The Mind Is The Master.

 Good Sunday Morning All, and Congratulations to al those who ran the NYC Half Marathon today!

As I continue to grow, to meditate and journal, and to gain greater autonomy over my thoughts and feelings, I realize that just about every part of our lives is affected more by our our mindset and our attitude, and far less so by external events.

For the past decade or so, it has become commonplace to bash and crash, to demonize and impugn, to cancel and expose, to brutalize and shred.  Yes, there are times when it is necessary to be aggressive as a measure of self-defense, or defense of loved ones.  However, when we're developed enough, those times should become less frequent than they have been.

Speaking only for myself, I've started a meditation and mindfulness practice.  Every day, I do some box-breathing and meditations, and provide for myself a few affirmations, based on some of the catch-phrases I've already posted.  Not only has it helped me recover from a recent health issue, but it's also helped me address my work responsibilities with less stress, and improve steadily through a rehabilitation program.

This practice has assisted me in providing the correct mindset.  More order, and less chaos.  More empathy, and less selfishness.  More self-respect, and less ego.   More engagement with the present, and less thoughts of the already-completed past and not-yet-happened future.

I feel like there is much more work to be done, but I can honestly say that I've become calmer, more understanding, and much less likely to become triggered by external events that do not occur as desired.

If any of you have made progress in this area, feel freed to message me.  Maybe we'll share?

I EXIST I MATTER I BELONG I DESERVE

MOTHER PROTECT ME, FATHER EMBOLDEN ME

Fault Transference

 Happy Sunday, Friends and Neighbors.

A few observations I've noticed over time:  When people feel wronged, or even slighted, they often feel that the ordinary "rules of engagement" no longer apply to them.  Or maybe they nurse a grudge for an indefinite period of time, and choose not to communicate why it was a problem until years or decades have elapsed.

However, this creates a problem for them.  When they retaliate disproportionately, or they choose revenge instead of growth, they actually relieve the initial aggressor of any real responsibility.  

No, I'm not saying you have to pretend to love everyone who does not love you, or to not have any feelings whatsoever.  That's what parents say to little children when they want them to be quiet.  But I am saying that controlling those base, unthinking, and reactive desires to "get back at" them is the wiser choice.  It means that you have enough control over those emotions to not become just as terrible as the one who has wronged you, and that you can let their own misconduct stand by itself and wither away, without being further escalated by your own response.

If you feel triggered and provoked, you are in danger of being tooled and manipulated.  Stop that as soon as it starts.  Breathe, recite a mantra (silently if you must), and later on write in a private journal about what asshats and dipshits they are.  But do not lose your shit on them, no matter what they do or say.  You're not them.

If these are co-workers, classmates, relatives, or friends-of-friends-of-friends whom you don't have the power to remove, then check your ego, swallow your pride, and repel their provocations.  If, however, you do have the power to remove them from your life or social circle, fire them, and don't let them manipulate you otherwise.

And don't assume they're "getting away with it" either.  There's a Lady Named Karma, and She's even more tired of their crap than you are.

I EXIST.  I MATTER.  I BELONG.  I DESERVE.

RESPECT ALL.  BEFRIEND FEW.  LOVE ONE.  HATE NONE.

MOTHER PROTECT US, FATHER EMBOLDEN US.

Advancement Through Balance

 Happy New Year, All!  It's the first day of 2023.

To me, it's the perfect time to start setting forth our evolved philosophy in more realistic and consistent terms.  And that's Advancement Through Balance.

Our society in the United States is very divisive because, among other reasons, we don't seek balance.  We seek conflict.  Life does provide situations where conflict is necessary, and we certainly must prepare ourselves for that.  However, it does not mandate that we actively seek out, initiate, or provoke conflict.  People's mindsets do that all by themselves.  

We are in our best shape to interact with the world around us when we are open-minded, objective, well-informed, and educated.  However, we are not in the best shape when we are tooled, groomed, deputized, cuckolded, and manipulated.  That's when we stop being well-informed and start being a conformist.

Unfortunately, it is an innate part of human nature for some of us to be more aggressive than necessary, and for some of us to be more docile and compliant than warranted.  If others have chosen these paths, there is nothing we can do to change their ways that does not involve becoming even worse than they are.  But we most certainly can discipline ourselves so that we don't take either path, and instead find balance between them.

It might sense to say that those who are balanced cannot advance, because they are ambivalent and have no loyalty or drive.  This is incorrect.  You can become aware of multiple perspectives, and still choose one over the others and still be right.  There's nothing in the world wrong with you making your own choices, provided that they are informed, and anyone who tells you otherwise is trying to manipulate you.  Don't be tooled.

Over the course of this New Year, let's all advance.  We have already built the foundation of knowing how wrong, obnoxious, and sometimes evil others are capable of being.  We can shore up that foundation with the knowledge that we ourselves have our own failings, but that these limitations do not prevent us from improving and becoming stronger - if anything, they are more detailed blueprints from which we can learn to build even better.  From this point on, we erect a high ceiling and a higher tower - constructed of self-respect, assertiveness, and informed practice.  These materials will last a lifetime - by contrast, a structure based on mindless aggression, which supports parapets built on fear, submission, and undeserved fealty, is doomed to collapse.

Let's grab a shovel and break ground today.

MOTHER PROTECT US, FATHER EMBOLDEN US.

ADVANCEMENT THROUGH BALANCE.

Don't Retell - Tell Anew.

 Happy Sunday, Friends and Neighbors!

Tonight starts Hanukkah, That eight-day festival of potato pancakes, jelly donuts, and chocolate gelt, which not only coincides with Christmas, but this year it envelopes it like bookends, thus providing for a little extra warm-and-fuzzy caring-and-sharing feelings.

For those of you all interested in the ecclesiastical, and apocryphal, origin story of this holiday, it commemorates the expulsion of the Seleucid Empire from Jerusalem by the Maccabees, also known as the Hasmoneans, and the restoration of the Second Temple.  For those of us with an ear for history, it documents yet another set of rulers of Jerusalem that came, went, and were replaced yet again.

Most importantly, it was about the imposition of values on ancient Judea by force.  Was Hellenism a bad thing?  Of course not!  It involved philosophy, athleticism, argumentation, democracy, all things that the Western world as we know it is based upon.

Buuuut, those Seleucids, they went about it the wrong way.  Not only were they ruled by an emperor who expected to get the same level of deference as the plethora of deities on Mount Olympus, but also expected to abrogate, negate, nullify, and repeal anything about Judaism that previously existed.  The Maccabees were not willing to permit that, and they were successful in preventing that.

Nowadays, in our divisive society, while we may have become somewhat calmer with the passage of time, there is still that Seleucid way of thinking.  This notion that our way is so right, so beneficial, and so helpful, that everyone should be doing it.  

Well, I have good news:  We have every right to that way.  And there's nothing wrong with becoming convinced that it truly is the right way.  

And the bad news?  We do not have the right to demand that everyone think our way, no matter how foolish they may seem for not doing so.

How about even worse news?  We have no control over the way other people think, act, or behave.  For good reason, too.

Other people have difference perspectives, different upbringings, and different needs.  They have their own personalities, their own attitudes, and their own way of dealing with the world around them.  Some of them will seem stupid, some of them will seem obnoxious, and some of them will be undesirable.

Let Them Have Their Thing.   Just like you don't need their approval to be you, they don't need your approval to be them.

Let's focus a little more on our own values and actions, like the Maccabees, and not other people's ways, like the Seleucids.  If we're not happy with other people's ways, and there are no reasons to permit them, then maybe let's stop interacting with them.  It might be a harsh measure, but it's a lot smarter than demanding that they behave more to our liking because we know everything and they don't.

DO NOT ABSORB.  REPEL.

The Next Level?

 Happy Sunday Afternoon, Friends and Neighbors.

Those of you have followed this blog through the years, and patiently waited through the lulls and gaps, know that my cause celebre is dealing with those who are unkind to us, developing a thicker skin (more like Armored Heart) when their presence is unavoidable, and simply getting the eff rid of them when the possibility of doing so is available.

I don't know about you, but I am actually reaching the point where the message has become slightly redundant.  Mostly because, on the personal end of things, it's kind of already happened.  Anyone that I was able to dismiss is long gone, and anyone that I've kinda had to tolerate, I've put on a clinic in grey-rocking.  Honestly, while the subject of bullying and narcissism is clearly eternal, I'm beginning to feel a little bit like the Japanese soldier who stayed in the jungle for 30 years because he honestly thought the war wasn't really over.

In all honesty, I haven't been making enough time for those who actually have been good to me, and that needs to change.  However, that's my issue, to be dealt with.

That being said, the question remains:  What's on the other side?  What's the next level like?  How is the climb up from this part of the mountain?

Or in other words, how do we address life once we get over other people who weren't good to us, and start being good to ourselves?

That's a question I'm kind of figuring out myself too, but here are some suggestions I've picked up along the way.

(1)  Continue Mastering Your Thoughts.  You don't think about "them" anymore, so what's to be thought of instead?

    (A)  Meditate.  You don't need to have constant, non-stop, never-ending stimulation.  If there's nothing in front of you to do right now, then use that nothing constrictively.  Just be, just breathe, just observe.  Add some mantras on top of that if you choose, but don't be ashamed of just doing nothing for a short time every day.

    (B)  Review.  Check your living space.  Check your finances.  Check your social schedule.  Like what you see?  Good.  If not, go back to the well and change things up a tad.  Throw away the stuff you don't need, and fix up the stuff you do.  

(2)  Continue Owning Your Actions.  Thinking the right thoughts is good, but transforming them into actions is better.

    (A)  Keep Advancing.  One of my most vocal (former) critics asked me years ago, "Are you saying people should be happy with who they are, or are you saying that they should improve?"  I answered, "Both."  And I still mean it.  Get even better than that, every single day, even if by only a little bit.  tell yourself to run a little faster, lift a little heavier, smile a little a wider, earn a little more wealth, etc., etc.  Maybe relax one day a week as needed, but keep climbing up anyway.

    (B)  Be Real.  If you're wrong about something, learn a lesson.  If you're right, congratulate yourself on being right once.  If you don't know, ask.  If you do know, act on that knowledge.  If they're good to you, be good in return.  If they're not good to you, be polite, but unaffected.

(3)  Plan and Graph The Future.

   (A)  Decide Your Goals.  Choose what you want to happen and plan how to make it happen.  This is doing your homework, making choices that require effort, and refusing to lose sight of the goal.

   (B)  Choose Your Influences Wisely.  We have spent years reminding ourselves that if people are criticizing you just because they dislike you, don't take you seriously, and don't want to hear anything you have to say, their opinions are not valid.  We got the point of that.  However, chances are better than average that you still need constructive criticism, and that if you disengage your ego when it's being presented, you may actually be receiving some much-needed help.  If it's coming from people who actually want you to succeed, and not fail, it costs nothing to listen.

   (C)  Tune Out The Distractions:  Harder to do in this day and age, when we're tethered to our devices for better or for worse.  But if what you're seeing and hearing from your devices is drawing you offsides, or taking your eye off the ball, then you'll need to stop seeing and hearing them until they lose their influence over you.  You make the rules, they don't.

Should you find your mind wandering back to the aging relics that left scars, try to remember this:  

   i.    You were presented with that experience as a blueprint of who not to be, and not as an excuse to behave the same way they did.  

   ii.   Also, if you were never presented with obstacles, losses, rejections, and insults, you would have been just as spoiled and narcissistic as they are.  Leave them behind, overcome the residuals, and keep moving.

I EXIST.  I MATTER.  I BELONG.  I DESERVE.

RESPECT ALL.  BEFRIEND FEW.  LOVE ONE.  HATE NONE.

Choose Your Words Wisely

 Happy Halloween, All!

I find that the amount of anger, resentment, and moral righteousness I've felt in the past has been decreasing.  Part of that is because real life has been getting pretty good lately.  Another part of that is that I've started repeating my Affirmations a little bit more often.

It's often said that your thoughts and your words must be chosen carefully, as they become your actions.

So when I have free moments to myself, I like these mantras:

(I)  I EXIST.  I MATTER.  I BELONG.  I DESERVE.

I recommend reciting this anytime you find yourself disrespected, rejected, or insulted.

(II)  RESPECT ALL.  BEFRIEND FEW.  LOVE ONE.  HATE NONE.

I recommend reciting this anytime you find yourself about to become triggered, irritated, or angered by someone else's shoddy behavior.

(III)  DO NOT DEMONIZE, DO NOT DEIFY.

I recommend reciting this one before any political discussion.  Also, see II.

(IV)  POINT OF EVAPORATION

Anytime you're having trouble letting go of grudges or past hurts.

(V)  POINT OF FAULT TRANSFERENCE

Anytime someone else holds grudges against you or over-retaliates.

(VI)  MOTHER PROTECT ME, FATHER EMBOLDEN ME

Anytime you feel anxious, scared, or unsure about a future event.

(VII)  DO NOT SPOIL, DO NOT PUNISH

Anytime you've made a mistake or done something wrong.  Also see I and II.

(VIII)  I AM NOT ANGRY AT YOU, AND I AM ALSO NOT ASHAMED OF MYSELF

See II, IV, and V.

(IX)  BETTER ONES THAN ME HAVE DONE WORSE DEEDS AND SUFFERED FAR WORSE CONSEQUENCES

See VII.

(X)  THERE'S A LADY NAMED KARMA.  SHE IS NOT ATTRACTED TO BAD BOYS AND SHE IS NOT FRIENDS WITH MEAN GIRLS.  SHE IS NOT INFLUENCED BY GROUPTHINK, AND SHE IS NOT SWAYED BY VOLUME OR ARROGANCE.  LEAVE CONSEQUENCES TO HER - SHE HAS BETTER TOOLS AT HER DISPOSAL.

Use if you have already recited I, II, and III, and reinforcements are needed.

When used often enough, and effectively enough, they can help us manage most negative emotions.

Be safe, all.

Cancellation vs. Boundaries

 Good Morning All - hope you remembered to spring ahead!

A new issue has arisen:  Cancel Culture.

Various portions of pop culture are being taken off the shelves, or out of circulation, because they have been deemed unacceptable by today's standards.  These include entertainment products, sports team names and logos, and literature.

The reasons for their removal and rejection are based on good intentions:  namely, combating bigotry.  Since we Respect All, it is valid to remove prejudice and hatred from our own thoughts and actions.  

On this blog, we have explored a similar issue:  Boundaries.

We have accepted the fact that there are people and things that we do not need or want in our lives.  We cannot make them behave the way we would prefer, because they choose that.  We most certainly can, however, remove them or limit contact with them, because we have absolute power and control over that.

It seems that Cancel Culture is attempting to set boundaries against undesirable expressions and opinions, but doing so on a society-wide scale, rather than a personal scale.  

Both of these principles can be easily harmonized:

(1) Rather than penalizing the creators of older intellectual property produced years or decades ago because the words and expressions that they chose, at times when they were not considered offensive or hurtful, does not seem to be the most equitable remedy.  Rather, it seems a more responsible choice to simply not purchase or view the items, to the point where they are no longer considered valuable.  And if there are still others who consider them valuable, let them possess them instead.

(2) Instead of globally "canceling" such ideas and expressions, why not leave it up to each individual to decide what they will and will not accept?  Wouldn't this be tolerance and coexistence?  Wouldn't this be respect?  And most importantly, wouldn't this be the type of detachment that Emotional Maturity brings?

(3)  The Stoics taught us that there will always be people and things in this world that we don't like.  We can't make them disappear, and we can't force them to behave the way we want them to be.  What we can do, instead, is to either accept the fact that our world is less than ideal and proceed regardless, or when possible, to remove that which we find objectionable from our own personal realms.

So let it be with Cancel Culture.  Don't like what Dr. Seuss said in that book he wrote 80 years ago?  Don't buy it for your child.  Don't like what that football team wears on its helmet?  Don't watch them - in fact, cheer for the other team to beat them!  Don't like what's in that Disney cartoon?  Don't view it, and don't let your children view them either.

We Can Accept People For Who They Are, Because We Cannot Control Them.  We Can Also Reject People For Who They Are, Because They Cannot Control Us.

The operative word here being, "control."

I EXIST, I MATTER, I BELONG, I DESERVE.

RESPECT ALL, BEFRIEND FEW, LOVE ONE, HATE NONE.

DO NOT DEMONIZE, DO NOT DEIFY.

POINT OF EVAPORATION.