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Sunday, September 25, 2011

Bullying -- Even More Expensive!

Gentlemen:

Last week we talked about grudges and how unprofitable and taxing they are to maintain.  My solution was a 24-hour Statute of Limitations.  If you don't address your tormentors within 24 hours of their misdeeds, and your detractors don't address you, AND ONLY YOU, with their grievances, THE CLAIM IS WAIVED FOR ALL TIME.  This allows you to "scrimp and save" your psyche, because it automatically dismisses issues that have grown stale.

So now let's address how bullying itself can also be expensive.  Oh no, not for the victims . . . for the perpetrators!

Were you upbraided, downgraded, belittled or besmirched?  Did someone take an undeserved swipe at you?  Does someone think it's OK to shriek and scowl with you with impunity?  WAIT TILL THEY GET THE BILL.

That's right!  Provided, of course, that you commenced your claim against them within 24 hours of their misdeeds, THEY PAY YOUR DAMAGES!  Every time they run their mouth on you, it will cost them, and cost them, and cost them, until the wake up and realize that immaturity and arrogance does return a profit.  At least not for them, that is!

Here's my suggestion of a sliding scale:

(1)  Snarky remark:  $10.00

(2)  Biting someone's head off:  $20.00

(3)  Unfeeling dig:  $50.00

(4)  Overreacting to something that results in no damage just because you were "worried":  $100.00

(5)  Threats of violence or abandonment:  $500.00

(6)  Anything containing profanity:  $1,000.00

(7)  VIOLENCE OF ANY SORT GETS REPORTED TO THE COURTS AND/OR POLICE AUTOMATICALLY!

Now wait . . . even though this blog has received very few comments, I can already anticipate the battle cries of my worthiest opponents:

(A)  WHAT ABOUT FREEDOM OF SPEECH?  I never said you should go to jail for verbal misdeeds.  You're "free" to say them -- you just don't get to say it for free!

(B)  HOW DARE YOU COMMIT EXTORTION!  Extortion?  Did I threaten to pop someone in the nose if they didn't pay?  Quite the opposite -- I'm demanding that someone pay if they pop someone in the nose!

(C)  I WON'T PAY ONE RED CENT!   If you actually consider me a friend, or better, and want to continue a relationship, you'll pay.  If you think you can maintain a relationship with anyone while abusing and bullying them without consequences, your life just got way more expensive.  Either hold your tongue, think before you speak, and behave like an adult, or you can pay for the privilege and sought-after honor of remaining a child in perpetuity!

(D)  WHAT ABOUT YOU?  SHOULDN'T YOU HAVE TO PAY FOR YOUR COMMENTS?  I, for one, have the discipline to refrain from making such comments.  Having been raised by two parents who NEVER permitted me to speak that way as a child, I am able to hold up my end of this bargain.  How about you?  And best of all, because I'm getting a payday from your lack of couth and class, there is no reason for me to get angry!

So how about it, punks?  Can you afford to be like this your whole life?  I think not.

DISCLAIMER:  The above was not meant to be seriously applied.  In fact, this was a fanciful attempt at humor.  Any offense perceived by the reader is SOLELY the responsibility of the reader, and not the author.