Not The Wild Wild West

The latest scandal in the realm of bullies, victims, and those who hate the whole process happened recently in Maryland.  A mother who was sick of seeing her young son bullied challenged the neighborhood bully, with his gang in tow, to fight her son on his front lawn.  Someone captured this with a cell phone cam, and the mother can be heard exhorting her son to stand up and fight the bully (even while he's asking Mom to please help him), and threatening the bully with what he'll face if he doesn't stop screwing with her son.

Now guys, we all know it's not easy to take the higher road.  We'd all rather be like Rambo in the original "First Blood," and just take down everyone who messes with us, even if it's a whole town.  We'd all rather be like the little kid in "A Christmas Story" and go off on the bully when he least expects it, and leave him crying and bleeding like he deserves.

Only problem is, we don't live in a movie.  We also don't live in a comic book, or in the Old West, or in prison.  We do not live in a "survival of the fittest" state of nature.  We live in a civilized society with laws.  And the gangsters out there know this, so the minute we try to lay the smackdown on them, they will play victim, and they will probably win, too!

Most parents don't want their children to be victims.  But if a parent gets involved that much, knowing full well that his or her is not violent, and not predisposed to go for the jugular (unlike bullies, who have no conscience), it's his or her fault if her child gets hurt.  You don't send soldiers to the front lines with no weapons, no tactics, and no training.  Why would you send your child into a fight if he or she can't handle himself?  And more importantly, how does that make you any better than the bullies' parents, who have been letting him or her get away with that crap since birth?

I know a few parents who actually teach their children self-defense.  It's not a nice thought to imagine that parents are telling kids how to fight, because we all know that this is what Mommy Gangster (and Daddy Gangster, if he's still around) have been tolerating from or encouraging from Baby Gangster.  Only problem is, if they don't know how to fight at all, they really will get hurt, even if a parent doesn't encourage it.  So until the Gangster family takes responsibility for their actions, children unfortunately have to be taught to defend themselves.

If only our friends, the school administrators, would really follow through on anti-bullying programs, this would not be necessary.  Instead of punishing both parties, and chiding them for not relying on the system (while simultaneously proving that the system doesn't work), how about (a) just punishing the bullies; and (b) following through to prevent retaliation; and (c) holding parents responsible for what Baby Gangster does when he's OFF school property!  Instead of worrying only about keeping students quiet and orderly, they need to worry about "solving" these problem children!

Just for the record, I don't think violence against violence is the smartest way to solve problems.  Many children don't know this, but colleges not only see their academic transcripts, but sometimes they also ask to see their disciplinary records.  That's right, kids, the admissions office could decide that actually don't want too many drunks and troublemakers on their campus, and reject kids who can't control themselves.  Sometimes keeping your reputation clean is more important than being a tough guy.  Like I said, we don't live in a comic book, and Wolverine didn't go to college.

Nevertheless, if your child is faced with a bully who does more than taunt, shout, and shove, he or she has to be ready for it.  We all know school administrations don't care "who started it," and will NEVER be motivated to punish bullying no matter HOW many laws or rules are enacted unless they face consequences for their own negligence.  I don't mean beat your chest and act like your tough and bad ass -- that's what the bullies do, and we're not them.  Just protect yourself, and hold them off until someone with a brain arrives and gives Baby Gangster what he deserves.

Comment below!

Advice Needed

Hey all --

Usually I'm the one dispensing opinions and insight.  However, there is something I have yet to figure out, and I ask you, the readers, to throw me a bone.

Should I be taking this little shindig to WordPress?  While I seem to have grown some core supporters, I need to make it even better.  Someone I recently spoke to, who may or may not be a reader of this blog, suggested that WordPress is considered more prestigious than this latest Google acquisition.  My recent research tells me that advertising is still available, just in a slightly different format.

Bottom line, I'd like to increase my readership.  As much as I enjoy the "likes" and comments from my true fans, I'd like to be able to reach even more people out there.  Namely, men and boys who require motivation, like the description above states.

Anyone else have words of wisdom?  I'm all ears.  Also, as my father once told me, "The only stupid question is the one not asked."  For this reason, I have no shame in seeking advice.

Feel free to comment!

Respect Matters.

My father had a saying from his Army days:  Even if you can't respect the man, you must respect the office he holds.

There are those who believe that respect can only be earned by passing tests or performing tasks -- otherwise they don't even have to acknowledge your existence.  Only if you pass their synthetic and artificial muster, can they consider you a colleague or a peer.

In some arenas, this is necessary -- the military, medicine, and customer service, to name some.  However, in families, it is cruel and abusive to judge family members by such artificial means.

Granted, we all have tasks to perform:  cleaning the floor, paying the bill, washing the clothes, and going to work, among others.  That's part of everyday life, but it's not all there is in everyday life.  If you judge your loved ones only by the tasks they perform, and not by the person they are, by their good characteristics, by their positive attributes, by the qualities about them that you respect, then you'll be found wanting.

Family cannot only be a task-oriented relationship.  You simply cannot reject those closest to you because they make mistakes, unless you yourself are incapable of making them.  And unless some of you out there are otherwordly beings who are truly superior to us mere mortals, you are just as capable of making mistakes as anyone else!  Therefore, you cannot judge, browbeat, upbraid, or belittle your loved ones when they screw up.

Don't get me wrong, there are times that people do need a kick in the behind -- if they get convicted of serious crimes, if they squander all their money, if they neglect their children.  But THAT'S IT.  You don't rip someone a new anal orifice because they forgot one item on the shopping list.  You don't question their true IQ if they make a wrong turn while driving.  You also don't wish them out of your life merely because they committed an erroneous act that can be corrected at no cost or effort.  If you do feel the aching, pulsating, uncontrollable need to criticize, hector, and condemn someone, have the good grace to proportion your criticism to the level of the error in question, and not make it worse.

Don't forget, ha ha, to comment.

Yes, They Can Be Punished!

Gentlemen, victory is ours once again!

When I say "ours," of course, I'm speaking of those who represent us, that being the leader of our country and those who show extreme levels of courage to protect us.  Regardless of what our friends, the conspiracy nut-jobs, have to say, it has now been accepted that Osama bin Laden IS DEAD.

What does this prove for us?  That those who would intimidate us through hateful speech and death-loving activities DON'T GET AWAY WITH IT THEIR WHOLE LIVES.  Eventually, THEY REALLY DO FACE CONSEQUENCES.  That THEY DON'T OWN THIS WORLD, AND THEY DON'T GET TO HAVE THEIR WAY WITH THE REST OF US.

Let this be a lesson to the mini-gangsters and misguided rejects that espoused his hateful ways -- no matter how much you lionize this King of Fools, no matter how badly you'll try to avenge him, and no matter what you try to do to this country, you will, REPEAT, WILL, face consequences for your actions.  In fact, because our country knows you're going to try to get more bloodthirsty with us, we've already stepped up efforts to catch you in the act and knock you out!

And what does this mean for the rest of us who feel terrorized by more domestic fanatics?  DON'T be.  They are not gods, they are not supermen/superwomen, they are not above you.  They may have gotten away with their own terrorist activities for most of their lives (because too many people wanted to appease them, just like the 'Sama Mama over there), but that is NOT a guarantee that it continues.  People terrorize others because they've been granted permission to do so -- but THAT PERMISSION IS NOT A LIFETIME FREE PASS!  It can be withdrawn, revoked, and invalidated, and they CAN face their just desserts as a result!

As a personal aside, someone I know quite well recently tried to intimidate me against continuing this blog.  This individual did not try to respectfully disagree with the merits of my posts with me, but instead raised his/her voice in a menacing fashion and told me that nobody wanted to listen to what I had to say, and that my opinion was worthless.  Rather than take it personally and get into a screaming match, I told this person that I had every right to my opinion, and that I had valid grounds to support it.  However, at the mere mention of anything that did not agree with this person's opinion, this person merely cut me off, because this is how he/she was permitted to behave for his/her entire life span.  Sad, isn't it?  I took the high road, though I didn't like the way that it felt.  Nonetheless, I can't be intimidated against posting -- what kind of an example would I be setting? 

Moreover, now that Captain Terrorist has faced his final consequences, I'm more emboldened than ever to continue this good work.  He didn't get away with it forever -- why should I think that my attacker will?  This blog, and its companion, will continue for as long as I see fit, I promise you!

DISCLAIMER:  The above opinion does not support murder or terrorism in any fashion.  Other than government-endorsed military activity and self-defense, homicide remains a crime.

Feel free to comment!

Freedom Isn't Free

Gentlemen, a Good Passover.

I realize I've been posting a bit more on my original site, New Day A-Dawning, but I haven't forgotten you!

Today is the first day of Passover -- the celebration of freedom from slavery!  I already touched on this theme in my last post, when I exhorted my readers not to allow themselves to become slaves.  But that's not the end of the story.

One of my close relatives is a major American history buff.  She likes to remind us all that July 4th is an important holiday because it was the day the United States declared its independence from Britain, but that September 17th is an even more important holiday.  For those of us not aware, that was the date in 1787 that the United States Constitution was ratified.

However, it's just a lot easier to rest on past laurels and focus on the fact that freedom was achieved, than it is to pull ourselves up by our bootstraps and start writing new laws for ourselves.  That's the major obstacle the freed ex-slaves had to contend with before they finally got to Sinai.  Because they had been slaves so long, they had gotten used to not thinking for themselves, not making decisions, and not asking questions.  The only thing they were used to doing was complaining about how bad things were.  They may have expected a care-free, work-free life once they crossed the Red Sea, and when that was not made available to them, they just pointed fingers as they'd always done before.

Don't get me wrong, this blog is specifically devoted to helping men and boys with low self-esteem get better and live happier lives.  I'm not trying to be another taskmaster.  However, one good way to grow self-esteem, besides eliminating those who don't care about you and don't wish you well, is to work at becoming your own person.  That means you think, you ask, you build, you create, you act, and you move.  Will this suck sometimes?  No doubt.  Anyone who says work is comfortable mistakenly thinks he's working when he's really not!  But this kind of work is not slavery because it's your own work.  It's the work you need to do, and should want to do if you really want to be somebody!  Complaining about the fact that it needs to be done will just hold you back like all those ex-slaves who complained about Moses' lack of leadership skills instead of developing their own!

And guess who's learned that the hard way?  Yours truly.  For most of my childhood and adolescence, I was held back by the same passive, lazy, complaining thoughts as many of the ex-slaves.  Much of my brain matter was wasted on hating, despising, envying, and yes, complaining about those who made my life difficult.  If it wasn't some authority figure giving me a lecture, it was some misbehaving peer who once again, did me wrong and got away with it.  All I did was get angry, lose control, and demand why it was that they weren't suffering the punishments or consequences that I felt I was facing.

I knew I didn't want to just "let it go," and allow these forces to get away with the wrongs they were committing, but I had NO EARTHLY CLUE how to fix any of it myself!  I didn't know that I could have dealt with the annoying teacher/parent/lunch lady talking down to me by (a) just accepting what the rules were; (b) not holding grudges; and (c) trying to find ways to avoid them or outsmart them (they weren't omnipotent by any means, it could have been done).  I also didn't know that if I had kept my cool and held it together when the mini-gangsters of yore were present, I could have either (a) found ways to tell them off to their faces, knowing full well that nothing they could do to me would have killed me; (b) made them look stupid (which also could have been done); or (c) had them turned over to the proper authorities without looking like a (sn)itch.  Unfortunately, my reactions did not allow me to stay calm and focused, and I paid heavy prices for that.

If I wanted to take the easy way out, I could have argued that nobody taught me how to do this, as another complaining slave.  Not only would that have been a cop-out, it would not have even been true!  The proper authorities may not have taught me how to do this on a blackboard in a classroom, but there actually were a few friends who did try to teach me this by example.  Instead of learning from them, I blew them off, simply because they were not the proper authorities.  I think this is one out of several reasons why I either (a) never spoke to them again, or (b) let several decades pass before reconnecting with them.

That's my past, and it can't be changed.  But for some of you ex-slaves out there, time still remains.  Free yourself from complaints.  Don't just relish the fact that tyranny can be overthrown, be your own ruler afterwards!  Build your own Tabernacle, pick your own friends, earn your own money, buy your own clothes, live where you like (without breaking the bank), and be your own man . . .  please!

Those who like this, please keep reading.  And don't be afraid to comment either -- I know people are reading this blog in the US, Canada, Russia, France, Japan, and other countries, maybe I've written something that got your attention?  Say something -- you might be surprised how I respond!

No Slaves!

Those of us of the Jewish persuasion will be celebrating Passover next weekend.  It celebrates the Jews' freedom from slavery in Egypt, and departure from Egypt to Israel.

What does that mean for us?  Perhaps we may have felt "enslaved" by something in our own lives.  Maybe we've allowed somebody, without right or authority, to erase our individuality, and invalidate who we are as men.  Maybe we've abdicated whatever authority we once had to allow someone else to be our "taskmasters," and to use us for their sole benefit.

Moses started out using respectful diplomacy to free the slaves.  When that didn't work, he had to resort to the old stick/snake routine -- also ignored by Pharaoh.  Even when G-D had his back, and employed Ten Plauges to systematically destroy a mighty empire's agriculture and economy, and then massacred the entire next generation of primogeniture, this ruler was even more stubborn that his most recent successor.  It was only when Pharoah realized that most of his labor force was escaping that he acted, and it resulted in a massacre of his best soldiers. 

Many of us can't rely on the Supreme Being to take that kind of action against our taskmasters -- He's far more subtle now.  But that's probably because He expects us to take action for ourselves.  Back in those days, He was not universally accepted as the one true G-D, and had to compete with the likes of Isis and Osiris to get the Egyptians' attention.  That's why He resorted to drastic measures to make His will known.  Now that everybody knows who He is, in one form or another, He does not center major disasters against one individual ruler -- better to just let NATO do that!

Here's what we can do though:

(1)  Set BOUNDARIES.  The Egyptian taskmasters didn't have boundaries when exhorting the slaves to tote that barge, lift that bale, and shine that shoe -- when Pharoah said, build that pyramid, he meant it!  In real life, however, unless someone is paying your salary, it's actually OK to say "no."  It's OK to say, "I can't do that right now."  Or "I'm sorry, but I really don't have time."  Come to think of it, even if someone is paying your salary, if you can respectfully explain to your superior that there will be more difficulties in completing a task than may have been originally thought, please do so.  It's far better to let them know what obstacles there may be than allow them to infer that there are none.

(2)  Set LIMITS.  It's OK to be flexible, and somewhat selfless.  Some may find it admirable.  But that doesn't mean you give away the farm!  You still have to keep your dignity and self-respect.  Being generous and respectful is fine, but being a sychophantic, subhuman, co-dependent, soul-less, loser who can't think or speak unless someone else says you can is NOT!!!!! 

(3)  Don't be AFRAID when there's no reason to be.  Maybe you're the type of guy who doesn't like conflict, and will make concessions simply to avoid it.  Let's face fact, one big reason why you're doing this is fear of the taskmaster's reaction.  Maybe they'll yell at you?  Maybe they'll bully you more?  Maybe they'll take something away from you that you need?

Step back and ask yourself -- how did this person get this much POWER over me to begin with?  And what can I do to get it BACK?  It's a lot harder to get the power back once they have it, but it can be done.  Just stop kowtowing to them, and they'll get the idea that they can't rule you anymore.  Many of these people won't give up the fight right away, because they think that bullying others is normal behavior, but they're not stupid.  If they don't have your life or your career in their hands, you're not stuck with taking this nonsense from them.  If they're going to withhold money or a gift from you if you don't suck up to them, then let them keep it.  Why should your self-respect be bought and sold? 

In other words, if the consequences are far less severe than these taskmasters make them seem, there's nothing to fear.  When you start getting afraid, however, you immobilize yourself.  You give them a green light to walk all over you, because you're not giving them a reason to stop.  There should be a real and valid reason to have that kind of fear of someone -- quite often, these fears are completely unfounded.  Recognize this, and lose the fear!

Just take a few steps like the above, and you'll be celebrating your own freedom from slavery.  Next Year In Jerusalem!

False "Goddesses"

Good Afternoon, Gentlemen.  I'm getting through a cold this weekend, but I'm still able to post, so here is this week's comment.

Recently, we've become fascinated by Charlie Sheen and his wild ways.  Despite the fact that he is getting divorced yet again, and has been fired from his role on "Two And A Half Men," which would have otherwise continued to pay him several million dollars per episode, he is apparently happier showing a crazy side of his personality to the world at large.  Chief among his attributes, is his living arrangement with porn "goddesses."

On one hand, it's easy to envy Charlie Sheen.  Chances are, you may have viewed his "goddesses" on other websites and fantasized about being close to, or next to, them.  And here he is, in all his drug-addled glory, sleeping with two of them in his own bed, and wondering why his children were taken away from him.

What makes these women "goddesses" anyway?  Because they're sexy?  Yes, but also because their talent is having sex on video, fueling the fantasies of millions of men who are not having sex with them, but wish they were.  However, it actually makes them false goddesses.

We're familiar with a verse from the Bible in which idolatry is called out as a sin and an affront to our G-D, who never wanted competition.  They have eyes, but they don't see; they have ears, but they don't hear; they have mouths, but they don't speak.  The idols that were dealt with then were statues of stone or precious metals that were venerated by Israel's enemies, and inspired them to commit human sacrifices, and other horrible acts.

Granted, it may have made their religious practices more meaningful in some way with an idea of what their deity looked like.  However, the physical manifestation clearly did not inspire the same type of reverence or ethical conduct that G-D had hoped for.

Internet porn is nothing but the veneration of the physical form.  It is a billion-dollar industry that sells a physical fantasy, initially premised on perverting and exploiting the pleasure of having sex with beautiful women.  From there, it exploits every other conceivable known sexual activity, some of which is illegal to perform or possess images of, and thrives on addiction to its material.  These false goddesses do not inspire human sacrifice, but they do a inspire men and boys with low self-esteem to not even bother trying to connect with real, live females who actually have standards. 

These sirens and harpies are most likely from families that allowed them to be abused in some way, which altered their notions of intimacy.  They are not very well educated, well spoken, or even very polite.  They are not interested in sharing intimacy or respect with anyone else, most likely because they never received any when it was needed most.  Or perhaps they had aspirations of becoming legitimate actresses, but economics and low self-esteem got in the way of their dreams.  Accordingly, despite the ramblings of Mr. Sheen they are NOT "goddesses."  They are not fit to bed, to wed, to honor, to respect, to buy gifts, or even speak with, let alone worship.

So why are so many men and teenagers unable to stop viewing them, and stimulating themselves while doing so?  Because it's just too easy.  It's easier to fantasize about a lifeless image than it is to handle conflict with a loved one.  It's easier to imagine a soul-less female impliedly permitting you to have your way with her than it is to connect with another live person and share her "way" with yours.  And it's far too easy to allow the barrage of images and sounds available through high speed connections to stimulate you than it is to stimulate those around you.  In essence, it is allowing yourself to go into a trance and allow the images to manipulate your thoughts and desires -- a lifeless man connecting with a lifeless world, and leaving the living world behind.

Of course, there are other reasons too.  Maybe a man is single and lonely.  Maybe he's stressed and worried about work or bills.  Maybe he's bored and has no hobbies or interests that would be considered more constructive.  All of these can be remedied without resorting to this perception-altering phenomenon, and I can deal with them in later posts.

For those men out there who are married and find that they can't tear themselves away from the porn, there is always help available.  You can always talk to a trusted friend, a marriage counselor, a clergy person -- this has become such a common phenomenon that they're bound to have the right answers to mend the marriage, if possible.

For those men out there who are single, however, you may think that your addiction is somehow more justified.  You're wrong.  If you researched the background stories of many well-known serial killers and rapists, you'll find that they had very strong porn addictions themselves.  I'm no psychologist, but deductive reasoning tells me that a constant diet of porn altered their perceptions of women.  They did not see the woman walking her dog in the park, the lady riding the bus, or the teenager walking to school as living, breathing people.  They saw them as mere earthly knock-offs of their "goddesses," and sought to treat them the same way they'd seen their "goddesses" being treated.

I'm not saying that freedom of speech should be limited -- as long as it doesn't involve children or animals, porn producers have every right to produce this product, love it or hate it.  I'm also not saying that healthy sexual fantasizing will automatically turn you into a rapist-- it most likely won't.  What I am saying is that steady and regular viewing of this material alters your perception and warps your values, and it takes extra discipline and dedication to get them back where they should be. 

So what's to be done with the man who somehow feels that his needs are not being met in some way?  Here's my idea:

(1)  Write out your own fantasy.  Include someone you're attracted to in real life, or maybe even a celebrity you think is a hottie.
(2)  Flesh it out in any detail you want (but nothing that does not involve consenting adult homo sapiens)
(3)  If you're single, finish the fantasy, and SHRED or BURN it.  You wrote it for yourself, and not for anyone else.  And you don't need to be trapped inside a world of your own making, because the real world is still waiting for you.
(4)  If you're married, finish the fantasy, and SHRED or BURN it, but don't forget it yet -- go onto Step 5!
(5)  Look at your wife and make the fantasy about her.  Whisper in your ear the sum and substance of the fantasy, involving her.  Let her be the goddess, and worship her as if she is one.  Treat her body like a temple, and let your manhood serve as the offering.  Ask her what makes her feel divine, and . . . .

OK there, that's enough of that, LOL!  Better save some of this for later . . . .

The point is this, and it's the same in many other areas of life -- if you're not being fulfilled, then become fulfilling.  If you're not being stimulated, become stimulating.  If life is not making you happy, then make yourself happy -- and then make others happy too!  Just do something -- don't let this trance steer you into an altered state where you lose control! 

Someone who's using the Four Pillars can defeat porn addition.  I EXIST in the real world, and not racing through some WiFi connection.  I MATTER, so I can talk to real women.  I BELONG in the real world, not in the fantasy world.  I DESERVE to respect myself enough not to get trapped.

So gentlemen, let's pull ourselves up by our bootstraps and . . . I won't say it, you get the idea.

Comments are welcome, as always!