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Sunday, August 28, 2011

Surviving the Hurricane and Its Consequences!

Yes, peoples, the worst is over!

The Lady and I spent this weekend with family in higher ground, as we needed to evacuate where we live due to Hurricane Irene.  Thanks to my in-laws, as well as the lucky fact that we did not lose power, this storm was smooth sailing, rather than wild rapids!

But now that we've dispensed with the news of the day, I've started to realize that I've been concentrating too much on current events, and not enough on this blog's topic.  That's why you're now going to see a topic shift!

Anyone watch the show "Curb Your Enthusiasm?"  Larry David plays this hopeless guy who always gets yelled at, always gets stuck in sticky situations, and ALWAYS is made to bear responsibility for something that goes awry.  Anyone out there ever feel that way?

(you better believe I have)

Well, you need look no further than my earlier posts.  However, I'd like to expound on that theory tonight, since as long as men exist (and matter and belong and deserve), they will, REPEAT WILL, make mistakes.  How they deal with the mistakes, and their consequences, is not unlike the manner in which they survive hurricanes.  You can either deal with what has happened and resolve it, to the extent that it's resolvable.  Or you can get upset and cranky, and make it a thousand times worse!

Did you make a mistake?  Depends.  Do you have two arms?  Two legs?  Two eyes?  Two ears?  Do you exist, matter, belong, and deserve?  You better believe you do!  Accept it.  You cannot, and never will be perfect.  No matter how much self-esteem you are finally able to generate, no matter how successful you are, no matter how beloved you are, you will never, AND THE ROCK MEANS NEVER, be perfect, and you will never stop screwing up!!!!

Is someone giving you a problem with that mistake?  Oh boy, here comes trouble . . . .

"LOOK what you did!"  "How could you?"  "WTF?!?!!?"  "Are you stupid?"  "Are you deaf?"  "I should have just done it myself."  "You're pathetic!"

Hard words to hear.  But when you make a mistake, depending on how bad it is, someone will ALWAYS be saying something like this. 

It bears repeating that if you don't admit you're wrong when you really are, you're a sucker.  In fact, you are WORSE than all these gangsters and bullies I keep blogging about!  Even when they get shown cold hard evidence of what they've done, they either deny or act like they don't give a darn.  Un.  Ac.  Cept.  A.  Ble.

When you're wrong, ADMIT it and APOLOGIZE for it.  That doesn't mean that you grovel like a weakling or a slave, because that sends a signal of wounded prey.  It means that you speak honestly and sincerely, and detail that you were wrong, and that you would like to correct it.

If you can, fix the situation.  Once you make amends, IT'S OVER.  You do not bring up the subject again.  You just file it away and remind yourself, BE CAREFUL that you don't do this AGAIN.  Not because someone else is going to yell at you, not because you're going to be punished, and not because you won't get chocolate pudding for desert.  But because you are capable of LEARNING from mistakes, and because you MATTER and you DESERVE.

But now there's stage two:  what if the apology is not accepted?  What if the upbraiding continues?  Any of this sound familiar?

"I shouldn't have HAD to correct you!"  "Who cares if you're sorry?  You should never have done it in the first place!"  "I NEVER would have done that!"

Anyone who talks to you that way has crossed a line.  When you admit your faults and make amends, and they're too good to accept your apology, they're milking you for more than you owe.  There is NOTHING more that they deserve OTHER than an apology and possible restitution.  If that's their attitude, they are committing emotional extortion! 

You did something wrong, don't think you're getting exonerated from that.  However, if you've paid your debt for that misdeed, you are NOT entitled to disproportionate consequences.  After you've finished paying for that mistake, and they refuse to accept your apology because they're just too good fat that, walk away from them.  They are not worth your respect, your time, or your atonement.

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