Happy Halloween One Day Early!
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This blog is meant for the advancement, redemption, and self actualization of those who have not been taught how to properly manage their emotions, and have suffered due to this lack of information. While we in no way defend those who have harmed us, we also do not make ourselves triggered and manipulated by people and things we cannot control. Through the application of the Eight Pillars, we can move forward and become the strong, unflappable, respectable people we were meant to be.
Sunday, October 30, 2011
Halloween Costumes
Halloween, everyone's favorite pagan holiday! Putting on costumes, bobbing for apples, telling ghost stories, nothing but fun!
So who will you be for Halloween? Iron Man? Green Lantern? President Obama? The Rock?
Chances are you'll want to be someone who's famous, or possibly infamous. Someone colorful, happening, and hot! Someone cool, snazzy, and jazzy! Someone who can be the life of the party!
That's fun.
After that's over, and November begins, who will you be then?
Maybe you could be someone who deserves to be famous, and not infamous. Maybe you could be someone who's colorful, happening, hot, cool, snazzy, jazzy, money, etc., you get the idea.
That is to say, instead of dressing up and pretending to be someone else, you could be yourself, and be happy about it. Maybe put on your "costume" every morning before you go to work, etc., with a few generous repetitions of the Four Pillars to get you in the right frame of mind. Same thing in the evening if you're about to have a night on the town.
Even if it's just going to the office, or even just going out grocery shopping. Put on your own costume and be yourself!
The sad thing is, my father tried to give me this piece of advice, to no avail, when I was young and learned that I had a talent for imitating other people's voices. I was a regular Rich Little (and I sometimes still am). Any voice I heard, I could duplicate. And while he grew to appreciate this talent, he would sometimes let me know when he'd had his fill of it and ask me, "what does your voice sound like? And when do we get to hear it?"
So now that I'm somewhat more mature, I save the many impressions for those who will most likely be impressed by them, but I also take the opportunity to speak with my voice, and put on my costume.
So to all my friends and loved ones, particularly those who will be taking children trick or treating, have a Happy and Safe Halloween. But starting Tuesday, put the fake costumes away, and put on your real ones!
Feel free to comment!
So who will you be for Halloween? Iron Man? Green Lantern? President Obama? The Rock?
Chances are you'll want to be someone who's famous, or possibly infamous. Someone colorful, happening, and hot! Someone cool, snazzy, and jazzy! Someone who can be the life of the party!
That's fun.
After that's over, and November begins, who will you be then?
Maybe you could be someone who deserves to be famous, and not infamous. Maybe you could be someone who's colorful, happening, hot, cool, snazzy, jazzy, money, etc., you get the idea.
That is to say, instead of dressing up and pretending to be someone else, you could be yourself, and be happy about it. Maybe put on your "costume" every morning before you go to work, etc., with a few generous repetitions of the Four Pillars to get you in the right frame of mind. Same thing in the evening if you're about to have a night on the town.
Even if it's just going to the office, or even just going out grocery shopping. Put on your own costume and be yourself!
The sad thing is, my father tried to give me this piece of advice, to no avail, when I was young and learned that I had a talent for imitating other people's voices. I was a regular Rich Little (and I sometimes still am). Any voice I heard, I could duplicate. And while he grew to appreciate this talent, he would sometimes let me know when he'd had his fill of it and ask me, "what does your voice sound like? And when do we get to hear it?"
So now that I'm somewhat more mature, I save the many impressions for those who will most likely be impressed by them, but I also take the opportunity to speak with my voice, and put on my costume.
So to all my friends and loved ones, particularly those who will be taking children trick or treating, have a Happy and Safe Halloween. But starting Tuesday, put the fake costumes away, and put on your real ones!
Feel free to comment!
Saturday, October 29, 2011
Catching Up!
Sorry all, missed last week, but I'm still around. I'll just have to give you all a double portion for Halloween, how's that sound?
Yes, as I said in my October 17 post, I'm trying to expand the content from not only ragging on bullies, predators, and punks-who-get-away-with-it (don't breathe a sigh of relief, gangsters, I'm not done with you yet), to basic self-improvement and self-empowerment. In doing so, I referred to a group known as the "we don't care" crowd.
These people do not have the same desire that we, or I, have to stamp out bullying in all its forms. Rather, they choose to let slings and attacks fall away like water off of a duck's back, and say things like "it doesn't bother me, why obsess over it, I can't change them, who cares," and so on and so forth. A very prominent member of this group recognized her thoughts in this post and let me know she had read it, in a good-natured way! :)
However, as I explained to her, I was not trying to bury the "we don't care" crowd. Of course, I wasn't completely praising them either. I was instead showing a certain amount of respect to them. Although they don't know what it's like to have low self-esteem, and their way of thinking doesn't always help those who do, they seem to have found a secret that the rest of us have yet to uncover.
For some reason, our apathetic and impermeable friends do not feel pain from others' attacks. This is in no small part because their self-esteem issues are inverse to ours: they actually have some. They already know that when people mouth off to them, that they're full of it, and don't know what they're talking about. They already know that they cannot be turned into what bullies think of them because they don't grant the bullies any power. They don't get offended by what the bullies say because, in their minds, whatever the bullies say to them is internally translated as, "I need to insult you because it's the only way to cope with my own shortcomings, and because I know I can't hold a candle to you." Or maybe because those who try to bully them come off as so pathetic and nonthreatening to be perceived as comical.
That's really the key right there: They don't grant the bullies any power! When we have low self-esteem, it's only too easy to grant bullies power because we keep forgetting that we have our own!
Remember that you have just as much power as they do, if not more! The "we don't care" crowd has been storing, conserving, and accumulating power while we've been draining ours. We need to get up to speed and power up big time!
How you figure? I refer you all once again to the Four Pillars: I Exist, I Matter, I Belong, I Deserve. The "we don't care" types already know this about themselves, and always have. Since they don't need to have that general concept of self reinforced, this blog is not meant for their perusal. It is we, the mere mortals of this realm, who need to be reminded of our own self-worth in order to reach the same level as our "with-it" and "together" compatriots.
But DON'T misunderstand me. This does not negate everything else I've been talking about. And, once again, it does not let the bullies and gangsters of this world off the hook for their crimes and misdemeanors. What I am saying is that with the Four Pillars, and their continuous repetition and reinforcement, you will be at a stronger vantage point to deal with the constant adversaries we all face. Fight them by generating your own power, not by giving them more of their own to use! And continue to fight them by seeking punishment and consequences for their misdeeds!
(but, but why? If they don't bother you, why would you WANT to punish them? Why do you care?)
That is still the one difference that remains between us and our resilient comrades: WE know how the pain feels, and THEY never will. It is not an issue that affects them, but it most definitely affects us. This is why we must fight this battle on two fronts: to promote and increase our own power, and to dismantle and cancel that of our adversaries.
And by the way, for some amazing anti-bullying advice, check out the anti-bully blog posted by Dr. Benjamin Leichtling: http://www.bulliesbegoneblog.com/
Feel free to comment, as always!
Yes, as I said in my October 17 post, I'm trying to expand the content from not only ragging on bullies, predators, and punks-who-get-away-with-it (don't breathe a sigh of relief, gangsters, I'm not done with you yet), to basic self-improvement and self-empowerment. In doing so, I referred to a group known as the "we don't care" crowd.
These people do not have the same desire that we, or I, have to stamp out bullying in all its forms. Rather, they choose to let slings and attacks fall away like water off of a duck's back, and say things like "it doesn't bother me, why obsess over it, I can't change them, who cares," and so on and so forth. A very prominent member of this group recognized her thoughts in this post and let me know she had read it, in a good-natured way! :)
However, as I explained to her, I was not trying to bury the "we don't care" crowd. Of course, I wasn't completely praising them either. I was instead showing a certain amount of respect to them. Although they don't know what it's like to have low self-esteem, and their way of thinking doesn't always help those who do, they seem to have found a secret that the rest of us have yet to uncover.
For some reason, our apathetic and impermeable friends do not feel pain from others' attacks. This is in no small part because their self-esteem issues are inverse to ours: they actually have some. They already know that when people mouth off to them, that they're full of it, and don't know what they're talking about. They already know that they cannot be turned into what bullies think of them because they don't grant the bullies any power. They don't get offended by what the bullies say because, in their minds, whatever the bullies say to them is internally translated as, "I need to insult you because it's the only way to cope with my own shortcomings, and because I know I can't hold a candle to you." Or maybe because those who try to bully them come off as so pathetic and nonthreatening to be perceived as comical.
That's really the key right there: They don't grant the bullies any power! When we have low self-esteem, it's only too easy to grant bullies power because we keep forgetting that we have our own!
Remember that you have just as much power as they do, if not more! The "we don't care" crowd has been storing, conserving, and accumulating power while we've been draining ours. We need to get up to speed and power up big time!
How you figure? I refer you all once again to the Four Pillars: I Exist, I Matter, I Belong, I Deserve. The "we don't care" types already know this about themselves, and always have. Since they don't need to have that general concept of self reinforced, this blog is not meant for their perusal. It is we, the mere mortals of this realm, who need to be reminded of our own self-worth in order to reach the same level as our "with-it" and "together" compatriots.
But DON'T misunderstand me. This does not negate everything else I've been talking about. And, once again, it does not let the bullies and gangsters of this world off the hook for their crimes and misdemeanors. What I am saying is that with the Four Pillars, and their continuous repetition and reinforcement, you will be at a stronger vantage point to deal with the constant adversaries we all face. Fight them by generating your own power, not by giving them more of their own to use! And continue to fight them by seeking punishment and consequences for their misdeeds!
(but, but why? If they don't bother you, why would you WANT to punish them? Why do you care?)
That is still the one difference that remains between us and our resilient comrades: WE know how the pain feels, and THEY never will. It is not an issue that affects them, but it most definitely affects us. This is why we must fight this battle on two fronts: to promote and increase our own power, and to dismantle and cancel that of our adversaries.
And by the way, for some amazing anti-bullying advice, check out the anti-bully blog posted by Dr. Benjamin Leichtling: http://www.bulliesbegoneblog.com/
Feel free to comment, as always!
Monday, October 17, 2011
Moving On To The Next Level
Good Morning Gents --
Fell asleep a bit early last night, so you've got a post early Monday morning instead.
A lot of my content has been focused on how bullies should be punished for their actions and their attitudes. Don't worry, I'm not going soft on them anytime soon!
But let's say they all do get their just desserts: They get fired, sued, arrested, beaten to a pulp, even executed, if the law requires. What then?
Is it really over yet? Wouldn't you like it to be?
Chances are, you're not willing to end it even when it's over. Maybe the hurt, anger, pain, and resentment just keeps replaying itself in your mind. Maybe you feel like killing the bully, burying him, digging him up, and killing him all over again. When you do this, you're stuck. You're not moving forward. You're actually bullying yourself, because you're preventing the bully from being silenced.
The only times to deal with those attacking you are (a) before a confrontation happens, to make sure you're prepared, and (b) when it's actually occurring. Dealing with it once it's all said and done, unless you're preparing for something that will happen shortly, doesn't help.
Anyone remember that feeling after a big exam in school? Oh man, I didn't write what I should have written! Oh no, I should've added that additional thing! What was I thinking? That might be how it feels after the tormentor has left the arena and you're left with things you didn't say. When that happens, you kick yourself thinking that you should've said this and that, etc.
What can you do with that thought? NOTHING, but wallow in despair! Keep thinking that, and you're practically slamming your fingers in a door again and again and again!
I know why it happens, too. Because we're probably used to people who get off on scolding, criticizing, and pointing out our mistakes for their own fun and self-gratification. Youuuuuuuu did this wrong, youuuuuuu didn't get it right, youuuuuuuuuuuuu screwed up! (always with a smug little smile, too, don'tcha love that?)
No, actually, we don't love that. So if Little Mr. or Miss Perfect isn't in the room with you looking down their noses at you, why should you pretend he or she is? Do you actually want them to be around at that moment? Is the experience just not complete without someone to rub your nose in it? You miss it?
ERASE it. If you left something out, file it away, LEARN from it, and MOVE ON. Save it for next time, if it is one, but do not let them keep bullying you even when they're not.
There do exist people in this world who think you should let these things go two seconds after a bullying experience ends. Just act like it never even happened. "I just let it go/they never bother me/I don't "obsess" over that/I don't waste my time/she is who she is/ who cares/etc., etc." These people live happier lives, have clear consciences, and are overall healthier. They also have no clue how it feels to have low self-esteem or to be the victim of bullying, so it's way too easy for them to say all of the above. They don't have obstacles to get over, so they can't understand that we actually do. Although they are better off in certain ways, they only have it half right.
They are absolutely correct that you shouldn't waste time thinking about those who have done us wrong when there's nothing that can be done about it. They are absolutely incorrect in saying you should "just ignore it" or "don't obsess over it" when it's clear and obvious that the problem doesn't go away when you "just ignore it," but it will if you don't ignore it.
So how can we tell the difference? As irritating and as judgmental as the "we don't care" crowd may sound, they really are better off than we are. They may not know (or even care) how it feels to be hurt like that, but they do know how to move on from something once it's over.
Just remember that "before is better." Before a problem occurs, you can rehearse, prepare, get yourself ready. After it happens, you can't. Once it's over, you can learn lessons, and place yourself in the "before" position for next time. You can't go back and alter what was already done. Trying to do so will hurt you even worse than the bully wanted to hurt you. Why give them a victory lap to run around your head?
AT MOST, go someplace where you know that nobody can hear you, and let out one or two choice words. If that's not enough to get it out of your system, wait till you can do some push ups or sit ups, run it off, hit the weights, or get it out some other way. Just DON'T turn into a seething pile of oozing hatred who can't stop thinking about how wronged you just were. Anger is only effective from a position of strength, and turning that anger inward can only sap it.
And so, on this Monday morning, let's move to the next level. We can use our anger to shut these bullies down, one way or another. But once you're finished with that process, think about something else.
Feel free to comment!
Fell asleep a bit early last night, so you've got a post early Monday morning instead.
A lot of my content has been focused on how bullies should be punished for their actions and their attitudes. Don't worry, I'm not going soft on them anytime soon!
But let's say they all do get their just desserts: They get fired, sued, arrested, beaten to a pulp, even executed, if the law requires. What then?
Is it really over yet? Wouldn't you like it to be?
Chances are, you're not willing to end it even when it's over. Maybe the hurt, anger, pain, and resentment just keeps replaying itself in your mind. Maybe you feel like killing the bully, burying him, digging him up, and killing him all over again. When you do this, you're stuck. You're not moving forward. You're actually bullying yourself, because you're preventing the bully from being silenced.
The only times to deal with those attacking you are (a) before a confrontation happens, to make sure you're prepared, and (b) when it's actually occurring. Dealing with it once it's all said and done, unless you're preparing for something that will happen shortly, doesn't help.
Anyone remember that feeling after a big exam in school? Oh man, I didn't write what I should have written! Oh no, I should've added that additional thing! What was I thinking? That might be how it feels after the tormentor has left the arena and you're left with things you didn't say. When that happens, you kick yourself thinking that you should've said this and that, etc.
What can you do with that thought? NOTHING, but wallow in despair! Keep thinking that, and you're practically slamming your fingers in a door again and again and again!
I know why it happens, too. Because we're probably used to people who get off on scolding, criticizing, and pointing out our mistakes for their own fun and self-gratification. Youuuuuuuu did this wrong, youuuuuuu didn't get it right, youuuuuuuuuuuuu screwed up! (always with a smug little smile, too, don'tcha love that?)
No, actually, we don't love that. So if Little Mr. or Miss Perfect isn't in the room with you looking down their noses at you, why should you pretend he or she is? Do you actually want them to be around at that moment? Is the experience just not complete without someone to rub your nose in it? You miss it?
ERASE it. If you left something out, file it away, LEARN from it, and MOVE ON. Save it for next time, if it is one, but do not let them keep bullying you even when they're not.
There do exist people in this world who think you should let these things go two seconds after a bullying experience ends. Just act like it never even happened. "I just let it go/they never bother me/I don't "obsess" over that/I don't waste my time/she is who she is/ who cares/etc., etc." These people live happier lives, have clear consciences, and are overall healthier. They also have no clue how it feels to have low self-esteem or to be the victim of bullying, so it's way too easy for them to say all of the above. They don't have obstacles to get over, so they can't understand that we actually do. Although they are better off in certain ways, they only have it half right.
They are absolutely correct that you shouldn't waste time thinking about those who have done us wrong when there's nothing that can be done about it. They are absolutely incorrect in saying you should "just ignore it" or "don't obsess over it" when it's clear and obvious that the problem doesn't go away when you "just ignore it," but it will if you don't ignore it.
So how can we tell the difference? As irritating and as judgmental as the "we don't care" crowd may sound, they really are better off than we are. They may not know (or even care) how it feels to be hurt like that, but they do know how to move on from something once it's over.
Just remember that "before is better." Before a problem occurs, you can rehearse, prepare, get yourself ready. After it happens, you can't. Once it's over, you can learn lessons, and place yourself in the "before" position for next time. You can't go back and alter what was already done. Trying to do so will hurt you even worse than the bully wanted to hurt you. Why give them a victory lap to run around your head?
AT MOST, go someplace where you know that nobody can hear you, and let out one or two choice words. If that's not enough to get it out of your system, wait till you can do some push ups or sit ups, run it off, hit the weights, or get it out some other way. Just DON'T turn into a seething pile of oozing hatred who can't stop thinking about how wronged you just were. Anger is only effective from a position of strength, and turning that anger inward can only sap it.
And so, on this Monday morning, let's move to the next level. We can use our anger to shut these bullies down, one way or another. But once you're finished with that process, think about something else.
Feel free to comment!
Sunday, October 9, 2011
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