Every four years, by coincidence at the same time as the Summer Olympic Games, we Americans are granted the duty and responsibility of choosing our next President. It is never an easy choice, as both candidates are almost always greatly qualified, yet also greatly flawed. Even more so, because all governing bodies in our nation and its subdivisions are ruled by a very adversarial two-party system, the election becomes more of an un-popularity contest -- whomever gets the least amount of mud slung at him or her is the winner.
It's very easy to forget that whether we consider ourselves liberals or conservatives, Democrats or Republicans, we're all really on the same side. We still both love this country and what it stands for. We still both care about the economy, jobs, and crime prevention. We still both care about freedom and liberty. We've just gotten so wound up in party lines and adverse rhetoric that we've forgotten all about what made this country great -- all I have to do is look at the photos and buttons shared by all of the liberal and conservative friends I have on Facebook, all smearing and maligning the opposition's candidate to make them appear completely undesirable, to be reminded of how far off-course we've gotten.
So, with all due respect to Mr. Obama, Mr. Romney, and the parties they represent, I propose the dismantling of both parties, and the introduction of several independent parties, to present "outsider" and "dark-horse" candidates to run for all offices at the national, state, and local levels. Our positions will consist of combining the best and most logical positions of the Democrats and Republicans as follows:
OUR BLUE PICKS:
Abortion: Keep it legal and keep it safe. That only means we're pro-choice, but not that we're pro-abortion. Once you realize exactly what the procedure entails, you realize that very few women leave the facility as if it were a day at the spa. It's a very personal, heart-wrenching choice that many women face, and there are circumstances where it is absolutely necessary. It's not a get out of jail free card, or a license to be irresponsible. Rather, it's a last resort, because when two heterosexual adults engage in a process that was naturally designed for one purpose, there is always a possibility that that purpose may be achieved unintentionally, even with all of modern science's advantages.If the would-be parents of a child-to-be are not able or willing to commit to raising a child, and risk giving that child a miserable upbringing, the option should remain available. Also, the would-be father should be notified of the process.
Anti-bullying laws: Mandatory in all 50 states. That doesn't mean we're raising a generation of tattle-tales. It means we're raising a generation of people who understand that actions have consequences. To those who claim that these laws somehow affect free speech, our position is that any words or action that lower self-esteem, reverse or disrupt the educational process, or encourage suicide, are not protected. As the Supreme Court found in the obscenity decisions of the 1970's, you know it when you see it.
Obama Care: Keep it. There are far too many people who cannot afford health insurance, and would likely go bankrupt if they suffered a catastrophic injury that was not caused at work or in a motor vehicle accident. If need be, the tax/penalty could be reduced to be less prejudicial to those who will not purchase health insurance, but the entire purpose was the make health insurance affordable for those who need it, but cannot have it.
Gay Marriage: Mandatory in all 50 states, and DOMA should be struck down as unconstitutional. Homosexuals are just as capable as feeling the same natural and committed love for one another as a man and a woman do, and they should enjoy the same benefits of that committed relationship.
Marijuana: Oh, just legalize it already! "Just say no" was an epic fail, as was Prohibition. Why waste taxpayer money by locking up Jerry Garcia and Method Man?
(now I'm envisioning the two of them smoking up behind bars, LOL)
OUR RED PICKS:
Immigration: If Congress and ICE found better ways to control the border and prevent illegal immigration, the State of Arizona would not have felt compelled to infringe on an area preempted by the federal government. To live and work in the United States, you must be a citizen, you must pay the same taxes that all other citizens pay, and you will learn English. In fact, for just this purpose, English will be the official language of the United States of America. It will be required as part of the citizenship test, and those who cannot learn the basic fundamentals of the language will be denied citizenship. In all other respects, the process will made simpler so that the desire to remain undocumented will dissipate. Nonetheless, conviction of a crime will result in instant deportation to your country of origin.
Welfare: Families with one child who are on welfare will be denied additional benefits if they have any more children within 20 years of the first child's birth.
Alcohol: All states will be granted the option of lowering the drinking age back to 19. This is not done to encourage binge drinking on college campuses -- rather, doing so will make the desire to drink less and less appealing, as there will no longer be the "outlaw" image attached to it. Rather, those between the ages of 19 and 21 will realize that purchasing beer is about as exciting as buying toilet paper, and the consumption of same will not be the center of social life that it sometimes becomes.
Terrorist Activity: The KKK, neo-Nazi groups, and Islamic Jihadists will be required to register with the Department of Homeland Security if they plan to form non-profit corporations or other organizations, and submit to regular and random audits of their activities and records. Doing so will not limit or infringe their sacred "free speech" or "peaceful assembly" rights, but will instead keep the public informed of what their planned activities might be.
Religion: Ten Commandments. Every courthouse. Every school. Every bank. Every prison. Get with the program. To throw a bone to the atheists and agnostics, they should only be designated by the appropriate Roman numeral or Hebrew letter so they won't be "offended" by the mere mention of the name of G-D -- and they should be displayed right under the slogan "In G-D We Trust."
(oh crud, now we're gonna have a schism over whether to put Roman numerals or Hebrew letters -- dammit Allweiss, be consistent!)
And so, "My Fellow Americans" (damn I always thought that was annoying), my entreaty to you is that we put aside partisan politics, reach across the aisle, and do away with the contrasting primary colors that only divide us further. Rather, take positions from both sides that benefit our country the best, and find candidates that will espouse them and commit to them once elected. If you don't see any candidates who will commit to them, don't elect them. Or better yet, be one!
DISCLAIMER: The preceding message was not an endorsement of either candidate, of either party, or of any one particular political philosophy. Those who disagree are welcome to comment or respond via Blogger, Twitter, Facebook, or other social media, provided you do as my father taught me, and choose your words wisely.