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Sunday, May 15, 2016

Bounce 'Em If You Can't Boot 'Em

Hey All - Sunday Fun-Day!

In keeping with our evolution towards emotional maturity, I offer a few days to deal with possibly awkward social situations.  Yes, the best way of dealing with rude, arrogant, overly-aggressive, blowhard, bullying types is to not be near them in the first place.  But sometimes, family politics and alternate reasons don't make that possible.

(1)  Prepare Yourself.

   (A)  Decide that no matter what that individual tries to do, it will not affect your thoughts or your mood.  You are there for a good reason, and that fool isn't it.
   (B)  See yourself blocking, bobbing, weaving, and bouncing.  This does NOT mean prepping smart-ass comments that you think will shut them down.  Even if you're right, and even if everyone gives you a hand for that, it won't change that fool.
   (C)  Choose to leave that situation with the same calm and undisturbed state of mind that you had when you arrived.

(2)  Handle Yourself.

   (A)  They want to get you off your game.  Don't be.
   (B)  They will try to make a personal comment designed to get under your skin.  Let your skin be so thick it'll bounce right off.
   (C)  Don't let their followers egg you on, either.  Use that opportunity to evaluate who needs to be dispatched for flagrant disloyalty.

(3)   Reward Yourself.

   (A)   The law of attraction states that you attract what you think about.  If you are NOT a high-conflict personality, conflict will not find you as often as it does our alpholish counterparts.
   (B)  Behaving as if the mere presence of someone undesirable is nothing to be concerned with will provide better results than you think.
   (C)  Being less concerned with pettiness, drama, and others' lack of morality and ethics will allow you to be more concerned with issues in your own life that require more attention.

To borrow a concept from Isaiah Hankel, you don't need to beat a confession out of these people.  You don't need smart-ass comebacks, expert disses, or the ability to talk over people.  Even if you were able to expose them as being wrong, the most you'd get is a half-assed apology, and continued undesirable behavior.  These people are simply not capable of seeing issues with their actions or their words, and making them look bad will only (a) be forgotten and glossed over because they know everything or (b) make them want to do it even worse.

The best way to be Bold and Bulletproof is to Boot'em!  When the aforementioned Booting can't be done, the ultimate backup plan is simple Emotional Maturity.  It only looks difficult because people who love conflict simply can't succeed at it.

We can and we will.  You'll see for yourself.



Sunday, May 1, 2016

Change The Programming

Hey All - Happy 1st Day of May!

The reason why we face the struggles we do is that we don't alter our responses to certain stimuli.  Sometimes bullying and abuse continues because they notice your response, expect it, and we unfortunately deliver as expected. 

If that response isn't delivering the result you want, why continue it?  If it isn't working, why not fix it?  If it just reinforces things you don't want in life, why accept them?

(1).  Something Pissing You Off?
   (A).  Think how you'd act if you weren't pissed off.  You'd be controlled.  You'd be smart.  You'd be a winner.
   (B).  Look how you're about to act.  Out of control.  Raw emotion.  Like a loose cannon.
   (C).  Which would you rather use, even if you are that pissed off?

(2).  Something From The Past Bugging You?
   (A).  How?  It's over.  It's not happening now.  Feeling bad about doesn't change anything about what happened.
   (B).  Why?  Because you feel guilty?  Because you were mistaken?  Because the usual wiseasses say shit about it?  That's not a death sentence, despite what it must feel like.
   (C).  What if you could just scan that crap, shred the original document, file it away, and not even look at it?  And if it takes up too much space, set a timer to delete it?

(3).  Something Coming Soon You're Worried About?
   (A).  Is it happening right this minute?  Is it guaranteed to be a bad thing?  Is there a possibility, large or small, that what can happen is a good thing?
   (B).  If there is a possibility that it could be "mayyyyyybe something good, mayyyyyybe something bad," as they used to say on Ren & Stimpy, wouldn't it be better to think about the favorable outcome?
   (C).  Isn't Before Better?  Isn't this a chance to better prepare for what's coming?  And wouldn't that be a little more constructive that just plain worrying?

I've mentioned this before, but it bears repeating:  Our brains are programmed much the way computers and smartphones are.  If we want to change the way these devices are programmed, we have to reboot them, upgrade them, or sometimes get completely new devices.  If we want to change the way our brains are programmed, the steps we take are actually much easier.

The only reason why it seems harder is because it requires constant repetition.  The same way schoolchildren have to learn things by rote, by constant reminders of what they need to know, we have to learn how to change our thoughts and habits be reminding ourselves to do it every day.  Even if we don't feel like it.  Even if it's annoying.  Even if it's a pain in the ass.  We Must Make Ourselves Do It Anyway.

Our adversaries expect us to fold and worry because they derive pleasure from it.  No, they shouldn't do that, but they still do.  So prove their expectations to be wrong.  Fake them out.  School 'em.  Boot 'em.  Show them that nothing they do . . . not One Damn Thing . . . can make us feel bad about ourselves, make us run away, or make us feel like we're less than them.  I don't care how LOUD they talk, how MUCH they show off, or how many fraaaaaaands they claim to have.  They don't make the rules, and they don't tell you that you're less than they are.  No matter what.