

 Happy Saturday, All.

Once again, a little introspection and soul-searching:

(1)  In the past, I had trouble understanding the way people were.  It seemed that no matter where I was, there were always rules that I had to follow, and it was inevitable that I would receive consequences for the slightest infraction.  And it also seemed inevitable that very few others were subject to those rules, or exposed to those consequences.  It didn't make sense.

(2)  Now, I understand the Rating System.  In every group dynamic, people are naturally assigned ratings based on their perceived strengths and weaknesses.  Some call this a "pecking order," but I think that people are more enlightened than poultry.  The point is that when you have a lower rating, more rules get imposed on you and less respect is provided to you.  And when you have a higher rating, you are exempt from many of the group's rules, and the respect provided on you borders on a lifetime free pass.

(3) It is fashionable these days to "advocate" for victims.  This means seeking out to those who might have once had lower ratings, for one or more reasons that were unjust, and demanding that they be provided with higher ratings.  Not because they have earned them, and not to "even the playing field," but because they actually seek to bring down, depose, and defeat those who have the higher ratings.

(4) On an emotional level, this can feel quite valid.  After all, people with higher ratings tend to be rude and conceited, and are often spoiled by their seemingly privileged stations in life.  To someone who is at a lower level, this can seem very obnoxious and antagonizing, and it's very easy to grow resentment and sometimes hatred as a result.

(5) From a logical and rational level, however, this can seem like an inevitable part of life, which it actually is.  Yes, people do get more spoiled and full-of-themselves than they should be.  However, getting angry at them and seeking to hurt them, or worse, is not the answer, no matter how much it feels like it is.

(6) What is the answer for those with lower ratings?  There are actually several.  

    (A) If attaining a higher rating is not possible where you are, get yourself to a new location where the possibility of advancement actually does exist.  

    (B) If it is possible, then work hard.  Harder than anyone else there, until they have no choice but to give you a higher rating.

    (C) Start caring less about their opinion of you, and start caring more about your opinion of you, and of them.  External validation should mean much less than it does.

(7)  At some point, you should develop enough self-respect to persevere in spite of such low ratings.  For younger folks, this would mean getting past bullying, not reacting to being yelled at, and not demanding that those who insult or reject you apologize for their shoddy behavior.

(8)  Recognize that there is a Lady Named Karma.  She's Not Attracted to Bad Boys and She's Not Friends With Mean Girls.  If those who assign you lower ratings are really that wrong, they will face their own consequences, courtesy of Her.

(9)  That Lady doubles as the Mother who Protects Us all from actions or consequences that may harm us - she's also been known as the Angel On Our Shoulders.  While it's not guaranteed on-demand, She does have the discretion to intercede on our behalf and prevent what others could do to us from being worse than it could be, or thwarted entirely.

(10)  And as Her tag-team partner, we have the Father who Emboldens Us all when those actions or consequences have us facing them.  That's where we develop resilience, courage, and longevity.

Yes, Friends And Neighbors, I'd like to develop some of these spiritual catch-phrases into an honest-to-goodness spiritual practice for those who feel less-than, done-to, and left-out, without seeking to sabotage those who appear to be overly-privileged.  I hope some of you could help me make this happen.

I EXIST.  I MATTER.  I BELONG.  I DESERVE.

RESPECT ALL.  BEFRIEND FEW.   LOVE ONE.   HATE NONE.

The Mind Is The Master.

 Good Sunday Morning All, and Congratulations to al those who ran the NYC Half Marathon today!

As I continue to grow, to meditate and journal, and to gain greater autonomy over my thoughts and feelings, I realize that just about every part of our lives is affected more by our our mindset and our attitude, and far less so by external events.

For the past decade or so, it has become commonplace to bash and crash, to demonize and impugn, to cancel and expose, to brutalize and shred.  Yes, there are times when it is necessary to be aggressive as a measure of self-defense, or defense of loved ones.  However, when we're developed enough, those times should become less frequent than they have been.

Speaking only for myself, I've started a meditation and mindfulness practice.  Every day, I do some box-breathing and meditations, and provide for myself a few affirmations, based on some of the catch-phrases I've already posted.  Not only has it helped me recover from a recent health issue, but it's also helped me address my work responsibilities with less stress, and improve steadily through a rehabilitation program.

This practice has assisted me in providing the correct mindset.  More order, and less chaos.  More empathy, and less selfishness.  More self-respect, and less ego.   More engagement with the present, and less thoughts of the already-completed past and not-yet-happened future.

I feel like there is much more work to be done, but I can honestly say that I've become calmer, more understanding, and much less likely to become triggered by external events that do not occur as desired.

If any of you have made progress in this area, feel freed to message me.  Maybe we'll share?

I EXIST I MATTER I BELONG I DESERVE

MOTHER PROTECT ME, FATHER EMBOLDEN ME

Fault Transference

 Happy Sunday, Friends and Neighbors.

A few observations I've noticed over time:  When people feel wronged, or even slighted, they often feel that the ordinary "rules of engagement" no longer apply to them.  Or maybe they nurse a grudge for an indefinite period of time, and choose not to communicate why it was a problem until years or decades have elapsed.

However, this creates a problem for them.  When they retaliate disproportionately, or they choose revenge instead of growth, they actually relieve the initial aggressor of any real responsibility.  

No, I'm not saying you have to pretend to love everyone who does not love you, or to not have any feelings whatsoever.  That's what parents say to little children when they want them to be quiet.  But I am saying that controlling those base, unthinking, and reactive desires to "get back at" them is the wiser choice.  It means that you have enough control over those emotions to not become just as terrible as the one who has wronged you, and that you can let their own misconduct stand by itself and wither away, without being further escalated by your own response.

If you feel triggered and provoked, you are in danger of being tooled and manipulated.  Stop that as soon as it starts.  Breathe, recite a mantra (silently if you must), and later on write in a private journal about what asshats and dipshits they are.  But do not lose your shit on them, no matter what they do or say.  You're not them.

If these are co-workers, classmates, relatives, or friends-of-friends-of-friends whom you don't have the power to remove, then check your ego, swallow your pride, and repel their provocations.  If, however, you do have the power to remove them from your life or social circle, fire them, and don't let them manipulate you otherwise.

And don't assume they're "getting away with it" either.  There's a Lady Named Karma, and She's even more tired of their crap than you are.

I EXIST.  I MATTER.  I BELONG.  I DESERVE.

RESPECT ALL.  BEFRIEND FEW.  LOVE ONE.  HATE NONE.

MOTHER PROTECT US, FATHER EMBOLDEN US.

Advancement Through Balance

 Happy New Year, All!  It's the first day of 2023.

To me, it's the perfect time to start setting forth our evolved philosophy in more realistic and consistent terms.  And that's Advancement Through Balance.

Our society in the United States is very divisive because, among other reasons, we don't seek balance.  We seek conflict.  Life does provide situations where conflict is necessary, and we certainly must prepare ourselves for that.  However, it does not mandate that we actively seek out, initiate, or provoke conflict.  People's mindsets do that all by themselves.  

We are in our best shape to interact with the world around us when we are open-minded, objective, well-informed, and educated.  However, we are not in the best shape when we are tooled, groomed, deputized, cuckolded, and manipulated.  That's when we stop being well-informed and start being a conformist.

Unfortunately, it is an innate part of human nature for some of us to be more aggressive than necessary, and for some of us to be more docile and compliant than warranted.  If others have chosen these paths, there is nothing we can do to change their ways that does not involve becoming even worse than they are.  But we most certainly can discipline ourselves so that we don't take either path, and instead find balance between them.

It might sense to say that those who are balanced cannot advance, because they are ambivalent and have no loyalty or drive.  This is incorrect.  You can become aware of multiple perspectives, and still choose one over the others and still be right.  There's nothing in the world wrong with you making your own choices, provided that they are informed, and anyone who tells you otherwise is trying to manipulate you.  Don't be tooled.

Over the course of this New Year, let's all advance.  We have already built the foundation of knowing how wrong, obnoxious, and sometimes evil others are capable of being.  We can shore up that foundation with the knowledge that we ourselves have our own failings, but that these limitations do not prevent us from improving and becoming stronger - if anything, they are more detailed blueprints from which we can learn to build even better.  From this point on, we erect a high ceiling and a higher tower - constructed of self-respect, assertiveness, and informed practice.  These materials will last a lifetime - by contrast, a structure based on mindless aggression, which supports parapets built on fear, submission, and undeserved fealty, is doomed to collapse.

Let's grab a shovel and break ground today.

MOTHER PROTECT US, FATHER EMBOLDEN US.

ADVANCEMENT THROUGH BALANCE.

Don't Retell - Tell Anew.

 Happy Sunday, Friends and Neighbors!

Tonight starts Hanukkah, That eight-day festival of potato pancakes, jelly donuts, and chocolate gelt, which not only coincides with Christmas, but this year it envelopes it like bookends, thus providing for a little extra warm-and-fuzzy caring-and-sharing feelings.

For those of you all interested in the ecclesiastical, and apocryphal, origin story of this holiday, it commemorates the expulsion of the Seleucid Empire from Jerusalem by the Maccabees, also known as the Hasmoneans, and the restoration of the Second Temple.  For those of us with an ear for history, it documents yet another set of rulers of Jerusalem that came, went, and were replaced yet again.

Most importantly, it was about the imposition of values on ancient Judea by force.  Was Hellenism a bad thing?  Of course not!  It involved philosophy, athleticism, argumentation, democracy, all things that the Western world as we know it is based upon.

Buuuut, those Seleucids, they went about it the wrong way.  Not only were they ruled by an emperor who expected to get the same level of deference as the plethora of deities on Mount Olympus, but also expected to abrogate, negate, nullify, and repeal anything about Judaism that previously existed.  The Maccabees were not willing to permit that, and they were successful in preventing that.

Nowadays, in our divisive society, while we may have become somewhat calmer with the passage of time, there is still that Seleucid way of thinking.  This notion that our way is so right, so beneficial, and so helpful, that everyone should be doing it.  

Well, I have good news:  We have every right to that way.  And there's nothing wrong with becoming convinced that it truly is the right way.  

And the bad news?  We do not have the right to demand that everyone think our way, no matter how foolish they may seem for not doing so.

How about even worse news?  We have no control over the way other people think, act, or behave.  For good reason, too.

Other people have difference perspectives, different upbringings, and different needs.  They have their own personalities, their own attitudes, and their own way of dealing with the world around them.  Some of them will seem stupid, some of them will seem obnoxious, and some of them will be undesirable.

Let Them Have Their Thing.   Just like you don't need their approval to be you, they don't need your approval to be them.

Let's focus a little more on our own values and actions, like the Maccabees, and not other people's ways, like the Seleucids.  If we're not happy with other people's ways, and there are no reasons to permit them, then maybe let's stop interacting with them.  It might be a harsh measure, but it's a lot smarter than demanding that they behave more to our liking because we know everything and they don't.

DO NOT ABSORB.  REPEL.

The Next Level?

 Happy Sunday Afternoon, Friends and Neighbors.

Those of you have followed this blog through the years, and patiently waited through the lulls and gaps, know that my cause celebre is dealing with those who are unkind to us, developing a thicker skin (more like Armored Heart) when their presence is unavoidable, and simply getting the eff rid of them when the possibility of doing so is available.

I don't know about you, but I am actually reaching the point where the message has become slightly redundant.  Mostly because, on the personal end of things, it's kind of already happened.  Anyone that I was able to dismiss is long gone, and anyone that I've kinda had to tolerate, I've put on a clinic in grey-rocking.  Honestly, while the subject of bullying and narcissism is clearly eternal, I'm beginning to feel a little bit like the Japanese soldier who stayed in the jungle for 30 years because he honestly thought the war wasn't really over.

In all honesty, I haven't been making enough time for those who actually have been good to me, and that needs to change.  However, that's my issue, to be dealt with.

That being said, the question remains:  What's on the other side?  What's the next level like?  How is the climb up from this part of the mountain?

Or in other words, how do we address life once we get over other people who weren't good to us, and start being good to ourselves?

That's a question I'm kind of figuring out myself too, but here are some suggestions I've picked up along the way.

(1)  Continue Mastering Your Thoughts.  You don't think about "them" anymore, so what's to be thought of instead?

    (A)  Meditate.  You don't need to have constant, non-stop, never-ending stimulation.  If there's nothing in front of you to do right now, then use that nothing constrictively.  Just be, just breathe, just observe.  Add some mantras on top of that if you choose, but don't be ashamed of just doing nothing for a short time every day.

    (B)  Review.  Check your living space.  Check your finances.  Check your social schedule.  Like what you see?  Good.  If not, go back to the well and change things up a tad.  Throw away the stuff you don't need, and fix up the stuff you do.  

(2)  Continue Owning Your Actions.  Thinking the right thoughts is good, but transforming them into actions is better.

    (A)  Keep Advancing.  One of my most vocal (former) critics asked me years ago, "Are you saying people should be happy with who they are, or are you saying that they should improve?"  I answered, "Both."  And I still mean it.  Get even better than that, every single day, even if by only a little bit.  tell yourself to run a little faster, lift a little heavier, smile a little a wider, earn a little more wealth, etc., etc.  Maybe relax one day a week as needed, but keep climbing up anyway.

    (B)  Be Real.  If you're wrong about something, learn a lesson.  If you're right, congratulate yourself on being right once.  If you don't know, ask.  If you do know, act on that knowledge.  If they're good to you, be good in return.  If they're not good to you, be polite, but unaffected.

(3)  Plan and Graph The Future.

   (A)  Decide Your Goals.  Choose what you want to happen and plan how to make it happen.  This is doing your homework, making choices that require effort, and refusing to lose sight of the goal.

   (B)  Choose Your Influences Wisely.  We have spent years reminding ourselves that if people are criticizing you just because they dislike you, don't take you seriously, and don't want to hear anything you have to say, their opinions are not valid.  We got the point of that.  However, chances are better than average that you still need constructive criticism, and that if you disengage your ego when it's being presented, you may actually be receiving some much-needed help.  If it's coming from people who actually want you to succeed, and not fail, it costs nothing to listen.

   (C)  Tune Out The Distractions:  Harder to do in this day and age, when we're tethered to our devices for better or for worse.  But if what you're seeing and hearing from your devices is drawing you offsides, or taking your eye off the ball, then you'll need to stop seeing and hearing them until they lose their influence over you.  You make the rules, they don't.

Should you find your mind wandering back to the aging relics that left scars, try to remember this:  

   i.    You were presented with that experience as a blueprint of who not to be, and not as an excuse to behave the same way they did.  

   ii.   Also, if you were never presented with obstacles, losses, rejections, and insults, you would have been just as spoiled and narcissistic as they are.  Leave them behind, overcome the residuals, and keep moving.

I EXIST.  I MATTER.  I BELONG.  I DESERVE.

RESPECT ALL.  BEFRIEND FEW.  LOVE ONE.  HATE NONE.