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Sunday, December 3, 2017

Where Does It Start?

Sunday Morning, All - Time to bring back some thoughts and wisdom.

Throughout the halls of government and the tinsel of entertainment, we've borne witness to a Reckoning:  Powerful men who had, for years, used women as sexual playthings, are being accused by scores of women of crossing the line too often.  Nearly every day, new revelations are being made, new belated apologies are issued, and established careers are ending.

Women are lashing out in anger and resentment, and some confessing that they, too, were abused or harassed and know the pain.  Men are, once again, being faced with the reality that unlike our Neanderthal antecedents, we cannot have our way with women as we feel like because they are still just as human as we are.

Any thought to how this type of savagery, and resulting backlash, originates?

I'm pretty sure I do.

Bullying, in and of itself, is clearly a less egregious offense than rape and sexual abuse.  Nobody's arguing about that.  The grotesque physical violence involved with those actions have been properly criminalized, the rights of those accused of those crimes have become narrowed, and the consequences of those convicted of those crimes are the harshest possible without a death sentence.  We should all be in agreement on that.

However, it appears to be that the dynamics between perpetrator and victim in both situations are actually quite similar:
(1) A perpetrator who seeks to dominate the victim;
(2) A victim who is in some way weaker than the perpetrator;
(3) A sentiment that whatever the perpetrator does is completely the victim's fault by way of provocation; and
(4) Even worse consequences if the victim seeks to have the proper authorities execute judgment against the perpetrator.

As a whole, society has attempted to reverse the way rape/sexual assault victims have been treated, as stated above.  Nowadays, it seems antiquated and backwards to suggest that a rape victim provoked the attack, and those victims who do come forward are lauded as courageous heroes.  Also, as stated above, the constitutional rights that are guaranteed to those accused of other felonies seem to be minimized for those accused of sexual offenses.  Ideally, this should lead to extreme deterrence, and a reminder that no self-respecting person should ever even consider committing these offenses.

But even if, as stated above, bullying is a less egregious offense than crimes against sexuality, why does the above dynamic remain the same for bullying when it has changed for sexual offenses?

Why, in the instance of bullying, does the perpetrator face little or no deterrence?  Why is the victim of bullying blamed for its occurrence in the way that rape victims once were?  And why is a victim of bullying labeled a coward when the proper authorities get involved, where a victim of rape is deemed brave for doing the same thing?

I have a few conclusions of my own:

(1) Reverse Sexism:  It goes without saying that most rape victims are female.  It also appears that most bullying victims are male.  For reasons not made clear, the notion that men and boys must be more self-aware of their actions and respectful around women is non-existent in the scenario of bullying apparently weaker males.  Instead, victims are labeled with misogynistic terms for not being "man enough," and they are shamed for not knowing how to "fight back."  This is a short-sighted mistake.  Ancient and medieval societies lived by "might makes right."  They're still extinct.

(2) One Thing Leads To Another:  Bullying might not be a crime, but that doesn't make it acceptable.  It seems like a fair inference that when children are not taught to treat other people with respect, and are instead enabled, encouraged, or rewarded for abusing those weaker than them, they will simply graduate to doing it on a larger scale.  And since women are still, for the most part, physically weaker than them, it's not such a stretch to expand from abusing weaker males to abusing females.

(3) Lack Of Empathy:  There is still a strain of society that seeks to criticize faster than it seeks to praise.  It somehow seems more exciting, more self-justifying, and even more fun to point a finger at someone else's misfortunes than it is to applaud someone's successes.  For reasons I have not yet figured out, it is somehow easier to blame a victim than it is to blame a perpetrator - possibly because the self-appointed critic is convinced that their life experience has provided them with untold knowledge and wisdom, and that because of that, they know that they would never have made the same mistake.  This may or may not be true, but a reminder that not everyone has the same upbringing/culture/worldview might persuade them to be less critical.

So What Can We Do About It?

(A).  Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to be . . . I'll be nice and not use my official term for them.  Teach them to Respect All, whether they're friends with them or not.

(B).  Stop Enabling.  If you have friends or relatives who get a charge out of bullying, tell them it's not ok.  If you'd rather not confront them, then just stop associating with them.  We don't live in a comic book, so you don't need a classic line - just make it clear you don't accept it.

(C).  Condemn Bullying The Same Way We Condemn Rape and Racism.

I EXIST.  I MATTER.  I BELONG.  I DESERVE.

I AM BOLD.  I AM BULLETPROOF.

I AM EMOTIONALLY MATURE.

A good Sunday, all!

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