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Sunday, November 17, 2013

Realistic Frustration

Hey All.

Just another little note on anger.  Yes, I've discussed how it can never be used from a position of weakness.  But what if you're still feeling it anyway?

Is it there?  Yes.  Is there sometimes an honest reason to feel it?  No doubt.  Does that mean you suppress it, bury it down deep, and leave it unaddressed?  No.  No no no no no no NO!!!!!!!!!!

(1) Find a way to say what's bugging you, but don't say it like it's owning you.  There's nothing wrong with expressing that you're not cool with something that has just happened, or is currently happening, provided you don't flip out like Jim Harbaugh coaching the 49'ers.

(he gets a free pass because he knows what he's doing.  And he himself was coached by Mike Ditka, so he was trained to be that way)

But since you are experiencing every day frustrations, the kind that are not on national TV, you can have a calm and rational reaction, even if you are angry or frustrated at the time.

OK, great.  Now you've said it.  Now it's out of your system.  It's been established.  No repetition required.  NOW YOU CAN STOP EXPRESSING IT AS QUICKLY AS YOU'VE STARTED!

(2) Transfer the energy from expression to effort.  After you've finished saying why you're angry, it's time to use that anger for something other than just being angry.  You can:

  (A).  Laugh at the situation.  Humor is the best medicine, trust me, I know.  You already know why it sucks, now make the fact that it sucks funny.  BEST WAY THERE IS to deal with it!  For example, if you're waiting on a line that doesn't budge, start whistling Finale from "William Tell Overture."  And if you're on line right behind someone who takes too long, and asks too many questions, start whistling the "Jeopardy" theme.  And if a train is delayed or you're stuck in traffic, tell everyone within earshot, "I feel a lot of love around me right now."

  (B).  Defeat or diffuse the situation.  If someone behind you in a public place is talking really loudly and discussing a lot of personal information, thank them for sharing, and suggest discussing it somewhere else so others may hear.  If you're nice to someone, and they're rude to you, being mockingly sweet and ingratiating!  If someone corrects you, thank them for their advanced knowledge and recognize them as authorities on the subject.  If the aforementioned delays are slowing things down, either find another method of transportation once you're able, or leave the line.

(C).  Once it's over, let it be over.  DO NOT rehash it.  DO NOT air dirty laundry.  DO NOT "zap" people with "remember when yooooooou did thiiiiiiis!"  Your purpose in life is not to shoot down or judge others, your purpose is self-actualize.  Have the discipline to disarm yourself once your weapons are no longer needed.

And now that that's done, you can go back to enjoying the plethora of things about life that are good, that are satisfying, that are pleasant, and are often taken for granted.  You'd be surprised how many of those there are, but because someone hard-wired us with this stupid fight-or-flight instinct that is no longer needed, the things that anger us still grasp our attention more than those that elevate us.

As we saw in the Bible portion, Jacob's sons broke a long-standing trend.  Why don't we?  Instead of doing things that end up on YouTube, how about we be firm and honest, but mature?

I EXIST.  I MATTER.  I BELONG.  I DESERVE.