Fault Transference

 Happy Sunday, Friends and Neighbors.

A few observations I've noticed over time:  When people feel wronged, or even slighted, they often feel that the ordinary "rules of engagement" no longer apply to them.  Or maybe they nurse a grudge for an indefinite period of time, and choose not to communicate why it was a problem until years or decades have elapsed.

However, this creates a problem for them.  When they retaliate disproportionately, or they choose revenge instead of growth, they actually relieve the initial aggressor of any real responsibility.  

No, I'm not saying you have to pretend to love everyone who does not love you, or to not have any feelings whatsoever.  That's what parents say to little children when they want them to be quiet.  But I am saying that controlling those base, unthinking, and reactive desires to "get back at" them is the wiser choice.  It means that you have enough control over those emotions to not become just as terrible as the one who has wronged you, and that you can let their own misconduct stand by itself and wither away, without being further escalated by your own response.

If you feel triggered and provoked, you are in danger of being tooled and manipulated.  Stop that as soon as it starts.  Breathe, recite a mantra (silently if you must), and later on write in a private journal about what asshats and dipshits they are.  But do not lose your shit on them, no matter what they do or say.  You're not them.

If these are co-workers, classmates, relatives, or friends-of-friends-of-friends whom you don't have the power to remove, then check your ego, swallow your pride, and repel their provocations.  If, however, you do have the power to remove them from your life or social circle, fire them, and don't let them manipulate you otherwise.

And don't assume they're "getting away with it" either.  There's a Lady Named Karma, and She's even more tired of their crap than you are.

I EXIST.  I MATTER.  I BELONG.  I DESERVE.

RESPECT ALL.  BEFRIEND FEW.  LOVE ONE.  HATE NONE.

MOTHER PROTECT US, FATHER EMBOLDEN US.